Wow...

[XIX]

I can't really describe how lost and helpless I feel right now. It seems like no matter what I do or try, I always end up doing or saying something wrong. And I'm just so confused by everything that...honestly...I'm not even sure what God is expecting of me anymore. I try to ask Him what He wants, and half the time it just comes up blanks on me. Like...okay...then I start getting upset because I don't know what to do next.

I almost wish somebody would do something terrible to me just so I would have an excuse to flip out on someone. The odd thing is that I find that I'm happy/content most of the time. But...for some reason, the joy just doesn't strike me very deep. Mass is more of a chore than a joy. the stuff that actually "makes me happy" is silly stuff, like taking a nap or something. Nothing that's going to launch me to cloud nine.

My moments of sorrow seem to be the deepest emotion that I have access to. What's worse than heartbreaking sorrow, to me, is total agitation. I'd rather feel lonely than feel stressed. FACT. Right now I am stressed out for every reason that a not-poor single guy can think of. I think.

I met a really nice Catholic girl at a dance a few days ago. When I found out that she was basically in the same profession as me, I found that to be a huge turnoff. Not her fault or anything, and for crying out loud I just met her so it's not like she broke my heart or anything. I'm just really disconcerted that the mere mention of my profession causes me that much discomfort. Do I really despise my job that much? What if all jobs are like this?

I am really starting to think that my accounting "career" isn't going to last very long.

I really don't understand my situation one bit. My confidence has been growing like a fragile house of cards, but teetering on total collapse. Maybe some of it has to do with the "constructive" criticism that I have been getting from a handful of sources. I think it's mostly me though-- I think Satan constantly berates me, and it's hard to tune out. My ego can get anorexic sometimes, if you catch my drift.

In any case. I want to say to God, "Look, honestly, I don't know what more I can do. I'm basically doing everything I can think of doing. If I had anything left, I would give it to you. I know I am a sinner. I'm not saying that I am entitled to anything. I just don't think that my sin is really the cause of the crosses I am bearing right now. I am just rattled because I am pretty much done, maybe a bit overextended.

I would rather not blame You for anything, because that would prrrobably be a mistake. Just please please please understand, this is hard for me. Very hard. And understand that I feel helpless beyond helpless."

Just rambling. Just a little bit of temporary whining. Maybe an attempt to get some attention. I probably said something wrong in my post, because that is what happens when I ramble. So I apologize.

[jeffpugh]

I've felt some sort of confusion and "depression". Just hang in there. I hope things get better soon

[MIKolbe]

Hope everything works out. Prayers definately. Maybe your SD can assist?

[CrossCuT]

[size=1]Wow.

First off, I want to congratulate you on making an AMAZING post!
Considering you are a guy, (and generally speaking) guys always seem to have a harder time expressing the way they feel and often choose NOT to...as if it would make them less of a man.
I really admire that in a guy. (being able to express their feelings, i mean)

But wow!
I can actually relate to a lot of what you are saying...confidence like a house of cards, struggling in faith (mass is a chore), sorrow being a deeper emotion than happiness.

I dont really know what to say to help you though...mostly considering that I feel I am going through most of the same thing.
The aimless walk we walk can eat away at us SOOOO much! Even to the point where you dont feel there is anything left of you to give when you actually DO find the end.

But I find that in my friends I can find comfort (though even that is running dry these days).
Sometimes, if I feel REALLY hopeless and lost, I go to church and just sit there.
Its quiet and peaceful...Im by myself and I can just forget about everything for a little while.

HANG IN THERE!
[/size]

Edited November 7, 2007 by CrossCuT

[Totus Tuus]

I totally know where you're coming from. Two things: Try to live in the present moment (don't worry about the future or the past, just pray about the present). Secondly, if you're not already, I'd suggest doing some physical exertion. I have a tendency to be aggressive and physical activity (personally for me, it's housework, martial arts, and running) help a lot. I also take my sweet time stretching out my whole body regularly... not yoga or anything, just plain old stretching. For me, it affects my emotions and my reactions to situations whether I've been taking care of my body. So I'll be praying for you and I know how you're feeling right now.

[photosynthesis]

You know I'm praying for you. God has a special plan for you and He wants you to have an abundance of joy in your life. I get really discouraged a lot and it's a constant minute-by-minute struggle to maintain any resemblance of peace in my soul... but I have these two prayer cards and often I'll look at them throughout the day and they remind me to be joyful in everything.
[quote][b]A meditation by Cardinal John Henry Newman:[/b]

"God has created me to do HIm some definite service; He has committed some work to me which He has not committed to another. I have my mission--I may never know it in this life, but I shall be told it in the next.

I am a link in a chain, a bond of connection between persons. He has not created me for nothing. I shall do good. I shall do His work.

Therefore I will trust Him. Whatever, wherever I am. I cannot be thrown away.

If I am in sickness, my sickness may serve Him;
in perplexity, my perplexity may serve Him;
if I am in sorrow, my sorrow will serve Him.

He does nothing in vain. He knows what He is about. He may take away my friends, He may throw me among strangers. He may make me feel desolate, make my spirits sink, hide my future from me--still He knows what He is about"[/quote]
[quote][b]An Act of Trust[/b]

My Lord and my God, I believe all that Thou hast ever taught us.

There is nothing harder for me to believe than Thy personal love for one so sinful and so worthless as I, but I so believe it, Lord, and therefore O Sacred Heart of Jesus, I place all my trust in Thee.

I believe that Thy love for me is not an affair of yesterday; "Thou hast loved me with an everlasting love" and therefore, O Sacred Heart of Jesus, I place all my trust in Thee.

I believe Thy love for me is as tender as a Mother's love, and therefore, O Sacred Heart of Jesus, I place all my trust in Thee.

I believe Thou hast planned everything that shall ever happen to me, lovingly and wisely, and therefore, O Sacred Heart of Jesus, I place all my trust in Thee.

I will never seek pleasure forbidden by Thee, because Thou knowest what is bad for me and what is good, and I trust in Thee, O Sacred Heart of Jesus.

I will always pray, "May Thy Holy Will be done in all things" because I trust in Thee, O Sacred Heart of Jesus.

I will never lose heart in my efforts to be good because I trust in Thee, O Sacred Heart of Jesus.

I will accept the crosses of life, as I accept the joys with a grateful heart, because I trust in Thee, O Sacred Heart of Jesus.

I will not be worried or anxious about anything, because I trust in Thee, O Sacred Heart of Jesus.

However weak or sinful I may be, I will never doubt Thy mercy because I trust in Thee, O Sacred Heart of Jesus.

In all my temptations,
In all my weakness,
In all my difficulties,
In all my trials,
In all my sorrows,
In every discouragement,
In all my undertakings,
In life and in death,
In time and eternity,
I place my trust in Thee, O Sacred Heart of Jesus."[/quote]

Try praying these prayers in church before the Blessed Sacrament, especially after receiving Holy Communion or going to Confession. It might seem like you are making some bold promise to Jesus that you can't really fulfill but in the Sacraments there is enough grace for these prayers to become your own.

[jiyoung]

I get what you mean. I'm going through some similar stuff...I won't go into details, though. But I've found through trial and error that the best thing to get me through this kind of situation is to turn to the sacraments. I think the very act of willpower to go does something... I would also say go to confession--I went recently for the first time in a while and it really helped me clear my mind and think as well as gave me courage to lean on God's grace to carry me through difficult times.

[alicemary]

We all go through periods of discontent in our lives, and as you can see, you are not alone. I know accountants well, and some of your feelings are brought about by the nature of your profession. Hey, I am nurse, and believe me, somedays it takes all my courage to go into work.
Do you have your degree in accounting? What are your future plans?
Just take it day by day and dont add anymore stress in your life. Who ever suggested exercise was right on. Go out and play some hoops or go for a run. Better yet, run down to your church and make a visit.
Our prayers join yours.

[IcePrincessKRS]

I'll be praying for you.

[Farsight one]

I feel like I'm sort of in a similar situation as you, except that I'm further along in the "process". God has remains mostly silent in my life for a while now. He'll pop up every now and then and tell me to do something, but it's always something impossible and for the most part I'm on my own. The thing is is that God always has a reason for everything - everything is a learning experience. So, I have concluded that God is trying to teach me how to handle things myself. Perhaps this is what He wants you to learn to do as well.

See, if someone says to God enough that they don't know what to do, or that they need God to fix things, it can get to the point of spiritual laziness. Everytime someone who is spiritually lazy(not spiritually weak) has a problem, they're just like "God'll fix it", and keep doing what they're doing. Thing is, that God may want to fix the problem by using YOU to fix it. So tell God you need his help, but keep trying yourself too.

I probably don't make a lot of sense with this...my words are not very eloquent when giving advise.

[Adrestia]

ditto what photosynthesis said. File: save.

When I feel yucky, I make a list all the things for which I am thankful. There's a book commercially available called the Simple Abundance Journal of Gratitude. One of my best friend's sent it to me when I was near my lowest. Basically, it's a calendar with five lines for each day. Everyday I had to write down five things for which I was thankful. In the beginning I struggled to come up with five; so I started with one a day for about a week before forcing myself to find two, then three, etc. In less than two months I actually had more than five and had to chose between things.

By the grace of God I have never felt as bad as I did back then (there was a horrible situation, time also helped a lot). So now when I list I do not limit myself to five items. What works for me now is to list until the number of "good" items is longer than the number of "stressful" items.

Another thing that helps me is to do what you are doing now - telling people. I find comfort knowing that (1) I'm not the only one feeling this way and (2) others have gotten through it. Do you have a faithful community of peers nearby? I moved from a big city with an active young adult community to a smaller place with nothing for people my age... so I started a young adult fellowship at my church. It makes such a big difference in my life. I cannot recommend it enough.

If you find something that helps please do post it. I think we can all learn from each other here.

God bless

[Thy Geekdom Come]

My prayer life and spiritual life in general has been very difficult lately. We all just have really hard times. Just stick with God, keep pursuing Him, and sooner or later you'll figure it out.

[missionseeker]

[quote name='XIX' post='1415581' date='Nov 6 2007, 11:53 PM']I can't really describe how lost and helpless I feel right now. It seems like no matter what I do or try, I always end up doing or saying something wrong. And I'm just so confused by everything that...honestly...I'm not even sure what God is expecting of me anymore. I try to ask Him what He wants, and half the time it just comes up blanks on me. Like...okay...then I start getting upset because I don't know what to do next.

I almost wish somebody would do something terrible to me just so I would have an excuse to flip out on someone. The odd thing is that I find that I'm happy/content most of the time. But...for some reason, the joy just doesn't strike me very deep. Mass is more of a chore than a joy. the stuff that actually "makes me happy" is silly stuff, like taking a nap or something. Nothing that's going to launch me to cloud nine.

My moments of sorrow seem to be the deepest emotion that I have access to. What's worse than heartbreaking sorrow, to me, is total agitation. I'd rather feel lonely than feel stressed. FACT. Right now I am stressed out for every reason that a not-poor single guy can think of. I think.

I met a really nice Catholic girl at a dance a few days ago. When I found out that she was basically in the same profession as me, I found that to be a huge turnoff. Not her fault or anything, and for crying out loud I just met her so it's not like she broke my heart or anything. I'm just really disconcerted that the mere mention of my profession causes me that much discomfort. Do I really despise my job that much? What if all jobs are like this?

I am really starting to think that my accounting "career" isn't going to last very long.

I really don't understand my situation one bit. My confidence has been growing like a fragile house of cards, but teetering on total collapse. Maybe some of it has to do with the "constructive" criticism that I have been getting from a handful of sources. I think it's mostly me though-- I think Satan constantly berates me, and it's hard to tune out. My ego can get anorexic sometimes, if you catch my drift.

In any case. I want to say to God, "Look, honestly, I don't know what more I can do. I'm basically doing everything I can think of doing. If I had anything left, I would give it to you. I know I am a sinner. I'm not saying that I am entitled to anything. I just don't think that my sin is really the cause of the crosses I am bearing right now. I am just rattled because I am pretty much done, maybe a bit overextended.

I would rather not blame You for anything, because that would prrrobably be a mistake. Just please please please understand, this is hard for me. Very hard. And understand that I feel helpless beyond helpless."

Just rambling. Just a little bit of temporary whining. Maybe an attempt to get some attention. I probably said something wrong in my post, because that is what happens when I ramble. So I apologize.[/quote]

[Lena]

[quote]When I feel yucky, I make a list all the things for which I am thankful. There's a book commercially available called the Simple Abundance Journal of Gratitude. One of my best friend's sent it to me when I was near my lowest. Basically, it's a calendar with five lines for each day. Everyday I had to write down five things for which I was thankful. In the beginning I struggled to come up with five; so I started with one a day for about a week before forcing myself to find two, then three, etc. In less than two months I actually had more than five and had to chose between things.[/quote]
Just wanted to stress that part of gratitude (and that I love the Simple Abundance books). I write down 5 things I'm grateful for every day in a journal. Some are as simple as "hot water", "trees", "family" and so on. The point is, it makes me aware of love and beauty in my life, even if I'm feeling really low. Getting discouraged is a natural part of life, and it's easy to get to that point. You just have to keep going and trust in what you can't see ahead. Try going on a retreat, I've been wanting to go on one for awhile now to seek clarity in my life. It sounds like you need a few "mental-health days" to yourself.

Edited November 7, 2007 by Lena

[xTrishaxLynnx]

[quote name='XIX' post='1415581' date='Nov 6 2007, 10:53 PM']I can't really describe how lost and helpless I feel right now. It seems like no matter what I do or try, I always end up doing or saying something wrong. And I'm just so confused by everything that...honestly...I'm not even sure what God is expecting of me anymore. I try to ask Him what He wants, and half the time it just comes up blanks on me. Like...okay...then I start getting upset because I don't know what to do next.[/quote]

The first thing I thought of in reading this was "Kite." I'm sure you know what I'm talking about.

Lately I've been feeling a lot of the same things you're describing. I kinda feel like the "kite blowing out of control on the breeze" but I'm pretty sure everybody sort of feels that way at some point.

You've definitely got my prayers. Hang in there.

[font="Times New Roman"][i]Who's to say where the wind will take you?
Who's to say what it is will break you?
I don't know which way the wind will blow...[/i][/font]