Compatability

[friendofJPII]

Take the poll and discuss below.

[XIX]

It's important to have things in common with your spouse, but it would be a bit unrealistic to expect that you will marry a clone of yourself.

[theophane]

The way the options are written seems a bit biased...are you sure you don't already have a pretty strong opinion on this? I chose "clone", though that's impossible. It can work out well either way, or work out badly either way. My wife and I are alike in many ways, which is good and bad. We both procrastinate, so when we get together, it's like procrastination squared...the magnitude of procrastination we reach is way beyond the sum of our individual skills in the area. We're like the procrastination wonder twins. Another way in which we're alike is that we have very similar ideas of marriage, family, childrearing, etc. In my opinion it would be very painful if we did not. It would mean a lot of very intense discussions/arguments with high stakes. We do differ on the subject of intro/extrovertedness. Though there is a little strain there, she helps me to get out and socialize a bit more, and that's good.

If I could sum my opinion up, it would be this: there are no clones available--try to choose a person with whom you agree on the most important issues (religion, family, childbearing and raising) and share some interests with. Differences in other areas can indeed be a spark and an interesting thing--but be prepared to be stretched at times and to make little sacrifices for your man/lady.

[friendofJPII]

[quote name='theophane' post='1423982' date='Nov 23 2007, 02:51 PM']The way the options are written seems a bit biased...are you sure you don't already have a pretty strong opinion on this? I chose "clone", though that's impossible. It can work out well either way, or work out badly either way. My wife and I are alike in many ways, which is good and bad. We both procrastinate, so when we get together, it's like procrastination squared...the magnitude of procrastination we reach is way beyond the sum of our individual skills in the area. We're like the procrastination wonder twins. Another way in which we're alike is that we have very similar ideas of marriage, family, childrearing, etc. In my opinion it would be very painful if we did not. It would mean a lot of very intense discussions/arguments with high stakes. We do differ on the subject of intro/extrovertedness. Though there is a little strain there, she helps me to get out and socialize a bit more, and that's good.

If I could sum my opinion up, it would be this: there are no clones available--try to choose a person with whom you agree on the most important issues (religion, family, childbearing and raising) and share some interests with. Differences in other areas can indeed be a spark and an interesting thing--but be prepared to be stretched at times and to make little sacrifices for your man/lady.[/quote]

when I meant "differences" I meant differences more in personality (extroverted vs. intorverted, organized vs. more spontaneous, neat freak vs. slob, taste in music, food, activity level, catholic slant "tradtional or charasmatic, etc)

There are different perspectives one can take on this, but I agree that the couple should agree on child-rearing and share similiar morals. I also think that opposites can sometimes compliment one another, and cause the spouses to strech and reach beyond their comfort level. It also adds more variety.

[Norseman82]

First of all, how significantly or bit different are we talking about?

As one of the older singles here, here is my take: it's all a matter of each individual and whom he or she gets along with. I have no problem marrying someone who has different interests to compliment me, and it might be good for the kids to have an exposure to an artistic side so they are not completely the techy-geeky/physical/corporate guy like me.

But the main criteria is whether the differences are so great that they cannot coexist or be worked out (as well as whether or not they can recreate my late aunt's kapusta ).

Edited November 23, 2007 by Norseman82

[Adrestia]

A clone would bore me. I want to be challenged - that's how I learn. However, there are some items that are too important to me... things that would make compromise difficult. For example, I am very active - so I doubt that I could be compatible with a slothful or lazy man.

[Socrates]

I'm probably not the ideal guy to give advice on this, but I think ideally, neither a "clone" nor a complete opposite is a good choice.
I think you and your mate should have some things in common, but it is also good to have complamentary attributes where weaknesses can be countered by the other's strengths. Sharing the same faults and weaknesses can compound the problem.

However, if your personalities, tastes, and/or interests are completely opposite, it is unlikely you will get along. You need some kind of common ground.

I wouldn't want to marry someone who is like a twin sister, but neither would I want to live with a total opposite.

Edited November 24, 2007 by Socrates

[morostheos]

[quote name='Socrates' post='1424101' date='Nov 24 2007, 05:32 AM']I'm probably not the ideal guy to give advice on this, but I think ideally, neither a "clone" nor a complete opposite is a good choice.
I think you and your mate should have some things in common, but it is also good to have complamentary attributes where weaknesses can be countered by the other's strengths. Sharing the same faults and weaknesses can compound the problem.

However, if your personalities, tastes, and/or interests are completely opposite, it is unlikely you will get along. You need some kind of common ground.

I wouldn't want to marry someone who is like a twin sister, but neither would I want to live with a total opposite.[/quote]

what he said.

[prose]

Despite popular sayings, my minor of my degree was sociology, and I found in many studies that alike is better for one another than not alike. Less divorce, higher levels of happiness, etc. etc.

Opposite may be interesting for a while, but long term, alike is better.