Here Comes Brideszilla

[Lil Red]

+J.M.J.+
[url="http://www.spectator.org/dsp_article.asp?art_id=13007"]Article here[/url]
a snippet:
[quote]ays Sarah Gray Miller in her "Editor's Note":[i][indent]Just as we began dreaming up this issue of In Style Weddings, one of my dearest friends became engaged (congratulations, Landsdale!). Suddenly I wasn't just a bridal editor, but a bridesmaid too -- giggling over the phone about the proposal, surfing the Internet in search of adorable attendants dresses, and pressing my pal about what, exactly, a bona fide bride-to-be hoped to see in our pages. Her answer? Gowns, of course. And flowers. And cakes. And, well, anything that would make her day uniquely and utterly hers. As a result, you'll find the magazine packed with ideas for personalizing every detail, from boutonnieres to bouquets, makeup to music.[/indent][/i]
[b]An alien reading that passage would never guess that weddings involve a groom, never mind that his lifelong pledge to the bride occasioned the event.[/b] Allow me, at least, to congratulate Landsdale's fiance, and to insist that [u]their[/u] day is the appropriate locution.

The modern bride is taught since girlhood that every detail is her prerogative; the groom, having never expected a say, rarely objects. It is the bride who suffers for her sense of entitlement: invitations must be addressed, sealed and stamped. Mothers-in-law must be consulted and appeased. Consider poor Landsdale, curled up on her sofa reading a bridal magazine that foists certain expectations upon her that she simply cannot meet.

Acquire those most traditional bridal accessories, she is told, the cake and gown and flowers that are standard at civilization's oldest genre of celebration. And choose carefully, she is made to understand, for everyone expects these traditional objects to reflect her essence "uniquely and utterly."[/quote]
your thoughts on the modern wedding day, the bride, and the groom?

[cathoholic_anonymous]

No wonder people seem to get so stressed out over weddings. If I were called to marriage, I would trust that my husband-to-be and the guests in the congregation would know my 'essence' well enough for me to not have to worry about expressing it through my gown and flowers and cake, and just focus on getting married instead.

That's the good thing about being an aspirant to Carmel. Jesus has seen me with clothes and without them every day since the moment I was born, so He's probably got past the stage of caring about what I wear...

[Excelsior1027]

Why do weddings have to be such a big deal? I mean, they are a big deal, and I'm sure a certain amount of anxiety and/or stress comes along with it, but what I mean by that is there seems to be so many things that aren't necessary. Couples having to worry about the cost of DJs, catering, how many people they can afford to invite to the reception, stuff like that. Seriously, why can't they just have a pot-luck dinner and let a friend of their's play the music and invite as many people as they want? Come to think of it, a pot-luck dinner would probably taste better, too.

Sorry if I'm sounding like a clueless guy, but I just don't see the necessity of it all. Who cares if it's not what everyone else does? The main focus should be this new married couple, not all the other things.

[Lena]

we were talking about the establishment of "wedding porn" in one of my classes....how it's such a huge industry and brides-to-be pore over these wedding magazines, focus on getting such a perfect (expensive) wedding. Plus there's even a TV show all about finding the perfect wedding dress (ok, I've watched it once when I was bored lol).....but the point is, less focus gets placed on what comes after---the actual married part!

[Lil Red]

+J.M.J.+
the only thing i was a 'brideszilla' about was that i insisted my family get along for my day. that was it.

[rkwright]

ok.. so as a recently engaged guy... how do I prevent this from happening without causing too much stress?

[CatherineM]

It would be nice if couples spent as much time preparing for the marriage as they do for the wedding. Tell your fiancé that about 75% of the divorces I did had finances as a base for the breakup. You can blow money on a big wedding, put yourself behind to begin a marriage, and struggle from then on. Instead take that money and put it as a down payment, pay off student loans, that kind of thing. Our wedding only needed a priest, the church, himself and I, and our witnesses. It was relatively stress-free, reverent, and allowed us to make a down payment on our condo.

[Maria]

It is fun to look at wedding dresses. Not that I intend to wear anything like the dresses shown, though, should I get married.
I've always thought a wedding should be a community affair. Send out a general email to all general friends (and mail invitations to a few). Put a general invitation to the ceremony in the diocesan newspaper and parish bulletin. Have a pot luck and dancing in the church hall, with the bride and groom supplying the alcoholic beverages.
Someone I know who was getting married sent out a general email, with the instructions along the lines of those with last names from a-k should bring this kind of food, those from l-r another kind, and so on. Friends from out of out of town weren't expected to bring anything.
I've always imagined myself in a homemade gown, something like the dress I made for myself, only white. I'm not sure what kind of veil would work with it, though.

When a some friends got married, she had her bridesmaids wearing a blouse and skirt that looked very nice, but could be used separately for other occasions. Her grandmother made the dress. My mom went over the day before to help arrange flowers, and came back home for a bit to pick some cedar for backing the arrangements. The wedding was on a Friday night and there was no wedding supper, just refreshments and dancing. Some of the bride's cousins formed a band, and they, with a friend, were in charge of the music. And for all this, they made it into the Gazette. For me it's the extravagant pomp that's bizarre.

[goldbug16]

I have been to too many extravagant weddings, and they're no fun at all! The more relaxed, simple weddings are so much more enjoyable!

[jeffpugh]

This is an inspiring thread. I would hope my future wife would not go overboard with wedding stuff. I'd probably want to stick to this counter-cultural idea of potluck, friends doin the band and homegrown stuff. She's gotta have a nice dress though

[Moosey]

I want to elope. I'm kinda only half kidding when I say that. It's not just the expense of a good wedding and the stress of planning but being the focus for an entire day gives me the heeby jeebies. I got nauseous for my sister's wedding and I was only a bride's maid!

Since elopement is a bit over the top, I suppose I must bite the bullet...

[Archaeology cat]

[quote name='Moosey' post='1496125' date='Apr 10 2008, 05:34 AM']I want to elope. I'm kinda only half kidding when I say that. It's not just the expense of a good wedding and the stress of planning but being the focus for an entire day gives me the heeby jeebies. I got nauseous for my sister's wedding and I was only a bride's maid!

Since elopement is a bit over the top, I suppose I must bite the bullet...[/quote]
My best friend just eloped at Gretna Green (we were the witnesses)

Anyway, the only thing I got angry about was that, the day before the wedding, the caterer had gotten chicken instead of crab cakes. I don't eat chicken. But he was able to fix it without too many tears. Basically, though, we were fairly low-key. I did my own flowers (granted I only needed bouquets & boutonnières since it was during Advent), I got shoes at Target, my cousin sang, my uncle filmed the wedding, and we used my grandfather's juke box at the reception (yes, with the original 45s). I did get nervous about tripping on my dress, which I did walking up the steps to the altar, but then everything was fine. I loved my 1.5 hour wedding (the priest can't do a normal Mass in an hour, let alone a nuptial Mass, especially since he chants a good deal of it).

Edit to add: my husband had a say in everything but the dress. He went to the caterer & baker to help pick out the options, picked out the music with me, even got to register for gifts.

Edited April 10, 2008 by Archaeology cat

[Archaeology cat]

Ironically, it didn't bother me at all when our photographer got food poisoning & another had to come in 10 minutes before the ceremony.

[IcePrincessKRS]

I let Matt help pick out cakes, flowers, and invitations.... The only thing he was really at all opinionated about was the cake. lol But, point is, he was included even if he didn't have strong opinions about most of it. The whole "bridezilla" mentality is/was totally foreign to me. I'd rather family and friends had a good time helping me plan instead of getting mad at me for being a jerk about everything.

[BeenaBobba]

Makes me want to have a small, no-fuss wedding. When I was younger, I wanted to have a huge, fancy wedding, and now, I don't even think I want to have a reception. Going out to dinner with family and close friends would be fine with me.