How Do You Cope.. Being Exposed To Girls/guys All The Time And Thinkin

[johnnydigit]

longing for a relationship.. seeing couples everywhere.. considering or being drawn to people around you especially when you see them around often, wondering if they could be the one (but always concluding they are definitely not, no way, no chance, at least until the next day)..

i know the "pray, pray, pray" spiel. i know the "adoration" spiel. i know the "persevere and trust in God" spiel. i'm just feeling like there is something more i can do but don't know what it is. the sorrow is building and i do the above so much i don't think it's practical to add any more, because even my family is getting annoyed with how much time i'm spending doing church things. granted i'm on summer break and not taking any classes or working since i am going on a pilgrimmage to Rome in a few weeks, and know that once class starts when i get back i'll be a busy bee, but i think there's something more i should be doing.

is there anything more, or do i just accept and endure this until i finish college or God reveals something more to me?

[philosophette]

[quote name='johnnydigit' post='1333370' date='Jul 18 2007, 01:07 AM']longing for a relationship.. seeing couples everywhere.. considering or being drawn to people around you especially when you see them around often, wondering if they could be the one (but always concluding they are definitely not, no way, no chance, at least until the next day)..

i know the "pray, pray, pray" spiel. i know the "adoration" spiel. i know the "persevere and trust in God" spiel. i'm just feeling like there is something more i can do but don't know what it is. the sorrow is building and i do the above so much i don't think it's practical to add any more, because even my family is getting annoyed with how much time i'm spending doing church things. granted i'm on summer break and not taking any classes or working since i am going on a pilgrimmage to Rome in a few weeks, and know that once class starts when i get back i'll be a busy bee, but i think there's something more i should be doing.

is there anything more, or do i just accept and endure this until i finish college or God reveals something more to me?[/quote]

Well, it would probably help to not get upset with yourself for being attracted to women and wondering if they would be a good match for you because that is natural. Nothing wrong with being a human being! Religious and priests are not some super-human, asexual, perfect creatures who never feel attracted to other people... any anyone who things that or feels that they are that way probably should not be applying to religious life of the priesthood (b.c something is wrong, somewhere!).

You are probably doing enough in terms of prayer and what not. How about sports? How about volunteer work? How about anything that you can simply enjoy and stop worrying about your discernment for a while? Sounds like it is kind of making you feel tense and up tight and if you feel that way, it is hard to hear God speaking to you.

I am not a guy, but I heard a guy once say that then he sees a beautiful woman that he likes he offers her to God and say a prayer for her thanking him for her beauty. In the Jewish prayerbook I have there is actually a prayer that you can say upon seeing a beautiful person! I cannot remember it, but it is simply a short blessing like "Blessed are you, O Lord, the Creator of all things beautiful and good."

I am not entirely sure all that you are asking, but it seems like you need to chilax a little bit and take a deep breath and realize that God loves you and created you good. Do not get so upset and be at peace.

Wish I could be of more help; at the very least I will be praying for you!

[cathoholic_anonymous]

Perhaps you are doing too much.

Cut a few church activities out of your timetable and let yourself feel the sorrow you describe. Feel it properly. I don't mean that you should get rid of Mass or Adoration or any other essential ingredients of your prayer life. But there is a danger of trying to use 'church stuff' as anaesthetic to block out precisely the kind of pain that you describe. That must never be allowed to happen. If you have a genuine religious vocation you will still have to cope with these feelings, as Brittany pointed out, and you won't cope with them by repressing them.

If I become conscious of an attraction for somebody, my usual tactic is to try and shut it out by any means possible. This isn't good. Now I try to admit it honestly in prayer and ask God to show me the good in the situation. It's not a question of constantly fighting perceived temptations. It's a question of harvesting whatever you can from every situation the Lord is good enough to place in front of you.

[be_thou_my_vision]

[quote name='johnnydigit' post='1333370' date='Jul 18 2007, 12:07 AM']longing for a relationship.. seeing couples everywhere.. considering or being drawn to people around you especially when you see them around often, wondering if they could be the one (but always concluding they are definitely not, no way, no chance, at least until the next day)..

i know the "pray, pray, pray" spiel. i know the "adoration" spiel. i know the "persevere and trust in God" spiel. i'm just feeling like there is something more i can do but don't know what it is. the sorrow is building and i do the above so much i don't think it's practical to add any more, because even my family is getting annoyed with how much time i'm spending doing church things. granted i'm on summer break and not taking any classes or working since i am going on a pilgrimmage to Rome in a few weeks, and know that once class starts when i get back i'll be a busy bee, but i think there's something more i should be doing.

is there anything more, or do i just accept and endure this until i finish college or God reveals something more to me?[/quote]
Sounds like you're ready to take the plunge to me! I got to the end of the road too, and the only thing left to do was actually try it and see what happened. You must keep your discernment moving... you must continue to take steps. But that's just what I think.
"The Spirit can't guide you unless you're moving."

[Totus Tuus]

I like the advice to keep taking steps

Sounds to me like you're ready for that, too.

[29908]

I know how you feel. It's basically the same situation for me.

And...I don't know what advice to give.

I think the whole 'pray pray pray' spiel is really the only option.
Don't forget to listen...

Best of luck.

[johnnydigit]

[quote name='be_thou_my_vision' post='1336366' date='Jul 21 2007, 07:49 AM']Sounds like you're ready to take the plunge to me! I got to the end of the road too, and the only thing left to do was actually try it and see what happened. You must keep your discernment moving... you must continue to take steps. But that's just what I think.
"The Spirit can't guide you unless you're moving."[/quote]


[quote name='Totus Tuus' post='1336945' date='Jul 21 2007, 09:14 PM']I like the advice to keep taking steps

Sounds to me like you're ready for that, too.[/quote]

doh! how do you guys gather i'm ready merely from what i said?

thanks for all your comments, i got something from each of them!

well i'm going on a pilgrimmage to rome/poland next week so that will keep me busy for 3 weeks. then i'm meeting with the norbertine vocation director again to discuss my profile. then i've been really wanting to make another stay at the Prince of Peace benedictine monastery.

for sports, come late november and i will be tearing up the slopes snowboarding. all the meanwhile repeating this for another 2 years or so of college.

and then.. (hopefully girls won't be a detrimental distraction.)

[abercius24]

If you want my opinion, your problem is a lack of confidence and a bit of restlessness. You gotta stay balanced in your own personal development. A good, healthy priest is a Renaissance Man -- good academically, philosophically, spiritually and physically. The best prescription is to get into some competitive sport and get good at it. You gotta learn how capable you can be and get some confidence in what God has created in you. I imagine you're sitting around doing a lot of spiritual and scholastic stuff and your internal chemical makeup is churning within you -- which is outwardly expressed in uncontrollable physical attraction to women. Get out on the field and burn off those internal chemicals. You'll find yourself so much more at peace if you do. Maybe you can get some other guys who are in formation to start up a sports team or something. Getting others involved will keep you focused, too!

[johnnydigit]

[quote name='abercius24' post='1340316' date='Jul 25 2007, 12:13 AM']If you want my opinion, your problem is a lack of confidence and a bit of restlessness. You gotta stay balanced in your own personal development. A good, healthy priest is a Renaissance Man -- good academically, philosophically, spiritually and physically. The best prescription is to get into some competitive sport and get good at it. You gotta learn how capable you can be and get some confidence in what God has created in you. I imagine you're sitting around doing a lot of spiritual and scholastic stuff and your internal chemical makeup is churning within you -- which is outwardly expressed in uncontrollable physical attraction to women. Get out on the field and burn off those internal chemicals. You'll find yourself so much more at peace if you do. Maybe you can get some other guys who are in formation to start up a sports team or something. Getting others involved will keep you focused, too![/quote]

you're probably right on the confidence and restlessness part, but i am very into physical fitness. i've been going to the gym every other day or so with my friend, but since he left i still plan to continue going at least once or twice a week. i'm nearing my target weight and i strongly believe in maintaining the physical body as well as the spirit. i try to watch what i eat, try to eat simple and pure foods, and try to fast regularly with prayer.

even so you may be right, maybe i need to do even more and try to keep a more regular regimend. if i don't expend my energy each day some how, i seem to have a store of energy that will rob me of sleep. i also am an adrenaline junky and like extreme thrills and sports. i wonder if it has to do with the fact that when i find interest in something, i dive in head first and completely emerse myself in it, physically, emotionally, and with a deep passion..

[johnnydigit]

oh speaking of being "ready":

1. the day before last i opened the Bible randomly to Acts 1:1 which is entitled, THE PREPARATION FOR THE CHRISTIAN MISSION. hmm..

2. the next morning, a friend was talking about end times and how he doesn't want to be around the major metro US cities. i said, "oh ya, i'm ready. i'm not going anywhere. i got my armor of God and Rosary and ready to rock!"

3. i come on here and you guys say that i'm ready..

[Totus Tuus]

That's all I have to say

[LouisvilleFan]

[quote name='abercius24' post='1340316' date='Jul 25 2007, 03:13 AM']If you want my opinion, your problem is a lack of confidence and a bit of restlessness.[/quote]

I'd agree with this, since what johnny's describing sounds similar to a phase I went through. I also remember during college, when I was about 19-21, the desire for a relationship and seeing attractive girls around all the time seemed overwhelming at times, but looking back, I think the real problem was a combination of hormones and my own lack of confidence to do anything about it: like dating! What a concept, right? ;-)

Of course, the best dating relationships grow out of strong friendships, so I wouldn't recommend jumping into anything. I don't know anything about you besides this thread (like if you've had relationships in the past), but a few months after I began considering the priesthood and felt certain that it was my vocation, this girl dropped into my life. She liked me, I liked her, so even though it didn't make sense on paper, I pursued it. It simply felt right, that God needed me to go down that path. Anyway, a few months later, I came to believe she might be "the one" (that's what happens with emo guys like me). A couple days later, she was breaking up with me. I know it's nothing like an engagement or marriage falling apart, but it was still pretty rough... emotional roller coasters are never fun.

So long story short, by going through all that, I became a lot more confident, learned how to manage my emotional tendencies, and experienced how God's love and provision supercedes everything else. Maybe some of it had to do with my response to this experience... a pessimist might have hung their head low and felt destroyed by that rejection. I felt that way at first, but the cool thing was that -- almost by instinct -- I kept praying, going to Mass, Confession, etc. and suddenly it clicked: the rejection that I had feared so much turned out to be about the best thing that ever happened to me! Taking the hit felt good, in a manly sorta way

I'm not sure how any of that might apply to your life, but I think the bottom line is that as long as you remain in Christ, walking down a seemingly tangental path is only going to lead you further down the right path and make you better prepared for it -- whatever vocation God has in store for you.

[abercius24]

[quote name='johnnydigit' post='1340402' date='Jul 25 2007, 10:09 AM']you're probably right on the confidence and restlessness part, but i am very into physical fitness. i've been going to the gym every other day or so with my friend, but since he left i still plan to continue going at least once or twice a week. i'm nearing my target weight and i strongly believe in maintaining the physical body as well as the spirit. i try to watch what i eat, try to eat simple and pure foods, and try to fast regularly with prayer.

even so you may be right, maybe i need to do even more and try to keep a more regular regimend. if i don't expend my energy each day some how, i seem to have a store of energy that will rob me of sleep. i also am an adrenaline junky and like extreme thrills and sports. i wonder if it has to do with the fact that when i find interest in something, i dive in head first and completely emerse myself in it, physically, emotionally, and with a deep passion..[/quote]

I particularly think a competitive sport would be good for confidence building. It's good for a guy's psychological health to know where he stands with other men. You don't have to be the best, but to know you are a man among men is very comforting. It's also excellent for vocations since both husband and preist must instill confidence in those they minister to, be it a family or a parish. Team work with other men is also very comforting. It helps build stronger relationships with male friends, which helps build confidence.

[tojo]

[quote name='LouisvilleFan' post='1340493' date='Jul 25 2007, 12:33 PM']As long as you remain in Christ, walking down a seemingly tangental path is only going to lead you further down the right path and make you better prepared for it[/quote]

This encapsulates some thoughts of mine wonderfully. I think you're right on.

[johnnydigit]

thank you all for your input, you each had something that helped.

i just came back from a pilgrimmage to Italy and Poland, and it was without a doubt the best trip of my life. what's funny is that ever since i came back the other week, i am feeling ever more restless, but not in terms of girls and relationships. i am eager to make longer and more serious stays at the various religious communities i am interested in. in fact after i write this i am going to call one and check for availability so that i can leave ASAP.

so i guess what i learned is that i just needed to be patient, and let the difficult time i was going through when i wrote this pass. God was putting me through a trial to help me grow, and i just needed to persevere in prayer and use the tools he taught me to get through it. now that i have renewed clarity, the desire to check out God's calling simply overshadows the "girl" issues right now. i honestly don't even want to date or have a desire to explore it anymore. no doubt the issues are ever present around me, but they're just little molehills that i can more easily dismiss, and not mountains anymore.