Dating Question

[kateri05]

[Deeds]

[quote name='Cow of Shame' post='1345004' date='Jul 31 2007, 06:52 AM']I don't see a problem. Yo' momma raised you right, yeah? [mod]Inappropriate. --Era Might[/mod][/quote]
Actual nekkidness isn't the issue, it's experiencing any temptation to be nekkid...

[adt6247]

It's unwise, and improper, for members of the opposite sex who are unrelated and unmarried to spend significant time alone together. Even if the persons are strong-willed enough to resist temptation, there is always the possibility of scandal, which is potentially serious.

One can scarcely be too old-fashioned when it comes to dating.

[Sojourner]

[quote name='Cow of Shame' post='1345004' date='Jul 30 2007, 11:52 PM'][mod]Inappropriate. --Era Might[/mod][/quote]

[uruviel]

[quote name='adt6247' post='1345489' date='Jul 31 2007, 05:16 PM']It's unwise, and improper, for members of the opposite sex who are unrelated and unmarried to spend significant time alone together. [i]Even if the persons are strong-willed enough to resist temptation[/i], there is always the possibility of scandal, which is potentially serious.[/quote]

NO one is strong enough to resist temptation. It is only with the grace of God that we resist temptation and conquer it. If you rely on yourself you will fail.

[jeffpugh]

[quote name='Deeds' post='1343610' date='Jul 29 2007, 05:20 PM']Do you think it is wrong (or at least, not a good idea) for a boyfriend and girlfriend to spend the day alone in a house together? If it makes a difference, assume the couple is in their 20s.[/quote]

I took a null vote cause the answer I was looking for wasn't up there. The closest is the latter, only IF it is a chance that there would be sin. Basically, Chris Padgett put it this way: "Think of the closest thing to 'too far' that you can get... That's too close." depends, really.

[CrossCuT]

[size=1]If youre dating, I dont see anything wrong with having your alone time.
[/size]

[curtins]

[quote name='XIX' post='1344166' date='Jul 29 2007, 11:58 PM']

If you have ever dealt with scrupulosity, you'd stay away from that logic. Maybe I'm just biased because I have dealt with scrupulosity in the past.[/quote]


I second that

[adt6247]

[quote name='uruviel' post='1345582' date='Jul 31 2007, 08:18 PM']NO one is strong enough to resist temptation. It is only with the grace of God that we resist temptation and conquer it. If you rely on yourself you will fail.[/quote]
I was talking about a temptation to a specific sin, rather than the general concept of temptation. There are a number of sins that I am in zero danger of committing, because, with God's grace, I've conquered them, and have the strength to resist them. There are far more towards which this is not the case, and MUST flee the near occasion of sin.

I know some couples that have never struggled with chastity, even though they spent enormous amounts of time alone together. I was trying to say that even if this is the case, it is still improper, and may cause scandal. For instance, I own a house, and I rent out two bedrooms to other men I know. One of my rules is that unmarried men and women do not ever spend time in a room with the door closed. One of my former tenants, who is now married, argued with me all the time about this. Yet, when he did disobey this rule, when I had guests over, the guests felt uncomfortable. He insisted that all they were doing was praying, but in my mind it is scandalous to do so.

[Totus Tuus]

[quote name='adt6247' post='1346252' date='Aug 1 2007, 04:35 PM']I was talking about a temptation to a specific sin, rather than the general concept of temptation. There are a number of sins that I am in zero danger of committing, because, with God's grace, I've conquered them, and have the strength to resist them. There are far more towards which this is not the case, and MUST flee the near occasion of sin.

I know some couples that have never struggled with chastity, even though they spent enormous amounts of time alone together. I was trying to say that even if this is the case, it is still improper, and may cause scandal. For instance, I own a house, and I rent out two bedrooms to other men I know. One of my rules is that unmarried men and women do not ever spend time in a room with the door closed. One of my former tenants, who is now married, argued with me all the time about this. Yet, when he did disobey this rule, when I had guests over, the guests felt uncomfortable. He insisted that all they were doing was praying, but in my mind it is scandalous to do so.[/quote]


I don't know if I'd start to consider myself "immune" from any sin because it's been conquered in the past. I personally have conquered sins that years later I fell into again. Be careful of that mindset. I thought exactly like you, until one day I was put to the test again and realized that I am never "immune" from any sin or temptation.

I doubt those couples you mentioned never struggled with chastity. And it is an occasion for scandal when couples spend a lot of time alone together. We not only have the obligation to avoid sin. We are also required to stay away from situations which may result in scandal.

Edited August 2, 2007 by Totus Tuus

[mtettleton]

I think if the relationship has a solid foundation with all the appropriate boundaries it can be just fine. However if the relationship is in a state of pushing those boundaries then this could be a problem. I think it would be more important to address the direction the relationship is headed in than to try to keep chapperones around.

[adt6247]

[quote name='mtettleton' post='1347521' date='Aug 2 2007, 04:47 PM']I think if the relationship has a solid foundation with all the appropriate boundaries it can be just fine. However if the relationship is in a state of pushing those boundaries then this could be a problem. I think it would be more important to address the direction the relationship is headed in than to try to keep chapperones around.[/quote]
Then what of scandal? We are obliged to avoid scandal.

[kamiller42]

Do these individuals have any attraction toward one another? Are they boyfriend/girlfriend or just buddies with only a very distant possibility of attraction? If the former, I answer No. If the latter, I answer Yes.

[mtettleton]

[quote name='adt6247' post='1347547' date='Aug 2 2007, 04:12 PM']Then what of scandal? We are obliged to avoid scandal.[/quote]

I've had relationships where part of a date might consist of cooking dinner and watching a dvd. Since I live alone obviously this was 2-3 hours spent in the apartment with nobody else there. Please don't think I'm saying that any couple can have such a date without feeling tempted to engage in improper activities, but at the same time, I can say that this situation does not necessarily equate to scandal. I don't think a blanket "yes" or "no" can be given in all situations, but I do think that it's possible for 2 Christian adults to spend time unsupervised without being tempted. [b]Should you avoid this situation if it presents a significant temptation for you? Of course.[/b] But is it realistic to believe that you will be able to completely remove all temptation from a relationship? I'd say that's a dubious proposition. A thorough examination of your conscience, intentions, and the strength and foundation of the relationship should definitely be done before spending time in such a situation in order to keep the relationship chaste.

Staying around other people while with a significant other in order to avoid temptation in my opinion equates to giving up drinking alcohol (aside from the eucharist) for the sake of avoiding drunkenness. It's certainly not a terrible idea, but it's not necessarily the path that everyone needs to take.