Help Us, Phamily

[MissScripture]

Phamily,
My family and I, and most especially my brother needs prayers. So, brief story: He has decided he is atheist now, and it's creating turmoil.

Now, for the long version:
My brother was raised Catholic, as we all were, although, even in high school he had issues. We went to a questionable Catholic high school, though, and, some questioning is normal. Well, then he went off to college, also a "Catholic" school, where he majored in theology and philosophy. I don't know exactly when, but he stopped going to Mass sometime during college (unless it was with family). He got married in the summer before his senior year of college, and it was in the Church, but I don't know if he and his wife ever went to Church, together, on their own.

For quite some time, he'd been angry and depressed (though not clincally diagnosed) and wouldn't talk to the family. He'd come home to do his laundry, but he would hardly talk to us. Due to that and a few other things going on in the family, things were kind of in shambles --at least from my view of things. I remember sitting in the living room with him, and not having any idea what to say to my brother. We sat and stared at eachother for at least half an hour, not saying a word, because I had no idea what to say to him.

The last fall, he and his wife both went off to grad school --in seperate states. He was going for philosophy. Half way through that fall, he came to the realization he was depressed, and got help for that, in addition to returning to the Church. He decided that the philosphy was part of why he was depressed and dropped out of his program, and after the semester ended, he moved home, to return to his old job and my parents house. He e-mailed me to tell me this, and I cried, because I was so happy to have my brother back. That Christmas was one of the best I've ever had. All of us kids were getting along and we were so happy.

On Holy Thursday, I couldn't go to Mass, but I got home and had this desperate need to go to Adoration afterwards. And as I walked in, I saw my brother, sister and mother, near the front, and my brother was kneeling in front of the Blessed Sacrament, and I cried. At Easter, I cried, because my big brother was sitting next to me. I wrote a paper for Christology, and based most of it on the fact that my brother was there, sitting next to me at Mass. I had never been so happy.

Moving home this past summer was wonderful. My family was so happy, and things were going so well. I couldn't wait until all of us kids were home, together, again. But, shortly after that, things starting turning, again. My brother had completely thrown himself into all things Catholic, to the point of us wondering how long he would be able to sustain that --how long before he hit a rough patch and couldn't manage to keep up the intense prayer schedule and Bible study he'd been doing. Well, in June, sometime, he stopped going to Mass every day, but I attributed that to his work schedule. Then, he stopped going on Sundays, although he'd go sometimes when my mom invited him.

I returned to school at the end of August, and he'd grown more secluded, like he had been before he left for grad school. He had been going that direction all summer, but I guess pretty much all he's been doing lately is sitting in his room on his computer and going to work. And last Thursday, I got an e-mail from him, as did all of the members of the family. He was e-mailing to tell us he had decided to be atheist. His arguments are fairly weak, as my little sister who is in 10th grade has been able to refute many of them, (and I've been working on some, too, but seeing as how he can devote his time to this, he can ramble a lot more than I can and I don't have time to read it) but it almost seems to give him more validity to refute these arguments, because he can spend more time looking things up on the internet and arguing.

The saddest part is that he claims to be happy. As my sister said, "If that's happiness, I'm fine in my 'misery.'" His wife is still living in another state (and I'm not sure things are going very well in that relationship...they don't seem to ever really talk, even). He does nothing but sit in his room and writes and reads and goes to work. And that is his "happiness." He doesn't have any friends, he doesn't go out and do anything and he doesn't seem to be able to make connections, both emotionally and mentally. He really doesn't seem to understand how his actions affect other people. He really doesn't seem to comprehend a lot of things. He's a VERY smart person, but he doesn't seem to have any understanding. It's like a giant computer, that has all the facts, but can't reason through them or something.

And, as he's been going through this and arguing and such, it seems he is becoming more and more erratic. As our Priest friend said, "It's not the atheism that worries me, it's the way he's flipping around things." He's always been somewhat erratic, and I can see where some of his thought process comes from, because he and I are very similar in some ways, but I am the opposite in that I make a decision and that is IT, unless something MAJOR happens. He makes a decison and as soon as anything comes along, it can change. And it's so hard, because even if he SAYS again that he's Catholic again, I don't know that I'll ever really believe him. Because how long before he changes his mind again? And my whole family is struggling with that. My mother is having a hard time trusting, now, that another member of our family has truly changed her view on things (for the better), because she doesn't know what to believe.

It hurts. It hurts a lot. The summer before last, I thought I hurt the worst I could possibly hurt, and when he came back, I thought I'd never have to hurt like that again. But it's coming back. And all that hurt seems to be looming in the future and it scares me. We're trying to give it up to God, but that's hard to do sometimes. I've written responses to him, but I don't know if I should send them. I had to write them, just to calm myself a bit, let myself react. I just don't know if that means that he needs to see them.

Please pray.
Thank you.

[Lil Red]

i am so sorry!

[CatherineM]

Your story was scarily familiar to me. Has your brother even been screened for bipolar? I lived for 15 years with a rapid cycling bipolar who did the same types of flip flops, going from isolating to being gregarious, hating God, to being the most devout person on the planet. I'll certainly be praying for you and your family, and especially your brother.

[hyperdulia again]

Praying.

[hyperdulia again]

bump

[Starets]

Certainly I will, hunny :hug:

[Noel's angel]

Prayers.

[cathoholic_anonymous]

Prayers, MissScripture.

Some of what you wrote about your brother (especially difficulty with making friends, etc.) rang alarm bells with me. It's possible that this is all the result of his depression, but it might be worth reading up on [url="http://www.aspergerfoundation.org.uk/infosheets/whatisaspergers.pdf"]Asperger's Syndrome[/url].

[homeschoolmom]

Funny-- Bipolar and Asperger's both came to my mind as I was reading.

Prayers....

[cmotherofpirl]

He and the family needs to see a shrink. Knowing what is wrong is half the bottle.

[alicemary]

He is having mental issues and your family needs to intrervene and get him needed help. Seek psychiatric care immediately and get him on needed medications soon.

[MissScripture]

[quote name='CatherineM' post='1405214' date='Oct 19 2007, 01:16 AM']Your story was scarily familiar to me. Has your brother even been screened for bipolar? I lived for 15 years with a rapid cycling bipolar who did the same types of flip flops, going from isolating to being gregarious, hating God, to being the most devout person on the planet. I'll certainly be praying for you and your family, and especially your brother.[/quote]
My mother and I discussed the possibility of bipolar. I guess his wife used to comment on how she never knew which of him would wake up each morning, and how hard that was. Mom didn't think he was manic enough, but then again, none of us are mental health professionals.

[quote name='Cathoholic Anonymous' post='1405285' date='Oct 19 2007, 07:41 AM']Prayers, MissScripture.

Some of what you wrote about your brother (especially difficulty with making friends, etc.) rang alarm bells with me. It's possible that this is all the result of his depression, but it might be worth reading up on [url="http://www.aspergerfoundation.org.uk/infosheets/whatisaspergers.pdf"]Asperger's Syndrome[/url].[/quote]
Aspbergers also crossed my mind, but I didn't mention it to Mom, yet. I did want to look at it a little more.
The other thing that came to mind with us was possibly schizophrenia or something along those lines.

[quote name='cmotherofpirl' post='1405301' date='Oct 19 2007, 08:39 AM']He and the family needs to see a shrink. Knowing what is wrong is half the bottle.[/quote]
He won't go. Mom told him when he came home that he should get counseling, so that he could get off the meds faster. He wouldn't, even when he had to stop taking the meds for a brief time, because he was having an allergic reaction.

[quote name='alicemary' post='1405307' date='Oct 19 2007, 08:52 AM']He is having mental issues and your family needs to intrervene and get him needed help. Seek psychiatric care immediately and get him on needed medications soon.[/quote]
He's on anti-depression meds. I don't know that he'd go back to find out if anything else was wrong, given that all of this came about from the letter, I think he may just brush it off as us trying to make him believe in God again or something. But I think Mom will suggest it, given the fact that he's clearly not better, although he believes he is.


Thank you to everyone who is praying. It really means a lot.

[Deus te Amat]

I'm praying

[farglefeezlebut]

Hugs and prayers.

I don';t have any advice, but I'd like to add a prayer request for a mentally ill atheist I know, who is refusing to get help.

[hyperdulia again]

re:anti-depressant..if he is bipolar anti-depressants can be almost more dangerous than the depressive side of the disorder. it could make him extremely manic and unreasonable. not all anti-depressants, just some.