Is Cautious Dating A Good Thing Or A Bad Thing When It Comes To Vocati

[XIX]

Personally, I'd say you can date if you want, but don't get into a serious relationship. Keep it casual. This sin't based on my own logic as much as it is based on the opinion of a friend who was linked with a few guys who ended up in the seminary. She kinda knows the feminine side of that issue pretty well, and she's a great Catholic, so i take her word for it.

[Budge]

Yeah he doesnt want to hurt a girl that way, having her think it is more serious then it actually is.

Good advice.

[Paladin D]

[quote name='Budge' post='1381159' date='Sep 8 2007, 05:54 PM']Someone at age 20, isnt going to realize the ramfications of a life without children and or spouse at 45.[/quote]

I've heard many married couples say the samething, only the other way around. They wished they entered the religious life instead of marriage, or just have stayed single. I'm not making this up.

[Era Might]

[color="red"]This thread is not about debating celibacy. If you want to debate it, please start a separate thread. This is a thread about dating for Catholics considering a vocation. Please stay on topic. Off-topic posts will be deleted after this warning.[/color]

[bonoducchi]

My archbishop dated before he was ordained. He freely uses a story about it in his confirmation homily.

[fides quarens intellectum]

on the one hand, i don't know if it is fair to the other person to date them when you haven't discerned whether or not you should marry at all, since dating is essentially the discernment of a potential spouse.

on the other hand, say God places someone in your heart in such a way that you fall in love with them, even without really seriously dating (i know this has happened before to people discerning religious life/priesthood), well, guess that would solve the matter for you.

tricky area - i'd say take it to your spiritual director.

[kateri05]

[quote]My archbishop dated before he was ordained. He freely uses a story about it in his confirmation homily.[/quote]

i love when priests do things like this, especially to youth. it reminds them, and us, that these men are real people and have experienced things that lay people have experienced.

sorry, back to dating.

[TNSeminarian]

I dated before entering seminary, and don't view dating as a bad thing. When one dates exclusively and is too young it can be a bad thing because they become too attached. Like most have said it needs to be done with prayer and a genuine use of prudence. The last girl I dated was the one with whom I made the final decision to enter seminary. She was a great girl, and one who I would recommend in a heart-beat to a good Catholic man who is called to marriage. But dating her I realized it wasn't quite what I wanted in life, that I was missing something else that I wanted, and wanted even more. I think that if you date cautiously, and remain open to the will of Our Lord that He will guide you to wherever He wants you. If you date and discover a vocation to marriage, then you will be on the right track. If you date and discern a vocation to the religious life/priesthood, then you know which direction you need to head in. Regardless, if you pray and trust in the Lord He will guide you on the right paths.

[MissScripture]

We had a prof. last year who talked about how he always planned on being a priest. He wouldn't go to dances in highschool (and I think it was an all boys school, but I'm not 100% sure), because he was going to be a priest. He went to the seminary for college, and things weren't quite working out, so he took some time off, was in the army, came back, tried the seminary again, and it still wasn't working out for him. He ended up leaving the seminary and started dating, and he was telling us a couple of his dating stories in class --let's just say they're the sort of stories that make you want to take up a collection for therapy for the poor man. He had NO CLUE how to relate to women in a dating fashion. (He is married now, btw)

[Socrates]

Nothing at all wrong with it.

Most young people are not 100% certain what their vocation is.
(I presume this is about people considering vocations to the priesthood, etc. It would be ridiculous if people only dated if they think they [i]know[/i] they are going to marry that person, though that attitude is disturbingly common among "serious Catholic" kids.)
My brother-in-law kept having a "vocation" to the priesthood, which only went away after he'd spent a year in seminary then finally married my sister.

[Norseman82]

I guess it all depends on where you are in your discernment process. If you've already sent your application in to the seminary, then I don't see the point of dating. If you are still in the either-or stage, then go ahead, although be cautioned that the way some women act I personally wonder if they are on the Cardinal's payroll with the job of driving men into the seminary!

[MissyP89]

I'd say go for it! Of course, it would be only fair to explore all of your options, rather than assume you're meant for a particular vocation. It's also important to continually seek God's will, always asking for affirmation that you're on the right track, and keeping your heart open to changes.

[Dismas]

[quote name='Budge' post='1381120' date='Sep 8 2007, 04:29 PM']Hmm dont know what the above is about?

Anyhow to original poster, read your Bible about what is expected of a Christian.

If you are a teen and not ready to marry you should not be dating exclusively, seeing girls in group activities only.

If you are ready to marry and of age, then dating a girl in a proper Christian fashion is definitely alright for a young Christian man.

One needs to wait for marriage as well and try and ignore the worlds teachings about sexuality and dating.

Anyhow I hold by my opinion that enforced celibacy via the Catholic Church is a bad thing, as Dr. Phil would say, [and especially in light of the Catholic Church's problems}

Hows that working for you?[/quote]
Wow! Budge! I wasn't offended until the 14th line! Congrats!

[Edit: Actually, much of the previous stuff was very good.]

Edited September 9, 2007 by Dismas

[Dismas]

[quote name='Budge' post='1381081' date='Sep 8 2007, 04:07 PM']Yeah cause Satanists just love heterosexuality...

[/quote]
Actually some do. While the sin of sodomy does encompass homosexuality, the Sin of Onan (artificial contraception) is also included. Not to mention, some Satanists really like to have relations for the intentional sake of having an abortion. Sick really.

[Dismas]

[quote name='Budge' post='1381070' date='Sep 8 2007, 03:58 PM']Date some girls, and if you like them, youre normal, and should stay away from seminary.

Forced celibacy is a doctrine of demons, says so right in the Bible..[/quote]
Hmm... I believe your citing Timothy referred to that wild and crazy bunch known as Gnostics, who preferred to fornicate. To the Gnostics, a married person could not be saved.

As for celibacy, well, it goes with the territory.
[quote name='1 Corinthians 7:32-35, KJV']32: But I would have you without carefulness. He that is unmarried careth for the things that belong to the Lord, how he may please the Lord:
33: But he that is married careth for the things that are of the world, how he may please his wife.
34: There is difference also between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit: but she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband.
35: And this I speak for your own profit; not that I may cast a snare upon you, but for that which is comely, and that ye may attend upon the Lord without distraction.[/quote]

That's the thing, distraction. What good is a priest if he won't come to the hospital at 3 AM for an emergency confession and last rites? How far can a priest expect to get in his ministry when he is called to support a family and live in evangelical poverty? This tears at the heartstrings of married men who then became priests, both in the Eastern Rite and those who satisfied the Pastoral Provision. A man should not be divided.

Lastly, I like women. As a matter of fact, it is that desire that brought me through some very rough patches in life. I suppose I was naive, stubbornly stupid, and distrusted the moral teachings of the Church. When I returned to the Faith, and gave some poor priest a good 45 minute long confession of those sins I remembered committing, something awakened within my heart. I dismissed it for a while, but Jesus is persistent, and He decided the only way I would listen is if He hit me upside the head with the spiritual equivalent of a brick.

It won't just be seminary for me, but, God willing, formal vows.

Edited September 9, 2007 by Dismas