When You're Discerning

[Tina44]

Hello everyone,
Well, my entire application is in with the vocation directress at the IHM's. We are just waiting on 3 of my references to finish their letters and my psychological feedback session to be scheduled. In the meantime, I hit a roadblock of sorts. It's been a roller coaster for me over the past few months, with working 60 hours a week because of tax season, informing my HR manager that I am leaving, and balancing work, prayer, and personal life.
There is one issue that seems to be resurfacing over and over. Right now, there is no possibility of a relationship for me, simply because there are no men in my life that I would want to have a relationship with. All the good ones seem to be gone or in the seminary. Which is ok because they will make awesome priests! Anyway, I keep thinking what if I'm going along with this vocation with the IHM's and I shouldn't be because God wants me in a relationship and to get married. Has this ever happened to any of you? What did you do?
I feel like I'm going in circles. I have dealt with every other issue up to now and this is the one thing that keeps coming up and I can't get past it. I'm so confused on what to do. One minute I can't wait to get to the Motherhouse and immerse myself in everything, and the next I'm questioning it all over again. I can't believe that only 5 months ago I was so happy and excited to be applying and taking this step, and now I'm just utterly confused. Again. Does anyone else feel as though you fall and once you get back up and start again, you only fall again? That's what I feel like.

I have a meeting on Saturday morning with a priest that visited our parish several times, just to talk about all this and get a different perspective on it. Of course, it doesn't help that my spiritual director is at a workshop for the whole week!

[be_thou_my_vision]

I have had to struggle with this as well. Although marriage is a very holy vocation, there was something that compelled you to apply to the Sisters. There is something deep inside you that wants to be a Sister, because you wouldn't have made it this far if God wasn't sustaining you to this point. If you are not called to the religious life, and you find that out for sure when you have already entered to postulancy, at least you will know and will be able to pursure marriage freely. For me, I know I will always regret if I don't try religious life. If I come out, I will know that I gave it a good shot, and the time wasn't wasted.
Talk to the vocation director (or whoever is responsible for you) and a priest... If you are not called to enter, something will stop you. Don't be afraid.
I have gone through this... just keep going.
In His Heart,
Jenny

[alicemary]

Of course it is quite normal and to be expected. It is the 'norm' to want to marry for the most part. You are truly considering a radical lifestyle. Whenever one makes a important decision, one is plagued with indecisivness and 'what ifs'. That is why the road to vows is so long..you have lots of time to consider things. The desire for marriage is not going to dissapear when you walk into the convent, you have to examine your life even more closely there.
Just keep praying. Ask the Lord for guidance. And don't be so hard on yourself! The Lord gives us the good with the bad and we have to learn to overcome.
My prayers joining yours.

[Chiquitunga]

Also, don't forget, becoming a sister is a marriage to Christ - but whatever He wants .. whatever is His will ..

Edited April 25, 2007 by Margaret Clare

[be_thou_my_vision]

[quote name='alicemary' post='1256018' date='Apr 25 2007, 09:03 AM']Of course it is quite normal and to be expected. It is the 'norm' to want to marry for the most part. You are truly considering a radical lifestyle. Whenever one makes a important decision, one is plagued with indecisivness and 'what ifs'. That is why the road to vows is so long..you have lots of time to consider things. The desire for marriage is not going to dissapear when you walk into the convent, you have to examine your life even more closely there.[/quote]
This is very true.

[the_rev]

I actually needed this thread becasue I've been wondering the same thing as I near my entrance to seminary.

[gabrielp]

Hey,

I struggle with this too! This is how I look at it. If God wanted me to get married, he'd put the girl that was right for me in my life, and give me the graces to carry on a fruitful, blessed relationship. Likewise, if God wanted me to join religious life, he'd put the order that was right for me in my life, and give me the graces to carry on a fruitful, blessed life as a religious. God knows I'm not too good in this discerning business, so I've decided to leave most of the deciding work to him. And whatever he wants me to do, I'm sure he'll make it obvious. After all, a good parent makes sure a child knows exactly what is required of him. A good general makes sure his orders to his troops are clear. A good master makes sure his instructions to his handservants are clear.

It seems to me, in your case (although I can't say for sure, I barely know you!), he's granted you the latter!

Again, I have to take my own advice! It seems writing these things are probably more beneficial to me than to anyone else.

God bless you,
Gabriel

[Tina44]

[quote name='the_rev' post='1256552' date='Apr 26 2007, 12:25 AM']I actually needed this thread becasue I've been wondering the same thing as I near my entrance to seminary.[/quote]


It's comforting to know that I'm not alone feeling this way!

[cmaD2006]

[quote name='Tina' post='1256674' date='Apr 26 2007, 08:11 AM']It's comforting to know that I'm not alone feeling this way![/quote]

I think its something that's questioned along the way. I've asked myself similar questions along the way ... and the question still pops up every so often. But so far the Lord comes along and reconfirms the vocation to religious life and keeps tugging at the heart.

[Tina44]

Thank you all for your wonderful advice and guidance! I met today with the priest that sometimes visits our parish and he shed some light on the entire situation.
He basically told me that I need to stop looking for the "bottom line" as I am used to in my line of work and I need to let go of the control I want to have. Of course these two things are the absolute hardest for me to do!!
Thank you for all the support and prayers! Please continue to pray for me as I go forward with my discernment.

[cmaD2006]

[quote name='Tina' post='1259362' date='Apr 29 2007, 12:15 AM']He basically told me that I need to stop looking for the "bottom line" as I am used to in my line of work and I need to let go of the control I want to have. Of course these two things are the absolute hardest for me to do!![/quote]

We must have similar spiritual directors 'cuz mine has told me to let go of the control.


Yep I agree its one of the hardest things to do especially when you're so used to doing just that.

God bless you and help you as you continue your journey!

Edited April 29, 2007 by cmariadiaz

[Tina44]

[quote name='cmariadiaz' post='1259409' date='Apr 29 2007, 01:33 AM']We must have similar spiritual directors 'cuz mine has told me to let go of the control.


Yep I agree its one of the hardest things to do especially when you're so used to doing just that.

God bless you and help you as you continue your journey![/quote]


I will keep you in my prayers as well. If you don't mind me asking, how are you dealing with the idea of letting go? That thought of not being in control scares me to death

[sismaria]

[quote name='Tina' post='1260550' date='Apr 30 2007, 09:59 AM']I will keep you in my prayers as well. If you don't mind me asking, how are you dealing with the idea of letting go? That thought of not being in control scares me to death [/quote]


Don't you think if you really trust God and know that what He has planned is best, you'll let Him be in control? I think you just have to keep telling yourself or God little thoughts that keep you mindful of His care for you and His loving providence. We surely don't want to be in control since we know we are so very limited, and He is so very perfect and loving.

[cmaD2006]

[quote name='sismaria' post='1261295' date='Apr 30 2007, 11:08 PM']Don't you think if you really trust God and know that what He has planned is best, you'll let Him be in control? I think you just have to keep telling yourself or God little thoughts that keep you mindful of His care for you and His loving providence. We surely don't want to be in control since we know we are so very limited, and He is so very perfect and loving.[/quote]

I agree with Sr. Maria -- it is a lack of trust in God that causes us to be in control. I also know it can be due to our past (I took "charge of my life" from a very early age, and became quite independent because of it). It can be quite difficult to put things into His hands and keep it there.

Tina -- I deal with the letting go through prayer, and practice.

There are small ways to start "letting go" of control. For example, if when you go out with a group of friends you're always the one who chooses the place or activity, then let someone else choose -- and don't say anything when its not something you want to do.

Right now I've just finished moving into an apartment that would not have been my choice if it wasn't due to trying to get my debt down. Even though I'd love to just move somewhere else, I'm staying put because I don't think that's what God would want. So doing what He wants and not what I want in the smaller things in life is a way of practicing obedience to Him.

I'm also actively working on the letting go with respect to my entrance date -- the only way I can work on this is through prayer, and thanking Him for what He has already accomplished and what He will accomplish in me.

Finally I think having a spiritual director helps a lot. He suggested specifically praying (daily) for the grace to let go and for the grace of detachment. I do think its something that is accomplished step by step, on a day-by-day basis (I'm still working at it and probably will for the rest of my life -- but it is a bit easier once you see how God works in your life when you let Him do what He wants, and don't try to control Him).

Edited May 2, 2007 by cmariadiaz