Hi, I'm Az, And I Have Generalized Anxiety Disorder

[Thy Geekdom Come]

Hi Az, I'm Micah, and I also have Generalized Anxiety Disorder.



I'm not trying to be preachy here, just sharing my own experiences:

I understand entirely what you're talking about. I'm very blessed to be marrying someone who knows how to deal with anxiety disorders and does not judge me when I'm having issues. I'm also very blessed to be marrying someone who makes me laugh and draws me out of myself and makes me especially aware of all I have to live for.

Oh, how I miss her. This semester has been so hard a time without her. It's like finding the person God gave you to make you more completely yourself, because that's what love does...and then, when that person is away, after you've become so intertwined with them...you feel like you're missing yourself...

Odd as it sounds, there's one thing I like about my anxiety: it makes me want with everything in my to surrender myself in love to another. I've never been more joyful to be alive, never more self-confident, never more active and healthy, never more lucidly thinking, than when I am living for my beloved. Anxiety is a horrible burden, a cross, and it always seems like a cross with no purpose, which is really the absolute worst kind of cross, but when you love another, it gives that anxiety a purpose...I can focus on my own pain, my own problems, my fears, my doubts, my worries, and everything else, but when I turn and instead focus my energies on the positive things I can do for my beloved, I can no longer see myself, but only her, smiling back at me. I can focus on her joys, but also on her pain, her problems, her fears, her doubts, and her worries, and in doing so, I need not focus on my own...and I think we are generally far better at helping others with their problems than we are at helping ourselves with ours.

So, I guess my point is...the answer to anxiety, to worry, to fear, to doubt, to pain, to toil, is to see them, even them, as gifts, but they are only gifts if we use them at the service of others.

You see, spiritually, I've entrusted myself to her, and I long to spend my life helping her live hers, and so I hope that I won't have the chance to worry.

I guess, at least for me, the question is: do I will (and will I continue to will) to use this to love her?

Well, that's what I'm going to vow in a couple weeks.

[alicemary]

Az, I certainly do understand how you feel. Went through a terrible time when I was in my 20's, and only when I realized that I did have a problem and sought out help, did I improve.
If you are not seeking psychiatric help, do so. There are plenty of counselors out there willing to help. And if you cant afford one, there are many clinics that will do sliding pay scales. Somethings are just too big for you to handle alone. If you are in school, then definetly they will have counseling available.
Anxiety makes you feel horrible. Panic attacks are especially nasty. Don't suffer alone, seek help. Medications can be given that will help you so much.
Feel free to contact me off phorum and I could let you know how I overcame the very thing you had.
AliceM

[Azriel]

Raph - That was beautiful, and I don't feel you are preachy. Honestly, I feel the same way about Danielle. I have to live, so that she will live. The same way I live for my beloved, I live for the love of my child. It is what fuels me to seek help, to be always vigilant.

AliceMary- thank you for your words as well. Fortunately, I have sought psychiatric help previously, and without the support of a couple of very wonderful therapists and a psychiatrist, this particular episode would be much, much worse. I, fortunately, do not have panic attacks. GAD is a much more free floating disorder. My psychiatrist has me taking Effexor XR which has been a god send, and has prevented me from having the physical symptoms that I would normally have during a prolonged anxiety attack. It has worked better than any other medication previously. I have also had CBT, which has also helped immensely.

I believe my biggest issue this time around, and the participating event was pinching a nerve in my back and not being able to leave my phone for like 2 weeks.

I believe the reason I wrote this post is that there is such a stigma for people living with an anxiety disorder or depression. When I am in an acute anxiety attack, I feel spiritually dark, very separated from God. But, my anxiety is not a product of lack of faith. Don't tell me that I am anxious because I lack faith.

Thanks to all of you, and many many prayers for all of you.

[alicemary]

Then take comfort in the fact that you are doing all you can to get through this phase of your life. And those that would blame these issues on a lack of faith are pitiful indeed. Take heart, soon this will be a past memory. May the Little Infant about to be born, give you peace.

[Azriel]

God Bless you, your words, as well as everyone else on this thread, have given me much needed support. Love to you all.

[Lounge Daddy]

I will remember you in my prayers

[God Conquers]

[quote name='Azriel' post='1431325' date='Dec 8 2007, 11:23 AM']If you have a mental health disorder, how many times have you heard the following:

1. If you just had more faith, you wouldn't be anxious.
2. Snap out of it, you have so many things to be thankful for.
3. Don't worry about it.

What saddens me, is that as a society we don't look at someone with cancer or diabetes and say "Get over it", or "Pray more and you'll be cured".

Do you think I asked for this? To worry to the point of hopelessness? To feel like I'm sitting at the bottom of a pit and nothing in my life is ever going to get better - and worse yet - and this is the real kicker - it doesn't matter because I'm going to die anyway.

Of course, this is not my mind set all the time. On good days, or most days, I can be filled with optimism for the future, and have no doubts as to my future or salvation.

But when that trigger in my brain flicks on, it is a struggle to do anything but breathe.

So, please, if you know someone, or are someone with a mental illness ... don't preach at them to pray more, because I guarantee you, we are praying incessantly. Don't tell them its their own fault. And please don't tell them to just relax. Its not possible.

Be there for them. Listen to them cry. Be supportive when they are seeking treatment, and be supportive when they are doing absolutely everything they can to return to normal life.

Hold their hand. Pray for them. But do not tell them its their fault. No one asks for a mental illness.

and btw - its that Dark Time for me. Please pray.[/quote]

Az, you are amazing and courageous.

Mental Illness is one of the most common, yet most misunderstood problems for many people.

The way it is dealt with by the majority of believing Christians is a HUGE problem.

Satan can mess you up. We know this. But a PHYSICAL problem must be dealt with PHYSICALLY as well as spiritually.

A chemical imbalance in your brain is NOT YOUR FAULT. And seeking medical help must be your first option.

I've dealt with this a bit, but I know others who struggle SO much, and the worst people to them are other christians who just don't get it.

We need to be very aware of depression in our friends and family, encourage people to get help.

If they visit the doctor or counsellor and their diagnosis is clear, THEN tell'em to smell of elderberries up and go to the Lord.

Depression makes it really difficult to be peaceful in your faith, and we need to give the utmost encouragement to those who need it.