Victims, Survivors, And Perpetrators

[cmotherofpirl]

I am sorry but this is not an option ""...Forgive us our trespasses AS we forgive those who trespass against us..." . God doesn't offer us a deal on this one. But no where does He demand this as our first response, because forgiveness can take time. Sometimes we must forgive the same offense again and again, as events in our lives bring it back to the forefront of our minds.

Forgiveness does not mean you ever have to talk or see or have contact the perp again.
Forgiveness does not mean they escape legal punishment.
Forgiveness does not mean you have to become friends with the person.
Forgiveness doesn't mean things ever go back to normal, because normal has now changed.
Forgiveness never means you pretend it didn't happen.

Forgiveness is work, effort, counseling, praying. Forgiveness is saying the emotion is gone and you wish them well[even if your testimony put them in prision for their crime]
And finally, forgiveness is freedom.

Until you forgive the perp still has pwer over you. Forgiveness changes you from victim to survivor.
I AM a survivor.

[Mary-Kathryn]

I put that it's more complicated than yes or no. I have pesonally found that many Christians equate forgiveness with "sweeping it under the rug." I can't deny that part of me or pretend it's not there.

The best advice I received was from a priest: Forgiveness does not mean being buddies with the person. I may have strong feelings if I come across that person again. or the very thought of this person may evoke anger. I am not able to forgive, just can't do it. But the priest urged that I open myself to God and let Him try to work through me. Some days it is a struggle. Forgiveness isn't a warm cozy feeling. It's work. At least in my case

[photosynthesis]

God will be merciful to those who show mercy. Jesus, when dying on the cross, forgave every single disciple who abandoned him, every Roman soldier who whipped and humiliated him and the Jewish authorities who plotted against him. That's not to say that actual reconciliation took place.

We all experience some form of unmerited injustice and injury in our lives. For some people, this injury is more severe, as in cases of abuse, neglect, molestation, etc. I don't want to go into personal experiences, but there are people in my life who have wounded me and I am trying my best to forgive them, even though I don't want to. One of my best friends gave me this advice "If you don't want to forgive because you don't feel like you're ready, offer that up to God. Pray that He'll give you the grace to want to forgive." Forgiving someone doesn't mean you're reconciled with them. Reconciliation doesn't ever have to happen. When I broke up with my ex boyfriend, I had days where I'd see him around campus and think to myself "I hope he chokes on his lasagna. I hope he fails his exams today." I wanted revenge. But I prayed for him, and little by little I stopped desiring revenge for him and I found myself praying that God would bless him and help him to experience the peace that comes from knowing Christ. My heart desires what is best for him--salvation. If he called me up one day, or knocked on my door, would I answer? Of course not. I know people can change, but he will never again have my trust. I won't ever have a relationship with him, I will not speak to him, he is not my friend. Even if he has a radical conversion to Christ, I don't have to be friends with him or associate myself with him. He would be my brother--but still, a distant brother.

[Lil Red]

another question.

if you cannot forgive someone, and cannot say that part in the Our Father, are you not allowed to receive the Eucharist?

[Lil Red]

oh, and i just bought a great book [url="http://www.amazon.com/Facing-Forgiveness-Catholics-Welcoming-Reconcilation/dp/1594711224/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1195794559&sr=8-1"]"Facing Forgiveness"[/url]

it's really amazing

[Adrestia]

[quote name='Lil Red' post='1423832' date='Nov 22 2007, 11:08 PM']oh, and i just bought a great book [url="http://www.amazon.com/Facing-Forgiveness-Catholics-Welcoming-Reconcilation/dp/1594711224/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1195794559&sr=8-1"]"Facing Forgiveness"[/url]

it's really amazing[/quote]
thanks for the recommendation.

[cmotherofpirl]

[quote name='Lil Red' post='1423829' date='Nov 23 2007, 01:06 AM']another question.

if you cannot forgive someone, and cannot say that part in the Our Father, are you not allowed to receive the Eucharist?[/quote]
Of course you can recieve communion. Receiving grace will help. Forgiveness doesn't happen overnight, its a choice but also a process. You do need to pray for the person [ you don't have to like doing it but you do it anyway], and remember our forgiveness is based on our ability to forgive others. You don't get what you can't give.

[Starets]

For some people in my past, "the Blessing for the Tsar" is the best I can manage, and I pray that there is no one who invokes that blessing for me. I think God (I hope God) can work with that as a beginning at least

[Chaya]

as i understand it, God forgives me when i ask for forgiveness, with a sincere and contrite heart -- repentance is the word. then, he will forgive me.

the same, if the person who wronged me comes and sincerely regrets and asks for forgiveness, i am to forgive. - this does not mean i won't hurt anymore, or forget, and that the person should not be brought to justice, but that i allow that person (and myself) to live/start a new life.

and yes, i have suffered abuse and rape - from age 4 on.

[ThePenciledOne]

I say forgive. It releases the most weight from a person, since the unforgivness tends to eat at a person and eventually poisons them from the inside out.

And I can speak somewhat from experience, since it took me a while to forgive my father for what he has done/not done to me. Which has left me in some places of my life extremely wounded and hallow. Yet, I can say that forgiving someone that has hurt you a lot will make you turn to God even more and want His mercy even more. For if God, Himself can forgive all of your own transgressions why cannot I a sinner forgive a fellow sinner?