Are You Obligated To Follow Your Spiritual Director?

[TeresaBenedicta]

[quote name='alicemary' post='1548747' date='May 29 2008, 11:39 PM']A spiritual director/directress is merely a guide. I do not know why people use the word 'obey'? I think that might not be a good choice of words. I guess I have been fortunate to have found some wonderful people in my journey. They have offered wonderful advice and a shoulder to cry on. You should not feel obligated to do anything...this relationship is freely chosen. If you find you don't come to a meeting of the minds, then by all means, move on. Not that everything they say is in complete agreement with me, growth is never easy. There has to be some shared caring on both sides[/quote]

I don't know if [i]merely a guide[/i] is the best descriptor; although, for some people, that's all they may see their spiritual director as.

But, a spiritual [b]director[/b] does just that: directs. I think obedience follows from direction, don't you? I mean, it's obviously not a necessity, otherwise the word command would be used. But, I would liken it to an orchestra or a band: the director directs the musicians. They can choose whether or not they will follow his directing. I can almost guarantee, though, that if he's a good and competent director, the music will sound the best and most in sync if they are following him.

And that's the key: good and competent.

Make sure your spiritual director is knowledgeable at what he does. Make sure he's holy and that he truly loves God. Make sure he's good and competent. And most of all: make sure he's the right fit for you. Both of you should be taking all of this to prayer when you first begin direction.

If the shoe fits, so to speak, then you absolutely do need to be obedient to whatever he directs you in, so long as it is not sin. It's not only trust in your director, but trust in God, who has put you in your director's hand. Often times the best things for us are not those that we want for ourselves. St. Elizabeth of Hungary wanted to sell everything she owned and join a convent: her spiritual director would hear nothing of it. He directed her to do all sorts of things that she did not want to do. And she submitted to him.

From obedience flows many virtues. Unfortunately, nowadays, it's not often something that people seek out.

[Marieteresa]

my spiritual director is a good and holy priest, so being competent is not an issue....perhaps it is my own will or rather not wanting to do what he asks because its painful. Nevertheless, I was told that depending on which community you enter if you have a spiritual director you must follow the advice given to you. Perhaps this experience will be helpful in preparing me for life in a community to which I must follow my spiritual director.

Edited May 31, 2008 by Marieteresa

[Sister_Laurel]

Spiritual directors today tend to reject the notion that they "direct" others. They don't. They accompany and guide and help a person maintain a God-focused direction in their lives, but they don't direct. This is the main reason SD's today will call themselves accompanists or guides, for instance. Obedience has a couple of meanings, the most foundational being to hearken, that is, to be attentive (listen) and responsive to someone or something. One listens and listens deeply if one is obedient. Only secondarily, and to a much lesser degree is obedience bound up with "doing what one is told".

As a consecrated hermit I have both superiors and a spiritual director. I owe my superiors a somewhat different kind of obedience than I do my SD. I listen to both of course, and I pray about whatever they say, request, or suggest is important. However, my SD does NOT tell me what to do and I do not owe her obedience in this sense of the term. A legitimate superior sometimes does actually tell me what to do in a certain situation. Because she is experienced in the ways of a vow of religious obedience herself, and because she knows me well and knows what is best for me and my vocation, and because I am similarly vowed, she is able to exercise what is called today, the ministry of authority in my regard. She can require me to do x or y. But let me point out that it is actually very rare that a legitimate superior exercises her authority in this way.

Still, this is not a form of authority a spiritual director as SD has. Neither does a directee owe the director this kind of obedience. There is something seductive about owing another person "obedience" in this sense. I continue to be surprised that folks seem to want to give a spiritual director such authority (I'm less surprised some untrained directors want to take it!). Still, as someone who does spiritual direction (accompaniment) myself, I recognize this tendency is very real and to be avoided except by those who have been formally called to (and prepared for) a vow of religious obedience and/or to exercising the ministry of authority as a legitimate superior. The reason is significant: when one is not vowed in this way or prepared to assume this leadership role, simply doing what a director tells one can be infantilizing. For the director, requiring or commanding obedience in this sense can be a shortcut to actually listening to the directee or loving them sufficiently to empower their independence; it also can stem from pride (arrogance) and a misplaced sense of power or authority.

[GraceUk]

Would you be obliged to tell the a spiritual director that you wouldn't be following this advice and why. I think you would or else it would be  a waste of everyone's time.  But isn't the idea to guide you towards your goal and explore maybe exactly what your goal is. Not that I know that much about it

[Sister_Laurel]

I don't know if obliged is the word I would use. I would certainly share how I had discerned in the situation and the decision I made. I expect directees to do the same with me. I don't see how this would be a waste of anyone's time since it furthers the aim of spiritual direction, namely, to accompany a directee in their growth, and to assist them in negotiating the decisions they must make in their journey with, in, and towards God. Since the client's ongoing moral and spiritual development and growth in virtue is the very purpose of spiritual direction, and since the capacity to make informed and mature choices or decisions is something SD fosters as part of that growth, no one's time is wasted at all. All of this assists a directee/client in attending to life goals and direction. Of course, if the model of SD one is using sees the director as a superior who  commands obedience in the narrower sense of "doing what one is told to do", then a client simply not doing what they are told will also tend to cause SD to be seen as a waste of time. All my best, Sister Laurel.

Edited May 6 by Sister_Laurel

[Lea]

On 5/6/2024 at 8:22 AM, GraceUk said:

Would you be obliged to tell the a spiritual director that you wouldn't be following this advice and why. I think you would or else it would be  a waste of everyone's time.  But isn't the idea to guide you towards your goal and explore maybe exactly what your goal is. Not that I know that much about it

Actually, the director for my last retreat explicitly told me not to use all the ideas he proposed to me (because it wozuld have been way to much to fit into the schedule) but to decide for myself which ones to follow and which ones to leave out. But different directors might have different approaches. (: 

Edited May 8 by Lea

[Sister_Laurel]

Quote

Actually, the director for my last retreat explicitly told me not to use all the ideas he proposed to me (because it wozuld have been way to much to fit into the schedule) but to decide for myself which ones to follow and which ones to leave out. But different directors might have different approaches. (: 

Yes, I tend to give my own  directees a number of suggestions of things to try, write about, pray over, etc. I expect them to determine which they will try, which actually work for them, and so forth. We will discuss all of this but I am a resource and the actual decisions re which ideas to use or keep belong to the directee. This is by far the dominant approach to spiritual direction today. Again, the terms direction and director in spiritual direction have less to do with telling someone what to do than they do with assisting the person to continue in the right direction in their growth toward a mature and authentic humanity in communion with God. Best, Sister Laurel