A Letter To My Pets

[T-Bone _]

Dear Dogs and Cats:

The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but a scam.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, and try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years--canine or feline attendance is not required.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough!

To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our
front door:

To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets:

1 They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.
(That's why they call it "fur"nature.)
3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter
who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.

[Deus te Amat]

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!







this made my day.... i wish my cats gave me more room on the bed... they're CATS for goodness sake

[hoosieranna]

My dog doesn't curl, no matter how hard you push him.

Edited August 12, 2007 by Nadezhda

[MIKolbe]

Dear T-Bone's Pets-

Just give him want he wants for a week, then go back to business as usual. He'll get over it.

and YES... a hairball in the show IS funny, and you should start or continue the practice.

[T-Bone _]

[picchick]

Dear Stashu,
I did not appreciate your trying to take a chunk out of my hand. All I was doing was giving you fresh water. There was no reason to dig your teeth into my hand. Ever hear of the phrase don't bite the and that feeds you? Yeah....

Meg

[T-Bone _]

[quote name='picchick' post='1703287' date='Nov 17 2008, 10:45 AM']Dear Stashu,
I did not appreciate your trying to take a chunk out of my hand. All I was doing was giving you fresh water. There was no reason to dig your teeth into my hand. Ever hear of the phrase don't bite the and that feeds you? Yeah....

Meg[/quote]

Technically, you weren't feeding her.

[picchick]

[quote name='T-Bone _' post='1703318' date='Nov 17 2008, 01:27 PM']Technically, you weren't feeding her.[/quote]

This is true....Stashu is a he...















Oh...and it was water.

[Paddington]

If Stashu tasted blood, then you better watch out.

[MIKolbe]

Dear Hobbes-

All hairballs are to be in the shoes of the FEMALE residents of this household. They have 1.5 million pairs of shoes, I have 3.

Also, when I get home, don't dart out the cat door though the garage, to the outside. If you do this, you will ONLY have a 10 second window of opportunity to get yourself BACK INTO the house. I do not think playing coy with me as I open the door is cute or funny. If you miss your window of opportunity, no amount of scratching at the back door will get you in, I DONT CARE WHAT SHEA OR PEYTON SAY. It's a sliding glass door, scratch away. You should learn from your sister.

FURTHERMORE, if you DO come in within the window of opportunity, cease and desist all meowing trying to tell me how bad it is out there. You live in CA, it was like 60 degrees last night, and you have fur.

and YES, i know you running upstairs, then down, then meowing at me means you are out of food. I get it, and will react accordingly. But sometimes, Hobbes, I get busy. Some patience would be appreciated.

thanks

[Paddington]

MIkolbe, no cat should treat you that way.

[picchick]

[quote name='MIkolbe' post='1703361' date='Nov 17 2008, 02:07 PM']Dear Hobbes-

All hairballs are to be in the shoes of the FEMALE residents of this household. They have 1.5 million pairs of shoes, I have 3.

Also, when I get home, don't dart out the cat door though the garage, to the outside. If you do this, you will ONLY have a 10 second window of opportunity to get yourself BACK INTO the house. I do not think playing coy with me as I open the door is cute or funny. If you miss your window of opportunity, no amount of scratching at the back door will get you in, I DONT CARE WHAT SHEA OR PEYTON SAY. It's a sliding glass door, scratch away. You should learn from your sister.

FURTHERMORE, if you DO come in within the window of opportunity, cease and desist all meowing trying to tell me how bad it is out there. You live in CA, it was like 60 degrees last night, and you have fur.

and YES, i know you running upstairs, then down, then meowing at me means you are out of food. I get it, and will react accordingly. But sometimes, Hobbes, I get busy. Some patience would be appreciated.

thanks[/quote]

I have a very easy solution to your cat problems...

[dominicansoul]

i thought the title to this topic was "A letter to my pants"

[MIKolbe]

you would.

[Paddington]

My mom's dogs bark a lot. They don't know how to talk.