carrdero Posted August 26, 2007 Share Posted August 26, 2007 I just returned from my mother’s cousin’s house this weekend and I was informed that one of her daughters did not make the trip to her mother’s house over a dispute about her breast. Let me explain. 10 months ago this daughter gave birth to her first child and has decided to breast feed it. This daughter has been attending classes (??) or meetings about breast feeding her baby and I guess one of the things that they encourage is a sort of pride and necessity for breast feeding. In other words when the baby is hungry there is no inappropriate time or place to perform this act. From the way the mother was explaining this to me it seemed like a paternal movement. The mother went on to explain to her daughter that if she wanted to come over and meet this company (which consisited of mrscarrdero, my father and myself) that a certain courtesy or respect may have been implememted in regarding the time and moments of the baby’s feeding. As I understood it, the daughter was very open and frank about this performance and the mother was concerned about the company feeling uncomfortable. The daughter became offended by this suggestion and had decided to forgo the visit and any future conversation with her mother (so far). My questions are what are the guidelines about something like this? Should a women who breast feeds their children excuse themselves from other’s company? Should a woman breast feed their child in a isolated area away from the public? When did the explicit practice of breastfeeding a baby become a movement? Could this decision to breast feed in front of family and relatives simply be settled by the polite question of “Do you mind…..?” Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Groo the Wanderer Posted August 26, 2007 Share Posted August 26, 2007 IMHO..... Breastfeeding is normal and natural and should be used instead of bottlefeeding whenever possible. It's MUCH healthier for the baby. The momma should be able to breastfeed whenever and whenever the baby desires. HOWEVER.... This does not give momma license to expose her breast(s) in public, nor should there be a need to do so. Momma should cover herself and the lil baby with a receiving blanket or somesuch lightweight cover. This is out of respect for those around her. While the baby is a beautiful thing, some aspects are not really a public matter. Many folks (myself included) are quite uncomfortable when presented with the sight of a woman's breasts to whom they are not married (ya I know the grammar on that isn't quite right, but I haven;t had coffee yet this morning). Think on this...pooping is normal and natural too, but would this woman proceed to lay the kiddo on top of the dining table in front of everyone to change it's poopy load? Me thinks not.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Archaeology cat Posted August 26, 2007 Share Posted August 26, 2007 (edited) I pretty much agree with Groo here. I mean, if my child is hungry (once it's born, that is), I will feed it. And I'm planning on breastfeeding. That being said, if I know I will be out and about, or around others, I will wear a nursing top if possible, and will also have a blanket on hand to cover up with. I mean, I wouldn't want to expose myself anyway, and so would be careful about that. There is such a thing as being discrete about breastfeeding without necessarily removing yourself completely from others' company. Edited August 26, 2007 by Archaeology cat Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
homeschoolmom Posted August 26, 2007 Share Posted August 26, 2007 [quote name='carrdero' post='1370918' date='Aug 26 2007, 07:52 AM']My questions are what are the guidelines about something like this? Should a women who breast feeds their children excuse themselves from other’s company? Should a woman breast feed their child in a isolated area away from the public? When did the explicit practice of breastfeeding a baby become a movement? Could this decision to breast feed in front of family and relatives simply be settled by the polite question of “Do you mind…..?”[/quote] Sadly, there are no guidelines... everyone is expected to use common sense, which as we all know, is not so common nowadays. I don't think it's necessary to excuse oneself everytime one nurses. When babies are small, poor mamma would be sitting in a bedroom alone an awful lot. And if you are in a public place, there are not many good options. Most public restrooms are not good places to nurse (would you want to eat YOUR lunch in one?) On the other hand, planning outings carefully can sometimes avoid a public nursing. Either way, there is no reason to expose other people to seeing a baby nurse. There are many products available to hold baby privately and cover him up. If nothing else, there are receiving blankets that are not too hot. These should be used in the company of anyone who [i]might [/i]be uncomfortable... and Mom should err on the side of using the blanket rather than not. Probably the only time it's "okay" to whip it out and let baby go at it is in a group of like-minded moms-- like at a La Leche League meeting or something.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cmotherofpirl Posted August 26, 2007 Share Posted August 26, 2007 The problem is that because of sleaze men [ and some women!] seem to forget the purpose of a breast is primarily food first and erotic [ for their husbands] second. You simply throw a recieving blanket over your shoulder and feed the baby. What usually offends people is not the sight of you feeding the baby, but the babies loud sucking and cooing of happiness. When they are toddlers they simply crawl in your lap, but at that age you usually can convince them to wait til you get home, unless they are VERY cranky and its naptime. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MIKolbe Posted August 26, 2007 Share Posted August 26, 2007 i would agree with everyone here... whenever Mrs. MIKolbe and I have friends over, and they needed to breast feed, or needed to pump, they either asked to be excused to an adjacent room for a few minutes, or politely asked if they may feed here, at which point they brought out a big blankie for covering. Yes, i said 'blankie'. I must also agree with Groo, if it ain't Mrs. MIKolbe's, i ain't interested in seeing it. (pardon my grammar, my diet has me on decaf) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
carrdero Posted August 26, 2007 Author Share Posted August 26, 2007 I can't help but think how this situation is comparable to smoking. Like when I am in the same area as someone, I will first ask them if they mind if I smoke and then I would refrain from smoking if they did. But never in my life have I ever heard of someone becoming offended from a disagreeable answer. I can't help but wonder if this kind of attitude isn't becoming promoted in these breast feeding classes or meetings. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bonoducchi Posted August 26, 2007 Share Posted August 26, 2007 [quote name='Groo the Wanderer' post='1370919' date='Aug 26 2007, 08:36 AM']Think on this...pooping is normal and natural too, but would this woman proceed to lay the kiddo on top of the dining table in front of everyone to change it's poopy load? Me thinks not....[/quote] Can we please refrain from using the phrase "poopy load?" Nothing more horrifying that any form of the word "mushy mud pie". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
homeschoolmom Posted August 26, 2007 Share Posted August 26, 2007 [quote name='carrdero' post='1370956' date='Aug 26 2007, 11:26 AM']I can't help but think how this situation is comparable to smoking. Like when I am in the same area as someone, I will first ask them if they mind if I smoke and then I would refrain from smoking if they did. But never in my life have I ever heard of someone becoming offended from a disagreeable answer. I can't help but wonder if this kind of attitude isn't becoming promoted in these breast feeding classes or meetings.[/quote] The problem with comparing smoking to feeding another person.... A nursing mom can't always just say, "do you mind if I nurse"? What if the answer is "yes."? Feeding needs to happen at regular intervals and a certain level of comfort for the mom is necessary. (Stay with me here... I'm prone to rambling).... If a woman/child needs to leave to find another place to nurse, there needs to be a chair, privacy (and preferably quiet). A smoker does not need quite the same level of comfort-- s/he [i]could[/i] stand outside by the ash can or on a deck... or wherever. Not the most relaxing smoke, I'm sure, but possible. Likewise, the smoker [i]can[/i] wait till a more convenient time/place presents itself. Nursing babies do not wait. They simply don't. The problem with asking if the rest of the company minds is that often people lie. Most people don't have a problem telling smokers that they would prefer that they don't smoke around them, but many people won't admit to being uncomfortable with a nursing mom. My general rule was that if I was in a company of women only or couples with young children, I would go the blanket route. If I was in a company of older men (father in law and the like) I would try to remove myself from their company-- if possible. If it was not possible, I would go the blanket route. After a baby is a few weeks old, the mom should be so accustumed to nursing that she could do it blindfolded with one hand behind her back. No need for any exposure. Most times (unless baby is especially gluttonous) people are unbothered by the practice. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kateri05 Posted August 26, 2007 Share Posted August 26, 2007 [quote](unless baby is especially gluttonous)[/quote] little chubsters Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
carrdero Posted August 27, 2007 Author Share Posted August 27, 2007 I think one of the concerns that I had when I had heard the story was that there seemed to be some discord between the mother and daughter regarding this issue. Now I understand that our visiting party should not be held responsible but I couldn’t understand the daughter’s perspective on this. We didn’t visit these relatives very often but I knew the daughter was always very interested in visiting with us. I have known her to be shy but I haven’t known her very well lately which leads me to believe that “something” had gotten into her about the subject of breastfeeding because it was truly out of character for her. The mother on the other hand is very conservative. I also think that even though the mother did not know our feelings about whether breast feeding the baby would have made us uncomfortable or not, I think that the previous conversation needed to take place. I know that the daughter’s father is uncomfortable about her breastfeeding because he explained that everytime she performed a feeding, he had to look away. I do not think that the mother was out of place to inquire about her daughter’s intentions, it is after all, her home and her guests. Maybe the mother should have polled us before the visit to put her daughter’s concerns at ease (mrscardero, my father and I all admitted at the dinner table that we wouldn’t have had a problem with this). All I do know is that it should not have ended that way between mother and daughter, some satisfying resolution could have been reached. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cmotherofpirl Posted August 27, 2007 Share Posted August 27, 2007 [quote name='carrdero' post='1371500' date='Aug 27 2007, 09:39 AM']I think one of the concerns that I had when I had heard the story was that there seemed to be some discord between the mother and daughter regarding this issue. Now I understand that our visiting party should not be held responsible but I couldn’t understand the daughter’s perspective on this. We didn’t visit these relatives very often but I knew the daughter was always very interested in visiting with us. I have known her to be shy but I haven’t known her very well lately which leads me to believe that “something” had gotten into her about the subject of breastfeeding because it was truly out of character for her. The mother on the other hand is very conservative. I also think that even though the mother did not know our feelings about whether breast feeding the baby would have made us uncomfortable or not, I think that the previous conversation needed to take place. I know that the daughter’s father is uncomfortable about her breastfeeding because he explained that everytime she performed a feeding, he had to look away. I do not think that the mother was out of place to inquire about her daughter’s intentions, it is after all, her home and her guests. Maybe the mother should have polled us before the visit to put her daughter’s concerns at ease (mrscardero, my father and I all admitted at the dinner table that we wouldn’t have had a problem with this). All I do know is that it should not have ended that way between mother and daughter, some satisfying resolution could have been reached.[/quote] Maybe the grandma didn't breastfeed and has some guilt issues to resolve. Many women of my generation who bottlefed react badly to the next generations insistance of doing it the right way, as if it is some reflection on their own choices. The problem seems to be much deeper than just breastfeeding. I didn't asked peoples permission to feed my child. I simply stated the baby was hungry and going to be fed. Ah the joy of not having to cart bottles of stinky formula around. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jaime Posted August 27, 2007 Share Posted August 27, 2007 If the day comes that our society accepts public displays of breastfeeding, strip clubs will all go bankrupt soon after. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
homeschoolmom Posted August 27, 2007 Share Posted August 27, 2007 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jaime Posted August 27, 2007 Share Posted August 27, 2007 [quote name='homeschoolmom' post='1371524' date='Aug 27 2007, 09:22 AM'][/quote] If the mystique is removed, there is no desire to go to strip clubs. For example, when I lived in Guatemala, women were breastfeeding everywhere and anywhere. There are no strip clubs in Guatemala. just to be clear, I'm a supporter of public displays of breastfeeding Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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