vbbabespx Posted April 5, 2008 Share Posted April 5, 2008 I recently found out that one of my friends has been cutting herself. I don't know what to do. She told me tonight, but I am at an utter lost as to what to do. What should I do? Thank you and God Bless Also, please keep her in your prayers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missionseeker Posted April 5, 2008 Share Posted April 5, 2008 [url="http://www.twloha.com"]http://www.twloha.com[/url] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cathoholic_anonymous Posted April 5, 2008 Share Posted April 5, 2008 I have numerous friends with mental health difficulties, some of whom are seriously ill. Two of these people self-harm. Another two have required long-term hospitalisation in a psychiatric ward. You can't be their saviour. At the beginning, especially if somebody is a close friend, it's tempting to believe that recovery is a short walking distance away and with your support and encouragement the friend will reach it in no time. I fell into this trap. Then you start to get despondent and worry that you're being a bad friend when you realise that this isn't going to happen. Your friend needs to see a doctor and arrange to get proper help from a therapist experienced in self-injury or other qualified professional. She may be reluctant to go at first, as cutting is probably her way of coping with other difficulties in her life. Encourage her to take this step. Offer to go with her to the doctor if you like. But don't let your conversation with her become dominated by her problem - go on being the same friend you've always been. This is what she needs from you, your friendship, and this is all you are qualified to give her. She and you are in my prayers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CatherineM Posted April 5, 2008 Share Posted April 5, 2008 Self hurting is a lot more common than most people realize, even among males, although it is still primarily a female thing. It is about control. For people who don't feel like they control their lives, they will do this as something they can control. There are also people who do it because they are emotionally numb, and feeling the pain means they are feeling something. It is not a minor thing, and can't be dealt with casually. It takes serious therapy to get at the underlying issues. The fact that they have reached out to you is important. Encourage them to get to get professional help, and be willing to listen. That's about all you can do. That and just be a friend. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vbbabespx Posted April 6, 2008 Author Share Posted April 6, 2008 thank you guys soo much. She said that after seeing the looks on mine and her boyfriends face, she would never do it again. I know how hard the road can be to recovery, but I have faith in her. She is always going to be my friend and I'm not going to let this get in the way. Since I think she is going to stop, I don't think I'm going to tell an adult. If it continues, I am going to. Thank you so much for you prayers, but also, please keep on praying. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cathoholic_anonymous Posted April 6, 2008 Share Posted April 6, 2008 (edited) [quote name='vbbabespx' post='1493392' date='Apr 6 2008, 06:59 AM']thank you guys soo much. She said that after seeing the looks on mine and her boyfriends face, she would never do it again. I know how hard the road can be to recovery, but I have faith in her. She is always going to be my friend and I'm not going to let this get in the way. Since I think she is going to stop, I don't think I'm going to tell an adult. If it continues, I am going to. Thank you so much for you prayers, but also, please keep on praying.[/quote] Vba, you still need to tell someone. You also shouldn't let her make promises like that. A lot of self-harmers feel very guilty when they realise that those they care about the most have been hurt by their illness, and they frantically resolve to stop cutting. The trouble is that if they are ill enough to be self-harming they usually [i]can't[/i] stop without good medical help. Cutting isn't really the issue here - it's just an outward manifestation of an inside problem. And if your friend does end up cutting again (I don't like to say it, but she probably will - I have a lot of sorry experience in this area) she may be too afraid to tell you and her boyfriend due to shame at breaking her promise and fear of upsetting you. She will end up in a cycle of guilt, guilt, guilt. And guilt fuels sef-harm. The therapists of one of my friends advised her never to promise to stop cutting for the sake of other people, as she would just get worse if the day came when she couldn't keep her promise. Furthermore, she needed to learn to stop self-injury for her own sake, not just because it upset those around her. This meant real engagement with the past events and problems that had led her to start self-harming. That can rarely happen without the help of appropriately trained professionals. Please help to get your friend to the doctor. Gently pressing her to get help doesn't mean that you don't trust her or have faith in her promises - it means that you recognise the severity of mental illness and what it can do to a person. Edited April 6, 2008 by Cathoholic Anonymous Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cathoholic_anonymous Posted April 6, 2008 Share Posted April 6, 2008 (edited) On a separate note, could the moderators think about taking the April Fool's replacement thing off Phatmass? It gets annoying and frustrating when you're trying to reply to a serious thread. Edited April 6, 2008 by Cathoholic Anonymous Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melporcristo Posted April 6, 2008 Share Posted April 6, 2008 (edited) JMJ Know she's in my prayers. I will offer up Mass for her this week. I struggled with this for a few years in high school. And I'm going to tell you if it wasn't for my friends telling my parents and if it wasn't for the Eucharist, I wouldn't be here today. So she needs to tell her parents or guardian and you can't stop praying for her. Offer up sacrifice for her. In Christ, Melissa Edited April 6, 2008 by melporcristo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
prose Posted April 6, 2008 Share Posted April 6, 2008 If you try to protect herby not telling anyone, she will only get hurt more. Cutting is an addiction, like any drug addiction, she will probably need help to stop. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
icelandic_iceskater Posted April 6, 2008 Share Posted April 6, 2008 Coming from personal experience here- be careful not to give her too much sympathy cause then its becomes easy to self injure for the attention. (it got to the point where I was) Use empathy instead. And a huge ditto to what C. A. said "Cutting isn't really the issue here - it's just an outward manifestation of an inside problem." Overall just be there for her and show her how much you care about her. Prayers for you and your friend. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alicemary Posted April 6, 2008 Share Posted April 6, 2008 Your friend needs help and needs to see someone as soon as possible. It is not easy to just stop doing it, she may take to hiding what she is doing. Empathy is the thing, right on that. Do not be fussing over her, she needs to face up to her issues and get the help she desperatly needs. Insist she call a counselor tommorrow, there are many places she can go to. This is not a thing you keep hidden because you think you are helping her that way. Prayers!! Alicemary Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HannahM Posted April 6, 2008 Share Posted April 6, 2008 I agree with everything Catholic Anonymous has said. I'm sorry about your friend, it must be very worrying for you. But please don't assume that she'll be able to stop just like that - perhaps some people do but I've never met any of them! And even if you do, it doesn't solve the problem, so it's likely to just end up coming out in another way. If she knows that you don't expect her to do it again, and that you think everything is fine, she may just not talk to you about it. Encourage her to talk to someone, to see a counsellor, something. If you have to, tell someone yourself. Pray for her / with her. Be there for her, but do set limits, and do continue just being a friend, that's really all you can do. Take care, I hope things go okay and your friend can begin to move forwards. I also used to self-harm, so if you ever have any questions, please feel free to ask. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cmotherofpirl Posted April 6, 2008 Share Posted April 6, 2008 A cutter trying to stop on their own is the same as an alcoholic not taking that next drink. Doesn't happen. Something major is wrong or the cutting would not have started on the first place. She needs professional help immediately. You can be her friend but not her therapist. Tell. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
farglefeezlebut Posted April 6, 2008 Share Posted April 6, 2008 I have to agree with what CA said. I am in a similar situation myself. It's not something you can just stop. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vbbabespx Posted April 8, 2008 Author Share Posted April 8, 2008 Thank you everyone for responding. She has only cut herself 3 times. And I made sure to tell her that she can't stop because she feels guilty about hurting me. She feels more guilty because she doesn't have an explanation as to why she is doing it. As weird as this may sound, I think the devil is really pushing her to keep on self-harming herself because it began during Holy Week, actually, two days before our Lord's crucifixtion. She has this mindset that because she already had mortal sinned, then by doing this, it wouldn't make matters worse. Everyone is right saying that I need to tell someone and I know I should. But she is my best friend. I know that things will get better if I tell someone and that the underlying problem would get resolved, but there really is no underlying problem other than stress due to homework. ahhhhhhh! I need to tell someone.... please pray for me so that i get the strength to tell someone and pray for her that she can come to the realization that what she is doing is harming herself, a daughter of God created in the image of Him. THank you and God Bless Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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