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I Have Become An Accidental Mother


cathoholic_anonymous

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cathoholic_anonymous

Most of you will know that I have had my heart set on becoming a Carmelite for several years. It took me a long while to adjust to the call of the cloister, as it once frightened me as much as it attracted me, but through my contact with a nearby monastery that anxiety dissolved and I began to look forward to entering with an almost physical pain. My prayer life became richer, my love for the Mass deepened, and I became so much more aware of God and His love for us. The joy the Holy Spirit takes in us became wonderfully clear to me one day when I was eating pickled onions. I can't really explain it.

I had hoped to enter as soon as I had become financially solvent, with no outstanding student loan. Now that has changed.

I have a friend who is very ill (mentally and physically) in a nursing home. She hasn't got any family, apart from her three-year-old daughter. Her long-term partner was recently arrested and he faces prison. The little girl faces adoption, which means she'll never see or have contact from her mum again until she is over eighteen. (And only then if she chooses it.) My friend is allowed to spend two hours each week with her child. Supervised.

When I graduate next summer I am going to apply to be her carer and hopefully have her out of the care home. If I can pass the fostering assessment, which will take place in about six months, I will also become the little girl's primary carer. Then she won't have to be adopted. Both the child and my friend have already lost so much. They shouldn't have to lose each other as well.

If it goes to plan, I will probably be living with them for seven or eight years. Even if my friend recovers from her illnesses before then, too much disruption in the family unit will unsettle the little girl. She's going to need a lot of careful love and attention to make up for what's happened to her in her toddler years. We suspect that she is autistic into the bargain. I have a similar disability, so that will be useful - I will be able to draw on my own experiences as a child to help this one. :)

I know that this is not the end of my vocation. Even though I'm extremely worried at the thought of being a mum and caring for an unwell adult and cooking and looking after a house (none of which are special skills of mine) I am also very much at peace. Does that make sense? I know this was the right decision.

Your prayers would be appreciated.

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[quote name='Cathoholic Anonymous' post='1348663' date='Aug 3 2007, 09:20 PM']Even though I'm extremely worried at the thought of [...] cooking and looking after a house[/quote]

Prayers. And if you need any help with "cooking and looking after a house," e-mail me - I've been doing it for a while and I haven't starved or caught cholera yet.

Edited by rosamundi
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Ora et Labora

Wow!! Good luck! You are such a strong and good person to give so many years to others! God definitely is giving you this as part of your vocation...prayers for you and the others!

:)

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VeniteAdoremus

Wow. All the best, all the luck, and prayers, yes. You're being a fantastic example for all of us. :)

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Carmelitess

May God reward you for your sacrifice!!! You and your friend and the little girl are in my prayers. I'm so glad that you're not discouraged because this unexpected development interrupts your plans to enter Carmel! As you, know, God makes a way.

My Mamma knows a mother in her late forties (with grown children)who has a vocation to Carmel. She was told by the prioress of a monastery in England that she, as a mother, has a great likelyhood of doing well in Carmel because she is so used to sacrificing for her children. Of course, Carmel is all about sacrificing for others, so mothers are better prepared for religious life! You will make an amazing nun!!

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cathoholic_anonymous

Thank you all so much for your encouragement and prayer-support. It means a lot.

[quote]Of course, Carmel is all about sacrificing for others, so mothers are better prepared for religious life![/quote]

That knowledge has been a great comfort to me over the past couple of days. :) I always knew that I would struggle with a lot of things in the monastery - pride and selfishness are serious problems for me. I like to get my own way and I have a very forceful personality. My friends find it endearing; other people are less impressed. I was expecting a tough time in the novitiate because of this. Now I see that God wants to send me to kindergarten first! (Quite literally.) I am a beginner and have to be taught from the beginning.

And thank you, rosamundi - the offer of help is much appreciated. I am going to practise cooking a lot more frequently now. If I run into trouble I will let you know.

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Lioness For Christ

If this makes any sense, I think this sacrifice is going to be the bringer of great graces for you! You and those in your care will be in my prayers! Oh how happy I am that you are finding such a peace! :)

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brendan1104

[quote]Greater love than this no man hath, that a man lay down his life for his friends.
- John 15:13[/quote]

:)

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You are very courageous C A and God will reward you . My prayers are for you , your friend and her very lucky girl. God Bless.

Edited by Jennirom
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[quote name='Cathoholic Anonymous' post='1348955' date='Aug 4 2007, 01:47 AM']And thank you, rosamundi - the offer of help is much appreciated. I am going to practise cooking a lot more frequently now. If I run into trouble I will let you know.[/quote]

You're welcome. I have a recipe file in Word of tried & tested recipes, which I would be happy to send you. Delia Smith is always good - if you follow her instructions, the recipe will [i]work[/i], which is always reassuring. You may need to up the seasonings a little, I find that she can be a bit bland.

Sorry - this is Vocation Station, not The Domestic Church, isn't it? :topsy:

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God bless you for your generosity! I am recalling the Gospel of St. Matthew, chapter 25, v.34-40 as I read of your new plans. Just remember to take all the help you can get with this little one and her mother--it is a very tough job to do alone.

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[quote name='Cathoholic Anonymous' post='1348663' date='Aug 3 2007, 04:20 PM']I know that this is not the end of my vocation. Even though I'm extremely worried at the thought of being a mum and caring for an unwell adult and cooking and looking after a house (none of which are special skills of mine) I am also very much at peace. Does that make sense? I know this was the right decision.

Your prayers would be appreciated.[/quote]

Trust in God's plan and will for you. I know of a priest who lost one of his brothers suddenly, and he deferred his seminary training in order to take care of his niece for about 2 - 3 years; but the Lord knew the plans and he is now a priest (and another family member is taking care of the teen).

The fact that you feel at peace is a good sign that the decision is the right one. I'm sure the Lord will continue to guide you and lead you to where He wants you to be.

God bless you and fill you with graces for your willingness to surrender your will to His. I'm convinced He'll reward your generosity in ways you don't imagine.

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I'm praying for you and really admire you. [b]Please[/b] do let me know if I can help in any other way as well. God bless

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