Does Anyone Find Being Catholic A Lonely Experience?

[socalscout]

[quote name='Augustine of Hippo' post='1569717' date='Jun 12 2008, 11:49 AM']I have had many discussions with Catholics online, and discussions with non-Catholics online; mostly politics and morals. But have you ever found being Catholic, actually adhering to Catholic teaching; to be a lonely experience? The reason I ask is because I live in a small Catholic community, and at 35, there are not many Catholics my age or younger; people that I can relate to, who are single and don't have children, and who are not immersed in the secular culture. I find that writing and poetry are my only real outlets as far as Catholic expression is concerned. Merton said that no man was an island? I beg to differ at times. Sometimes I feel like John on the Island of Patamus, isolated from the brethren by time and distance. I am certainly no saint, but I am not quite ready to be a monk yet. Family, marriage and companionship, might as well be something on the dark side of the moon.[/quote]

It's all exposure and location friend and where you are in it, if that makes any sense. When I was single, I hung around my married friends a lot because we were good friends before they got married. Guess what, I only met married people. God bless them though they were there when I needed them but I was still single. Not really a big deal because I had other things but still you think about it. Immerse yourself in everything social in your Parrish and the Parrish across town. You can still meet non-Catholics and by example and a little bit of Grace you might end up marrying what was once a Human Secularist now is a Eucharistic Minister who teaches RCIA.

Don't make excuses because the minute you say "well I can't do this because.." then you have failed without even trying. You will fail but all in all it could be just the unexpected path God has set for you. Do it! Be uncomfortable! Sing Karaoke badly and venture out of your comfort zone. You'll be surprised how large that zone gets when you try and how many people you will meet because of it.

I expect a full report of the progress.

Edited June 13, 2008 by socalscout

[fides quarens intellectum]

[quote name='LouisvilleFan' post='1570449' date='Jun 13 2008, 09:02 AM']1) I honestly think most people in the Church (including priests and bishops) don't care about young adults. They think these things will take care of themselves. When you visit parish web sites, you never see anything about a young adult group, Bible studies, etc. among all the various "ministries," most of which are simply helping out at Masses.[/quote]

Going to have to disagree with you - it depends on the individual priests and bishops. i can think of a few dioceses with strong YA communities well-supported by bishops, and for the priests, it just depends on where their hearts are - some are totally into family ministry, others hospital ministry, others Hispanic ministry, some for youth ministry, and yes, some are into young adult ministry, praise God. Let's try to avoid making sweeping accusations about most people not caring when it isn't the case, okay?


i personally think young adult ministry in this country is still in its growing stage (and still reaping the fruits of JPII's visit to Denver in 1993). However, as primarily a relational ministry, it does require personal investment for initiation and growth - God asks individuals to join in the work in reaching out to other young adults, and it is up to them to respond. Yes, i know, not everyone is a leader, and some people are more comfortable following something that is already established, but if you visit a parish website and don't find anything about a young adult ministry, then set up a meeting with the pastor to see what you can do about it.

[Galloglasses]

Actually I do find it quite lonely.

very lonely.

While in a predominently Catholic Society and Country.

I've met many young men in my school who are both interested in their Catholicity and try to attend Mass and pray regularly. They often hint it to me through the questions the ask and the way the speak to me, (which may also have to do with the fact that none of these lads, who are jocks and/or very popular, disrespect outside fo the usual schoolyard banter), they clearly want a good excuse to become more involved in Religion, they clearly want to express their Love for God more openly, and more regularly! Yet they are Catholics, in a Catholic school, whats the problem?

Society.

Society constantly downplays the role of Religion, constantly portrays the Religious, in movies and other media, as absurd, crasy, mad, evil or otherwise, stupid. People are reluctant to express their Catholicity, out of fear of being shunned, or made fun of, (Which I constantly am, by freshmen half my size and weight who i could, very easily, flush down a toilet with a bit of effort), I happen to be the only guy in the entire school who makes use of our School Chapel, (Which is beautiful and I have to take pictures of some time), for the sake of being there. I try usually, three times a day, morning, Breaktime, (recess), and Lunch, (usually after the Eatings of my Lunch), and its a very lonely experience being the only one there. The odd Teachers and odd Student comes in every now and again for a prayer, but they are usually there for Organ Lessons, (our Organ is made out of the old Chapel's Confessional, it was constructed in a nearby monastary methinks) I am constantly mocked for it. I make up for it by being sarcastic and challenging the mockers, (depending on what age they are), and turn their words around on them. Not a lack of love but more of putting down those who are mocking me for Christ's sake. For actually trying to BE the Catholic they claim to be.

I am far from a Saint mind you, and I face alot of opposition, (My mother seriously thinks my prayer life means i'm crasy)

Mom: I'm afriad you'll turn into one these religious freaks! Maybe you already are...
Me: Have I fired litanies of Bible Verses at you yet?
Mom: No...
Me: Then what are you worried about?

All this opposition is probably what has radicalised me both politically and Religiously. I lean more and more to the Theological Right, (Traditionalism, an appreciation for Militant Catholicism and the like), as well as radicalising my political veiws, (Society as it is, is against the Church and God, this is because of left wing Ideology in whole or in part, generally speaking, so I lean more right wing. Even to the point where I like the sound of Monarchy), its odd these days that School life would radicalise a Pupil's ideas so dramatically to the Right, but there you go. But beaver dam it if it's not lonely. I can't go to confession without standing out like a sore thumb.

[puellapaschalis]

Try being in the Netherlands!

Not that I want to downplay anyone's experience, of course. I've been here for more than four years and it's perhaps only in the last few months that I've begun to notice other people of my age who are also at Mass and really take the Faith seriously.

[Galloglasses]

I dunno whats worse, being in a nation of seculars, or a nation of hypocrites.

[Deb]

First, welcome to Phatmass! You can't be lonely on here.
Second, very good responses to this post.

When I first saw this I was sure it was going to ask if anyone found being Catholic hard.
I had lots to say about that. Lonely, only in the sense of not having a significant other in my life to share it with. I am the old lady of Phatmass with a new found faith and I am surrounded by people in my church who are on fire for the Lord and they have all been very welcoming. The church however is a very family based church. My sister is a devout Catholic as are my parents so I do have them to talk faith with.

If I get an annulment and ever think about another relationship, I really don't see any men my age who are not married hanging around my church. I do feel lonely when I am at Mass on Holidays or First Communion Masses etc. Yet, my sister is married and her husband doesn't practice any religious beliefs so, that may be even lonelier.

I don't agree with the Church not caring about younger people or people in their twenties, at least not in the parishes around me. I was reading one of our latest bulletins and it seemed the only age group it did not focus on was those between 45-60. I am right in there. There is date night for engaged and married couples, numerous missions and camps for the youth, senior things, and so on. My church is very focused on the entire family so I think that singles and divorced etc are the ones who seem to slip through the cracks.

I guess it is all where you are at in your life and where you live. Change is constant so I assume that will come for you and for me. You could ask your Pastor if a young adults function could be organized and see what you come up with. I do believe that the Catholic faith and a complete surrender to God will bring us everything we need. Maybe not as fast as we would like but, God will take care of us in all our needs.
Prayers!

[Augustine of Hippo]

I'll risk the advice of strangers... and ask a question that this post rather pertains to.

Would it seem wrong to introduce oneself in a letter rather than in person to get to know someone better that goes to ones own church? and avoid possibly embarrassing 'in-person' introductions?

[quote name='mommas_boy' post='1569743' date='Jun 12 2008, 02:21 PM']Hi, Augustine. I recently moved my life to Chicago, which by no means is a "small Catholic community", but the experience of moving, even into a large city, can make one feel very lonely. At 22, I am especially struggling in finding devout Catholics my age, by I do find them as the Lord sees it fit for me to find them.

A few suggestions: poke around here at Phatmass. Welcome to the Phamily, by the way; I noticed that you just made your first post right here. We are an interesting and very welcoming bunch. Another place to try are Catholic Singles websites. They're great if you're both looking for a Catholic partner, as well as same-sex friendship. The sites that I recommend the most are www.CatholicSingles.com, www.CatholicMatch.com, and www.AveMariaSingles.com. Past that, check in with your diocese and parish for any goings on, social gatherings, and young adult groups that might meet. Or, you could always start one, or work to improve one that already exists to make it more orthodox. Look into Christopher West's Theology of the Body stuff -- there's great materials there that make starting a Theology of the Body group as difficult as popping in a DVD, or making a couple of copies.

Best of luck. We look forward to getting to know you here at Phatmass.

Pax Christus Rex,
Kris, aka "mommas_boy"[/quote]

[journeyman]

No man is an island . . . actually that was John Donne (Meditation XVII)

Merton realized that being a monk did not separate him from the rest of humanity - He wrote about it in his journals - March 19, 1958

[quote]Yesterday, in Louisville, at the corner of 4th and Walnut, suddenly realized that I loved all the people and that none of them were, or, could be totally alien to me. As if waking from a dream—the dream of separateness, of the “special” vocation to be different. My vocation does not really make me different from the rest of men or put me is a special category except artificially, juridically. I am still a member of the human race—and what more glorious destiny is there for man, since the Word was made flesh and became, too, a member of the Human Race!

Thank God! Thank God! I am only another member of the human race, like all the rest of them. I have the immense joy of being a man! As if the sorrows of our condition could really matter, once we begin to realize who and what we are—as if we could ever begin to realize it on earth.[/quote]

He refined that memory in his 1966 book Conjectures of a Guilty Bystander

[quote]In Louisville, at the corner of Fourth and Walnut, in the center of the shopping district, I was suddenly overwhelmed with the realization that I loved all those people, that they were mine and I theirs, that we could not be alien to one another even though we were total strangers. It was like waking from a dream of separateness, of spurious self-isolation in a special world, the world of renunciation and supposed holiness. The whole illusion of a separate holy existence is a dream. Not that I question the reality of my vocation, or of my monastic life: but the conception of “separation from the world” that we have in the monastery too easily presents itself as a complete illusion: the illusion that by making vows we become a different species of being, pseudo-angels, “spiritual men,” men of interior life, what have you.[/quote]

quotes from [url="http://monksworks.com/mertonlit.html"]http://monksworks.com/mertonlit.html[/url]


all of which is probably no help . . .

The Catholic Church has had a tendency (at least this is what the Bishop said this morning, well, my take on what he said) to let its youth go at 17 . . . knowing they'll be back once they get a job, get married, and start getting nagged by their parents about things like baptism, religious formation, sacraments . . . what he warned this morning is that the sociologists are beginning to notice that they aren't coming back . . .

There was a mention of more Young Adult programs . . . none mentioned by name, but I presume like the existing Summer Theologica program in the diocese and like theology on tap (or pizza and prayer or whatever it is called elsewhere) and other young adult ministries aimed at older (but not OLD, like me), single Catholics

Stronger formation programs also factored in his homily . . . giving the young a reason to not view confirmation as graduation . . . but to stay involved in their parish or in the Church as their horizons expand beyond their family boundaries

[-I---Love]

Yeah, it can be lonely.

[LouisvilleFan]

[quote name='fides quarens intellectum' post='1570567' date='Jun 13 2008, 01:54 PM']Going to have to disagree with you - it depends on the individual priests and bishops. i can think of a few dioceses with strong YA communities well-supported by bishops, and for the priests, it just depends on where their hearts are - some are totally into family ministry, others hospital ministry, others Hispanic ministry, some for youth ministry, and yes, some are into young adult ministry, praise God. Let's try to avoid making sweeping accusations about most people not caring when it isn't the case, okay? [/quote]

If I could re-phrase my statement to be a little more accurate, I'd say "I've honestly [i]thought[/i] most priests and bishops don't care." That was my impression for a while. Whether it's true or not, I can't judge. Fact is, though, that you can only think of a few dioceses that are exceptions to this problem. Archbishop Chaput in Denver is a notable one. Maybe they just don't know what to do.

[LouisvilleFan]

[quote name='journeyman' post='1572029' date='Jun 15 2008, 05:41 PM']Merton realized that being a monk did not separate him from the rest of humanity - He wrote about it in his journals - March 19, 1958[/quote]

Ironically, Walnut Street is now Muhammed Ali (the fighter, who was from Louisville, and a convert to Islam).

[quote name='journeyman' post='1572029' date='Jun 15 2008, 05:41 PM']The Catholic Church has had a tendency (at least this is what the Bishop said this morning, well, my take on what he said) to let its youth go at 17 . . . knowing they'll be back once they get a job, get married, and start getting nagged by their parents about things like baptism, religious formation, sacraments . . . what he warned this morning is that the sociologists are beginning to notice that they aren't coming back . . .[/quote]

That's what our former archbishop said once in a Theology on Tap meeting. One of my lapsed Catholic Baptist friends told me about it and, needless to say, he wasn't too impressed. It only confirmed his reasons for staying away from the Church.

Of course, I would've liked to ask how it is he remained an active Catholic in spite of being unmarried, but alas I wasn't there to ask that question.

This is part of the reason I've thought a lot of priests and bishops don't care. If they did care, they wouldn't let the fact that young Catholics aren't programmed to attend Mass every week get in the way of the urgency that spreading the Gospel demands. It's almost like they look for an excuse to let people leave the Church.

[quote name='journeyman' post='1572029' date='Jun 15 2008, 05:41 PM']There was a mention of more Young Adult programs . . . none mentioned by name, but I presume like the existing Summer Theologica program in the diocese and like theology on tap (or pizza and prayer or whatever it is called elsewhere) and other young adult ministries aimed at older (but not OLD, like me), single Catholics[/quote]

One problem that I sense is most young adult Catholic groups come across as, "Hey, come to church with us!" Most singles have other stuff going on and going to church ain't on the list. That's why Theology on Tap works so well. We have to bring the church out to where the people are and young singles are ideally suited for that kind of ministry. "Hey, come to the bar with us!" hits home with people looking for a laid back invitation to learn about the faith without the expectations of holiness or having your mind made up.

[mommas_boy]

[quote name='LouisvilleFan' post='1572884' date='Jun 16 2008, 02:55 PM']One problem that I sense is most young adult Catholic groups come across as, "Hey, come to church with us!" Most singles have other stuff going on and going to church ain't on the list. That's why Theology on Tap works so well. We have to bring the church out to where the people are and young singles are ideally suited for that kind of ministry. "Hey, come to the bar with us!" hits home with people looking for a laid back invitation to learn about the faith without the expectations of holiness or having your mind made up.[/quote]

Last time I went to St. Mary's for our Theology of the Body group meeting, I asked my roommate to come with. My "sales pitch": "Victor, come to church with me. We're going to talk about sex, and then afterwords go out for booze." It still didn't work ...

[mommas_boy]

[quote name='Augustine of Hippo' post='1571731' date='Jun 15 2008, 11:45 AM']I'll risk the advice of strangers... and ask a question that this post rather pertains to.

Would it seem wrong to introduce oneself in a letter rather than in person to get to know someone better that goes to ones own church? and avoid possibly embarrassing 'in-person' introductions?[/quote]

Sure, in-person introductions are potentially embarrassing, but then again, so are other forms of personal interaction. Part of the idea behind relationships, I feel, is to become vulnerable to others.

My advice to you: if such a group is available, just go once and try it out. It's hard, and probably socially very difficult. I can't even begin to tell you how hard it was for me the first couple of times that I tried St. Mary's: most everyone else there was late-20's to early-30's, and I couldn't help but feel like they were asking themselves why such a young kid (me) was there. But I got over it, and the only way that I was able to get over it was by attending regularly. Just go.

[fides quarens intellectum]

[quote name='LouisvilleFan' post='1572860' date='Jun 16 2008, 01:31 PM']If I could re-phrase my statement to be a little more accurate, I'd say "I've honestly [i]thought[/i] most priests and bishops don't care." That was my impression for a while. Whether it's true or not, I can't judge. Fact is, though, that you can only think of a few dioceses that are exceptions to this problem. Archbishop Chaput in Denver is a notable one. Maybe they just don't know what to do.[/quote]


thanks

so, we should pray.

[CatherineM]

Opening yourself up to a potential relationship is very scary. You can get shot down, you can get taken advantage of, but if you do find the right person, it is so worth it.