Am I Honoring My Parents?

[SaintOlaf]

I had an interesting question posed to me by my Father the other day. I grew up in a reformed baptist home, with the requisite teachings on the Catholic Church and how all that she teaches is heresy. I still live at home while I'm putting myself through school and my parents are not too keen on my becoming Catholic. My Dad asked me if I thought that I was honoring my Father and Mother by rejecting (his words here) "Everything that you were brought up in, forsaking all of our spiritual guidance, then at the same time still living under my roof"

I don't suspect that I'll be kicked out of my house for my faith, I don't think my Dad is that kind of guy, but I wanted to hear your thoughts.

[Mateo el Feo]

[quote name='SaintOlaf' post='1415028' date='Nov 5 2007, 09:23 PM']My Dad asked me if I thought that I was honoring my Father and Mother by rejecting (his words here) "Everything that you were brought up in, forsaking all of our spiritual guidance, then at the same time still living under my roof"[/quote]A couple quick thoughts I have. Maybe it's common sense, but I'll mention them anyway.

First, this is a great time to emphasize the positives: Demonstrating and confessing a passion for Our Lord Jesus Christ and Holy Scripture strikes me as something significant which goes against the idea that you are forsaking "everything that you were brought up in." Despite his disappointment, your father certainly should be happy about that.

Second, one could turn the argument around: if a Catholic (or an atheist, for that matter) youth embraced a Reformed Baptist worldview, would that person be breaking one of the Ten Commandments?

Third, Our Lord makes a few statements which indicate that following Him is the most important thing. For example, [url="http://www.usccb.org/nab/bible/luke/luke14.htm#v26"]Luke 14:26 (link)[/url] and [url="http://www.usccb.org/nab/bible/matthew/matthew10.htm#v37"]Matthew 10:37 (link)[/url]. Of course, we should not "hate" our parents; but, the love we have for Our Lord should make everything else pale in comparison.

[Norseman82]

If your father asked you to steal something, would honoring your father and mother require you to steal?

The point is this: honor of parents normally tied to "in all things acceptable to the Lord" (I don't have the reference handy).

My advice is to become financially stable enough to get your own place, because by what you have posted your dad will probably harass you (which will be a form of persecution).

[Ziggamafu]

On the one hand, you are doing nothing but the exact thing they raised you to do first and foremost: you are putting Christ first as the center of your life, even at the cost of sacrifice. Perhaps it may be a good idea to leave them a note / letter to that effect. Also, consider that although you may be sacrificing a great deal emotionally / intellectually by staying there, you can't help but to be shining a painfully bright light on the darker areas of Protestant error. In this sense, one might think you are "honoring" your parents even more by staying there, with the prayers that they too might pursue full communion with the Church.

On the other hand...well, the other hand is obvious. I'm thinking you were looking for thoughts on the positive, rather than the negative. I don't think this poll was as much about moral theology (sinfulness vs righteousness) as it was about the hurt, tension, and awkwardness that has been created by your Dad's implication that you [i]should [/i]move. Is the greater issue whether or not we think your Dad wants you gone but won't actually say it? If so, are you more concerned with how to best handle the situation on a psychological / sociological level than the moral aspects of the situation? If I'm wrong or pushing boundaries, I apologize. But I do know what it is like to feel outed by loved ones for my faith - though not to the same degree.

You have my prayers and support, and I commend you to the intercession of [url="http://www.catholic-forum.com/saints/sainte41.htm"]St. Eugene de Mazenod[/url] and [url="http://www.memorare.com/mary/scapulargreen.html"]Our Lady of the Green Scapular[/url].

Edited November 6, 2007 by Ziggamafu

[CatherineM]

I had a confessor once who frankly had gotten tired of hearing about the trouble I had with my mom, and said that the "honoring your father and mother" thing assumes that they are "honor-able" meaning that they are worthy of the honor you are attempting to give. You have to honor your Father in heaven first. Our women's group used to adopt seminarians by sending them some pocket money every month, and cookies, that kind of thing. One year the young man was a convert whose entire family had cut him off because he was going to become a priest. At the time I couldn't imagine how hard that was. Now I know. My family cut me off when I got married to someone they didn't approve of. I haven't spoken to my mom in 3 years. Sometimes the road that the Holy Spirit takes us down is really a hard one. You can choose the easy path, or the right one.

[Lord Philip]

[quote name='SaintOlaf' post='1415028' date='Nov 5 2007, 06:23 PM']I had an interesting question posed to me by my Father the other day. I grew up in a reformed baptist home, with the requisite teachings on the Catholic Church and how all that she teaches is heresy. I still live at home while I'm putting myself through school and my parents are not too keen on my becoming Catholic. My Dad asked me if I thought that I was honoring my Father and Mother by rejecting (his words here) "Everything that you were brought up in, forsaking all of our spiritual guidance, then at the same time still living under my roof"

I don't suspect that I'll be kicked out of my house for my faith, I don't think my Dad is that kind of guy, but I wanted to hear your thoughts.[/quote]

I have been going through the exact same situation, my friend, except that I am not living at my parents' home. This fact, however, did not change my parents' belief that I was not honoring them as occupiers of the office of parent in relation to me (because they believe that sons and daughters are to honor their father and mother for their whole lives, not only during their tenure in their parents' home...and I agree with them on that).

There were some bitter arguments and pleading on both sides. There were some pretty difficult moments.

Yet I made a choice at this point. I realized that my parents had instilled in me a love for Jesus Christ, a love for his Church, a love for the Holy Scriptures, and a love for all the virtues. In the day to day, this is what they are going to see, and this is what you should show them and talk to them about. Far from abandoning what they taught me, I was neck deep in it and embracing it with all my being.

Instead of talking to them about how sola fide and sola scriptura are unscriptural doctrines, I would talk to them about passages from Scripture that really fed me in my times of need, and encouraged me to live a righteous life. Protestants (rightly) love this kind of stuff. Tell them (not in a self-righteous way) about your prayer life and how God is blessing you or even how you are struggling. Show your parents (again, not self-righteously) good deeds and real growth in your life. Maintain discipline in daily readings and offices of prayer.

When my parents saw this, there were two fruits. First, our relationship grew and was restored and we all consider one another bretheren in Christ. Additionally, they saw a side of Catholicism that they never dreamed could exist: that Catholics adore Jesus Christ. As they see this more and more they will realize (and are beginning to already) that Catholicism is all about the same thing that Protestantism is supposed to be about: adoring and depending upon Jesus Christ. They will see that the "material principle" of Protestantism is alive and well within Catholicism. This is the greatest witness that could ever exist.

So you are blessed in that you have an opportunity to show the love of Christ to your parents. When you do this, they will see Christ in you, and as I am sure they truly love Christ they will be attracted to you and will in turn honor you.

God bless you,

Philip

[Mateo el Feo]

What a nice testimony, Philip. Thank you for sharing.

[jeffpugh]

Saint Olaf, just show your love for Christ. Remember though, that honour thy father and mother is not the first commandment. God takes number one, and rightly show that with charity.

[Lena]

[quote]forsaking all of our spiritual guidance[/quote]

it's not like your becoming an atheist or anything! I don't know much about being a reformed Baptist though, and how much of a switch that may be. But, I think you're still honoring them--emphasize that you're an adult, capable of making adult decisions.

[photosynthesis]

As a Catholic whose family does not practice the faith, it is still good to live with them. Just try your best to be prayerful and charitable with them, and maybe the Holy Spirit will do some wonderful things in your family. Obviously He's performed a great work in your soul by inspiring you to join the Catholic Church. If you persevere, the work of the Holy Spirit will be carried onto completion and your family will be brought closer to the Truth, regardless of whether they choose to accept it.

That being said, I'm looking forward to my wedding day and moving in with my beloved, who shares my faith. There is something to be said for living in a domestic Church. It really enriches the soul. But there are special graces God gives to people who endure living with people who are strangers to the faith.

[Monica4U]

I'm bummed to hear that Dad said that. But I think in this instance, it's good to stress the points of similarity, your faith in God, your love of all things relating to Him, and your desire to follow Him in all truth. They cannot be offended by this attitude in you.

For me, if Dad said it to me, I'd probably ask him straight out if he is implying he wants me to move away. If he dared to say yes after you responded to his question about forsaking all they taught, I would tell him respectfully that you'll work on making it happen.

However, knowing Dad, I doubt that he had that in mind. I'm thinking he was more expecting you to hold off the Catholic switch until you're out of their household.

As for me, I'm glad that I moved to the other side of the country before I made the switch...and got married. Then I can tell them that I have to obey my husband. heehee.

[Monica4U]

I'm bummed to hear that Dad said that. But I think in this instance, it's good to stress the points of similarity, your faith in God, your love of all things relating to Him, and your desire to follow Him in all truth. They cannot be offended by this attitude in you.

For me, if Dad said it to me, I'd probably ask him straight out if he is implying he wants me to move away. If he dared to say yes after you responded to his question about forsaking all they taught, I would tell him respectfully that you'll work on making it happen.

However, knowing Dad, I doubt that he had that in mind. I'm thinking he was more expecting you to hold off the Catholic switch until you're out of their household.

As for me, I'm glad that I moved to the other side of the country before I made the switch...and got married. Then I can tell them that I have to obey my husband. heehee.

[Farsight one]

No, you're not honoring your father and mother. However, God's rules trump your parents', so you're still doing the right thing. It's a tough place to be, but you gotta do what's right.

[Archaeology cat]

A thought, but while I was converting, I ended up going to 8.00 Mass by myself and then to a later Methodist service with my parents while I lived with them. Not the ideal thing, but it made them happy, as they liked for everyone in the house to go to church as a family. I actually got my dad to go to Mass with me once or twice, too. I don't know if this would appease your parents or not, and like I said, it isn't necessarily the ideal situation, but just thought I'd throw it out there.

[SaintOlaf]

[quote]A thought, but while I was converting, I ended up going to 8.00 Mass by myself and then to a later Methodist service with my parents while I lived with them. Not the ideal thing, but it made them happy, as they liked for everyone in the house to go to church as a family. I actually got my dad to go to Mass with me once or twice, too. smile.gif I don't know if this would appease your parents or not, and like I said, it isn't necessarily the ideal situation, but just thought I'd throw it out there.[/quote]

Honestly, I'm afraid that this might cause scandal, rather than appease them. I'm also afraid that it might do more than scandalize just my parents, but several other families in the church there. I am engaged in dialog with one of the men in the church (through e-mail) and no doubt he has shared our dialog with the pastors (one of whom is this man's father-in-law). I haven't regularly attended my parents church since I was around 18 (more than 5 years ago now). The compromise that had been reached in the home was that as long as we were going somewhere, it was fine. I guess mass just didn't count.