Does Anyone Find Being Catholic A Lonely Experience?

[Augustine of Hippo]

I have had many discussions with Catholics online, and discussions with non-Catholics online; mostly politics and morals. But have you ever found being Catholic, actually adhering to Catholic teaching; to be a lonely experience? The reason I ask is because I live in a small Catholic community, and at 35, there are not many Catholics my age or younger; people that I can relate to, who are single and don't have children, and who are not immersed in the secular culture. I find that writing and poetry are my only real outlets as far as Catholic expression is concerned. Merton said that no man was an island? I beg to differ at times. Sometimes I feel like John on the Island of Patamus, isolated from the brethren by time and distance. I am certainly no saint, but I am not quite ready to be a monk yet. Family, marriage and companionship, might as well be something on the dark side of the moon.

[mommas_boy]

[quote name='Augustine of Hippo' post='1569717' date='Jun 12 2008, 02:49 PM']I have had many discussions with Catholics online, and discussions with non-Catholics online; mostly politics and morals. But have you ever found being Catholic, actually adhering to Catholic teaching; to be a lonely experience? The reason I ask is because I live in a small Catholic community, and at 35, there are not many Catholics my age or younger; people that I can relate to, who are single and don't have children, and who are not immersed in the secular culture. I find that writing and poetry are my only real outlets as far as Catholic expression is concerned. Merton said that no man was an island? I beg to differ at times. Sometimes I feel like John on the Island of Patamus, isolated from the brethren by time and distance. I am certainly no saint, but I am not quite ready to be a monk yet. Family, marriage and companionship, might as well be something on the dark side of the moon.[/quote]

Hi, Augustine. I recently moved my life to Chicago, which by no means is a "small Catholic community", but the experience of moving, even into a large city, can make one feel very lonely. At 22, I am especially struggling in finding devout Catholics my age, by I do find them as the Lord sees it fit for me to find them.

A few suggestions: poke around here at Phatmass. Welcome to the Phamily, by the way; I noticed that you just made your first post right here. We are an interesting and very welcoming bunch. Another place to try are Catholic Singles websites. They're great if you're both looking for a Catholic partner, as well as same-sex friendship. The sites that I recommend the most are www.CatholicSingles.com, www.CatholicMatch.com, and www.AveMariaSingles.com. Past that, check in with your diocese and parish for any goings on, social gatherings, and young adult groups that might meet. Or, you could always start one, or work to improve one that already exists to make it more orthodox. Look into Christopher West's Theology of the Body stuff -- there's great materials there that make starting a Theology of the Body group as difficult as popping in a DVD, or making a couple of copies.

Best of luck. We look forward to getting to know you here at Phatmass.

Pax Christus Rex,
Kris, aka "mommas_boy"

Edited June 12, 2008 by mommas_boy

[CatherineM]

At a retreat, one of the monks that I was talking to about this very subject suggested Ave Maria Singles. I thought he was nuts. He told me on Sunday to look around to see how many men were in mass my age. There were two, one who was married with 6 kids, and the other was the priest. I got the hint loud and clear. I found my husband, who I would have had no other way to meet. We are perfectly suited. As to friends, it is hard to find some that do believe as devoutly as I do. Many are older women in the Catholic Women's League. You could try the Knights of Columbus.

[The Bus Station]

All I have is prayers

Welcome to the Phamily!

[fides quarens intellectum]

Welcome to the Pham!

Never forget that you are not alone in your faith (even if you feel like it right now)!

i can relate to what you are going through - when i first moved here almost a year ago, i didn't know any practicing Catholics who were young adults, single, etc, like you were talking about. i basically whined to God enough that He made sure that turned around for me. Now, i am very blessed to have a pretty big network of Catholic young adult friends in my new hometown. Praise God. He knows your desires for community, and He is faithful!

Also, you never know - Phatmassers might be able to help if you are willing to disclose where you live - there could be a formal or informal young adult group nearby that you just don't know about, but someone else on Phatmass does.

in Christ,
-fides

[MissyP89]

You aren't alone. Aside from PM, I'm the only college-aged person I know living the faith with passion. Hang in there; we're with you!

[rhetoricfemme]

Hi Augustine!

I can entirely understand the loneliness aspect; and what a sacrifice that camaraderie is! I hope you find devout and passionate peers in the flesh as well as here at PM and wherever else you see fit.

I also have to say... I am not yet Catholic, but I will be. Aside from my deep belief in the faith and knowing this is where God wants me to be, one of the things that attracted me to Catholicism is that it seems less lonely of a faith. I look at a lot of Protestant churches or people that don't have a faith or religion to turn to, and I can see loneliness there, too. With the Protestant churches, it doesn't even necessarily have to be loneliness, per se, but knowing that their details can differ so much, especially compared to the Catholic Church... It just feels like much more of a familial bond in the Church; for so many reasons.

Oddly, my attraction to that familial aura was one of the factors that kept me from partaking in RCIA this year like I had hoped to. I had to be absolutely sure that I was listening to God when I entered the Church, and I didn't want my own desire for a close-knit community to get ahead of what He wants.

Does that make sense? I babble a lot...


Welcome to PM!

[HisChildForever]

I just got out of a (bad) relationship a couple of months ago, and I am certainly not looking to date at this time (I'm contemplating the single life), but when I think about it, I do feel a bit lonely - instead of just focusing on the basics ("Does he have a good job?" and "Is he a great family man?") I have to ask "Is he a Catholic?" and/or "Will he dump me the second he finds out I adhere strictly to Catholic teaching on sexuality?" In today's culture, so many couples practice sex acts/sex that finding the man who is exactly like me in his thinking will pretty much be impossible to find. It completely disappoints me as far as dating goes, and I feel like throwing in the towel already, before I've really started!

I also don't have anyone to talk to about Catholicism. 'Cept IrishSalesian

[IrishSalesian]

[quote name='HisChildForever' post='1569952' date='Jun 12 2008, 08:23 PM']I also don't have anyone to talk to about Catholicism. 'Cept IrishSalesian [/quote]



Hello Augustine,

My experience before entering into religious life, I found it to be extremely lonely. I was the only practicing Catholic in my family. Keep praying, I wish I had more to say. Perhaps get involved in some parish ministries. Ill be praying for you.

God Bless,
Irish

Edited June 12, 2008 by IrishSalesian

[mommas_boy]

[quote name='HisChildForever' post='1569952' date='Jun 12 2008, 07:23 PM']I just got out of a (bad) relationship a couple of months ago, and I am certainly not looking to date at this time (I'm contemplating the single life), but when I think about it, I do feel a bit lonely - instead of just focusing on the basics ("Does he have a good job?" and "Is he a great family man?") I have to ask "Is he a Catholic?" and/or "Will he dump me the second he finds out I adhere strictly to Catholic teaching on sexuality?" In today's culture, so many couples practice sex acts/sex that finding the man who is exactly like me in his thinking will pretty much be impossible to find. It completely disappoints me as far as dating goes, and I feel like throwing in the towel already, before I've really started!

I also don't have anyone to talk to about Catholicism. 'Cept IrishSalesian [/quote]

The single and religious lives are fantastic vocations, but must be chosen freely, not sought out as a refuge. "Be not afraid" and do not get discouraged! If God has in His mind a man for you, God will present him to you. Yes, devout Catholic men are still out there. I mean, I'm available.

[Paladin D]

[quote name='Augustine of Hippo' post='1569717' date='Jun 12 2008, 03:49 PM']I have had many discussions with Catholics online, and discussions with non-Catholics online; mostly politics and morals. But have you ever found being Catholic, actually adhering to Catholic teaching; to be a lonely experience? The reason I ask is because I live in a small Catholic community, and at 35, there are not many Catholics my age or younger; people that I can relate to, who are single and don't have children, and who are not immersed in the secular culture. I find that writing and poetry are my only real outlets as far as Catholic expression is concerned. Merton said that no man was an island? I beg to differ at times. Sometimes I feel like John on the Island of Patamus, isolated from the brethren by time and distance. I am certainly no saint, but I am not quite ready to be a monk yet. Family, marriage and companionship, might as well be something on the dark side of the moon.[/quote]



[b]Absolutely[/b].

I can relate to you in many ways. I'm 21, live in a rural area of Virginia, with a small Catholic community, and devout Catholics in my age group are almost non-existant. I'm not aware of any who are single, with no children, and aren't 'Catholic in name only' (except for maybe one, but he lives about two hours away). It's very discouraging, considering I would prefer to hang with a group of friends whom I can not only small talk with, but also talk about our Faith and pray with one another. I feel that I'm missing out in my "Catholic youth" so to speak. I was never part of a Catholic youth group, and may miss out on the opportunity of being part of a Catholic young-adult group if this trend continues. Our parish is extremely diverse ethnically (for our size parish), and also diverse demographically, but it seems out of all the age groups, the 20's seem to be very lacking. Even the two nearby parishes seem the same way (some more so than others).

I'm a 4th Degree 'Sir Knight' of the Knights of Columbus, and even though our council is rather small, it's very active and pretty diverse age wise as well (though the majority are in their 40's and above). They're a fantastic bunch of guys and feel real comfortable around them; but at times, I feel that I'm some how 'old fashioned' or acting too old for my age, when my close-contact social life with other Catholics are people who are two, three, or even four times my age. The only type of close-contact social life I have within my own age group, is with people at work. I can tell ya this, even though I have a lot of fun with them, it still seems lacking due to me being practically the only Catholic there (except for one of my managers and my brothers). So the topics are limited, and it's hard to remain pure when certain subjects come up.

I get frustrated because I'm stuck in old-fashioned, Baptist, rural America, where a lot of the kids go away to college and go on with their lives, while I'm here trying to earn as much money as I can. Also hearing about how people here on Phatmass having rewarding experiences at places such as FUS or Christendom college, making friendships there, and even finding their spouses, makes me feel I'm truely missing out. I feel that one of my tickets out of this situation is the U.S. Army (though this certainly isn't the primary reason why I'm enlisting), so I can leave this place. Plus, I'm a red-blooded 'beaver dam Yankee' (which I've been called by a few times locally), from Greater Philadelphia, born and raised in an urban environment and used to crowds... why the h**l am I doing here?

So yeah, in the aspect of what you're referring to, I feel lonely as well.


[b]Edit:[/b] I feel like croutons complaining about this, considering I could be in a far worse situation. At least I have a roof over my head, a great loving family, and bed to sleep on. While millions of others don't have any of these.

Edited June 13, 2008 by Paladin D

[MissyP89]

[quote name='Paladin D' post='1569983' date='Jun 12 2008, 08:37 PM'][b]Absolutely[/b].

I can relate to you in many ways. I'm 21, live in a rural area of Virginia, with a small Catholic community, and devout Catholics in my age group are almost non-existant. . .[/quote]

Paladin, I always thought you were older! Don't take that the wrong way, though.

It really does seem that the non-married 20s, and even college kids like myself, tend to fly under the radar in the Church.

What I want to know is:
1) WHY?
2) Could this contribute to the decline in young adults/college-aged orthodox faithful?
3) How do we fix it, considering many of us are islands in our parishes?

This may be better suited for another thread. Let me know!

[mommas_boy]

[quote name='Paladin D' post='1569983' date='Jun 12 2008, 08:37 PM'][b]Absolutely[/b].[/quote]

I agree with everything that you and MissyP89 just said. I kinda want my Newman Center back, but know that it's probably time for me to grow up since I'm out of college. -sigh-

[HisChildForever]

[quote]Yes, devout Catholic men are still out there. I mean, I'm available. [/quote]



[quote]It really does seem that the non-married 20s, and even college kids like myself, tend to fly under the radar in the Church.

What I want to know is:
1) WHY?
2) Could this contribute to the decline in young adults/college-aged orthodox faithful?
3) How do we fix it, considering many of us are islands in our parishes?[/quote]

1. I can provide an example as to why I think this is the case. If a family attends Church every Sunday, most people may assume that the children (whatever age range, let's say 14-23) are there because of (a) their parents push them to go or (b) it's a habit to go with their family, especially if the kids are in college and dorm far from home. Some may assume the kids are just connecting with their family...maybe it's a tradition, and everyone goes out to brunch/lunch afterwards. Families tend to get classified as "groups" rather than "individuals together." It also depends on the parish, too. My parish is very lukewarm (in my opinion) and a bunch of the people I see there, who are my age, I know that they party and whatnot. But my parish has that vibe to it that as long as you go to Church every Sunday, you're doing great. Also, there are so many stereotypes out there about college kids -many people (again) assume that college kids stay up all night, party, make out, whatever.

2. I'm not sure what you mean, exactly. Are you asking that if young adults get neglected or seem neglected or not included (in terms of them being faithful Catholics/their participation in Church events) that the number of these faithful people will decline? If so , I don't think so. I've always been a "lone ranger Catholic" in the sense that I completely grew in the faith alone, without family or youth group influence. We young adults may feel lonely at times, but I don't think we'd turn from the Church because of this.

3. I suppose this is difficult, but we just have to maintain good reputations and show people through our actions (and, if one feels called to do so, by words) that we're devout Catholics. I wear a crucifix or cross every day, but not the ones that look like they are worn out of fashion, if that makes sense. Sometimes I mix and match (I might put a silver and gold crucifix on a black "rope" necklace) so it looks different and more eye-catching. We can also put a medal with our crosses, of Mary or a favorite Saint. It'll make people look twice at us, you know?

[The one pump wonder]

[quote name='Augustine of Hippo' post='1569717' date='Jun 12 2008, 02:49 PM']I have had many discussions with Catholics online, and discussions with non-Catholics online; mostly politics and morals. But have you ever found being Catholic, actually adhering to Catholic teaching; to be a lonely experience? The reason I ask is because I live in a small Catholic community, and at 35, there are not many Catholics my age or younger; people that I can relate to, who are single and don't have children, and who are not immersed in the secular culture. I find that writing and poetry are my only real outlets as far as Catholic expression is concerned. Merton said that no man was an island? I beg to differ at times. Sometimes I feel like John on the Island of Patamus, isolated from the brethren by time and distance. I am certainly no saint, but I am not quite ready to be a monk yet. Family, marriage and companionship, might as well be something on the dark side of the moon.[/quote]

im a young 15 year old boy. And well.......I get lonely but ehhhhh...........Idc that much.

I do care much, its just that I pray when I get lonely. I think im only lonely because at my age I like girls more. When I was younger I didnt care at all if I had friends.


You know its weird, people at my school like me because im catholic, ( I KNOW CRAZY )

I dont really cuss, I dont get angry, I dont do alot of things normal people do. And quess what they call me!

They call me ,The Boss.
Idk why they do this. I go to mass every morning, I workout and play football. I quess in their eyes im the perfect person, though I know im not. But I think thats why they call me that. Any way I side tracked.