Dealing With Chivalry

[Thomist-in-Training]

Hehe, um, let's clear up the coffee thing:

Cathoholic said[quote]:"Refusing to allow a male friend to pay for your coffee lest he suddenly drop to his knees and propose marriage or else be overcome with uncontrollable lust is not a healthy way of doing that."[/quote]

Well, this particular chap is an inveterate flirt--that is his main way of interacting with girls--he doesn't have much of a "sisterly non-flirting" mode of interaction. And he's good looking. I spent a good three months with a crush on him the other year. And he blushed and stared at his book while the coffee-bar-worker was telling me it was paid for. So I wondered if it was a bad sort of habit to get into (it hasn't become a habit, so no troubles). Some people I wouldn't care as much about their doing it.

Johnnydigit said:
"actually i was referring more to having coffee alone with a male friend. that can lead to long one-on-one phone conversations, which isn't the most prudent for a discerner. young people often and easily grow feelings over the phone."

I definitely avoid long conversations with guys who attract me. That is asking for trouble an extreme lot. I was just grabbing some coffee then off to study.

Johnnydigit:"it's not about whether or not you can handle it, it's about the occasion for sin and the safety of all. better safe than sorry."

YES EXACTLY. Thanks friend.

[johnnydigit]

[quote name='Thomist-in-Training' post='1472384' date='Mar 2 2008, 12:38 PM']I definitely avoid long conversations with guys who attract me. That is asking for trouble an extreme lot.[/quote]

then maybe you can help me out some. IT'S HARD! the hermetic life sounds pretty good about now..

[jkaands]

[i]<<I definitely avoid long conversations with guys who attract me. That is asking for trouble an extreme lot.>>[/i]

AC-tually (to quote my 3 year old great niece in law) I am not sure that this is the best approach. Until you have entered, it might be wise to keep all options open. You don't want to start thinking about the one(s) who got away.

Having a long conversation over coffee, or otherwise in a neutral, non-romantic place with a member of the opp gender might reveal the deficiencies of that individual as a potential mate. Another one you're not interested in. If it doesn't, and you become more attracted, mebbe celibacy isn't for you after all.

In the words of the immortal Yogi Berra," It ain't over 'til it's over." You are proposing, but God is disposing. You won't really know until you're in, and even then, not until your final vows.

[johnnydigit]

[quote name='jkaands' post='1472870' date='Mar 3 2008, 09:06 AM']You don't want to start thinking about the one(s) who got away.[/quote]

AC-tually to that i say, trust in God. focus on your relationship with God. fill that emptiness with God and only God, that which no one else could ever fill properly. complete yourself and when He feels you are ready, He may bring someone to you, or He may consecrate you.

never worry about "what-if". if the guys you see now get away, well that was God's will. you weren't ready for them anyways. God will take care of things in their own time.. promise! when the time is right, you'll have guys knocking down your door. or vocation directors..