Guest instrumentofpeace Posted July 3, 2007 Share Posted July 3, 2007 (edited) Alright here's the deal: I'm 18 years old. God has made it exceedingly clear that he wants me to enter a college seminary. I am excited to go, and am going in order to discern whether or not He is calling me to the priesthood. I have no idea how long I will be there or if I will actually stay and continue to Major seminary and the priesthood. And the dilemma: There's a girl... I have liked her since before I was sure I was going to be entering the seminary (7 months ago), and I'm afraid its even past just liking her. I try to spend as much time as I can around her because she is just that amazing. I have never had the conversation with her, so I cant be 100% sure, but I think she returns the feelings. At the start of the summer I was talking to a couple of my friends about it and decided that the best thing to do would be to not say anything to her about it and to continue on with my plans for college. This desicion was reached based of the fact that if she did return the feelings, it would only make it harder when I left for her if I told her about mine and if she didn't return them, it would just make things unnecessarily awkward and would adversely affect the summer. Why did this change? When I made that desicion I was leaning towards that she didn't like me back, now it seems a lot more likely. When we watch movies or go places we always sit together. Close. If anyone who didn't know us saw us anywhere we are together, they'd probably assume we were dating. Although I enjoy it, i feel as though I'm failing to protect her because of it. She knows my situation with the seminary and that I am not going to change my mind about it and that I'm not allowed to have a romantic relationship, but it still feels like I'm treading on the path of leading her on. I'm new, so I'm not sure how this poll thing works, but I'd be interested in hearing your reasoning as well as your answer. Edited July 3, 2007 by instrumentofpeace Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Resurrexi Posted July 3, 2007 Share Posted July 3, 2007 [quote name='instrumentofpeace' post='1310629' date='Jul 3 2007, 12:25 AM']Alright here's the deal: I'm 18 years old. God has made it exceedingly clear that he wants me to enter a college seminary. I am excited to go, and am going in order to discern whether or not He is calling me to the priesthood. I have no idea how long I will be there or if I will actually stay and continue to Major seminary and the priesthood. And the dilemma: There's a girl... I have liked her since before I was sure I was going to be entering the seminary (7 months ago), and I'm afraid its even past just liking her. I try to spend as much time as I can around her because she is just that amazing. I have never had the conversation with her, so I cant be 100% sure, but I think she returns the feelings. At the start of the summer I was talking to a couple of my friends about it and decided that the best thing to do would be to not say anything to her about it and to continue on with my plans for college. This desicion was reached based of the fact that if she did return the feelings, it would only make it harder when I left for her if I told her about mine and if she didn't return them, it would just make things unnecessarily awkward and would adversely affect the summer. Why did this change? When I made that desicion I was leaning towards that she didn't like me back, now it seems a lot more likely. When we watch movies or go places we always sit together. Close. If anyone who didn't know us saw us anywhere we are together, they'd probably assume we were dating. Although I enjoy it, i feel as though I'm failing to protect her because of it. She knows my situation with the seminary and that I am not going to change my mind about it and that I'm not allowed to have a romantic relationship, but it still feels like I'm treading on the path of leading her on. I'm new, so I'm not sure how this poll thing works, but I'd be interested in hearing your reasoning as well as your answer.[/quote] God doesn't always call men to the priesthood in extraordinary ways... just the fact that the right decision for you is to become a priest may be your calling from God. I hope that you have considered attending seminary at the [url="http://www.fssp.com/main/olgs.html"]seminary[/url] of the [url="http://www.fssp.org/en/presentation.htm"]Priestly Fraternity of St. Peter[/url], a fraternity of priests in full communion with Pope Benedict XVI who say the [url="http://www.fssp.org/en/liturgie1962.htm"]Classical Roman Liturgy[/url], which His Holiness is soon to allow every priest to say without express permission from the bishop of the diocese. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Resurrexi Posted July 3, 2007 Share Posted July 3, 2007 [quote name='instrumentofpeace' post='1310629' date='Jul 3 2007, 12:25 AM']Alright here's the deal: I'm 18 years old. God has made it exceedingly clear that he wants me to enter a college seminary. I am excited to go, and am going in order to discern whether or not He is calling me to the priesthood. I have no idea how long I will be there or if I will actually stay and continue to Major seminary and the priesthood. And the dilemma: There's a girl... I have liked her since before I was sure I was going to be entering the seminary (7 months ago), and I'm afraid its even past just liking her. I try to spend as much time as I can around her because she is just that amazing. I have never had the conversation with her, so I cant be 100% sure, but I think she returns the feelings. At the start of the summer I was talking to a couple of my friends about it and decided that the best thing to do would be to not say anything to her about it and to continue on with my plans for college. This desicion was reached based of the fact that if she did return the feelings, it would only make it harder when I left for her if I told her about mine and if she didn't return them, it would just make things unnecessarily awkward and would adversely affect the summer. Why did this change? When I made that desicion I was leaning towards that she didn't like me back, now it seems a lot more likely. When we watch movies or go places we always sit together. Close. If anyone who didn't know us saw us anywhere we are together, they'd probably assume we were dating. Although I enjoy it, i feel as though I'm failing to protect her because of it. She knows my situation with the seminary and that I am not going to change my mind about it and that I'm not allowed to have a romantic relationship, but it still feels like I'm treading on the path of leading her on. I'm new, so I'm not sure how this poll thing works, but I'd be interested in hearing your reasoning as well as your answer.[/quote] God doesn't always call men to the priesthood in extraordinary ways... just the fact that the right decision for you is to become a priest may be your calling from God. I hope that you have considered attending seminary at the [url="http://www.fssp.com/main/olgs.html"]seminary[/url] of the [url="http://www.fssp.org/en/presentation.htm"]Priestly Fraternity of St. Peter[/url], a fraternity of priests in full communion with Pope Benedict XVI who say the [url="http://www.fssp.org/en/liturgie1962.htm"]Classical Roman Liturgy[/url], which His Holiness is soon to allow every priest to say without express permission from the bishop of the diocese. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VeniteAdoremus Posted July 3, 2007 Share Posted July 3, 2007 From what I'm reading, I would say talk to her about it, and go to the seminary. Then firmly put her out of your head and stop the semi-dating, because it's unfair to you both. It's okay to be friends with her, but this way you're only adding confusion. (I've combined dating and discerning, it ain't pretty ) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starets Posted July 3, 2007 Share Posted July 3, 2007 I agree with VeniteAdoremus. Playing both side of the fence isn't fair to either God or the girl. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Totus Tuus Posted July 3, 2007 Share Posted July 3, 2007 Brother in Christ, I would suggest making sure she knows your desires about seminary and knows that the desire makes you happy. Instead of turmoil from her, she might reciprocate with support, and help you to stay pure and joyful until the time you enter. You are probably going to have to cut down the time you spend with her, of course, because you may be jeopardizing your vocation by spending so much time, and closeness, with her. Remember - seminary is the first step, where you find out if the priesthood is your calling (generally within the first couple of years, I think). Give God your whole heart and then let Him do with you what He wills. You'll be so happy that way, whether or not your Ultimate Goal turns out to be the holy priesthood. In any case, do be assured of our prayers and support. Bless you for trying to do God's will! Lauren Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scardella Posted July 3, 2007 Share Posted July 3, 2007 If it's exceedingly clear, then go to seminary. You may wind up kicking yourself for the rest of your life if you never give it a try. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
philosophette Posted July 3, 2007 Share Posted July 3, 2007 I agree with what almost everyone else has said (although I think there are many fine seminaries that are not associated with FSSP.... and that is completely beside his question StTommy)... You need to tell her where you are going and even be open to discussing what is drawing you there. Do not semi-date her... it will only confuse the discernment process for both of you. It is unfair to the Holy Spirit to tell him that you want to listen to his voice through discernment and then to add some "white noise" on top of Him through a relationship with a woman. Like another said, give seminary a shot. If you do not feel called there at least you will know and not wonder for the rest of your life. But do not be cruel and not tell her, you have to be a man and be responsible for the relationships in your life. If you run away now it does not set a good precedent for the rest of your life - and in order to be a healthy priest you have to know how to face the relationships in your life and to sometimes say "no". God bless and I'll be praying for you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
veroni213 Posted July 3, 2007 Share Posted July 3, 2007 My personal experience tells me that it is very important to be upfront in these situations. Just tell her the truth. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RoseT91 Posted July 4, 2007 Share Posted July 4, 2007 If you like this girl then you should definetly talk to her about your plans for the seminary! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Totus Tuus Posted July 4, 2007 Share Posted July 4, 2007 Wowzers, lots of votes for option number 1! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stlmom Posted July 4, 2007 Share Posted July 4, 2007 Option #1 is the only decent and reasonable way to go here. I agree with the majority here. God bless! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Margaret Posted July 7, 2007 Share Posted July 7, 2007 Ok uh so here is a question for you all. I have a very simalar problem only I have no doubt that I am still going to enter the Convent and I also have no doubts that I will be happy and @ peace ...Once Im there. But in the mean time i am going through hell, because we started out as friends, and were friends, and suddenly I think it is getting wierd, @ least to me it seems to be and I am pretty sure it is for him. As a girl I have never liked the Idea of being the Initiator in a relationship, and I don't want there to be any kind of dating relationship, But I am almost positive that He won't say any thing so.....? help. I don't want it to get messy and I don't want to pull away with out an explination. Is it wrong to say that if things were differant I would date him? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
franciscanheart Posted July 7, 2007 Share Posted July 7, 2007 [quote name='Totus Tuus' post='1310830' date='Jul 3 2007, 09:37 AM']Brother in Christ, I would suggest making sure she knows your desires about seminary and knows that the desire makes you happy. Instead of turmoil from her, she might reciprocate with support, and help you to stay pure and joyful until the time you enter. You are probably going to have to cut down the time you spend with her, of course, because you may be jeopardizing your vocation by spending so much time, and closeness, with her. Remember - seminary is the first step, where you find out if the priesthood is your calling (generally within the first couple of years, I think). Give God your whole heart and then let Him do with you what He wills. You'll be so happy that way, whether or not your Ultimate Goal turns out to be the holy priesthood. In any case, do be assured of our prayers and support. Bless you for trying to do God's will! Lauren[/quote] What she said. (Lauren, you're spot on!) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Totus Tuus Posted July 7, 2007 Share Posted July 7, 2007 [quote name='Rose_of_Sharon' post='1315928' date='Jul 6 2007, 10:52 PM']Ok uh so here is a question for you all. I have a very simalar problem only I have no doubt that I am still going to enter the Convent and I also have no doubts that I will be happy and @ peace ...Once Im there. But in the mean time i am going through hell, because we started out as friends, and were friends, and suddenly I think it is getting wierd, @ least to me it seems to be and I am pretty sure it is for him. As a girl I have never liked the Idea of being the Initiator in a relationship, and I don't want there to be any kind of dating relationship, But I am almost positive that He won't say any thing so.....? help. I don't want it to get messy and I don't want to pull away with out an explination. Is it wrong to say that if things were differant I would date him?[/quote] As hard as it might be, the best option might be to ask the sisters you're joining what they think. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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