S.o.s.

[IrishSalesian]

As the time is winding down, I feel that my family has become less and less supportive, as if they are gearing up for my failure in formation. It is now 51 days until I enter the seminary. Last week, I emptied my bank accounts to pay off most of my debt, credit cards, phone, car. My mother called me in to her room and told me that I just can't be going and spending all of my money the way I did with paying off my debt, because it screws the family in the long run. They said that since I am going to have no income, and that they will be supporting me the rest of my life; I should not spend a penny from now until I leave so that They can use that money to pay for things for me. My mother told me that she has "No faith in me" I found this offensive because I was taking myself out of debt and they were yelling at me. Then this week I went to a 4th of July party, and this girl happened to be flirting with me and asked me to follow her to a bedroom, or something, I told her thanks, but no thanks, I d rather stay with the group. She was ok with that, and I was happy with myself for having the courage to say no. I went home the next day and told them about it and they ridiculed me. Told me i was an idiot and a dumbass. They told me I should have taken advantage of such an oppourtuinty before I left for seminary.

I do not think that my family house is a very healthy one for my vocation, and Im thinking of moving in with my grandfather when I am home on semester breaks. Or maybe i can get a summer assignment somewhere in the province...Sorry I just needed to vent, and now I'll ask this. Is anyone else going through any of this B.S.??

Thanks in advance,

IrishSalesian.

Edited July 6, 2007 by IrishSalesian

[philosophette]

Well, you know what I think, so I will not repost it here, but here is what the Master has to say:
[quote]"A disciple is not above his teacher, nor a servant above his master. It is enough for a disciple that he be like his teacher, and a servant like his master. If they have called the master of the house Beelzebub, how much more will they call those of his household! Therefore do not fear them. For there is nothing covered that will not be revealed, and hidden that will not be known. Whatever I tell you in the dark, speak in the light; and what you hear in the ear, preach on the housetops. And do not fear those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. But rather fear Him who is able to destroy both soul and body in hell. Are not two sparrows sold for a copper coin? And not one of them falls to the ground apart from your Father’s will. But the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Do not fear therefore; you are of more value than many sparrows. Therefore whoever confesses Me before men, him I will also confess before My Father who is in heaven. But whoever denies Me before men, him I will also deny before My Father who is in heaven. Do not think that I came to bring peace on earth. I did not come to bring peace but a sword.[b] For I have come to ‘set a man against his father, a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law’; and ‘a man’s enemies will be those of his own household.’ He who loves father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me. And he who loves son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me. And he who does not take his cross and follow after Me is not worthy of Me. He who finds his life will lose it, and he who loses his life for My sake will find it.[/b]" (Matthew 10: 24-39)[/quote]

Being misunderstood and wrongly judged by those closest to us is one of the most difficult parts of following God's will. "The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him." (Lamentations 3:25)

I am praying for you, brother. You can count on my support.

[Gemma]

[quote name='IrishSalesian' post='1315055' date='Jul 6 2007, 10:20 AM']As the time is winding down, I feel that my family has become less and less supportive, as if they are gearing up for my failure in formation. It is now 51 days until I enter the seminary. Last week, I emptied my bank accounts to pay off most of my debt, credit cards, phone, car. My mother called me in to her room and told me that I just can't be going and spending all of my money the way I did with paying off my debt, because it screws the family in the long run. They said that since I am going to have no income, and that they will be supporting me the rest of my life; I should not spend a penny from now until I leave so that They can use that money to pay for things for me. My mother told me that she has "No faith in me" I found this offensive because I was taking myself out of debt and they were yelling at me. Then this week I went to a 4th of July party, and this girl happened to be flirting with me and asked me to follow her to a bedroom, or something, I told her thanks, but no thanks, I d rather stay with the group. She was ok with that, and I was happy with myself for having the courage to say no. I went home the next day and told them about it and they ridiculed me. Told me i was an idiot and a dumbass. They told me I should have taken advantage of such an oppourtuinty before I left for seminary.

I do not think that my family house is a very healthy one for my vocation, and Im thinking of moving in with my grandfather when I am home on semester breaks. Or maybe i can get a summer assignment somewhere in the province...Sorry I just needed to vent, and now I'll ask this. Is anyone else going through any of this B.S.??

Thanks in advance,

IrishSalesian.[/quote]

Par for the course. Full speed ahead.

I'd stay with someone else or get a job in the province somewhere. Until the family comes around, you'd be a glutton for punishment to stay there.

HTH.

Blessings,
Gemma

[alicemary]

Did you think the path would be easy? Did you not expect difficulties? Your parents feel they are loosing you, they love you. They don't want you to go, to lead this radical lifestyle. Don't worry, God will work on them.
Don't run away from them unless things get unbearable for you. They really need this time with you. And you will have even more upset in your life, try and underestand your parents and family.

[Theologian in Training]

alicemary is right, they are trying to find excuses for you not to pursue this, and even themselves feel apprehensive and scared about not knowing what will happen.

I can tell you this though, in terms of finance. As a seminarian I definitely did not have a steady income, but the Knight of Columbus are helpful as is a stipend you get every summer from the diocese. They are right in that they [i]may[/i] have to support you for a little while, but there are ways around that and seminaries are able to accommodate those who do need financial assistance. One thing you can tell them though is that it is actually a requirement that you are free of any outstanding debts before entering the seminary, in fact, I think it is one of those thousands of forms you probably filled out.

In terms of everything else, don't take it too much to heart, just spend this time with them as best you can, pray for them, and, some personal advice, don't feel compelled to tell them about every advance a woman makes on you, it does happen, and you dealt with it right, but, in the end, you really are not obligated to tell them about it, especially given their advice. I had the same thing told me by a woman friend I knew, who was shocked that I can "never have sex" anymore.

Just take it each day as it comes, continue to pray, hope, and don't worry, in the words of Padre Pio.

God Bless

Fr. Brian

[IrishSalesian]

Thanks everyone. I know that finances are always going to be a problem. Well maybe not, I wont have any, Im going into a religious order, The Salesians. In the end I take a vow of poverty. I try not to tell them everything, but sometiomes they are the only ones i feel i can talk to, then i get ridiculed. So I kick myself.

[stlmom]

Hey Irish---
First let me say how sorry I am that you are running into so much conflict at home on the verge of your taking your first big step to becoming a Salesian. As a parent, I find your decision to get rid of your debt a GOOD one, and the fact that you didn't succumb to a bedroom dalliance means that you've got your head on straight. Be candid with your superiors about these family dynamics--being in youth work, I'll bet the Salesians have seen it all, and may have resources for you if you need a stipend, etc. Try to stay on civil terms with your family, though it may be difficult. If they eventually come around, that's great; if not, you can still hold your head up, because you did not return evil for evil. God bless!

[Veritas]

+

Irish, I'm sorry your family hasn't been supportive and in all honesty hasn't been very healthy in their suggestions or comments. Sounds like it is and will be a cross for you -at least for a little while. Tell you spiritual director the specifics and get his advice about breaks. God Bless you and stay close to Jesus and Our Lady.

V

[Theologian in Training]

[quote name='IrishSalesian' post='1315120' date='Jul 6 2007, 12:11 PM']Thanks everyone. I know that finances are always going to be a problem. Well maybe not, I wont have any, Im going into a religious order, The Salesians. In the end I take a vow of poverty. I try not to tell them everything, but sometiomes they are the only ones i feel i can talk to, then i get ridiculed. So I kick myself.[/quote]

Oh, well then finances should never be a problem for you or your family. The Salesians will give you money, and it is from them that your finances will come. Your family never need worry about supporting you again. I know this because I have a good friend who is a Salesian.

God Bless

[AccountDeleted]

I am sorry for what you are going through but what others have said here is good advice. My sister's family is taking bets on how long it will take for me to leave the convent! I understand that my nephew gives me 6 months and my sister only gives me 2 months! With family like that, who needs the devil - huh?

But on the other hand, I have a brother and sister-in-law who support me completely and who have already promised to come to my clothing ceremony in England next year. So I focus on Jesus and on the love of those family members who support my vocation - not on those who expect (hope/want?) me to fail.

I will keep you in my prayers. If you can find other accommodation, it might be good. Otherwise, just stay focused on Jesus and offer up your trials to Him. God bless you.

[Totus Tuus]

Don't let 'em bring you down. God's on your side :

[sr_betsy]

Hey there.

Sorry to read about your situation. Leaving all for Christ is not easy - yet it is so freeing! Sometimes, families/friends simply do not understand. My mother still has some difficulties with me being a religious (I was the last to leave home).

Know that you are in my prayers. Keep your eye on the Lord

sr betsy

[jkaands]

Boy, your family are acting like total jerks! (sorry!) Even if I , as a parent, disagreed with your choice, I would keep my mouth shut about it.

I agree with several above that you might consider moving out for the duration, for your own mental health. After all, entering is a big step and you have to be 'up' for it.

And remind your family, that once you enter, you are supported --I hope that this is true. You are not going to be a burden on your family!

Edited July 12, 2007 by jkaands

[Carmelitess]

Hi,

People have written some great replies to you, but I thought I'd add my two cents. :
I come from a family that, instead of bringing me closer to God, pulls me away from Him. They are also very emotionally abusive. I no longer have contact with them, and since then, I've been able to make more progress in my spiritual walk. Also, just because I don't see my family, doesn't mean I've forgotten about them---I pray the rosary for their souls. So, anyway, I would definitely support a decision to move out if your family members are being nasty to you and not supporting your vocation---or even, for that matter, your decision to follow the life of chastity.

I hope this helps!! I will be praying for you.

Pax Christi,

Margaret