Need Your Help And Prayers Again!

[AccountDeleted]

Ok, don't all of you jump down my throat at once and tell me what a failure I am - ok?

What I need now is lots of prayers and some practical advice. I left Carmel on Saturday, amidst lots of hugs and kisses and well wishes and promises of prayers for me from the community. They were fabulous, and Mother Elizabeth (the new Prioress) has emailed me since I got back to say that they are keeping me in their prayers and also said [i]"May the Lord guide you and keep you and give you abundant light on the path he wants you to follow."[/i] So I want you all to know that I still love them and support anyone who is considering a vocation to Wolverhampton Carmel. They are a traditional, warm and loving community and I am so sorry that my vocation was not with them.

So why did I leave? Well, after consultation with both Reverend Mother (who was my Novice Mistress prior to becoming Prioress) and my spiritual director (a priest), I knew I was feeling called to be a hermit, and not a "hermit in community" as the Carmelites describe themselves. Although they are called to a life of hermit-like silence, the Wolverhampton Carmel is probably similar to many OCD Carmels in that they don't have a lot of time alone with God. They spend a lot of time in community - reciting the Divine Office together, mental prayer twice a day in the choir together, Recreation twice a day, eating meals in common, and many other tasks during the day together. They are certainly hermits compared to active orders, but their life is not one of solitude, which I seem to need more.

Mother did try to accommodate my need for more solitude ever since I first got there -- with a hermit day in December and then, of course, I had the 8 day retreat before my clothing. She even offered to let me pray alone in the Novitiate occasionally (instead of in the choir with the community, which is what they do) because I kept telling her that I needed more time alone with God. Finally, after much prayer and discussion about this, it became clear that God was calling me to a life of more solitude with him. So, although it was heartbreaking for all of us in the community (with many tears when I left), Mother agreed that I should follow my heart and try out the life of a hermit.

The revealing thing is that before I applied to Carmel, I had mentioned to my spiritual director of the time (who was a hermit himself) that I wanted to be a hermit, but he told me that I should first experience formation in community! So I don't regret a moment of the time I spent in formation with the loving sisters of the Wolverhamption community, but I think my true vocation is asserting itself now. I am especially grateful however, for the opportunity to learn how to recite the Divine Office! When I first entered Carmel, I was so lost during the Office and thought I would never know how to navigate it. Now I just love it and feel so happy to be able to say it every day.

Anyway, now I am back in California while I attempt to research my "hermit options". I have considered finding a small place to live with a simple part-time job to support myself, and then seek out a Bishop who will allow me to consecrate myself to him as a hermit (there is a woman in Oakland CA who is a consecrated hermit). The other thing I have considered is the Hermits of Bethlehem or their neighbors, The Hermits of Our Lady of Mt Carmel (O Carm affiliation). But right now I am in heavy duty prayer mode while I see where the Holy Spirit is leading me.

I would be interested in any information that phatmassers have about hermit communities that I could research, or perhaps other hermit type suggestions? All I know right now is that wherever I end up, I need a lot of solitude and time alone in prayer.

Once again, thank you all for your love and support. Don't be sad for me - God is always taking care of us and as St Teresa said "God alone suffices!" Pray for me please that I may find God's path for me.

Annie (formerly Sr Teresa of Jesus)

[dakurgie]

Annie you are in my prayers as you discern your vocation as a hermit.

Did you know that there is a yahoo group--Catholic Hermits--who discuss their vocation?

Peace and Blessings,

Donna

[Sr Mary Catharine OP]

[quote name='nunsense' post='1476455' date='Mar 12 2008, 08:16 PM']Ok, don't all of you jump down my throat at once and tell me what a failure I am - ok?

What I need now is lots of prayers and some practical advice. I left Carmel on Saturday, amidst lots of hugs and kisses and well wishes and promises of prayers for me from the community. They were fabulous, and Mother Elizabeth (the new Prioress) has emailed me since I got back to say that they are keeping me in their prayers and also said [i]"May the Lord guide you and keep you and give you abundant light on the path he wants you to follow."[/i] So I want you all to know that I still love them and support anyone who is considering a vocation to Wolverhampton Carmel. They are a traditional, warm and loving community and I am so sorry that my vocation was not with them.

So why did I leave? Well, after consultation with both Reverend Mother (who was my Novice Mistress prior to becoming Prioress) and my spiritual director (a priest), I knew I was feeling called to be a hermit, and not a "hermit in community" as the Carmelites describe themselves. Although they are called to a life of hermit-like silence, the Wolverhampton Carmel is probably similar to many OCD Carmels in that they don't have a lot of time alone with God. They spend a lot of time in community - reciting the Divine Office together, mental prayer twice a day in the choir together, Recreation twice a day, eating meals in common, and many other tasks during the day together. They are certainly hermits compared to active orders, but their life is not one of solitude, which I seem to need more.

Mother did try to accommodate my need for more solitude ever since I first got there -- with a hermit day in December and then, of course, I had the 8 day retreat before my clothing. She even offered to let me pray alone in the Novitiate occasionally (instead of in the choir with the community, which is what they do) because I kept telling her that I needed more time alone with God. Finally, after much prayer and discussion about this, it became clear that God was calling me to a life of more solitude with him. So, although it was heartbreaking for all of us in the community (with many tears when I left), Mother agreed that I should follow my heart and try out the life of a hermit.

The revealing thing is that before I applied to Carmel, I had mentioned to my spiritual director of the time (who was a hermit himself) that I wanted to be a hermit, but he told me that I should first experience formation in community! So I don't regret a moment of the time I spent in formation with the loving sisters of the Wolverhamption community, but I think my true vocation is asserting itself now. I am especially grateful however, for the opportunity to learn how to recite the Divine Office! When I first entered Carmel, I was so lost during the Office and thought I would never know how to navigate it. Now I just love it and feel so happy to be able to say it every day.

Anyway, now I am back in California while I attempt to research my "hermit options". I have considered finding a small place to live with a simple part-time job to support myself, and then seek out a Bishop who will allow me to consecrate myself to him as a hermit (there is a woman in Oakland CA who is a consecrated hermit). The other thing I have considered is the Hermits of Bethlehem or their neighbors, The Hermits of Our Lady of Mt Carmel (O Carm affiliation). But right now I am in heavy duty prayer mode while I see where the Holy Spirit is leading me.

I would be interested in any information that phatmassers have about hermit communities that I could research, or perhaps other hermit type suggestions? All I know right now is that wherever I end up, I need a lot of solitude and time alone in prayer.

Once again, thank you all for your love and support. Don't be sad for me - God is always taking care of us and as St Teresa said "God alone suffices!" Pray for me please that I may find God's path for me.

Annie (formerly Sr Teresa of Jesus)[/quote]

Annie, the Hermits of Bethlehem are near us and would provide the structure for community yet are really hermits. The Carmel next door has only 4 sisters and probably aren't too much different from usual Carmelite Life. I think they come together daily for some of the Offices.

Sr. Mary Catharine

PS, You're not a failure. Postulancy and Novitiate is about making a trial of the life. That's the whole point!

Edited March 13, 2008 by Sr. Mary Catharine

[AccountDeleted]

[quote name='Sr. Mary Catharine' post='1476511' date='Mar 12 2008, 07:40 PM']Annie, the Hermits of Bethlehem are near us and would provide the structure for community yet are really hermits. The Carmel next door has only 4 sisters and probably aren't too much different from usual Carmelite Life. I think they come together daily for some of the Offices.

Sr. Mary Catharine

PS, You're not a failure. Postulancy and Novitiate is about making a trial of the life. That's the whole point![/quote]

Sr Mary Catherine

I have had a strong desire to check out the Hermits of Bethlehem ever since I read about them on phatmass and checked out various articles on them. I have ordered Father Romano's two books from Amazon but am still waiting to get them. I was thinking of sending him a letter or phoning him but thought that perhaps he would be out of touch during Lent. I will certainly follow this up though.

Thank you for your prayers. I don't really feel like a failure since I am so happy for the loving kindness of the community, but I was kind of hoping that my search was over when I entered. One of the sisters there did tell me a joke though --- "If you want to make God laugh, tell Him YOUR plans!"

In His love
Annie

[AccountDeleted]

[quote name='dakurgie' post='1476467' date='Mar 12 2008, 06:53 PM']Annie you are in my prayers as you discern your vocation as a hermit.

Did you know that there is a yahoo group--Catholic Hermits--who discuss their vocation?

Peace and Blessings,

Donna[/quote]

Thank you so much - I didn't know about them and have just applied to join.

[the lords sheep]

Annie,
You will be in my prayers. Thank you so much for your honesty and for your trust in God. By coming back and letting us be a part of your life and discernment, you are offering us so much wisdom and encouragement.
I thank you from the bottom of my heart for your witness, and I will pray for you as you continue to seek the Lord's will in your life.

In Jesus and Mary,
Lauren

[cathoholic_anonymous]

You are in my prayers, Annie. I'm glad that you know where you are called to be now. My one sorrow is that I never got the opportunity to visit you when you were in England.

There is a hermit who lives in the woods near Quidenham, under the protection of the Carmelites there. She has Mass with the nuns, but she sits in a little alcove where she can be seen by neither the nuns nor the public. One sister is delegated to put out her food in a little outhouse, which she collects daily. She spends the rest of the time in her hermitage. She entered the Sisters of Notre Dame in 1946, when she was sixteen years old, but she left to become a hermit in 1970 after realising that God was calling her into deeper solitude. She has been in the grounds of Quidenham ever since. She does write letters, so perhaps you could contact her to ask for her prayers and advice.

[Stacey]

Hi Annie, greetings and lots of prayers from all of us here at Colwich, i heard you left and i'm glad you are back on phatmass, you sound positive and calm and i am sure you will take something good with you and into your new life. i thought these might be interesting -
[url="http://www.hermitary.com"]http://www.hermitary.com[/url] [url="http://skyfarm.org"]http://skyfarm.org[/url] and there has also been a thread on here before its under 'i'm curious' by drewmeister2 in December 2004, there seems to be a whole list of places on that, i hope they help and wish you well with many prayers,
sr marie-therese

[praying4carmel]

Annie,

God bless you! You're not a Failure! Thank you for your honesty. Once again, it's refreshing!

I will be praying for you as you discern this next step in your journey to our Lord.

May you be blessed with His Peace and Joy.

Nancy

[gloriagurl]

[quote name='nunsense' post='1476455' date='Mar 12 2008, 09:16 PM']Ok, don't all of you jump down my throat at once and tell me what a failure I am - ok?

What I need now is lots of prayers and some practical advice. I left Carmel on Saturday, amidst lots of hugs and kisses and well wishes and promises of prayers for me from the community. They were fabulous, and Mother Elizabeth (the new Prioress) has emailed me since I got back to say that they are keeping me in their prayers and also said [i]"May the Lord guide you and keep you and give you abundant light on the path he wants you to follow."[/i] So I want you all to know that I still love them and support anyone who is considering a vocation to Wolverhampton Carmel. They are a traditional, warm and loving community and I am so sorry that my vocation was not with them.

So why did I leave? Well, after consultation with both Reverend Mother (who was my Novice Mistress prior to becoming Prioress) and my spiritual director (a priest), I knew I was feeling called to be a hermit, and not a "hermit in community" as the Carmelites describe themselves. Although they are called to a life of hermit-like silence, the Wolverhampton Carmel is probably similar to many OCD Carmels in that they don't have a lot of time alone with God. They spend a lot of time in community - reciting the Divine Office together, mental prayer twice a day in the choir together, Recreation twice a day, eating meals in common, and many other tasks during the day together. They are certainly hermits compared to active orders, but their life is not one of solitude, which I seem to need more.

Mother did try to accommodate my need for more solitude ever since I first got there -- with a hermit day in December and then, of course, I had the 8 day retreat before my clothing. She even offered to let me pray alone in the Novitiate occasionally (instead of in the choir with the community, which is what they do) because I kept telling her that I needed more time alone with God. Finally, after much prayer and discussion about this, it became clear that God was calling me to a life of more solitude with him. So, although it was heartbreaking for all of us in the community (with many tears when I left), Mother agreed that I should follow my heart and try out the life of a hermit.

The revealing thing is that before I applied to Carmel, I had mentioned to my spiritual director of the time (who was a hermit himself) that I wanted to be a hermit, but he told me that I should first experience formation in community! So I don't regret a moment of the time I spent in formation with the loving sisters of the Wolverhamption community, but I think my true vocation is asserting itself now. I am especially grateful however, for the opportunity to learn how to recite the Divine Office! When I first entered Carmel, I was so lost during the Office and thought I would never know how to navigate it. Now I just love it and feel so happy to be able to say it every day.

Anyway, now I am back in California while I attempt to research my "hermit options". I have considered finding a small place to live with a simple part-time job to support myself, and then seek out a Bishop who will allow me to consecrate myself to him as a hermit (there is a woman in Oakland CA who is a consecrated hermit). The other thing I have considered is the Hermits of Bethlehem or their neighbors, The Hermits of Our Lady of Mt Carmel (O Carm affiliation). But right now I am in heavy duty prayer mode while I see where the Holy Spirit is leading me.

I would be interested in any information that phatmassers have about hermit communities that I could research, or perhaps other hermit type suggestions? All I know right now is that wherever I end up, I need a lot of solitude and time alone in prayer.

Once again, thank you all for your love and support. Don't be sad for me - God is always taking care of us and as St Teresa said "God alone suffices!" Pray for me please that I may find God's path for me.

Annie (formerly Sr Teresa of Jesus)[/quote]


Annie,

I agree - you are NOT a failure. As for the Hermits of Bethlehem and the Hermits of Our Lady of Mt. Carmel.....I wrote to the Hermits of Bethlehem and never received a response....that's not a criticism, just a fact. What I know about them is from their book and also from some information picked up on the web and in diocesan publications. So that you know, they are all Diocesan Hermits under Canon 603 - so you would need to obtain this status to join them in their life. I do not know if you do that before joining or after....I'm sure they will tell you that part. They are NOT a community.....but they share the land and live under the same Rule and hold all things in common.

The Hermits of Our Lady of Mt. Carmel, are indeed "hermits" and their life "in community" while affliated with the Carmelite Order is not a typical Carmel. The hermits live in individual dwellings around a common "center" and "chapel" - they have parts of the Office in common (as do all eremetical communities - even Carthusians) and they share a meal once a week (at least that's what it was several years ago), they work in solitude. I believe they have "room" for 1 or 2 more hermits. I go there for Holy Week and sometimes attend their once a month "desert day" which is given by the Desert Mother - the other hermits do not participate in the retreat day except for they are clearly present at Mass - the only one you might see (besides Mother Mary) is if one of the hermits is the Lector for Mass. If you google them you will find a very nice, informative web site. I discerned with them at one point, but chose to go another way...but it wasn't because of anything that I found distasteful about them at all. In fact, I was very impressed with them. Mother Mary is lovely, kind, compassionate and from what I have experienced there, the community is mature (I'm not talking "age", although all the hermits are "older" one or two are grandmothers) stable and emotionally sound and very, very open to questions about their community and "way" of living out their call as Hermits in the ancient tradition of Carmel.

Do you know about the Monastic Family of Bethlehem and the Blessed Virgin Mary in Livingston Manor NY? I don't know a lot about them, I did visit once for a retreat...I didn't interact too much with any of the hermits but that was my choice, I was told I could speak with someone if I wanted to. They are in a BEAUTIFUL location, very secluded and lovely - their spirituality is that of St. Bruno and they are considered Carthusian "in their way" though they are not Carthusians "properly speaking".

I am very well acquainted with the hermits group on yahoo.....I have to be honest, I don't find it much "practical" help but exposure to others living the eremetic life is positive in general. Raven's Bread is a newsletter you might consider receiving....you can google that for their web site...there you will find a number of resources for living the eremetic life according to Canon 603...but also know that MANY of the hermits on the yahoo list are not "regularized", they simply live the life without public vows or official recognition of any kind...that is a matter of discernment. If you join the group you will have access to their files/archives and there you will find the GUIDEBOOK TO EREMETIC LIFE written by Sr. Marlene Wisenbeck, FSPA Ph.D JCL (Canon Lawyer) of the Diocese of LaCrosse Wisconsin. It is EXTREMELY well written and it lays out, in detail, the entire process (including all practical considerations) for becoming a Hermit under Canon 603. It is, in some ways, specific to the Diocese of LaCrosse but MOST of it would be applicable in any diocese. It is invaluable if you decide to go the route of a diocesan hermit...and it is free to download.

You have lots of choices and I'm certain the Holy Spirit will guide you if you are open and willing....which you certainly seem to be. There are also LOTS of new eremetic communities popping up, so if you are open to something "in process" you have in more choices. Clearly some are more suitable, advanced, stable etc than others and researching communities in development can be tricky...but certainly possible...just exercise caustion and discernment and you will be fine. Please feel free to email me privately if you wish.

Pax!

[AccountDeleted]

Thanks again everyone for all the posts and support. I contacted Father Romano by phone today (Hermits of Bethlehem) and he said that he said spoken with many religious who had felt a lack of solitude in their community environments. Some of them had come to Bethlehem for retreats and had left feeling very refreshed. He is going to send me a DVD and other info about their community and he advised me to come for a 2 week live-in retreat to see if the lifestyle is something I would like. He was very easy to talk to and made me feel good about myself. I am certainly looking forward to receiving the info from him. I have already ordered his two books from Amazon but they haven't arrived yet.

Father Romano did tell me that the Carmelites next door to him do pray some of the Office in community together. I don't mind that, since I did enjoy reciting the Office in community, but wherever I end up, I also need time alone for prayer. So now I will pray a lot and try to let God guide me.

In the meantime, I have been praying for some idea of what to do while I am discerning again - and today I was offered a job with living quarters, caring for an elderly lady who really just needs someone around in case she falls. She doesn't like anyone "hovering" over her and I have been told that I will have lots of time to pray and be alone if I want. Their main concern is my being there first thing in the morning to help her shower and dress, and then again to be there at night so she isn't alone in the house. During the day she has activities in her retirement center, or she reads or naps. She doesn't like TV so the place is usually quiet. I will have time to recite the Office, read and pray, with enough work to keep me useful and helpful. I couldn't have planned a better position - so we know who has been at work with this now, don't we ? I am sure that all your prayers for me have drawn His attention to my plight! Keep praying

The other good thing is that when I was asked when I wanted to start work, I mentioned that it was Holy Week next week, so they were happy for me to start after Easter. The retirement home is run by the Episcopal church so it has a Christian outlook and these employers are so understanding of my situation (I told them everything) so now I can spend this next week with Our Lord during His Passion, death and resurrection and attend services in one of the many local churches, without spending time worrying about where I am going to live or how I will support myself!

I know that God always takes care of us, but sometimes it is so hard to trust completely and to stop trying to take control. Then something happens that reminds me just how much we are loved and inspires me once again to try to "Let go, let God."

You are all an inspiration to me and are in my prayers too! Thank you!

in His love
Annie

[the lords sheep]

How wonderful!!!!!!!!!!!! Praise God!! I'm really so happy for you!
May the Lord bless you as everything else falls into place!
Lauren

[shortnun]

Annie, as so many have said before me, you have our continued prayers. I, for one, am grateful that you've kept us "up to speed" on your vocation story. I think your perseverance and your faithful ear toward the voice of the Spirit is inspiration for all of us.

Pax.

[AccountDeleted]

[quote name='shortnun' post='1479179' date='Mar 18 2008, 08:43 AM']Annie, as so many have said before me, you have our continued prayers. I, for one, am grateful that you've kept us "up to speed" on your vocation story. I think your perseverance and your faithful ear toward the voice of the Spirit is inspiration for all of us.

Pax.[/quote]

Thank you again. I probably haven't responded to every post on here personally, but I do appreciate everyone being so kind. Lately my experience is that of St Paul where he said that it is in his weakness that Christ's power can be made perfect. I don't know about perfect, but I do know that I am relying heavily on Jesus for his strength right now. Things are going well for me externally and I start a new (live-in) job next Monday, so I have no worries really. But in my heart I know that God is still calling me to something - I just don't know what. So it is almost as if I have begun the discernment process all over again. I am a good example to everyone who is discerning to take your time and visit, visit, visit before making any decisions. So, maybe my not so successful experience can serve as a lesson for someone else. As lovely as the Wolverhampton Carmel is, they were not the right fit for me, and only God understands why. They tried, and I tried, but the shoe just didn't fit. I think I am one of Cinderella's ugly stepsisters who was trying to cram her huge foot into that tiny glass slipper

Mother Prioress has been so kind and even sent me a photo of a tea party they had recently in celebration of a sister who is celebrating the 60th anniverary of her clothing.

[img]http://www.geocities.com/annierosha/nuns/sistermocclothinganniversary.JPG[/img]

The nun in front is Reverend Mother Elizabeth - she was my Novice Mistress and is now Prioress. Next to her is the sister who is celebrating her anniverary. This is taken in the Infirmary since this sister has been ill for a long time.

All I do know is that God is kindness and holding me very close right now. I adore Him and worship and pray for His guidance in all things. I have a beautiful picture of Jesus' face that a sister from Wolverhampton gave to me, and underneath the picture it says...

[size=4]
[font="Book Antiqua"][i]"Only God would have thought of such a gift...
and only the love of God would have given it."[/i][/font][/size]
Dom Eugene Boylan OCSO

[Chiquitunga]

Hi Annie!!! I was away for Lent, but have been meaning to contact you! I'm going to have to PM/email you, but in the meantime I thought I'd post in your thread a book I think you would really enjoy, [url="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0809137925"][i]Nazarena, An American Anchoress[/i][/url]. She was actually in two Discalced Carmelite Monasteries, first in RI then Italy, until she found her true calling. Also, here's an article on her: [url="http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,827274,00.html?iid=chix-sphere"]A Nun's Story[/url] I'll definitely be keeping you in prayer. May God bless you as you continue to discern His Will!

Edited March 31, 2008 by Margaret Clare