Dating/courtships And Physical Touch

[MissScripture]

[quote name='Paddington' post='1484655' date='Mar 26 2008, 09:45 AM']Jeter is such a dreamboat [/quote]

[Archaeology cat]

[quote name='MissScripture' post='1484696' date='Mar 26 2008, 03:49 PM'][/quote]
Agreed!

[T-Bone _]

Don't diss Jeter. He's cool and smells nice.

[Guest]

[quote name='T-Bone _' post='1484748' date='Mar 26 2008, 12:57 PM']Don't diss Jeter. He's cool and smells nice.[/quote]
his women are hot to.
well,
besides mariah
she's a little played out.

[MissScripture]

[quote name='T-Bone _' post='1484748' date='Mar 26 2008, 11:57 AM']Don't diss Jeter. He's cool and smells nice.[/quote]
Um... Do we want to know how you know this?

[T-Bone _]

[quote name='MissScripture' post='1484944' date='Mar 26 2008, 03:47 PM']Um... Do we want to know how you know this? [/quote]

One of the lady's I work with sells Avon. Avon sells Derek Jeter cologne.

It's not like I go around smelling baseball players. I'm not Ponti.

Edited March 26, 2008 by T-Bone _

[johnnydigit]

[quote name='Slappo' post='1483335' date='Mar 24 2008, 07:07 PM']Johnny,

I don't think that it is right to say that whatever arouses someone is objectively wrong. Shaking a cute girl's hand at the sign of peace may arouse some people (non-intentionally).

It is obvious that whatever is done for the PURPOSE of arousal is always wrong. If my girlfriends mother dies and she gives me a hug and cries on my shoulder and I become aroused from it because it is a hug longer then a few seconds... does that make it lustful or sinful for me to console her? Obviously I would have no sexual intentions whatsoever, and sexual lust most likely would not even be entering my mind, however the nature of my hormones could cause arousal. This is why I posted the poll. I don't think it is as subjective as "whatever arouses someone." I believe there are objective standards to what is right and wrong, but those standards may be more strict for those who have strong issues with lust.

I voted that anything beyond a few second kiss is too much. I also voted that hugs beyond 5 seconds are too much but I realized that this vote is circumstantial and extreme cases like a death in the family may change what would normally be beyond what I view as acceptable. I also don't think that resting ones head in another's lap is appropriately (although with a pillow between the two I think would be acceptable), neither is sitting on ones lap, or resting your head on her chest.[/quote]

i thought this thread was directed at someone you're dating, or someone who is attractive to you.

if i had known this included your friend's mother at a funeral, i might have answered differently lol


"we french kiss, but the PURPOSE is not for arousal. it's just like a 'hello!'" lol

there are too many subjective answers, so you must find your own "line" and stay far from it. don't try to rationalize things too much. if you must ask, just play it safe and don't do it.
"how far would you take your girlfriend to the edge of a cliff?"
"would you give your girlfriend a cup of water with just a little poison?"

[MissScripture]

[quote name='T-Bone _' post='1484993' date='Mar 26 2008, 05:34 PM']One of the lady's I work with sells Avon. Avon sells Derek Jeter cologne.

It's not like I go around smelling baseball players. I'm not Ponti.[/quote]
Hmm...now I guess I must boycott Avon products...

[HeavenlyCalling]

[quote name='Cathoholic Anonymous' post='1483669' date='Mar 25 2008, 10:35 AM']When I was at school there were people who would have competitions to see who could kiss the highest number of people at a party. I definitely didn't agree with kissing in that context. In a strong relationship, I think kisses and hugs are perfectly acceptable. Hugs can be platonic and I will happily give them to all my friends. Holding hands is all right and so is giving back massages (back scratches would be more useful in my case, as I get terribly itchy and currently have to scratch myself with a hairbrush due to lack of willing scratchers). I don't know why anybody would want a foot massage. Anything else (groping, petting, etc.) is definitely too intense.[/quote]
Back when I had a boyfriend ( before I started discerning ) we hugged, held hands, and even kissed, lol.

I think a lot of these things can be done even by people who are friends. In my circle of family and family friends ( keep in mind that about 75% of them are Italian and 100% are totally crazy ) it is not uncommon to link arms or hold hands with friends even of the same gender ( mostly for girls, that one ) hugs are very common and lots of people are greeted witha kiss on each cheek.

And I have a friend I have never been interested in who gives great back and shoulder rubs, I wouldn't consider it 'arousing' I would consider it therapy for knots and aches.

And foot massages gross me out, sorry. [u]I[/u] dont even like my feet, I cant think why anyone else would, yuck!

So I think, even when you are dating, it is all about context. Watching a movie with my boyfriends arm around me never bothered me because it was more a sign of affection ( and squished seating room, lol ) than anything meant to be 'arousing'. I think intent plays a big part too.

Obv. after you pass a certain point ( prolly making out ) the intent and context are mostly about sex, plain and simple.
[quote name='T-Bone _' post='1483777' date='Mar 25 2008, 02:18 PM']If Mordor turns you on, you have more things to worry about than premarital relations.[/quote]
Deffinatly, lol

Edited March 27, 2008 by HeavenlyCalling

[Slappo]

[quote name='johnnydigit' post='1485004' date='Mar 26 2008, 03:52 PM']i thought this thread was directed at someone you're dating, or someone who is attractive to you.

if i had known this included your friend's mother at a funeral, i might have answered differently lol[/quote]

That was an extreme circumstance and I didn't include it in my voting... that would be something extra-ordinary (and the only think that would really effect is how long of a hug is appropriate in my opinion.) Ordinarily I wouldn't give my girlfriend a hug longer then like 60 seconds... but if her mother died... thats obviously not ordinary and I wouldn't stop hugging her as she's crying on my shoulder and be like "sorry 60 seconds are up.. 2 minute break before we can hug again."

It is based on people dating or courting.



Obviously a lot is subjective whenever you ask about physical boundaries... but there are of course objective norms (no sex before marriage). It is the objective norms that the poll is aimed at finding.

[Veritas]

+

NB. A vast majority of individuals don't see that physical intimacy would change with an engagement. This could be interpreted several ways. However, I think it's important to note one in particular:

1. For a healthy relationship: The level of physical intimacy must correspond to the level of commitment. This is why sex is appropriate within marriage, but not without marriage. The reason being that with each additional "level" or area of physical intimacy, there is a greater emotional bond and greater consequences in reality. A bond, which is seriously broken without trust and commitment. If more young men and women realized and respected this, there would be significantly less relationship induced psychosis.

Therefore, it seems appropriate, but not necessary, for kissing, e.g., to enter a relationship upon engagement (not french kissing, because of it's physiological nature).

[scardella]

I sometimes mistake the holding hands for the Our Father thread with this one. Discuss.

[the 13th papist]

I thought i was going to have to lay down the Christian Marriage, Theology of the Body smack down, but Good Job people, at least the discussers. Some of the voters a bit misguided.

I do have one thing tho, I realizes intimacy can and should grow with the duration of a relationship, but the commitment level is generally what determines the appropriateness of amount of physical affection. And yes, arousal as a goal or purpose in an act is not okay because it cant reach its fulfillment outside marriage.

[Autumn Dusk]

I could understand how someone find french kissing wrong but just flat out kissing? My dean is italian and she kisses me almost every day, on the cheek, of course, but still.

[MissScripture]

[quote name='Autumn Dusk' post='1489743' date='Mar 31 2008, 04:29 PM']I could understand how someone find french kissing wrong but just flat out kissing? My dean is italian and she kisses me almost every day, on the cheek, of course, but still.[/quote]
In a (Christian) magazine my little sister gets, they pretty much said that touching is wrong and should be saved for marriage...by that I mean, hand holding, hugs, anything. Oh, and saying, "I love you." (For one thing, I don't see a lot of guys getting up the courage to propose if they've never even been told that they are loved...)
Now, I know that the world today often diminishes the value of things, but I don't think that taking it to the other extreme is healthy, either. Seriously, how can you marry someone you've never even held hands with, before? Or said, "I love you," to? How do you show affection? Humans NEED physical touch. It's been proven that premature babies grow faster if they are massaged and held every day. I just don't get where people get some of their ideas.

Edited April 1, 2008 by MissScripture