I'm Scared Of Holiness

[chelsea]

Hey y'all. I didnt know where to post this, so i just picked here.

I know that Christ has a totally huge rockin out plan for my life. Sometimes I consider the convent, and then i shy away from it. Im not really at a point in my life where I'm seriously discerning.


However, completely unrelated, i find myself afraid of being holy. I dont really know how to explain it. Maybe afraid of being like, an example for others? I dont know. Can anybody relate?

[Sixtina87]

OUr Holy Father, JPII, has always told the youth of this Millenium, "Be not afraid" we should never be afraid to be the Saints of this generation! Don't be afraid and just take it one step at a time.....I am not sure what age you are.....but growing up I never could see myself or consider myself holy! Of course there are many different ways to be holy, great examples of the holy people is Mother Teresa, a religious priest, brother, monk, sister, nun and deacon.....but as for saints...of course all the Saints are, otherwise they wouldnt be considered saints....each person did something in their life according to what he or she felt was right....that is holiness right there. Confirmation is one way we ask the Holy Spirit to guide us through the rest of our lives to help to become holy and not to wonder off into the complete opposite.

As for me I attend a catholic college, I use to teach CCD, I am a volunteer youth minister and retreat director, i have (before college) attended about 6 retreats a year, I have met my Bishop several hundred times in the past 6 yrs and I help alot at my own parish...some of those things people could consider Holy...however it is our own way to beoome holy....no matter what we are holy in the sight of God.

So on my honest opinion, I think being holy is what you make of it and your own opinion of what it should be and also should be lived!

I hope this helps!

God Bless!

Edited May 29, 2007 by Sixtina87

[cathoholic_anonymous]

I get scared of holiness all the time. I'm not afraid to participate in church activities (daily Mass attendance, membership in the Saint Vincent de Paul Society, regular retreats, etc.), but I suspect that being an active member of your parish community isn't the same thing as being holy. It's part of holiness, it's a means to attaining holiness, but it's not holiness in itself.

Holiness is a gift, available for the asking. It is the willingness to burn with the fire of God. This takes sacrifice, but it's not the sacrifice I'm afraid of either. I worked this out last night.

It's the asking that frightens me. The asking for holiness. I feel so unclean sometimes, as if I have to tidy up my inner house before I can even begin to consider letting God in. I know that He does not care about that. I know that He is patiently waiting for me to stop fussing and just become aware of that great love He has for me. But the asking, the awareness...they both require me to leave the cave and go out into the sun. I don't think many people can face that without flinching, at least at first.

[farglefeezlebut]

I can understand your fear. Sometimes I get afriad of Holiness - I don't want to put God first. There are too many little things which I don't want to give up. I also experience what Vicky describes. The generosity iof God is embarrassing.

[Ora et Labora]

I agree. Holiness definitely takes bravery! I think we all get scared sometimes, chelsea.

[chelsea]

Thank you all for taking the time to reply!

I am very involved in church and in different ministries in my youth group (im 17). I know i'm kinda young to be worrying about my vocation, but i feel in my heart that Christ is calling me to something huge. I think i'm scared of that calling, that vocation. One minute I'll feel called to be a Franciscan sister in the Bronx, and the next minute I'll want to be a social worker in southern california. I dont know what I'm supposed to do. I guess my fear is rather irrational. Maybe its just apprehension.

<3+

[Ora et Labora]

hey, i'm 17 too! lol and very often do i feel like i'm worrying about it too much...but, recently i realized that it's good i'm looking! several months ago when i would really, really stress out about it, a good person once told me "if you're looking, God knows and is just waiting to tell you...but, believe me! He'll tell you and you'll know when he does."

[Era Might]

I know exactly what you mean. St. Augustine had a similar problem:

[quote]Yet I still did not quite reach or touch or grasp the goal, because I hesitated to die to death and to live to life. And the worse way, to which I was habituated, was stronger in me than the better, which I had not tried. And up to the very moment in which I was to become another man, the nearer the moment approached, the greater horror did it strike in me. But it did not strike me back, nor turn me aside, but held me in suspense.[/quote]
I like to think of St. Matthew, who was literally called by Our Lord one day while sitting at the tax office. He told him to come and follow, and he got up and followed. He had no idea what was ahead of him, he just went where he was called. That's the best example we can follow.

[philosophette]

A really cool book that kind of deals with this topic (but in an allegorical way) is[url="http://www.saintphilomena.com/King.htm"] The King of the Golden C[/url]ity. You can get an audio book of it for free (click the link at the top of the page that comes up). Its a great story.

[cathoholic_anonymous]

[quote name='chelsea' post='1283497' date='May 29 2007, 09:02 PM']Thank you all for taking the time to reply!

I am very involved in church and in different ministries in my youth group (im 17). I know i'm kinda young to be worrying about my vocation, but i feel in my heart that Christ is calling me to something huge. I think i'm scared of that calling, that vocation. One minute I'll feel called to be a Franciscan sister in the Bronx, and the next minute I'll want to be a social worker in southern california. I dont know what I'm supposed to do. I guess my fear is rather irrational. Maybe its just apprehension.

<3+[/quote]

Perhaps you are afraid because you are worrying about your [i]specific[/i] calling when the time hasn't come for you to know. As the proverb goes, you must walk before you can run - and walking can be just as exhilarating as sprinting along. You are in the company of Jesus, and His presence at your side is enough to turn even a long trudge uphill into a great adventure. Think back on Pentecost and remind yourself that the Holy Spirit is dwelling in you [i]now[/i]. Not tomorrow, not next year, but [i]now[/i]. At this moment and forever, you are called to respond to that indwelling love as best you can. So when you wake up in the morning, think, "How can I live for God today? How I can let Christ shine out of me?" Don't think, "Where will I be in ten years' time, ministering in the Bronx or doing social work in California? Where does God want me? Will it be too big for me to handle???!!!" Those are not questions for today. If you concentrate on the 'small' questions that I have just given (which are really the biggest of the lot) knowledge of your specific vocation will eventually dawn on you.

There are lots of teenagers on Phatmass who seem to be in love with different communities and absolutely convinced that they're going to end up in one of those orders. But admiration and adulation do not always signify a genuine calling. It is possible to respond excitedly to the beauty and generosity that you see in different orders without being called there yourself. So when you encounter other seventeen-year-olds on Phatmass who give the impression that they have everything picked out, from their future community to the colour of their Office book, don't get anxious and assume that there must be something odd about you. There isn't. It's quite natural to feel uncertain and it is a great chance to learn to trust faithfully in our good God.

[be_thou_my_vision]

Holiness is a challenge to become who we were created to be... it concentrates your soul to it's purest and most perfect form. The purificatioin can be painful in different ways, but it is a beautiful process. Open your heart and He will make you perfect in HIM!!!! God Bless you!!!

[farglefeezlebut]

[quote name='Cathoholic Anonymous' post='1283630' date='May 29 2007, 11:29 PM']Perhaps you are afraid because you are worrying about your [i]specific[/i] calling when the time hasn't come for you to know. As the proverb goes, you must walk before you can run - and walking can be just as exhilarating as sprinting along. You are in the company of Jesus, and His presence at your side is enough to turn even a long trudge uphill into a great adventure. Think back on Pentecost and remind yourself that the Holy Spirit is dwelling in you [i]now[/i]. Not tomorrow, not next year, but [i]now[/i]. At this moment and forever, you are called to respond to that indwelling love as best you can. So when you wake up in the morning, think, "How can I live for God today? How I can let Christ shine out of me?" Don't think, "Where will I be in ten years' time, ministering in the Bronx or doing social work in California? Where does God want me? Will it be too big for me to handle???!!!" Those are not questions for today. If you concentrate on the 'small' questions that I have just given (which are really the biggest of the lot) knowledge of your specific vocation will eventually dawn on you.[/quote]

This is wonderful advice which you should definitely listen to. It was only when I started focussing on how to love God now that he let me glimpse a bit of what he wants me to do.

[chelsea]

Thanks everyone.

I went to adoration last night and didnt worry about my vocation, didnt worry about anything. I just sat with the Lord and thanked Him for being there. I was totally at peace.

I think my fear of holiness is more a fear of giving it all to Christ. I know i have to but its so hard.
Thank you for all of your advice, and know that I am praying for you!

In the Eucharist,
<3+ Chels

[MissyP89]

I'm 17, too, and am finding you guys really encouraging. Thanks.

For me, it feels like I'm constantly getting ahead of myself. I graduate in three weeks now, so I'm very occupied with my future. I've (very very very) slowly begun to discern what God might want for me. It's scary to consider where I might end up, what I'll do, who I will (or won't) be with.

You're not alone, that's for sure. What comforts me is knowing His will is [i]perfect[/i], and we won't be led wrong by it if we trust in Him. That's good news.

Question: Have you ever been scared you've heard God wrong? I have, and I wonder if anyone else has been through that.

[chelsea]

[quote name='MissyP89' post='1284340' date='May 30 2007, 01:51 PM']Question: Have you ever been scared you've heard God wrong? I have, and I wonder if anyone else has been through that.[/quote]


most definitely. I always doubt. I just ask Christ to help me distinguish between my thoughts and his words.