Family Sizes

[Paddington]

[quote name='cmotherofpirl' post='1573926' date='Jun 17 2008, 04:28 PM']I am the youngest of 5, but the only one to live more than 1 hour.[/quote]

[Paddington]

On the how many siblings thing.... I picked 2, because I grew up with 2. 1 died.

But, my dad had 3 in a previous marriage. One died young.

My parents also had 1 other that died as a baby and my mom had at least 1 miscarriage (I can't remember how many now. I haven't asked her in years.)

Anywho...I would've picked "it's complicated" if that were an option on that question.

[Fr. Antony Maria OSB]

I'm the oldest of two, and I put that I will be married to the Church, God willing. I haven't given much thought to marriage, so I don't know how many kids I'd like if I did get married...so I'll say as many as God wants me to have!

[Nihil Obstat]

I'm the eldest of two siblings.

I have a question that's always bugged me. Hopefully someone can clear my mind.
Where is the balance between having a nice, big family, and being able to financially support that family?
I mean... financial situations really vary. My family is lucky, we do pretty well, and my parents are in a great position to help us get a foot in the door of society.
I've been thinking about how someday I'll start a family though, so I was wondering about this. I expect when I'm young that I will definitely have some things to be cautious about financially, and I can tell that children are expensive. What if someone just cannot afford to support 2 or more children in a lifestyle that would be most beneficial to their development?
Obviously it's easier for children of higher income families to meet their potential. There are studies that show higher income families correlate to a higher IQ among their children. I think this would fit into "nature versus nurture", showing that better environmental factors help these kids reach potential.
So is it ok for a Catholic family to only want one or two kids, so that they can provide the best education and environment for those kids?

[Lounge Daddy]

Came from a large family. Have a large family. Life is good!

[MissScripture]

[quote name='Nihil Obstat' post='1579958' date='Jun 22 2008, 11:29 PM']I'm the eldest of two siblings.

I have a question that's always bugged me. Hopefully someone can clear my mind.
Where is the balance between having a nice, big family, and being able to financially support that family?
I mean... financial situations really vary. My family is lucky, we do pretty well, and my parents are in a great position to help us get a foot in the door of society.
I've been thinking about how someday I'll start a family though, so I was wondering about this. I expect when I'm young that I will definitely have some things to be cautious about financially, and I can tell that children are expensive. What if someone just cannot afford to support 2 or more children in a lifestyle that would be most beneficial to their development?
Obviously it's easier for children of higher income families to meet their potential. There are studies that show higher income families correlate to a higher IQ among their children. I think this would fit into "nature versus nurture", showing that better environmental factors help these kids reach potential.
So is it ok for a Catholic family to only want one or two kids, so that they can provide the best education and environment for those kids?[/quote]
The thing to think about is, in the end, what is the importance of "the best education" and what is the importance of having siblings to love eachother and care about eachother. It is important to be able to provide for the children you have, but it is also important to realize that money can't buy some of the things that siblings bring to eachother. Moreover, it is important to trust God to provide for each of His children. I have heard so many times, since I've been preparing to get married, "if you wait to be able to afford children, you'll never have any."

My dad came from a family of eight kids. Their dad was a mechanic and their mom was a stay-at-home-mom (with 8 kids, you kind of have to be, plus this was the 50s. Most moms were). They didn't all have incredible grades or go to "the best" schools. But they were happy, and loved each other and can't imagine life without one another. And all of their kids are pretty intelligent, not having gone to "the best" schools. However, not all that intelligence comes in the form of book smarts or verbal intelligence. Some does --one uncle is a doctor, obviously he had to be book smart to make it through med school. Another uncle is a pharmacist. But some focus on other types of intelligence. For example another uncle can fix anything you can possibly imagine could be wrong with a car, or any machinery in general. My dad can build BEAUTIFUL cabinetry, but he will be the first to tell you that he's not the most book smart person, and he wishes he could retain facts better and such.

In summary, don't limit yourself out of fear of not being able to provide for children, trust God. Siblings are wonderful gifts to each other (and their parents).

[Archaeology cat]

[quote name='Nihil Obstat' post='1579958' date='Jun 23 2008, 05:29 AM']I'm the eldest of two siblings.

I have a question that's always bugged me. Hopefully someone can clear my mind.
Where is the balance between having a nice, big family, and being able to financially support that family?
I mean... financial situations really vary. My family is lucky, we do pretty well, and my parents are in a great position to help us get a foot in the door of society.
I've been thinking about how someday I'll start a family though, so I was wondering about this. I expect when I'm young that I will definitely have some things to be cautious about financially, and I can tell that children are expensive. What if someone just cannot afford to support 2 or more children in a lifestyle that would be most beneficial to their development?
Obviously it's easier for children of higher income families to meet their potential. There are studies that show higher income families correlate to a higher IQ among their children. I think this would fit into "nature versus nurture", showing that better environmental factors help these kids reach potential.
So is it ok for a Catholic family to only want one or two kids, so that they can provide the best education and environment for those kids?[/quote]
To add to what MissScripture said, children don't have to be that expensive. You don't have to get all the latest things for them. My husband and I are both pursuing research degrees right now, so not a lot of income, but we do really well with providing for our son. We decided that I would only be enrolled part-time, and I work on my research from home so I can be with Kieran. I breastfeed, so that's free, and we use cloth nappies (diapers), which are much cheaper in the long run. We don't get all the latest toys or whatnot, as he doesn't need that. And he certainly doesn't need (or get) the designer baby clothes that he'll just get dirty in 10 minutes.

[goldbug16]

Therese
Me!
Joseph
William
Edmund

I love it. I want as many kids as God will give me, as long as my hubbie and I can provide a good education and good discipline for them. I love kids.

[Lil Red]

[quote name='Archaeology cat' post='1580084' date='Jun 23 2008, 07:34 AM']To add to what MissScripture said, children don't have to be that expensive. You don't have to get all the latest things for them. My husband and I are both pursuing research degrees right now, so not a lot of income, but we do really well with providing for our son. We decided that I would only be enrolled part-time, and I work on my research from home so I can be with Kieran. I breastfeed, so that's free, and we use cloth nappies (diapers), which are much cheaper in the long run. We don't get all the latest toys or whatnot, as he doesn't need that. And he certainly doesn't need (or get) the designer baby clothes that he'll just get dirty in 10 minutes. [/quote]
+J.M.J.+
to add to both of them my parents had 10 kids (1 is deceased), and although none of us have gone to college (my parents both graduated from college after almost everyone had left the house), they did their best to raise hard working children. and honestly, i don't know that i'm going to mortgage my house to pay for my child's education. they can do hard work to put themselves through, although we will help in anyway we can.

[Archaeology cat]

[quote name='Lil Red' post='1580158' date='Jun 23 2008, 04:23 PM']+J.M.J.+
to add to both of them my parents had 10 kids (1 is deceased), and although none of us have gone to college (my parents both graduated from college after almost everyone had left the house), they did their best to raise hard working children. and honestly, i don't know that i'm going to mortgage my house to pay for my child's education. they can do hard work to put themselves through, although we will help in anyway we can.[/quote]
Yeah, I pretty much paid (am paying) for my education, not my parents. My grandfather had set up a trust fund for each grandkid, which covered my first year (I went to a private university). I worked to pay for what I could, got what scholarships I could, and loans for the rest. Not to say that my parents didn't help when needed, but I felt strongly about paying for it myself.

[prose]

I think, however, that the point of family planning is not to decide RIGHT NOW how many children to have. We currently have 2. We are not planning more. We are not planning NOT having more. We constantly pray for direction about it, and we keep our hearts open to what we are being called to. I think that is the point.

I know plenty of "good Catholic families" that have only 2 or 3 kids. I know a few with 6 or more. It is all about praying together, communicating, and listening to God's call.

I guess the root of what I am saying is that you shouldn't fall into the danger of deciding right now how many kids to have. With our second child, we decided the night we conceived her that we were being called to have another child. It wasn't months or years of "planning" our perfect family, it was being open to it when we did feel like that was where we should be.

I hope this helps ease your mind

[Lil Red]

[quote name='prose' post='1580218' date='Jun 23 2008, 10:24 AM']I think, however, that the point of family planning is not to decide RIGHT NOW how many children to have. We currently have 2. We are not planning more. We are not planning NOT having more. We constantly pray for direction about it, and we keep our hearts open to what we are being called to. I think that is the point.

I know plenty of "good Catholic families" that have only 2 or 3 kids. I know a few with 6 or more. It is all about praying together, communicating, and listening to God's call.

I guess the root of what I am saying is that you shouldn't fall into the danger of deciding right now how many kids to have. With our second child, we decided the night we conceived her that we were being called to have another child. It wasn't months or years of "planning" our perfect family, it was being open to it when we did feel like that was where we should be.

I hope this helps ease your mind [/quote]
+J.M.J.+
thanks for sharing!

[Paladin D]

I voted two, but I was wrong.

I have [b]five[/b], two on earth, three in heaven (my mom had three miscarriages before having us). I'm the middle, and I would like to have a lot of kids (around 4 to 6, but it's not definite).

[Archaeology cat]

[quote name='prose' post='1580218' date='Jun 23 2008, 05:24 PM']I think, however, that the point of family planning is not to decide RIGHT NOW how many children to have. We currently have 2. We are not planning more. We are not planning NOT having more. We constantly pray for direction about it, and we keep our hearts open to what we are being called to. I think that is the point.

I know plenty of "good Catholic families" that have only 2 or 3 kids. I know a few with 6 or more. It is all about praying together, communicating, and listening to God's call.

I guess the root of what I am saying is that you shouldn't fall into the danger of deciding right now how many kids to have. With our second child, we decided the night we conceived her that we were being called to have another child. It wasn't months or years of "planning" our perfect family, it was being open to it when we did feel like that was where we should be.

I hope this helps ease your mind [/quote]
Totally agree. I mean, I have a number in my head that I like, but not like I'm setting that in stone, since we'll have to continually discern as we go.

[quote name='Paladin D' post='1580280' date='Jun 23 2008, 06:54 PM']I voted two, but I was wrong.

I have [b]five[/b], two on earth, three in heaven (my mom had three miscarriages before having us). I'm the middle, and I would like to have a lot of kids (around 4 to 6, but it's not definite).[/quote]
Well, then mine was wrong, too. My mother also had 3 miscarriages, 2 before my brother and 1 right before me. So it would be a total of 5, with my sister in the middle there.

[MissScripture]

[quote name='Archaeology cat' post='1580084' date='Jun 23 2008, 08:34 AM']To add to what MissScripture said, children don't have to be that expensive. You don't have to get all the latest things for them. My husband and I are both pursuing research degrees right now, so not a lot of income, but we do really well with providing for our son. We decided that I would only be enrolled part-time, and I work on my research from home so I can be with Kieran. I breastfeed, so that's free, and we use cloth nappies (diapers), which are much cheaper in the long run. We don't get all the latest toys or whatnot, as he doesn't need that. And he certainly doesn't need (or get) the designer baby clothes that he'll just get dirty in 10 minutes. [/quote]
I was going to get into that, too, but I thought I'd rambled enough.

[quote name='Lil Red' post='1580158' date='Jun 23 2008, 10:23 AM']+J.M.J.+
to add to both of them my parents had 10 kids (1 is deceased), and although none of us have gone to college (my parents both graduated from college after almost everyone had left the house), they did their best to raise hard working children. and honestly, i don't know that i'm going to mortgage my house to pay for my child's education. they can do hard work to put themselves through, although we will help in anyway we can.[/quote]
We were given as much for college as we were for high school (went to Catholic high school). The rest we had to come up with through loans, scholarships and working. My brothers always complained about the kids at their college who were there on daddy's money and spent the whole time messing around, because it didn't mean anything to them. So they'd have to stay another couple of semesters? They weren't paying. I think it means a lot more if you at least help pay for it.


[quote name='prose' post='1580218' date='Jun 23 2008, 11:24 AM']I think, however, that the point of family planning is not to decide RIGHT NOW how many children to have. We currently have 2. We are not planning more. We are not planning NOT having more. We constantly pray for direction about it, and we keep our hearts open to what we are being called to. I think that is the point.

I know plenty of "good Catholic families" that have only 2 or 3 kids. I know a few with 6 or more. It is all about praying together, communicating, and listening to God's call.

I guess the root of what I am saying is that you shouldn't fall into the danger of deciding right now how many kids to have. With our second child, we decided the night we conceived her that we were being called to have another child. It wasn't months or years of "planning" our perfect family, it was being open to it when we did feel like that was where we should be.

I hope this helps ease your mind [/quote]
Very good point. There is no magic number that makes you a good Catholic!