Wanting To Enter A Cloistered Convent

[rizz_loves_jesus]

So my mom and I were talking last night. She was telling me of her worries of our family being torn apart. This bothered me, because I plan to enter into a cloistered convent. I informed her of my plans. Big mistake. She freaked out. She told me that she would leave the Church if I did so, because she wouldn't ever be able to talk to me and that I would "be splitting the family apart".

So, I guess I just don't know what to do. I want to enter a convent badly, I feel God is calling me to do so. I don't want to live in this world. I want detachment. But if my vocation is going to cause someone to leave the church... is it worth it?

[irishdancer]

A little note to let you know that you and your mother are in my prayers. I'm new to the discernment process but in the past two years I have learned that "me" and "my vocation" are not separate. God's creation of me includes the call to serve in a particular way. Understanding and following it is not simple or easy but I guess it is my responsibility. At least that's what I've come to.

As for your mother, she too is loved by God and has that same responsibility. I hope you have a wise person to talk with.

Michaela

Edited March 20, 2008 by irishdancer

[Gemma]

[quote name='rizz_loves_jesus' post='1480676' date='Mar 20 2008, 02:01 PM']So my mom and I were talking last night. She was telling me of her worries of our family being torn apart. This bothered me, because I plan to enter into a cloistered convent. I informed her of my plans. Big mistake. She freaked out. She told me that she would leave the Church if I did so, because she wouldn't ever be able to talk to me and that I would "be splitting the family apart".

So, I guess I just don't know what to do. I want to enter a convent badly, I feel God is calling me to do so. I don't want to live in this world. I want detachment. But if my vocation is going to cause someone to leave the church... is it worth it?[/quote]

Family goes through the five stages of death, just like someone with terminal illness.

Please see my website: [url="http://cloisters.tripod.com/"]http://cloisters.tripod.com/[/url] A Carmelite mom's story is under the articles of interest.

Learn from my own experience. Family got in the way of my ever trying the cloistered life. I have never gotten over the frustration caused by their actions. No thanks to Hollywood, everyone thought they would never see me again. Family can visit at least three times a year. The aforementioned Carmelite mom visits her daughter every year on the anniversary of her profession. The mom says she's closer to her nun-daughter than her other children.

If you're over 18, you've got a right to do what you want. I think she was just spewing threats to try to get her way.

Sorry if I sound embittered, but I truly support your wish for detachment, and I want you to find the joy that comes from such done in Christ.

Blessings,
Gemma

[AccountDeleted]

[quote name='rizz_loves_jesus' post='1480676' date='Mar 20 2008, 11:01 AM']So my mom and I were talking last night. She was telling me of her worries of our family being torn apart. This bothered me, because I plan to enter into a cloistered convent. I informed her of my plans. Big mistake. She freaked out. She told me that she would leave the Church if I did so, because she wouldn't ever be able to talk to me and that I would "be splitting the family apart".

So, I guess I just don't know what to do. I want to enter a convent badly, I feel God is calling me to do so. I don't want to live in this world. I want detachment. But if my vocation is going to cause someone to leave the church... is it worth it?[/quote]

One lady in England wanted so much to enter to Wolverhampton and her application was accepted and she was all ready to enter when her mother told her that she would commit suicide if her daughter entered! So the daughter still hasn't entered, and is still longing, and the mother still has this emotional blackmail hold over her daughter. It is the extreme of unselfishness for a parent to place their happiness over that of their child. Once you are an adult, your responsibility to God outweighs your responsibility to your parents. It's in the gospel. You can still love and respect your mother, and in charity, you can help her transition by asking your priest to speak with her and do other various things to make her feel as if she is not losing you. Gemma is right - there are many occasions for family to visit and stay in touch with you. If you were getting married and moving overseas, she wouldn't make such a threat - explain to her how you are following your divine spouse.

You are both in my prayers.

[salterrae]

J.M. + J.T.

You're in my prayers, too.

Reading the posts above got me thinking:

Isn't this part of your [i]mother's[/i] vocation as a parent: to have children and help lead them towards their respective vocations?

Maybe this is worth sharing with her.

Edited March 21, 2008 by salterrae

[the lords sheep]

I don't know how recently this all happened, but give your mother a bit of time. Treat her with love and patience and mercy, and try to help her as she struggles with having to give you up.
It's really difficult for parents to see their kids leave, and I truly believe that it is out of love that she is acting this way. The problem is that her emotions have misdirected her love.
It's frustrating, but give her a few weeks/months to cope and mourn and get used to the idea. If you have chosen a particular monastery, take her there. Have her meet the Sisters, meet the mother superior, ask her questions, pray with them, etc. Also, Try to speak with her rationally, explaining that it is not fair for her to make such a demand of you and give you such a burden. And eventually, hopefully, once she sees how happy you are, she will give her blessing.
If this is not the case, however, and she refuses to let you go and continues making threats about leaving the church or whatever, then you have a more difficult decision to make. Th reality is, the decision is completely yours. If she were to leave the church as a result, you are in no way morally culpable (although you may still feel guilt.) Your mother is an adult who can choose freely, and it would be her decision to leave the church. Bear in mind, there is nothing to say that she couldn't some day leave the church for some other reason, and in that situation, similar to this one, if she has made up her mind to do it, there is nothing you can do about it.
Pray for her, and if she lets you, with her. Hopefully in time she will find some peace. Untill then you can count on our prayers.
Lauren

[Guadalupe23]

Isn't this part of your [i]mother's[/i] vocation as a parent: to have children and help lead them towards their respective vocations?

Maybe this is worth sharing with her.
[/quote]

Oh wow...what an awesome thought! Rizz, my mom never quite said it quite like your mom...I don't think she would ever say it out loud. But I know I feel called to a more monastic congregation...I can see in her eyes how much this hurts her. I do struggle with it. Its the hardest thing to feel in your heart where God is calling you, but then see it hurt someone you love. The right thing to do is to follow Christ, it doesn't make the sacrifice on your or your family's part any easier. I shall offer that up in prayer with you!

[cmotherofpirl]

[quote name='Guadalupe23' post='1481287' date='Mar 21 2008, 07:33 PM']Isn't this part of your [i]mother's[/i] vocation as a parent: to have children and help lead them towards their respective vocations?

Maybe this is worth sharing with her.
Oh wow...what an awesome thought! Rizz, my mom never quite said it quite like your mom...I don't think she would ever say it out loud. But I know I feel called to a more monastic congregation...I can see in her eyes how much this hurts her. I do struggle with it. Its the hardest thing to feel in your heart where God is calling you, but then see it hurt someone you love. The right thing to do is to follow Christ, it doesn't make the sacrifice on your or your family's part any easier. I shall offer that up in prayer with you![/quote]
Lots of things hurt a mother's heart - the first time our toddler takes his first steps to someone else, the first day of school, the first time they look to others for approval instead of you, the first day of [college, boot camp, marriage, disease, or losing them to another country, or even death]. Life hurts. If something goes wrong we pick up the pieces, love them, and send them back on their way. Our job as mums is to love our kids as best we can, then let them go to where their heart and God takes them. Its a very HARD lesson to learn.

[jkaands]

All of the posters are spot on on this one.

Rizz, the only thing I might comment on is that I (we) don't know your age. If you are young, ie in or just after high school, you might want to discern gradually and consider college, which I think would probably be very useful for cloistered nuns.

However, the basic fact is that all parents should want what is best for their children, even if this means that the child may marry and moving to China, for example. As 'Mo-of-pirl' has stated, life is hard, and being a parent is harder.

Being a daughter is hard, too, and all who are seriously discerning religious life owe it to themselves to do just that and let nothing stand in their way. You are not helping your mother if you let her stand in your way, as she is not helping you. It's sort of toughlove in reverse. You owe it to your mother to let her get on with her life. A parent who threatens suicide is desperate and will end up creating in their daughter an embittered and isolated woman, a person who is not religious and not secular (although entering a secular order or becoming an oblates could help with this).

My in-laws became increasingly dependent on my bro-in-law as they aged. My bro-in-law is a compliant, easily dominated person. Gradually he lost his independence almost entirely. He is now over 60, unmarried with a mediocre job (he is college-educated), with no prospects. For him, it is too late.

[stlmom]

Dear Rizz,
I am so in agreement with the last two posts. When you are on the threshold of adulthood it is so difficult to make a choice that your parents may not accept at first. It may be helpful for them to know that it is a long process in religious life to get to the point of lifelong commitment. Formation takes years, and no one knows what the future holds. The advice of your spiritual director and the religious community are important for deciding the when and how of pursuing religious life, so seek their counsel, as they will know your situation better than we do. God bless your generosity and let us know how it all turns out.

[MC IMaGiNaZUN]

Rizz, if I can just share a bit about one of my best friends.

We grew up together. Did all sorts of sin together. and to tell you the truth, we have been good supports to eachother in a lot of tough times.

But I started getting involved in church, he moved around, and for convenience we couldnt so readily see eachother. Anyways, I had to break up our rap group because of my vocation. But just before i worked on myapplication, one of these other rappers he had a group with was on stage rapping disses about Jesus. So I walked out. My best friend. I talked to him, and it was clear he was not understanding, like it was my fault, and I needed to be more open minded. So when I applied moved out, His own songs become more terribly anti catholic. But, when he was in trouble, with some personal thigns in life, he realized I was the only person "with his head screwed on straight" and the only person "who believes in anything." In fact, I find he is becoming more supportive each day.

But, in every change, in every transition, there is always resistence. When I first was called, I resisted. When I became more involved with church, and I was regularly visiting various religious communities, my dad resisted. But the initial resistence is the beginning, and usually the worst that will happen.

SHALOM
Bro Mark

PS To my benefit, I am finding that my religious community regularly asks me about how my dad is doing. They have told me to personally invite my friend, which is well impossible considering how broke he is, and how far i am. But yeah, things get better over time.

The scary thing for parents is that suddenly they will feel that they are no longer needed. When a kid gets married, the parents have a say in every aspect of the wedding ceremony it seems. Parents come around when new children are born, and parents invite you over for holidays.

the unknown is always scary. But it is for us to ask God the courage to confront our fears.

[DameAgnes]

Rizz, I don't know why, but I read this piece and thought of you - maybe you are meant to read it.

[url="http://chattygirlz.blogspot.com/2007/02/hair-brush-at-airport.html"]http://chattygirlz.blogspot.com/2007/02/ha...at-airport.html[/url]

It's an amazing story.

[Fr. Antony Maria OSB]

Hey Rizz, while I don't know what you are going through with this, I do know that God will get you through this as long as you let Him. For me personally, I just got back from spending the Tridium at a Benedictine monastery, and while I was there I thought a few times about how it seems so much like the monks were detaching themselves from the world, hiding in their monastery, but then something the Abbot said made me see that the exact opposite is true. Because of the fact that they do not have as much to do with the outside world, they are much more affected by it. Perhaps God is calling you to the convent, and while I don't know what the convent you are looking at is like, keep in mind that God works in very odd ways many times: He may be calling you to the convent to be a witness to the outside world you want detachment from. I will be praying for you and your mom, and I hope that everything can be worked out between you.

May God bless and protect you always in all of your endeavors, especially your discernment!

Your Brother in Christ,

Joe

[A Yearning Heart]

Bro Mark-
Wow-thanks for sharing! That's amazing how things work out.


[quote name='MC IMaGiNaZUN' post='1481756' date='Mar 23 2008, 07:33 AM']Rizz, if I can just share a bit about one of my best friends.

We grew up together. Did all sorts of sin together. and to tell you the truth, we have been good supports to eachother in a lot of tough times.

But I started getting involved in church, he moved around, and for convenience we couldnt so readily see eachother. Anyways, I had to break up our rap group because of my vocation. But just before i worked on myapplication, one of these other rappers he had a group with was on stage rapping disses about Jesus. So I walked out. My best friend. I talked to him, and it was clear he was not understanding, like it was my fault, and I needed to be more open minded. So when I applied moved out, His own songs become more terribly anti catholic. But, when he was in trouble, with some personal thigns in life, he realized I was the only person "with his head screwed on straight" and the only person "who believes in anything." In fact, I find he is becoming more supportive each day.

But, in every change, in every transition, there is always resistence. When I first was called, I resisted. When I became more involved with church, and I was regularly visiting various religious communities, my dad resisted. But the initial resistence is the beginning, and usually the worst that will happen.

SHALOM
Bro Mark

PS To my benefit, I am finding that my religious community regularly asks me about how my dad is doing. They have told me to personally invite my friend, which is well impossible considering how broke he is, and how far i am. But yeah, things get better over time.

The scary thing for parents is that suddenly they will feel that they are no longer needed. When a kid gets married, the parents have a say in every aspect of the wedding ceremony it seems. Parents come around when new children are born, and parents invite you over for holidays.

the unknown is always scary. But it is for us to ask God the courage to confront our fears.[/quote]

[praxedes]

Dame Agnes,
What an incredible link you provided. I printed it out for my prayer journal.
THANK YOU!
Praxedes