Thoughts From A Newcomer

[praxedes]

I would like to introduce myself. I am in religious life. For the sake
of privacy and countless other reasons too numerous to list, I am not
going to tell you what kind (other than I assure you it is a valid,
Rome-approved form of religious life!) and/or where. I am not going to
announce the community I am a part of because I would like this to be
about me, and only me. I don’t want to represent my community or defend
it. I don’t want to talk about my habit or lack of; the length of my
veil or my headpiece. I will tell you my community follows the Rule of
St. Benedict, so my language, temperament and ideas might certainly be
colored by my formation, education and experiences.

I was introduced to this forum by my spiritual director. For various
reasons, again, too numerous to mention, I am struggling. I am sure it
hasn’t slipped anybody’s attention that vocation is an ongoing process,
and just because we find ourselves “somewhere” – by whatever means! –
doesn’t mean that we stop growing, questioning and or listening. We are
all here because we desire one thing (supposedly) to find our way to
love and serve God with our whole body, mind and soul. I’m trying to
answer God’s call, but God is too mysterious and profound to even begin
to comprehend and that call is deep, profound and multi-layered. It
cannot be answered by one single “yes,” – in fact, The Call asks for
constant listening, a never ending commitment to conversion (and not
just for Benedictines!) and a million “yes-es” – in little things as
well as big things.

What a time to find myself entering the world of the phatmass Vocation
Station! I have spent the last two days reading the posts, going
through as much as I possibly can to absorb this world. I have looked
at profiles, followed threads and made some notes. Here and there, I
have jumped off the Vocation Station and have looked at the other
departments within phatmass.

When one logs on to phatmass, and sees the "phorum" description, the
word "inclusive" is right underneath it. I took that to mean that all
of us should be included and respected, not just consecrated persons.
I’m really curious as to what “inclusive” means to the founders and
moderators. Does that mean that only the posters who sweetly agree with
someone they perceive to be in authority (because of their status as a
religious or pseudo religious) can post? Does it mean that someone who
disagrees, and voices their opinion with support is shut down?
Christian charity cannot be enforced, sadly. Shutting down threads
because of heated discussions, in my opinion is counter-productive.
Leaving is also counter-productive. It is akin to a child picking up
his or her toys on the playground, with a great big foot stomp and
returning home to Mommy!

At some point or another, we are all called to accountability and we
are asked to defend our faith, our position, our beliefs and/or
thoughts. Communicating through the web is not perfect due to the loss
of face to face interaction and subtle body language and other means of
communication. People are (obviously) more apt to react without censor
because they are often alone and the only thing between them and the
rest of the world is the send button. But that’s okay, as far as I am
concerned. That’s what I was hoping to find here.

I was hoping to find some honesty, and some depth. I was hoping to find
a forum that lived up to its description of being “inclusive.” I was
hoping to find adults who are (were) able to walk up to the plate and
defend their choices and thoughts. This is impossible when threads are
closed and people are chastised as children for their behavior. Why is
it so difficult in this forum for people to express a variety of
opinions without being immediately put-down, corrected and/or labeled?

I have read a couple of times the chastisement that people expect more
out of this forum than any other because this is the forum that
reflects an individual’s desire to serve God as a religious. This is
very misleading, for religious are human beings first. They have no
more control over God’s call than the young man does who falls in love
with his bride. I find it interesting that the Vocation Station centers
around the vocation to religious life only. How do you include and
support those who feel called to marriage? Consecrated Virginity?
Diocesean Hermit? Single Life? Aren’t we all called to serve and love
God wholeheartedly? Aren’t we all called to consecrate our very lives
and selves to Him?

Is this really an inclusive “home” as so many of you call it? Are older
women welcome? What about older men? Are people who don’t know what
they want – or better yet – what God wants – welcome? Are people who
feel called to live in the world in an active order, without a habit,
welcome? Are people with life experiences, stories, handicaps,
problems, issues, welcome? Do we represent the Catholic Church when we
control and interrupt others’ speech? We have a rich history of
communication being paramount to our faith experience. As someone
already put it beautifully, our last great Holy Father was only too
able to stand tall and claim responsibility for our past mistakes! He
named them. He listened, and he broke the silence. It wasn’t
comfortable, for him, or for us. It was embarrassing, it was shocking,
it was hurtful. We heard things we wished we never heard, and oh….how
much easier it would have been if he stood in the middle of St. Peter’s
and shushed us all! But he didn’t do that….much like another great
Pope, he opened wide the windows and let the fresh air break through,
and the silence and secrecy that caused so much pain began to
ease. As Catholics, we are not in a cult that lives in a black and
white world, or enforces “doctrine over person,” (Lifton). One of the
most amazing aspects of our faith (at least to me) is our willingness
to live in mystery – to even acknowledge that we have mystery! We don’t
– as Catholics – have an explanation for every little thing. Sometimes,
we shrug our shoulders and claim the mystery to be what it is – a
mystery - and we celebrate this mystery in faith.

To become a fully integrated member of a religious community takes a
lifetime. Just because you have a veil on your head and a Rosary
dangling from your belt does not mean you are living the life. You live
the life when you can love your community members as you love yourself.
When the Sister who clicks her pen during Lectio and drives you crazy,
smiles at you over her breviary during the LOH because she loves you,
and your heart melts because you realize… even though she’s driven you
crazy day in and day out … that you love her, too. You live the life
when you watch the Sister who never spoke a word to you the first four
months of your time in the convent die a horrible death from pancreatic
cancer; and you pray for her release and eternal joy with every breath
you have as you hold the bucket for her vomit. You live the life when
you cleanse her body after death and you realize she helped purify your
soul. You don’t live the life by having Mother Superior standing
over you, telling you to behave and stop it! You live the life when you
sit in her office, crying over something stupid, and she tells you to
get out there and start over. That’s when you live the life.

If this is a forum, then it should be a forum. People should be allowed
to express their thoughts and opinions without fear they will be called
a name or put down. People can co-exist and have differing opinions.
And reactions. And likes/dislikes. OR…if I am wrong, and this is not a
safe place for people to express their thoughts, questions, opinions
and experiences, then restructure it. Don’t threaten the posters with
insulting comments like “We’re watching this carefully.” Is this for
adults or not? Moderators…if you want the children to ask questions, to
be answered with carefully scripted approved answers, then modify the
format of this forum. Otherwise, accept the fact that adults can
disagree and still love one another and be in community with one
another, and allow them to work it out.

Anybody who thinks that religious life is easy, or that living in
community is a walk in the park doesn’t know what they are talking
about. Deigning to tell us with a condescending remark that “we” had
better get it together doesn’t work. When you enter religious life, you
get what you get. Maybe …. an alcoholic, a passive-aggressive door
slammer, a caustic laundress, a bi-polar cellarer, a depressed choir
teacher. In religious life, once you say your yes (after final/solemn
vows that is!), you can’t pick up your toys and leave. You stay. You
learn to work it out. You learn to love your brothers and your sisters
in all of their frailty and with all of their faults.

And then you learn that the plank in your own eye was far, far larger
than that splinter in the eye of the other.

[shortnun]

Thank you Praxedes for reading the background and history of the phorum and for introducing yourself to us.

[TradMom]

Praised be Jesus Christ! Alleluia!

As a mother...I have to agree with you...there have been many days when I have had to just keep my mouth shut and let my kids figure it out! I, too, believe that we can disagree and work it out without threads being closed and people leaving with sad/hurt feelings. This is how we grow.

This was a HUGE subject to tackle as a newcomer.

Well done!

[Gemma]

Praxedes,

Welcome.

I think it Providential that you've come here just before Divine Mercy Sunday. This particular devotion reminds us that despite all that life throws at us, He loves us greatly as individuals and has a plan for us.

St. Francis de Sales says that each cross is lovingly weighed just for us and sent with a kiss from Our Lord. As mom, wife, and former homeschooler, I can certainly relate to what you wrote about the individuals we are asked by God to see Him in.

Hope we can be of assistance to you. We'll be praying for your director, also.

Blessings,
Gemma

[hoosieranna]

Is your community Regina Laudis?

[praxedes]

Error...sorry

Edited March 28, 2008 by praxedes

[brendan1104]

And this after he/she/it said they wouldn't tell!

[quote name='Nadezhda' post='1487002' date='Mar 28 2008, 03:35 PM']Is your community Regina Laudis?[/quote]

[gloriagurl]

[quote name='praxedes' post='1486978' date='Mar 28 2008, 06:02 PM']And then you learn that the plank in your own eye was far, far larger
than that splinter in the eye of the other.[/quote]

Dear Sister Praxedes,

I'd like to be the first to offer you the respect of using your title. I hope you don't mind. You're post was lovely - and yes, your Benedictine (in my opinion) comes shining through.

You have raised a very important issue...one right from the Holy Rule. I believe it is an important one for discerners of every kind to understand for it is not only applicable to Benedictine Nuns......it's simply this: community is not comprised of those whom one would necessarily "like" - in another place and time, I doubt most of the sisters I know would have chosen their sisters in community as their friends in the world and yet the love that grows from "living the life" is deep, abiding and filled with joy.

Many stories are told how it is one comes to love those who at first were thought unlovable...and I'm sure I've been in that little "category" a time or two.

One of my most favorite people (former Prioress now a "regular nun" of 50+ years) was fond of saying (with a characteristic little twinkle in her eye): "Community is like a box of chocolates, you get a few nuts a few fruits and mostly soft creams.

But this isn't a forum for simply sharing stories and so I want to be sure that I clearly state that the reason I believe your post is so important is that it addresses issues very much alive in all forms of shared life....and let's face it - very few of us on the planet live something other than a "shared life" - even those hardy ascetics - The Carthusians - have to share a meal and a walk with their community once a week.....and WHOA - what about the shared life of a family and the FORTITUDE, tolerance and growth required for married life.....no wonder Jesus made it a sacrament!!!

Thank you too for mentioning the bravery of John Paul II - indeed he was one of the most courageous and beloved leaders of all time, religious or secular. I think it might already be apparent, but I certainly agree with what I read as your objection to silencing open discussion in an inclusive forum of this kind.

Thank you for an enlightening post, Sister.

Pax

(edited for typo)

Edited March 28, 2008 by gloriagurl

[EWIE]

I was introduced to this forum by my spiritual director. For various
reasons, again, too numerous to mention, I am struggling.

I find it difficult to accept that a Spiritual Director would refer a religious in crisis to this forum.

[EWIE]

I was introduced to this forum by my spiritual director. For various
reasons, again, too numerous to mention, I am struggling.


I find it difficult to accept that a Spiritual Director would refer a religious in crisis to this forum.
That being said, thank you for a very pertinent and reality filled message.
In regard to two statements you made, I call your attention to;
#1 It was a fully professed formator who picked up her toys and left, giving a very bad example of the religious life to the laity on this board.
#2 If you have read the profiles of the members here, and you say you have, , you will notice that the age span is from 14 years to 70 years. It is very difficult to address the needs of a group when the diversity is so expanse.

[Totus Tuus]

The very simple answer to your question (I'm not speaking as a moderator by any means) is that disagreement is by no means discouraged by the forum itself, but excessive rudeness isn't tolerated by the moderators if they're aware of it.

[hoosieranna]

[quote name='praxedes' post='1487029' date='Mar 28 2008, 05:01 PM']Error...sorry[/quote]

Praxedes,

I am truly sorry. I didn't read the post carefully enough, and so managed to plant my foot squarely in my mouth. Please don't let my ridiculous error keep you from the phorum. I usually frequent the Lame Board anyway. I'll stay there.

Anna

[DameAgnes]

Hmmmm....

I didn't find Sr. Catherine's leaving a "very bad example to the laity" - I found it realistic and practical that she has better things to do with her time than to get dragged into an internet fracas with anonymous people who seem inclined toward confrontation, altercation, hypersensitivity, high drama, romance, suspicion, discourtesy and the same sort of "know-it-all-ness" and dismissal of which they accused the sister - who is only living the life every day, so what could she possibly know over folks who have become professional discerners?

If that seems "biting" or "uncharitable," well, I'm sorry - when I was sincerely charitable and hoping to add constructively to the forum, THAT was considered "biting," so if I am going to be accused of it, I may as well take a big mouthful and chew.

Unlike another, Praxedes, I have no difficulty believing (or excuse me - "accepting" - how'd you like coming on board and being immediately treated to the suggestion that you're a liar?) that your spiritual director would send you to this forum as you work through your rough spot. The whole forum seems to be in a "rough spot" right now, so perhaps he/she means for you to examine the dynamics of the thing an apply it to your situation.

You'll definitely find it interesting.

One of my family members is a priest - a Capuchin - and he has said frequently that a basic requirement in living out anyone's vocation - whether religious, married, single, whatever - is pragmatism; to see the world as it is and function within it as best you can, according to one's calling, without subjecting oneself to all the distractions and vagaries of the world, all the people who will try to fill the void in their lives by insinuating themselves into yours in manipulative ways, and with an eye toward what it is you are really supposed to be doing to serve God, and then simply [i]getting on with the "doing" of it[/i]. The desire to serve the Lord is a wonderful thing, and graces abound when the desire is sincere, and rooted in the pragmatic - but to sit around talking about how you want to live for God becomes empty and meaningless if you are not actually - finally - ready to step on to the path, even a rocky and imperfect one, and get cracking. The rest of it is clatter, extraneous noise and distraction, and one should not allow oneself to be suckered into it.

I think too many of us have allowed ourselves, lately, to get "suckered into" some high distraction, and leaving the phorum is simply a better alternative than remaining and getting sucked in some more. There is a distinction between - as someone said - taking the ball and going home, and simply realizing that there is a different game altogether being played at by some - a game that really does not fit into the calling of a monastic.

Whether the game falls within the calling of us Christians is another thing, entirely.

There. I freely admit I've been uncharitable as hell, and I've done it deliberately. I wonder if some others - particularly the dramatists - can manage to look inside and recognize where they have been uncharitable, too?

[gloriagurl]

[quote name='Nadezhda' post='1487096' date='Mar 28 2008, 08:05 PM']Praxedes,

I am truly sorry. I didn't read the post carefully enough, and so managed to plant my foot squarely in my mouth. Please don't let my ridiculous error keep you from the phorum. I usually frequent the Lame Board anyway. I'll stay there.

Anna[/quote]

Wow Anna, I'm not Sr. Praxedes but I am very impressed that you posted an apology to her. While I can't speak for her, I'm sure she will realize that is was a simple error. I don't think you have to stay on the "lame board"...goodness sakes - why? Because you misread something? Come back little sheba!!!!

[Carolyn]

Welcome to the phorum, Praxedes!