Harry Potter, Girlfriends & God's Will

[kujo]

It may sound terribly trite and incredibly juvenile, but I am eagerly anticipating the release of the seventh and final Harry Potter book. In preparation for this, I purchased a soft-cover copy of the sixth book so that I could re-read it and familiarize myself with the plotline that leads into the conclusion of this tale. And, beyond what I readily-recalled (mainly, that Professor Dumbledore, Harry's mentor and protector throughout most of his life, had been killed), I learned much that I'm sure will be crucial information for this final book.

But what has really gotten me thinking is the relationship between Harry and Ginny, the younger sister of his best friend Ron. If you don't follow these books, a brief synopsis will suffice here: up until perhaps the 5th book, Ginny's role was pretty much the blushing-girl who was left speechless and embarassed whenever Harry was in her proximity. It was only in part in the 5th book that she began to have a more defined character. And then, in the 6th book, she became what many had hoped: Harry's love interest. The two of them dated for a few weeks, only to be forced to separate due to the tragedy that occured with Dumbledore's murder and Harry's subsequent realization that it has always been his destiny to cast aside everything and face his nemesis, Voldemort, to the death.

Now, far beyond getting misty-eyed about the relationship of 2 fictional characters, I am forced to reflect on my own life and my own dealings with the fairer sex. I have had a few girlfriends, but none of them have done for me what a woman is to be to her man, and vice versa. In all honesty, I have yet to find a woman who is meant for me, which is to be expected, as I am only 20 years old. But the sense of duty that Harry feels in regards to ending his relationship with Ginny...the feeling that he MUST do something that smells of elderberries and that hurts...that he must deny himself what he truly desires in order to achieve the greater good...I can identify with that. I can identify with the feeling that you are called to be above what is considered "normal." I have had to end a relationship with a girl who, much like Ginny was to Harry, was simply perfect for me...in seemingly every way. True, the relationship itself was not perfect, but the girl herself seemed to be exactly what God had planned for me. Yet the fact remained that it was undeniably-necessary, despite the fact that I loved her and wanted nothing more than to be with her, for me to put an end to the relationship. To be more specific would mean to divulge names and situations that are of really no consequence here.

My point in all of this is less about "woe is me and my dating life" and more about God's calling for us. It says, in Jeremiah 29:11, that God has a plan for us, a plan for our health and happiness. This plan, we are told, far exceeds what we may have conceived of ourselves. It is far beyond the temporal wants and needs that we seek to fulfill everyday. Instead, this plan is for our eternal soul to be eternally happy, to find its resting place in Him. For many of us, this plan involves marriage, children, Sunday dinners, mini-vans and 401Ks. For others, it involves vocations such as the priesthood, the religious life, missionary work. Regardless of the details, we must always be ready to forego our own visions, our own plans, our own desires, in order to do what God desires for us.

But we should not approach this selflessness as if it were a funeral procession; rather, we should rejoice in the fact that we have a God who not only knows us more intimately than anyone else will in our lifetime, but loves us so much that, from the time we were being knit in the wombs of our mothers, He has been eagerly awaiting the time in which we would turn to Him, in faith, and allow Him to lead us. I am struck by the image of Jim Carrey's character in the movie [b]Bruce Almighty[/b], endowed with the powers of God, leaping atop a table, stretching his arms out, pleading with his girlfriend, Grace, to love him. This image has always reminded me of Christ, ascending the hill to Calvary, stretching His arms out on the cross, all the while pleading with us to love Him. In the same way, God, like a child, is doing backflips and cartwheels and lighting off fireworks and noisemakers...all trying to get our attention, in hopes that we would turn to Him and let Him love us the way a Father should, leading us along a path that will hold all of the things that will fulfill our soul's deepest, most intimate longings.

In closing, I would like to ask all of you, if even for just a moment, to quiet yourself, close your eyes, and allow God's peace and joy to shower upon you. Let Him love you the way you were made to be loved: selflessly and without regard to tact.

God has a plan for each of His children. We must allow Him to do His thing. After all, if anyone knows what the heck they're doing, wouldn't it be the Guy who is known as the Creator of All Things?

Peace and blessings,
Matthew "Kujo" Kiernan

[God Conquers]

Great reflection brother...

Actually I can really relate to your feelings, and I thank you for sharing them.

Matt

[Sojourner]

I've been on the receiving end of the "I don't think it's God's will for us to be together" on two occasions.

The first time I heard it, I knew before we started dating that the gentleman in question was discerning priesthood vs. marriage, and he ended up discerning the former, and is now several years into the program. Today, he and I have a great relationship, and respect each other very much. For my part, this is because I recognize he was truly going through a discernment process and cut things off, as you note, kujo, because his was a different calling. He was totally honest about this from the start.

However, while I totally respect people who truly are discerning and believe they are being called to a vocation other than marriage, I think "God's will" can also be a cop-out answer when someone is just too chicken to come out and be honest about what they're thinking and feeling. Honest reflection and discernment is one thing, and shows true respect for the person on the receiving end. But it's quite another thing to use a statement like this as a cover instead of actually being open about what you're thinking and feeling. Not being able or willing to talk about your decision in more depth later, and not being willing to discuss the implications of your decision on the relationship/friendship overall -- these are signs, in my view, that it's not based on true, honest discernment but on fear and an inability to step up to the plate and accept responsibility for the actions and actual or implied commitments you have undertaken.

Edited July 18, 2007 by Terra Firma

[Didymus]

that truly is the best part of Bruce Almighty. when he learns how God does not force anyone to love Him.

thnx kujo!

[kujo]

[quote name='Terra Firma' post='1333886' date='Jul 18 2007, 04:20 PM']However, while I totally respect people who truly are discerning and believe they are being called to a vocation other than marriage, I think "God's will" can also be a cop-out answer when someone is just too chicken to come out and be honest about what they're thinking and feeling. Honest reflection and discernment is one thing, and shows true respect for the person on the receiving end. But it's quite another thing to use a statement like this as a cover instead of actually being open about what you're thinking and feeling. Not being able or willing to talk about your decision in more depth later, and not being willing to discuss the implications of your decision on the relationship/friendship overall -- these are signs, in my view, that it's not based on true, honest discernment but on fear and an inability to step up to the plate and accept responsibility for the actions and actual or implied commitments you have undertaken.[/quote]

I couldn't agree more, TF. I have heard (and, I'm ashamed to say, used) this phrase--"God's will"--used as an excuse many times in my youth. When I was in high school, girls in my youth group would use it as a cover-all to explain why they had chosen one guy over another. The truest examples of being open to God's will can be drawn from our Lord and our Lady--the former in the Garden of Gethsemanean (sp?), and the latter at the Annunciation. Lovingly choosing to discern God's will in our lives is an absolute-must for all people of faith; however, we must be honest with ourselves and with God. An example of this comes from Job, who, despite the calamities in his life, persevered in faith. Yet, far from being a passive agent, Job, on more than one occasion, let God have it, telling Him exactly what He thought of what was going on in his life. This sincerity, even in the face of trials, comes with maturity and time.

[jeffpugh]

Great reflection and great responses. I will take it as words of wisdom in my young life.

[Sojourner]

[quote name='kujo' post='1333933' date='Jul 18 2007, 03:07 PM']I couldn't agree more, TF. I have heard (and, I'm ashamed to say, used) this phrase--"God's will"--used as an excuse many times in my youth. When I was in high school, girls in my youth group would use it as a cover-all to explain why they had chosen one guy over another. The truest examples of being open to God's will can be drawn from our Lord and our Lady--the former in the Garden of Gethsemanean (sp?), and the latter at the Annunciation. Lovingly choosing to discern God's will in our lives is an absolute-must for all people of faith; however, we must be honest with ourselves and with God. An example of this comes from Job, who, despite the calamities in his life, persevered in faith. Yet, far from being a passive agent, Job, on more than one occasion, let God have it, telling Him exactly what He thought of what was going on in his life. This sincerity, even in the face of trials, comes with maturity and time.[/quote]
I totally agree. The thing is, honest discernment is always respectful of the person/people it will affect, and is lovingly willing to have the difficult conversations that sometimes result from this discernment. Being afraid of having those conversations is a pretty sure sign that there's something fishy. And frankly, when you're on the receiving end of a "God's will" cop-out, you know it, and you know you're being disrespected and that the other person is being dishonest at least with you and possibly also with themselves and God.

I'd rather have an honest assessment of the person's thoughts and feelings than a dishonest "It's not God's will for our relationship to go in that direction but let's still be friends." Then the "friendship" continues with both parties knowing about the dishonesty that was involved, but unable to address it and things just about have to end badly. Dishonesty kills.

[Guest]

[quote name='kujo' post='1333426' date='Jul 18 2007, 01:04 AM']It may sound terribly trite and incredibly juvenile, but I am eagerly anticipating the release of the seventh and final Harry Potter book. In preparation for this, I purchased a soft-cover copy of the sixth book so that I could re-read it and familiarize myself with the plotline that leads into the conclusion of this tale. And, beyond what I readily-recalled (mainly, that Professor Dumbledore, Harry's mentor and protector throughout most of his life, had been killed), I learned much that I'm sure will be crucial information for this final book.

But what has really gotten me thinking is the relationship between Harry and Ginny, the younger sister of his best friend Ron. If you don't follow these books, a brief synopsis will suffice here: up until perhaps the 5th book, Ginny's role was pretty much the blushing-girl who was left speechless and embarassed whenever Harry was in her proximity. It was only in part in the 5th book that she began to have a more defined character. And then, in the 6th book, she became what many had hoped: Harry's love interest. The two of them dated for a few weeks, only to be forced to separate due to the tragedy that occured with Dumbledore's murder and Harry's subsequent realization that it has always been his destiny to cast aside everything and face his nemesis, Voldemort, to the death.

Now, far beyond getting misty-eyed about the relationship of 2 fictional characters, I am forced to reflect on my own life and my own dealings with the fairer sex. I have had a few girlfriends, but none of them have done for me what a woman is to be to her man, and vice versa. In all honesty, I have yet to find a woman who is meant for me, which is to be expected, as I am only 20 years old. But the sense of duty that Harry feels in regards to ending his relationship with Ginny...the feeling that he MUST do something that smells of elderberries and that hurts...that he must deny himself what he truly desires in order to achieve the greater good...I can identify with that. I can identify with the feeling that you are called to be above what is considered "normal." I have had to end a relationship with a girl who, much like Ginny was to Harry, was simply perfect for me...in seemingly every way. True, the relationship itself was not perfect, but the girl herself seemed to be exactly what God had planned for me. Yet the fact remained that it was undeniably-necessary, despite the fact that I loved her and wanted nothing more than to be with her, for me to put an end to the relationship. To be more specific would mean to divulge names and situations that are of really no consequence here.

My point in all of this is less about "woe is me and my dating life" and more about God's calling for us. It says, in Jeremiah 29:11, that God has a plan for us, a plan for our health and happiness. This plan, we are told, far exceeds what we may have conceived of ourselves. It is far beyond the temporal wants and needs that we seek to fulfill everyday. Instead, this plan is for our eternal soul to be eternally happy, to find its resting place in Him. For many of us, this plan involves marriage, children, Sunday dinners, mini-vans and 401Ks. For others, it involves vocations such as the priesthood, the religious life, missionary work. Regardless of the details, we must always be ready to forego our own visions, our own plans, our own desires, in order to do what God desires for us.

But we should not approach this selflessness as if it were a funeral procession; rather, we should rejoice in the fact that we have a God who not only knows us more intimately than anyone else will in our lifetime, but loves us so much that, from the time we were being knit in the wombs of our mothers, He has been eagerly awaiting the time in which we would turn to Him, in faith, and allow Him to lead us. I am struck by the image of Jim Carrey's character in the movie [b]Bruce Almighty[/b], endowed with the powers of God, leaping atop a table, stretching his arms out, pleading with his girlfriend, Grace, to love him. This image has always reminded me of Christ, ascending the hill to Calvary, stretching His arms out on the cross, all the while pleading with us to love Him. In the same way, God, like a child, is doing backflips and cartwheels and lighting off fireworks and noisemakers...all trying to get our attention, in hopes that we would turn to Him and let Him love us the way a Father should, leading us along a path that will hold all of the things that will fulfill our soul's deepest, most intimate longings.

In closing, I would like to ask all of you, if even for just a moment, to quiet yourself, close your eyes, and allow God's peace and joy to shower upon you. Let Him love you the way you were made to be loved: selflessly and without regard to tact.

God has a plan for each of His children. We must allow Him to do His thing. After all, if anyone knows what the heck they're doing, wouldn't it be the Guy who is known as the Creator of All Things?

Peace and blessings,
Matthew "Kujo" Kiernan[/quote]

that was really inspirational

[kujo]

[quote name='Terra Firma' post='1333955' date='Jul 18 2007, 05:29 PM']I totally agree. The thing is, honest discernment is always respectful of the person/people it will affect, and is lovingly willing to have the difficult conversations that sometimes result from this discernment. Being afraid of having those conversations is a pretty sure sign that there's something fishy. And frankly, when you're on the receiving end of a "God's will" cop-out, you know it, and you know you're being disrespected and that the other person is being dishonest at least with you and possibly also with themselves and God.

I'd rather have an honest assessment of the person's thoughts and feelings than a dishonest "It's not God's will for our relationship to go in that direction but let's still be friends." Then the "friendship" continues with both parties knowing about the dishonesty that was involved, but unable to address it and things just about have to end badly. Dishonesty kills.[/quote]

Amen. Thank you for that.

[Seven77]

thanks for sharing! Great reflection.

[Colleen]

[quote name='Terra Firma' post='1333886' date='Jul 18 2007, 02:20 PM']However, while I totally respect people who truly are discerning and believe they are being called to a vocation other than marriage, I think "God's will" can also be a cop-out answer when someone is just too chicken to come out and be honest about what they're thinking and feeling. Honest reflection and discernment is one thing, and shows true respect for the person on the receiving end. But it's quite another thing to use a statement like this as a cover instead of actually being open about what you're thinking and feeling. Not being able or willing to talk about your decision in more depth later, and not being willing to discuss the implications of your decision on the relationship/friendship overall -- these are signs, in my view, that it's not based on true, honest discernment but on fear and an inability to step up to the plate and accept responsibility for the actions and actual or implied commitments you have undertaken.[/quote]
Those are some words of wisdom right there. I needed to read this today.

[quote name='Terra Firma' post='1333955' date='Jul 18 2007, 03:29 PM']I totally agree. The thing is, honest discernment is always respectful of the person/people it will affect, and is lovingly willing to have the difficult conversations that sometimes result from this discernment. Being afraid of having those conversations is a pretty sure sign that there's something fishy. And frankly, when you're on the receiving end of a "God's will" cop-out, you know it, and you know you're being disrespected and that the other person is being dishonest at least with you and possibly also with themselves and God.

I'd rather have an honest assessment of the person's thoughts and feelings than a dishonest "It's not God's will for our relationship to go in that direction but let's still be friends." Then the "friendship" continues with both parties knowing about the dishonesty that was involved, but unable to address it and things just about have to end badly. Dishonesty kills.[/quote]
I agree with you on everything you said. I'd rather have the initial pain of being told the truth than to have to sort through the dishonesty afterward. But what's really sad is that sometimes people think they're not being deceptive or dishonest with you, because in truth they are deceiving themselves by not being honest with themselves.

[Sojourner]

[quote name='Colleen' post='1334082' date='Jul 18 2007, 04:52 PM']But what's really sad is that sometimes people think they're not being deceptive or dishonest with you, because in truth they are deceiving themselves by not being honest with themselves.[/quote]
That definitely happens. I think sometimes people are unable to see their own true motivations. I've been in this place myself, and when I finally got things sorted out saw how deeply fear had become rooted in my heart. I think that's why solid Christian fellowship is so important. We need people in our lives who will not just be "yes men" but will call us out to be holy, and to face the fears that so easily entangle us. Friends who agree with what we do and think no matter what, even when our actions are clearly wrong, aren't truly helping us to grow. A true friend will say the hard things and urge us to act out of true and unconditional love that leads to wholeness and healing rather than reinforcing our fear-based behaviors.

[Paddington]

"If it were God's will for us to date, then don't you think He would have made me in a way that I could be attracted to you?"


Hold on to that one.

[Socrates]

[quote name='Terra Firma' post='1333955' date='Jul 18 2007, 03:29 PM']I totally agree. The thing is, honest discernment is always respectful of the person/people it will affect, and is lovingly willing to have the difficult conversations that sometimes result from this discernment. Being afraid of having those conversations is a pretty sure sign that there's something fishy. And frankly, when you're on the receiving end of a "God's will" cop-out, you know it, and you know you're being disrespected and that the other person is being dishonest at least with you and possibly also with themselves and God.

I'd rather have an honest assessment of the person's thoughts and feelings than a dishonest "It's not God's will for our relationship to go in that direction but let's still be friends." Then the "friendship" continues with both parties knowing about the dishonesty that was involved, but unable to address it and things just about have to end badly. Dishonesty kills.[/quote]
LOL - I had always been under the impression that talk of "God's Holy Will" was more the province of the Fair Sex. (I had always cynically noted that Catholic women are always full of God's Holy Will, which amazingly seems to always coincide perfectly with their own.)

I totally hear ya about the whole honesty thing. Very few women seem to be honest with me - most seem to go by a principle of "avoid conflict at any cost." This has unfortunately made me tend to be very suspicious and paranoid in my dealings with the opposite sex, though I have an unfortunate tendency to repeat the same stupid mistakes - hope springs eternal, I suppose.

Edited July 18, 2007 by Socrates

[Norseman82]

[quote name='Socrates' post='1334185' date='Jul 18 2007, 07:57 PM']LOL - I had always been under the impression that talk of "God's Holy Will" was more the province of the Fair Sex.[/quote]

That and talk of the "single vocation"...

(BTW, if they are the Fair Sex, does that make us the Unfair Sex?)

Anyway, if I may add my 2 cents, it seems that using the phrase "God's Will" also is a cover for an inability to make a decision or committment.

Quid vobis videtur?