Depression/anxiety/possible Ocd

[farglefeezlebut]

I'm anxious, depressed and maybe have OCD. (It smells of elderberries. Please pray for me.)
I have a few questions:
1) Where is the best place to search for comfort in the Bible? Psalm 51 is very good, but I would like more stuff. And nothing too long beause my concentration span is lousy at the moment. Thanks.
2) I'm extremely paranoid about Hell. When I get panicky, I describe God in a way that makes Him sound like an evil torturer. I've given bad impression to atheist and protestant friends by doing this. I've been advised by more than one person to leave Catholicism for something more liberal. I've also made a protestant friend acquire/reinforce a very twisted view about what the scarament of confession is really about. I can't correct these impressions, because every tiem I bring up the subject, back come the obsessive thoughts about Hell and I start saying things like "God hates me". What do I do about this?
3) Sometimes I do sinful things (usually involving gluttony and lust) because I don't know how else to stop myself doing worse things (physically attacking myself and others). Praying isn't comforting. It makes me feel worse. What do I do?
4)I can't stand being in the presence of the Blessed Sacrament. It makes me bite myself. Sometimes I think I might be possessed because of this, although most of the time I realise this thought is irrational. Is this a valid reason for missing mass? Would missing mass just make things worse?

[misereremi]

At the last reatreat I went to, when we were invited to pick a name out of the basket and pray for the person whose name we picked up at random, I got yours. Be assured of my prayers.

The last time I saw you we were in front of the Blessed Sacrament- hope to see you there again sometime.

[phatcatholic]

fargle,

To answer your first question, here are some Scripture passages that address anxiety (some of them are long, but I encourage you to read them):[quote][b]Exo 14:14[/b] The LORD will fight for you, and you have only to be still.

[b]Psa 4:8[/b] In peace I will both lie down and sleep; for thou alone, O LORD, makest me dwell in safety.

[b]Psa 29:11[/b] May the LORD give strength to his people! May the LORD bless his people with peace!

[b]Isa 9:6[/b] For to us a child is born, to us a son is given; and the government will be upon his shoulder, and his name will be called "Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, [b][i]Prince of Peace[/i][/b]."

[b]Isa 32:2,17-18[/b] Each will be like a hiding place from the wind, a covert from the tempest, like streams of water in a dry place, like the shade of a great rock in a weary land. [b]17 [/b]And the effect of righteousness will be peace, and the result of righteousness, quietness and trust for ever. [b]18 [/b]My people will abide in a peaceful habitation, in secure dwellings, and in quiet resting places.

[b]Isa 53:5[/b] But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities; upon him was the chastisement that made us whole, and with his stripes we are healed.

[b]Isa 54:10[/b] For the mountains may depart and the hills be removed, but my steadfast love shall not depart from you, and my covenant of peace shall not be removed, says the LORD, who has compassion on you.

[b]Isa 60:20[/b] Your sun shall no more go down, nor your moon withdraw itself; for the LORD will be your everlasting light, and your days of mourning shall be ended.

[b]Mt 6:25-34[/b] "Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you shall eat or what you shall drink, nor about your body, what you shall put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? [b]26 [/b]Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? [b]27 [/b]And which of you by being anxious can add one cubit to his span of life? [b]28 [/b]And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they neither toil nor spin; [b]29 [/b]yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. [b]30 [/b]But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O men of little faith? [b]31 [/b]Therefore do not be anxious, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' [b]32 [/b]For the Gentiles seek all these things; and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. [b]33 [/b]But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things shall be yours as well. [b]34 [/b]"Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Let the day's own trouble be sufficient for the day.

[b]Jn 14:27[/b] Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.

[b]Jn 16:33[/b] I have said this to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world."

[b]Rom 5:1 [/b]Therefore, since we are justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ.

[b]Rom 15:13,33[/b] May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope. [b]33 [/b]The God of peace be with you all. Amen.

[b]Eph 2:14-17[/b] For he is our peace, who has made us both one, and has broken down the dividing wall of hostility, [b]15 [/b]by abolishing in his flesh the law of commandments and ordinances, that he might create in himself one new man in place of the two, so making peace, [b]16 [/b]and might reconcile us both to God in one body through the cross, thereby bringing the hostility to an end. [b]17 [/b]And he came and preached peace to you who were far off and peace to those who were near;

[b]Phil 4:6-7[/b] Have no anxiety about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. [b]7 [/b]And the peace of God, which passes all understanding, will keep your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

[b]Col 3:15[/b] And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in the one body. And be thankful.

[b]2 Thes 3:16[/b] Now may the Lord of peace himself give you peace at all times in all ways. The Lord be with you all.

[b]1 Pet 5:6-7[/b] Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, that in due time he may exalt you. [b]7 [/b]Cast all your anxieties on him, for he cares about you.[/quote]
Take heart in these passages, and pray for peace. That's what you need more than anything.

Also, you need to consider going to a counselor (for therapy) and a psychiatrist (for medication). Both of these, in conjunction with prayer, should help you a great deal. It seems to me that you have deep feelings of worthlessness, particularly before God, that is causing your depression and anxiety. This would also explain why you are hurting yourself when in the presence of the Eucharist, b/c when you stand before God you only see yourself as worthy of punishment and pain.

Counseling can help you get to the root of these thoughts and behaviors and find some healing. Depression, anxiety, and even OCD, respond well to medication too. So, there is hope for you, my friend! Don't feel guilty about going to a counselor and a psychiatrist to get some help with these things. God uses them to help people every day. And don't forget to go to God in prayer. No more apologies to Him, ok? Just pray for peace.

I hope that helps.

Pax Christi,
phatcatholic

[CatherineM]

My husband has schizophrenia, and there are times that it is very difficult for him to attend mass, usually when he thinks the statues are talking to him. Before we got married, he found it easiest to go to mass when it was not as full of people, and he sat in the back. Now he goes to the big mass because I sing in the choir. Our church is kind of cross shaped, so he sits on the side the choir is on, and when he's having trouble, I can go sit next to him. The first thing he does is makes sure he takes his medicine properly everyday. If you have a chemical imbalance, it will take a chemical to help you. Think of it like you have diabetes. That's like an imbalance in blood chemistry that requires medication. Yours may not be in your pancreas, but in your brain. Seek the help that is available to you.

[cathoholic_anonymous]

FFB, the first thing that you need to do is stop blaming yourself for the impressions of Catholicism that your atheist and Protestant friends seem to have.

That's easier said that done, as it is a symptom of your illness - you are inclined to see everything as your fault at the moment. Your friends are sensible enough to see that you are unwell and therefore perhaps they aren't getting the bad impression of your faith that you think. I know that S said that the God in your head is more like a devil, but after talking to him about it I know that he only meant your OCD conception of God. He does differentiate between your God and the 'god' presented to you by your illness - after all, he knew you when you were well. Remember that.

Also remember that there are people who are going to have bad impressions of Catholicism no matter what you say to them. My friend David still believes completely erroneous and unfounded things about the Faith. He makes too many assumptions, and because he takes these assumptions for granted he doesn't think of asking me for clarification. I thought he knew what papal infallibility meant until very recently, when I found out that he's been hanging on to the old 'Catholics believe the pope is perfect' myth ever since he was twelve. Then there are people who seem determined to remain ignorant, such as Laura's mum. You can't hold yourself responsible for what everybody else thinks and feels about your faith. I can remember some friends telling you to leave Catholicism for something more liberal before you even became ill, only you didn't blame yourself for their reaction then. If it wasn't your fault then, why should it be your fault now?

If you are having thoughts of harming yourself or others, tell your doctor and your therapist. Don't worry about the comfort-eating or the masturbation for the moment - you aren't being gluttonous or lustful out of choice, but using those things as coping mechanisms. If the people on PM are to help you, it's important for them to know that you have cut yourself, hidden knives in your room in case you need to 'punish' yourself, stockpiled over-the-counter medication, and had fantasies about hurting close friends and family. The behaviour that distresses you so much is a way of trying to ward all this off. Yes, it's an unhealthy way, but it's stopping you from doing something much worse. When your medication kicks in properly and you're having regular therapy at last you will find healthier strategies to help yourself, and then you won't need these ones any more.

For Lent I have been meditating on the Our Father, a line at a time. I am happy for you to join me at the beginning if you'd like that. I doubt you have the concentration to study a whole book of the Bible at the moment.

[cathoholic_anonymous]

Oh, and I [url="http://www.rejesus.co.uk/blog/?p=227"]wrote this[/url] after a conversation with Laura. It might help you, too.

[cathoholic_anonymous]

I have just found out that farglefeezlebut had to go to hospital today. I don't know whether she is out yet or if she will be allowed out at all for the immediate future. She is extremely ill. Please pray for her.

[Noel's angel]

Oh dear. I hope it's nothing horribly bad. Prayers.

Edited February 27, 2008 by Noel's angel

[farglefeezlebut]

I am out of hospital now.

I took an overdose. I went to the hospital and they gave me this horrible black stuff to drink to make me sick. They did a lot of tests on me and they said I was ok because I had vomited up the tablets before they did damage. They were worried about my heart rate at first, but after a while it went down so they said it was high because of stress and not because of the tablets. So after about 7 1/2 hours of tests, I got sent home. I have an appointment with the Mental Health Crisis people.

Please pray for a woman called Sarah who was there in a lot of pain and coughing up blood. Also for a man in the next room who was screaming and vomiting for hours. And for all the sick.

Thank you for all your kind messages.

Edited February 28, 2008 by farglefeezlebut

[Starets]

My dear ffb:

I will certainly pray for you. I am not cross with you at all

I will certainly pray for your emotional, physical, and spiritual health

[Noel's angel]

Prayers for you and all the people you mentioned. How are you feeling now?

[farglefeezlebut]

Better.
I saw the psych people and they moved me up the therapy waiting list.

[cmotherofpirl]

Dear child, when we feel the worst God still loves us. Nothing can seperate us from the love of God, nothing. Not depression, anxiety, terror, pain or regrets. I have been where you are, and you will get better. Why don't you let someone else hold your meds for you so you don't have to worry about taking them at the proper time. Make sure you are eating regularly and taking vitamins, and try to sleep at regular hours. Don't worry what your friends think about anything, this is your time to take care of you.

[CatherineM]

It's called activated charcoal, and it is really hard to get out of your clothes if you got it on any. Scrub with lava soap. My former roommate had it done many times.

[Lil Red]

[quote name='Cathoholic Anonymous' post='1470099' date='Feb 27 2008, 02:29 PM']I have just found out that farglefeezlebut had to go to hospital today. I don't know whether she is out yet or if she will be allowed out at all for the immediate future. She is extremely ill. Please pray for her.[/quote]