Love for life. Posted December 28, 2008 Share Posted December 28, 2008 Something can [i]feel[/i] right, but that doesn't mean that it [i]is[/i] right. If you think of a relationship as a journey with another person towards God, then anything that takes your mind away from Him is "going too far." Practically speaking, if you don't end up marrying the person you're dating, how far would you want your future spouse to know that you had gone with them? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
socalscout Posted January 2, 2009 Share Posted January 2, 2009 [quote name='rachael' post='1734165' date='Dec 22 2008, 08:10 PM']true. so are you insinuating that the rules should change as you get older, or did i read into your statement incorrectly?[/quote] Yes and no. It really comes down to what is offensive to God. That rule overcomes despite age but I was commenting on the arousal argument. If you go by that then typically arousal at a younger age is more prominent than an older age. Of course this is from personal experience as I am not a psychologist in any way shape or form. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
socalscout Posted January 2, 2009 Share Posted January 2, 2009 [quote name='CatherineM' post='1734386' date='Dec 23 2008, 11:33 AM']I'm 46, and holding my husband's hand crossing the street makes my heart skip a beat. Don't assume that you can't become aroused over a certain age.[/quote] Did you tell him that? You should if you did not. That is a wonderful thing to hear but arousal over such things as holding hands, embracing or light kissing tapers off with age and becomes more of an action that shows affection than a means to sexual arousal. I’m comparing this to when I was 18. Again I am not a psychologist nor do I pretend to be an expert. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MithLuin Posted January 2, 2009 Share Posted January 2, 2009 If you are asking "How far is too far?" it is the wrong question. The correct question is "How do we truly love each other?" And yes, physical touch can be part of that, but some general guidelines are to take things very slowly, to show respect to each other (certainly not trying to pressure the other person into doing anything) and to be reasonable about not putting yourselves into questionable situations. It takes awhile to turn head knowledge into practical knowledge. Chastity should not be about trying really hard to keep your hands to yourself even though you'd rather not. Chastity is about respecting your girlfriend as a child of God. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest spellingace91 Posted January 2, 2009 Share Posted January 2, 2009 [quote name='MithLuin' post='1741653' date='Jan 2 2009, 07:12 PM']If you are asking "How far is too far?" it is the wrong question. The correct question is "How do we truly love each other?" And yes, physical touch can be part of that, but some general guidelines are to take things very slowly, to show respect to each other (certainly not trying to pressure the other person into doing anything) and to be reasonable about not putting yourselves into questionable situations. It takes awhile to turn head knowledge into practical knowledge. Chastity should not be about trying really hard to keep your hands to yourself even though you'd rather not. Chastity is about respecting your girlfriend as a child of God.[/quote] I actually find that easier advice to follow. Thanks, Mith. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CatherineM Posted January 3, 2009 Share Posted January 3, 2009 [quote name='socalscout' post='1741352' date='Jan 2 2009, 08:25 AM']Did you tell him that? You should if you did not. That is a wonderful thing to hear but arousal over such things as holding hands, embracing or light kissing tapers off with age and becomes more of an action that shows affection than a means to sexual arousal. I’m comparing this to when I was 18. Again I am not a psychologist nor do I pretend to be an expert.[/quote] I said my heart skips a beat, that doesn't mean I want to jump his bones in the middle of the crosswalk. Wouldn't that be a spectacle. He holds my hand because I'm disabled and walk with a crutch, and he is afraid of me slipping on icy sidewalks. His showing care and concern for me, makes me love him all the more. When you love someone that deeply, you want to be as close to them as you can get. Foreplay isn't just before intercourse, it can basically be an all day activity. There was a report recently that said for married women, the number one thing that turns them on is seeing their husbands vacuum for them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MithLuin Posted January 3, 2009 Share Posted January 3, 2009 Glad I could be of help Make sure to pray for your girlfriend and your relationship with her, and show her your love in ways beyond just kisses - writing notes, doing favors, all sorts of innocent romantic type things can show her you care about her and treasure her. [quote name='Love for life.' post='1736729' date='Dec 28 2008, 02:33 AM']Something can [i]feel[/i] right, but that doesn't mean that it [i]is[/i] right. If you think of a relationship as a journey with another person towards God, then anything that takes your mind away from Him is "going too far." Practically speaking, if you don't end up marrying the person you're dating, how far would you want your future spouse to know that you had gone with them?[/quote] Good question to ask! My best friend married my ex-bf, whom I had dated for many years. I was on the altar at their wedding as her maid of honor. Obviously, to have maintained my friendship with both of them over the years has been awkward at times, but I would not want something like that to come between my friend and I. As things stand now, she would like me to be her daughter's godmother when she is baptized. (Lest that sound too much like a soap opera, there were gaps between when I dated him and when she started dating him - much less drama than you would think.) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
socalscout Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 [quote name='CatherineM' post='1741694' date='Jan 2 2009, 05:54 PM']There was a report recently that said for married women, the number one thing that turns them on is seeing their husbands vacuum for them.[/quote] There you go then. It is solved. When dating someone vacuuming is crossing the line. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fides quarens intellectum Posted January 7, 2009 Share Posted January 7, 2009 [quote name='EstoVir_TheWay_4' post='1590023' date='Jul 3 2008, 08:45 AM']Repression = bad Acceptance + Discipline = Good I like kissing. But I also like praying with my girlfriend. Do a little of both... unless you don't want to kiss. That's ok. [b]Praying, however, is not an option[/b].[/quote] [bold mine] - i think that's the best comment in this thread. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jeffpugh Posted January 9, 2009 Share Posted January 9, 2009 [quote name='socalscout' post='1743289' date='Jan 5 2009, 08:44 AM']There you go then. It is solved. When dating someone vacuuming is crossing the line. [/quote] O.o (@ both statements). lawl Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
picchick Posted January 10, 2009 Share Posted January 10, 2009 [quote name='socalscout' post='1743289' date='Jan 5 2009, 08:44 AM']There you go then. It is solved. When dating someone vacuuming is crossing the line. [/quote] Agreed....but cleaning the bathrooms is not crossing the line. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jeffpugh Posted January 11, 2009 Share Posted January 11, 2009 Agreed? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
picchick Posted January 11, 2009 Share Posted January 11, 2009 [quote name='Sacred Music Man' post='1748599' date='Jan 11 2009, 12:58 AM']Agreed? [/quote] Vacuuming should not be done if it causes arousal with your date/coutshipper. However, to clean a bathroom for your date/courtshipper would mos def not be crossing the line. In fact I am in full support of it. I will even hand them the toliet bowl cleaner brush. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slappo Posted January 11, 2009 Author Share Posted January 11, 2009 Here is the HUGE issue I have with the "if it happens to arouse you don't do it" way of thinking... When I first started dating my girlfriend, holding her hand was arousing. Why? Because it was an area of physical touch I hadn't experienced with her before and I became acutely aware of her fingers embracing mine, the feel of her skin, and the warmth of another hand. Now... it doesn't at all because it is something that I'm used to experiencing. Things that are truly meant to be arousing don't stop being arousing after your with someone for a couple months, otherwise most babies wouldn't have been conceived. Over Christmas break all my girlfriend and I could do was talk on the phone (completely pure conversations... but simply the tone change in her voice when she felt loved could do the trick so to say)... sometimes talking to her on the phone itself was arousing... therefore should I... not talk to my girlfriend? That would seem to make it hard to court her. Sometimes when I see her smile I might really just recognize her true and pure beauty as a daughter of God and even that can be arousing. Therefore, since seeing her smile can be arousing, and talking to her can be arousing, holding her hand can be arousing... I shouldn't touch, look at, or talk to her. Arousing doesn't necessarily mean sexual thoughts. Arousal itself is not a bad thing unless intentional without proper conditions being met (I.E married and pursuing marital love). A male can wake up and be aroused, or have an arousing dream in the night, does that mean he should neither sleep nor wake up? Of course not... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jckinsman Posted January 11, 2009 Share Posted January 11, 2009 [quote name='picchick' post='1748328' date='Jan 10 2009, 06:59 PM']Agreed....but cleaning the bathrooms is not crossing the line.[/quote] Agreed,and especially acceptable when you and the floors to that little project. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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