Discernment Help

[Deus te Amat]

Hey phriends,

Its been awhile since I've posted about my discernment here, and I'd like to ask for your advice and prayers. I am trying to figure out where to go for college in the fall, and I have it narrowed down to two Universities. They are both extremely Orthodox about the faith, and the academia is outstanding at both. One of them is extremely attractive in particular. It has a women's discernment program and three female religious communities on campus. It would be ideal for my continued discernment processes. However, it isn't yet accredited, and this is a concern for both my mother and I. The other University is accredited, and is recognized as one of the top Catholic Universities in the US. Unfortunately, the only woman in a habit that I saw when I was there, was a Consecrated Virgin at Mass. I don't know if formal discernment would be possible without a lot of travel. There also is not a formal discernment community like at the first University, but I do know that there are young men and women discerning there.

I met with my spiritual director today and talked to him about this for over an hour. I am more confused now than when I went in, which is sad. My mother has a huge say in my decision making processes, and even though she says that this is my decision, I know that the accreditation issue is huge and she is expecting me to choose the second one because of it. My SD told me that even though these logical arguments are useful and valid, sometimes God tugs at our hearts in a particular direction. He said that it seemed that I was as far in my discernment as I was going to get in my particular environment,(We don't have any religious men or women here, nor within driving distance. I have very little support here for my vocational discernment, especially here at home.) and I needed to move on to formal discernment with access to religious Sisters. The conditions at the first University are obviously ideal, but it would open up a whole can of worms with my mom, and what if I graduated without an accredited degree and wasn't called to the Religious Life? Not the most ideal scenario. He suggested that if I did attend the second University, I should somehow integrate formal discernment into my life there, by travelling to religious communities, particularly my favorite Dominican one. However, whenever I have discussed the possibility of visiting religious communities with my mom, her reaction has not been favorable.

I do not know what to do. If the first University was accredited, there would be no doubt about where to go. However, since it isn't, the logical choice is the second one, but then would my discernment suffer because of it? Do I go against everything that is ingrained within me, throw caution to the wind, and Trust in God by attending the first one? Or do I appease my mom and keep peace by going to the second, where spiritual growth certainly IS accessible. I just found out that a fellow discerning friend will be going to the second one as well, so I would not be alone in my discernment.

Another option is to attend the second university for a year, and transfer if it was not the right fit. But I'd rather not have to resort to that option, if possible.

Your advice and prayers are extremely welcome. I have a lot of praying to do...

Fiat Voluntas Dei
DtA

(edited for incorrect spellings of "accredited")

Edited April 3, 2008 by Deus_te_Amat

[Fr. Antony Maria OSB]

Hey DtA, as I was reading through your post I couldn't help but think that I had been in a similar situation a little bit ago. A few months ago the thought came into my head that perhaps God was calling me to college seminary, which I had never before even considered in my discernment process. Since then that was all that I prayed about, asking God to let me know where He wanted me to be. I talked to my SD all the time about it, and I even talked to the Abbot to get more info on college seminaries, specifically the Benedictine ones which are in the US and contacting them for info. From the outstart my parents were completely against the notion, and they did bring up valid points just as your mom is, but, like you, I wasn't sure what it was that God wanted. Now, I was lucky enough to spend the Easter Tridium at the Benedictine monastery which runs my school along with four other guys, and in the silence of the monastery I was able to discern what it was God wanted me to do within the first day: I had been so caught up in asking God what it was He wanted that I didn't take the time to listen. I don't know if this is the case with you or not, but my suggestion would be to take a day or two for a silent retreat, if you can. If you can't make retreat that long, a few hours, something, and listen. Perhaps bring some spiritual reading, the Bible, saints, and perhaps some other prayers, but most importantly listen. Remember that God does not often speak in a loud, booming voice. My answer came in the form of the first small group discussion we had, and the topic of going to college seminary or regular college came up out of the blue (not something I was expecting), and the general consensus among everyone else was that going to regular college first would be beneficial. For me, just the randomness of that topic coming up and the answer there was what helped me decide, and I was completely confused before. Both of the college seminaries seemed awesome, very promising, having the same spirituality I identify with and everything I had been looking for in a college: the only differences were there was an emphasis on priestly formation, there were no girls, and they were a lot smaller. Everything else was there, including what I was looking for most in a college: a strong sense of Faith, great academics, and a strong sense of community. DtA, wherever God wants you to go, He wants you to know that. Maybe He's not telling you right now for a reason, or perhaps you're not being as open to hearing Him (and please know that I do not mean that in any harsh sense whatsoever). Whatever the case may be, you will find out. I'm praying for you, and I hope you find out God's Will for you soon.

May God bless and protect you always in all of your endeavors, especially your discernment!

Your Brother in Christ,

Joe

[AccountDeleted]

I couldn't agree with Joe more! Listening for Him is probably the most important thing right now.

Personally I don't see anything wrong with attending the accredited college and focusing on studies first, and then on discernment after that is finished, but if your heart is aching to spend time with religious to discuss possibilities, then I can see why you would prefer that. Spend some time in solitude and see if you can't hear what is being said. If not, then ask Jesus to guide your mother in her advice, and then trust her. She obviously cares a lot about your future.

[DeoOptimoMaximo]

Hi!

Just my 2 cents...

I am attending the first college u mentioned (I think) It will be accredited long before u would graduate and its graduates currently are finding jobs ok!

I really enjoy it here here, and with the religious communities in habits, the women's discernment program and the men's pre-theologate program, the religious atmosphere is amazing...

Any more questions, please PM me!

God Bless!

In Him,
Shawn

Edited April 3, 2008 by DeoOptimoMaximo

[praying4carmel]

I agree with Shawn DtA, I would find out where the school is in relation to the Accredation process ( Oh brother! Spelling) And go where your heart desire is. Life is too short not to go where your heart is. I would pray and Listen as well, of course, but there is a reason that you are attracted to that particular place. Sometimes, our Purpose in life is to meet someone or learn something the Lord would have us Learn.

If you are satisfied with how they are dealing with the Accredation process, then Go. Why spend Money to be miserable? I speak from experience. My first college I was at was horrible for me and what a waste of time and $$. I then went to Purdue, and got in touch with some wonderful professors and joined the Church there. From there I ended up meeting the Precious Blood Sisters there in Lafayette who ended up sending me to Indpls to meet the Carmelite Sisters there. I knew when I set foot on Purdue's campus I was meant to be there but I did not know why. Now I do.

Like Nunsense suggested, Spend some time in prayer and quiet solitude. Pay attention to your Gut place it in His hands and trust Him, He'll let you know.

In the Meantime, I will pray for you.

I am quite proud of you! Most people do not question, they just go with the flow..better to question now then deal with the pain later.

[ChildoftheCreator]

DtA,
I would have to agree with Joe (great, now I feel like I am cheering for a sports team. ) I had a similar experience as Joe, sorta kinda, not really so much a retreat thing. I came to a decision while praying in front of the Blessed Sacrament and afterwards went over to my friend's home. Her mother told me that I really, really should go to the college that I had just decided to go to. It just felt right. I had been looking so much at a particular college and was hardly even willing to look at any others (the moment I heard of it I knew that I wanted to go there.) I forced myself to look at a few colleges and found that I might be just as happy going to a different college. There were some that I detested, but now that is off topic.

Yeah, I'd heard that that college didn't have accreditations either, and just checked it off my list. Make sure that the college will be accredited by the time you graduate, and it very well may be, before you make your decision. If it is not, my advice would be to not go to it. After all, school is a place of both academic and spiritual development, but it is primarily academic. What would be the point of spending money at a school if you are not accredited after four years? Why not just directly enter an order and go through postulency? Of course, if the likelihood of getting a job is significant, then go for the first.
ah . . . I probably didn't help at all. If I were in your position, I would go to the second college and trust that God would lead you in discerning a religious vocation. Plus, you do have until about age thirty before you have to make your final decision. If you graduate in four years, then that would leave you with eight more years to discern. Just a thought.

[the lords sheep]

I can only speak from experience but just pray about it and trust! I would have never expected God to lead me to the University I ended up at, but it has helped in ways that I could have never imagined with my discernment. (If you want more details PM, but I unfortunately don't have time to list them now, but I can say, now that I am getting ready to graduate, I am so thankful to God for blessing me with the opportunity of coming here, although it wasn't anywhere near my first choice.
Also, I want to concur with those who voiced concerns about the accreditation. Unless it's going to be accredited very soon (like before you enroll), I would hesitate to commit to it. The biggest problem isn't necessarily jobs, but if you want to go on for further study (aka, a masters or PhD). Without a degree from a accredited university, you will have great difficulty doing this. (who knows, your community may want you to go on for higher studies, or you may decide you want more time before entering, or that you are not called. Then what?...). Just my 2 cents.

*edited because I can't spell*

Edited April 4, 2008 by the lords sheep

[Legend Chaser]

I got no advice for ya, since I still have NO idea where I want to go! But I will be praying, my friend! God help you!

[shortnun]

[quote name='the lords sheep' post='1492375' date='Apr 3 2008, 11:21 PM']Also, I want to concur with those who voiced concerns about the accreditation. Unless it's going to be accredited very soon (like before you enroll), I would hesitate to commit to it. The biggest problem isn't necessarily jobs, but if you want to go on for further study (aka, a masters or PhD). Without a degree from a accredited university, you will have great difficulty doing this. (who knows, your community may want you to go on for higher studies, or you may decide you want more time before entering, or that you are not called. Then what?...). Just my 2 cents.[/quote]
I would second what many people have said above, especially this bit about accreditation. I've worked in both undergraduate and graduate Admissions Offices. Unaccreditation can often lead to issues for Masters and PhD work, yes. But also, it can be an obstacle if you were to ever transfer schools (say you entered religious life before you graduated and your community sent you back to school).

On the flip side... someone has to enroll in the school before they're accredited in order for them to receive accreditation!!

Certainly you have our prayers.

[Thomist-in-Training]

See PM : )

[TotusTuusMaria]

JMJ

Have you thought of contacting your favorite Dominican community and asking the vocation director about sisters who have went to your first choice (the one that isn't accredited)? I am sure there are some who have went to that particular college. Ask how things worked out with them going on to further their education within the community. The vocation director may be able to tell you if it worked out or not or help you a bit.

Take some time in prayer and listen. I am praying dta! God bless you and Mary protect you!

[irishdancer]

I want to say to follow your heart but I also know that credentials do count in the work world. So do your research, pray, and listen very carefully. You're in my prayers.

[Deus te Amat]

I just wanted to thank each and every one of you from the bottom of my heart. I have done alot of thinking and praying and talking and listening in the last few days, and I still have a while before the decision has been 'officially' made, so I won't state my inclinations until then.

Please continue to pray for me! I will pray for you as well.

Thank you all. And may God's blessings shine upon you now, and forever.
Pax Christi,
DtA