Help Us, Phamily

[Daniel9]

[quote name='Cathoholic Anonymous' post='1405285' date='Oct 19 2007, 04:41 AM']Prayers, MissScripture.

Some of what you wrote about your brother (especially difficulty with making friends, etc.) rang alarm bells with me. It's possible that this is all the result of his depression, but it might be worth reading up on [url="http://www.aspergerfoundation.org.uk/infosheets/whatisaspergers.pdf"]Asperger's Syndrome[/url].[/quote]

That was my first thought too.

[Maggyie]

He really does sound like a classic rapid-cycler. With bi-polar, the depression swings are usually the part that gets recognized and treated. In manic periods, sometimes nobody realizes there's something wrong because the person seems to have it together, with tons of energy, enthusiasm, etc. etc. The atheism may just be an expression of the disorder... an outgrowth of the depressive half of the manic-depressive equation.

Whatever he is suffering from, you and your fam have my prayers!

[CatherineM]

My husband has schizophrenia, and is a full time advocate for the mentally ill. One thing that I hear him stress constantly in speeches is that the sooner you are properly medicated the better the long term prognosis is. It's as if the chemical imbalance in the brain causes continuing damage to the brain's ability to make or balance things like dopamine or seratonin. Some states have laws that allow families or health care professionals to involuntarily treat/hospitalize/diagnose someone who is too ill to understand that they need help. My husband has been the main lobbyist behind the passage of community treatment orders here in this province. Find out if your jurisdiction has something similar. I know it sounds very Nazi, but my husband said the main reason that he pushed so hard to get the legislation passed is that he knows that the time will come when he may become ill again. Even the new meds can wear off effectiveness over time, and he's afraid of getting too ill to know that he needs to be hospitalized. He basically pushed for this legislation to be used by me for him. I do understand the fear you are feeling right now. You have to be willing to have your brother hate you for the rest of his life to take this route. If you love someone enough, it's worth the risk.

[hyperdulia again]

bump

[Andreas E.]

I am praying for you, too. My mom is bipolar. My wife is clinically depressed. I might be bipolar, too. St. Dymphna, pray for this family.

[MissScripture]

Sadly, I just lost my St. Dymphna medal.

My mom talked to him this weekend, and told him she didn't think he was over the depression. Once again, she urged him to get counseling in addition to the meds. After that, he did clean up his room and come out a little more and did some work outside for a while. I think it was to prove that he is better, because she cited those things as examples of why she didn't think he was better. But for whatever reason, at least he came out of the room, which is better than nothing, since staying in there in the dark is only going to be a self-perpetuating cycle.

Mom is also going to talk to my other brother, who also had depression and is currently in a doctoral program for psychology, so he has some credentials in the area, and she's going to see if maybe he can say something to convince him to do something more.

He is definitely better than he WAS, when he was first diagnosed with depression, there's no doubt about that. He actually talks now, and sometimes we can joke around and tease each other like siblings. But he's still not all better.

I decided not to debate him on the atheism thing, like I had planned on. Nothing he says will ever change my mind, and he'll just disregard anything I say. Plus, he has far more time to devote to the responses than I do. Not only that, but it will just give him more reason to sit in his room, staring at his computer, thinking about why he thinks there is no God.

But it still hurts. So much.

[ironmonk]

Lots of prayers...

You might find the free mp3's at [url="http://www.PeterKreeft.com"]http://www.PeterKreeft.com[/url] of good use. He has logical arguments for proof of God that any reasonable person cannot ignore.


God Bless!
ironmonk

[hyperdulia again]

Monky..I think reasonableness is just the quality that is lacking. Many prayers.

Edited October 23, 2007 by hyperdulia again

[MissScripture]

So, I talked to my daddy today. I miss him!
But anyway, he's been talking to a family friend who doesn't know my brother. They've never met. All he really knows is that he is the oldest and married. Well, the family friend was one of my uncle's friends in college, ended up dropping out of school, and went through something very similar to what is happening to my brother, and came back to reality because of my Grandpa.

Dad sent the e-mail my brother sent all of us to this friend. He called my dad and they had a long conversation about it. He described my brother exactly, because it is exactly what he went through. And basically he told my dad that unless my brother gets counseling, there's very little they can do aside from what they are doing. And if he won't get counseling one of the better outlooks is that he'll have a nervous breakdown. He just has too much input and no outlet. (He also said to be careful about who is doing the counseling, because there are people crazier than my brother out there who are the counseors.)

Oh, and I found my St. Dymphna medal.

[alicemary]

You need to concentrate on getting your brother competent psychiatric help, he needs a psychiatrist. He needs to be on medications. If he will not do so, your parents might consider seeking legal counsel to get him committed to a psych unit even if it is for an eval and some beggining of treatment. This will not just go away on its own, it generally does not get better without medications and therapy.
He is not thinking rationally, for you to discuss religion is really not going to help things.
My prayers join yours for this difficult situation.

[MissScripture]

He is on medication, but as my dad says, that's almost inhibiting him now. He thinks he's happy, because he can only get as low as the meds let him. And I know my Dad isn't saying much about religion to him, because he doesn't like arguing, and thinks it would only enable my brother to sit around and read more junk. My Mom only brings it up to tell him when they're going to church and that he's always welcome. I have decided against it, because it would be an exercise in futility, and my sister has given up, because he writes back to her in language that he knows is far over her head (she's in 10th grade).

[hyperdulia again]

still praying

[hoosieranna]

Adding mine to the ever-growing list. For what it may be worth, both my parents are on meds. You aren't alone.

[missionseeker]

[quote name='MissScripture' post='1405174' date='Oct 18 2007, 11:07 PM']Phamily,
My family and I, and most especially my brother needs prayers. So, brief story: He has decided he is atheist now, and it's creating turmoil.

Now, for the long version:
My brother was raised Catholic, as we all were, although, even in high school he had issues. We went to a questionable Catholic high school, though, and, some questioning is normal. Well, then he went off to college, also a "Catholic" school, where he majored in theology and philosophy. I don't know exactly when, but he stopped going to Mass sometime during college (unless it was with family). He got married in the summer before his senior year of college, and it was in the Church, but I don't know if he and his wife ever went to Church, together, on their own.

For quite some time, he'd been angry and depressed (though not clincally diagnosed) and wouldn't talk to the family. He'd come home to do his laundry, but he would hardly talk to us. Due to that and a few other things going on in the family, things were kind of in shambles --at least from my view of things. I remember sitting in the living room with him, and not having any idea what to say to my brother. We sat and stared at eachother for at least half an hour, not saying a word, because I had no idea what to say to him.

The last fall, he and his wife both went off to grad school --in seperate states. He was going for philosophy. Half way through that fall, he came to the realization he was depressed, and got help for that, in addition to returning to the Church. He decided that the philosphy was part of why he was depressed and dropped out of his program, and after the semester ended, he moved home, to return to his old job and my parents house. He e-mailed me to tell me this, and I cried, because I was so happy to have my brother back. That Christmas was one of the best I've ever had. All of us kids were getting along and we were so happy.

On Holy Thursday, I couldn't go to Mass, but I got home and had this desperate need to go to Adoration afterwards. And as I walked in, I saw my brother, sister and mother, near the front, and my brother was kneeling in front of the Blessed Sacrament, and I cried. At Easter, I cried, because my big brother was sitting next to me. I wrote a paper for Christology, and based most of it on the fact that my brother was there, sitting next to me at Mass. I had never been so happy.

Moving home this past summer was wonderful. My family was so happy, and things were going so well. I couldn't wait until all of us kids were home, together, again. But, shortly after that, things starting turning, again. My brother had completely thrown himself into all things Catholic, to the point of us wondering how long he would be able to sustain that --how long before he hit a rough patch and couldn't manage to keep up the intense prayer schedule and Bible study he'd been doing. Well, in June, sometime, he stopped going to Mass every day, but I attributed that to his work schedule. Then, he stopped going on Sundays, although he'd go sometimes when my mom invited him.

I returned to school at the end of August, and he'd grown more secluded, like he had been before he left for grad school. He had been going that direction all summer, but I guess pretty much all he's been doing lately is sitting in his room on his computer and going to work. And last Thursday, I got an e-mail from him, as did all of the members of the family. He was e-mailing to tell us he had decided to be atheist. His arguments are fairly weak, as my little sister who is in 10th grade has been able to refute many of them, (and I've been working on some, too, but seeing as how he can devote his time to this, he can ramble a lot more than I can and I don't have time to read it) but it almost seems to give him more validity to refute these arguments, because he can spend more time looking things up on the internet and arguing.

The saddest part is that he claims to be happy. As my sister said, "If that's happiness, I'm fine in my 'misery.'" His wife is still living in another state (and I'm not sure things are going very well in that relationship...they don't seem to ever really talk, even). He does nothing but sit in his room and writes and reads and goes to work. And that is his "happiness." He doesn't have any friends, he doesn't go out and do anything and he doesn't seem to be able to make connections, both emotionally and mentally. He really doesn't seem to understand how his actions affect other people. He really doesn't seem to comprehend a lot of things. He's a VERY smart person, but he doesn't seem to have any understanding. It's like a giant computer, that has all the facts, but can't reason through them or something.

And, as he's been going through this and arguing and such, it seems he is becoming more and more erratic. As our Priest friend said, "It's not the atheism that worries me, it's the way he's flipping around things." He's always been somewhat erratic, and I can see where some of his thought process comes from, because he and I are very similar in some ways, but I am the opposite in that I make a decision and that is IT, unless something MAJOR happens. He makes a decison and as soon as anything comes along, it can change. And it's so hard, because even if he SAYS again that he's Catholic again, I don't know that I'll ever really believe him. Because how long before he changes his mind again? And my whole family is struggling with that. My mother is having a hard time trusting, now, that another member of our family has truly changed her view on things (for the better), because she doesn't know what to believe.

It hurts. It hurts a lot. The summer before last, I thought I hurt the worst I could possibly hurt, and when he came back, I thought I'd never have to hurt like that again. But it's coming back. And all that hurt seems to be looming in the future and it scares me. We're trying to give it up to God, but that's hard to do sometimes. I've written responses to him, but I don't know if I should send them. I had to write them, just to calm myself a bit, let myself react. I just don't know if that means that he needs to see them.

Please pray.
Thank you.[/quote]


Your brother is doing just what my roommate always does. But, I'm not her family, so I have no clue what to do.

You're in my prayer!

[MissScripture]

[quote name='missionseeker' post='1413541' date='Nov 3 2007, 01:18 AM']Your brother is doing just what my roommate always does. But, I'm not her family, so I have no clue what to do.

You're in my prayer![/quote]
All you really can do is pray. I'll pray for your roommate.