Let’s Talk About Love

[Farsight one]

Hmm...I think I'm going to have to disagree with a lot of what is said. Rather than reply to it all individually, I'll reply with something that I wrote a while back. (It's a facebook note, copied and pasted )

Exactly what love is has been disputed for ages and I've heard many many different explanations. Dictionary.com has many definitions:

love /lʌv/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[luhv] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation noun, verb, loved, lov·ing.
–noun
1. a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.
2. a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend.
3. sexual passion or desire.
4. a person toward whom love is felt; beloved person; sweetheart.
5. (used in direct address as a term of endearment, affection, or the like): Would you like to see a movie, love?
6. a love affair; an intensely amorous incident; amour.
7. sexual intercourse; copulation.
8. (initial capital letter) a personification of sexual affection, as Eros or Cupid.
9. affectionate concern for the well-being of others: the love of one's neighbor.
10. strong predilection, enthusiasm, or liking for anything: her love of books.
11. the object or thing so liked: The theater was her great love.
12. the benevolent affection of God for His creatures, or the reverent affection due from them to God.
13. Chiefly Tennis. a score of zero; nothing.
14. a word formerly used in communications to represent the letter L.
–verb (used with object)
15. to have love or affection for: All her pupils love her.
16. to have a profoundly tender, passionate affection for (another person).
17. to have a strong liking for; take great pleasure in: to love music.
18. to need or require; benefit greatly from: Plants love sunlight.
19. to embrace and kiss (someone), as a lover.
20. to have sexual intercourse with.
–verb (used without object)
21. to have love or affection for another person; be in love.

I would have to say that NONE of those accurately describe love (except for #13, but that's a whole different kind of love ) Is it an intense emotion? A very powerful attraction? A feeling? No, it is none of these. In fact, I believe that a one million word essay on the subject will still fall short of completely explaining what it is. So, I have been, for some time seeking the best definition of love that I could find. I of course, had the best definition I could find in my head, but I don't think that it would convey to paper very well.

I was in church earlier, one of the readings was the "love is patient, love is kind..." thing. Now, I've heard this before, but I never really listened and thought about it before.

Normally, I don't like to use a religiously influenced explanation for something because I debate with all sorts of people on message boards a lot and a religiously influenced explanation really holds no weight to the numerous atheists I come across. However, I really think that this does explain love the best. Here it is:

1 Corinthians 13:4-7

"Love is patient, love is kind. It is not jealous, love is not pompous, it is not inflated, it is not rude, it does not seek its own interests, it is not quick-tempered, it does not brood over injury, it does not rejoice over wrondoing but rejoices with the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things."

Lets break that down:

"Love is patient, love is kind"

I really don't think there's anyone who would dispute that part. A relationship is a frustrating thing sometimes, and you need patience for it to survive. And, if you can't be nice to someone, then you're not really expressing love.

"It is not jealous"

Oh. Here's a toughy. not jealous. But what if the person you love is spending all their time with someone else? Well, then you should be able to talk to them about the problem. Why should you be jealous of someone else when it's you that your significant other chose? This is where trust comes in. If you cannot trust someone, then there's going to be big problems. Basically, even if they are not a trustworthy person, if you truely love them, then you should be able to trust them anyway.

"love is not pompous, it is not inflated, it is not rude"

It is not something you go bragging about. Yeah, ladies, go ahead and show off your engagement ring. That's not what I mean. Realize that you are blessed to have love, and that you are not better than others because of it. Their time will come too.

"it does not seek its own interests"

Here's an important one. Love is sacrifice. If you love someone, the first thought in your head will be what benefits the one you love, not what benefits yourself. That means that if you truly believe that the one you love is better off with someone else, then you should be encouraging that. Yeah, it smells of elderberries seeing someone you love with someone else, trust me, I know, but when it comes to love, it really is about them and not you.

"it is not quick-tempered"

I think this goes hand in hand with "love is patient"

"it does not brood over injury"

Sometimes you get hurt. Women sometimes to ask questions to which there is no right answer (Does this make me look fat? - yes:are you saying I'm fat? - no:I really wish you would be honest once in a while!). I'm sure guys do too sometimes, but we don't really see it easily. Do not brood over it. Forgive and forget. Does that mean my mom should stop bringing up the fact that I was a 9lb 13ounce baby?

"it does not rejoice over wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth"

Uh...duh? Pretty much, don't lie to the one you love. At all. Be honest, even if it hurts, because in the end, they'll probably find out the truth, and then they'll be doublely hurt from the truth AND from finding out they were lied to. Sometimes it may be prudent to wait for the proper time to reveal something, but be sure to be ultimately honest.

"It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things"

Sort of a reiteration of what has already been said.

"endures all things"

Here's the BIG one. Here's the one that makes people pissed at me. Love endures ALL things. It endures being apart for 2 years while one of you is in Iraq. It endures being lied to - because, despite there being love, people can still screw up. It endures being cheated on. repeatedly. It endures past even life itself. Love is absolutely, positively, in every way, NEVER-ending. NEVER. EVER. If you truly love someone, you will never stop loving them. I hear people say "I just don't love them anymore" and I bite my tongue, knowing that they will be insulted by what I want to say, but if you think that you have stopped loving someone, then one of two things has occured:

1. You do still love them, and are just lying to yourself.
2. You never actually loved them to begin with. Maybe you really liked them, and truly cared about them, but there was no real love there, because if there was, then it would still be there.

[Proud2BCatholic139]

Like I said, plain and simple...

God is love.

quote by Farsight one

Here's the BIG one. Here's the one that makes people pissed at me. Love endures ALL things. It endures being apart for 2 years while one of you is in Iraq. It endures being lied to - because, despite there being love, people can still screw up. It endures being cheated on. repeatedly. It endures past even life itself. Love is absolutely, positively, in every way, NEVER-ending. NEVER. EVER. If you truly love someone, you will never stop loving them. I hear people say "I just don't love them anymore" and I bite my tongue, knowing that they will be insulted by what I want to say, but if you think that you have stopped loving someone, then one of two things has occured:

1. You do still love them, and are just lying to yourself.
2. You never actually loved them to begin with. Maybe you really liked them, and truly cared about them, but there was no real love there, because if there was, then it would still be there.


[i][/i]some of those things I mentioned prior, I don't know if you caught that. But it is true.

[kafka]

God is Love. Love is a name of God.

[SJP]

carrdero,

Please define your terms.

I asked you to give me your definition of love. Not characteristics, but the essence of what love is. To which you replied:


[quote]carrdero writes: Love is[/quote]

Love is what?

[SJP]

[quote]carrdero wites: “to will" has connotations of imposing, I do not believe that love should be forced or imposed on anyone. Love is free and to “will anything” constricts this freedom to accept or not accept another's love.[/quote]Really? So you don't believe that it would be a good idea to act in one's best interest, even if at the time they were opposed to your actions. Perhaps an example will help to illustrate my point. A mother checks her 14 year old son into rehab because he is addicted to cocaine. That sounds like an act of love to me! A mother is looking out for the best interest of her child [b]and decides to take action [/b]to change her son's life.

Would you argue that this was an act of love?

I think most people would certainly view this as a profound act of love.

So really, in the aforementioned case, "to will" the good of another doesn't seem to be an imposition, or a restriction of freedom, but just the opposite. The mother's actions could giver her son his life back.

[quote]carrdero writes: “the good” implies condition and that love has to measured or earned by deeds. Some of the most profound examples of love is when love is observed to be unconditional without any judgment or expectations.[/quote]

It is true, "the good" does imply condition. Is it not true that certain things constitute an act of love and at the same time, certain actions do not constitute an act of love? I don't think that you would claim that all actions constitute love, would you? So there must be a standard for what could properly be termed love. Would you agree?