God Isn't Talking To Me Right Now

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Do you guys believe in Satan? I feel like I have been under attack since yesterday and God isn't talking to me, so I feel very much alone. I would really appreciate some prayers.

I guess I believe in the devil, because I have seen a lot of evil in my life, but I haven't really had any close personal experiences where I felt like I was the one being attacked before.

Mother Prioress wrote that I could enter on July 16th but instead of being happy about it, I am feeling so bad about myself that it is making me doubt absolutely everything that I thought I was completely sure about. If someone asked me right now why I want to be a Carmelite, I wouldn't have an answer. And all I can think about is how evil I am.

I didn't even want to go to Mass yesterday, and I have been going going twice a day for the past week and loving it! I went anyway and Mass was wonderful of course - and the reading was about Jesus asking Peter three times if he loved Him. Then in the homily the priest told us we could forgive ourselves for our sins because God does - so we need to let go of guilt. That was all fine during Mass, but even on the bus trip home I was feeling so guilty and horrible about all my past sins, especially about feeling doubt all day. It's like I can't stop myself from feeling bad about me, and then feeling bad because I'm feeling bad!!!

Somebody please tell me that this will pass because I am so sad and I just can't seem to hear God right now.

[puellapaschalis]

It will pass. Everything will be well, only keep strong, do not let yourself be downhearted, and do not give in to despair. I'm up late working on a paper but I'll go and pray a Rosary for you now. Chin up!

PP

PS Yes, I do believe in Satan, and I believe one of the best ways to let him in is to talk about him. Keep your eyes focused on Him instead, do not look down, and keep chugging on. We're all here next to you.

Edited April 22, 2007 by puellapaschalis

[Starets]

Puella is right. Dabit deus his quoque finem. God will grant an end even to this.

[Sanvean]

Oh, luv... It can be a rocky road sometimes, can't it? Still, this [i]will[/i] pass.

I only wish that I could tell you [i]when[/i].

In one of her letters, St. Therese once wrote that it is by humiliation alone that Saints are made, and this is without a doubt true. It's a bitter pill, I know. At the same time, this sort of suffering can be a wonderful opportunity. Always remember that He really does tend to lead those He loves deep into the desert. It's only when we have suffered in union with Him, in the stark desolation of the Cross that we can really, truly, come close to appreciating the sublimity of His Love, and the sweetness of His consolations. How much more profound His caress is when there is nothing left [i]but[/i] Him!

You just need to... let go, and trust Him. Take this as an opportunity to love Him even more deeply and faithfully than you already do. Just as His light can shine ever so much more brightly in the darkness, our own love is that much more powerful when we can show that it truly isn't attached to the many gifts that He gives. How beautiful, then, to have a chance to show Him the depth of your fidelity.

Keep faith: now, more than ever, He is with you, and watching over you.

I'll be praying.

[Sr Mary Catharine OP]

[quote name='nunsense' post='1252168' date='Apr 21 2007, 09:44 PM']Do you guys believe in Satan? I feel like I have been under attack since yesterday and God isn't talking to me, so I feel very much alone. I would really appreciate some prayers.

I guess I believe in the devil, because I have seen a lot of evil in my life, but I haven't really had any close personal experiences where I felt like I was the one being attacked before.

Mother Prioress wrote that I could enter on July 16th but instead of being happy about it, I am feeling so bad about myself that it is making me doubt absolutely everything that I thought I was completely sure about. If someone asked me right now why I want to be a Carmelite, I wouldn't have an answer. And all I can think about is how evil I am.

I didn't even want to go to Mass yesterday, and I have been going going twice a day for the past week and loving it! I went anyway and Mass was wonderful of course - and the reading was about Jesus asking Peter three times if he loved Him. Then in the homily the priest told us we could forgive ourselves for our sins because God does - so we need to let go of guilt. That was all fine during Mass, but even on the bus trip home I was feeling so guilty and horrible about all my past sins, especially about feeling doubt all day. It's like I can't stop myself from feeling bad about me, and then feeling bad because I'm feeling bad!!!

Somebody please tell me that this will pass because I am so sad and I just can't seem to hear God right now.
[/quote]

Annie, it is this time, as you prepare for entrance that the devil will try to make you give up by discouraging you. Discouragement is one of the most insidious (sp) viruses in the spiritual life. Don't let the ole boy bother you!

The contemplative life is ABOVE ALL a life of FAITH! It's not about feelings, but about fidelity in love. You must love HIM and be faithful to HIm because He is worth your love and fidelity not because it makes you feel good.

Let go of your past sins! JESUS has forgiven them and forgotten them and so must you! I don't know about Carmel but in the Dominican Order at every stage you are asked at the beginning of the ceremony, "What do you ask?" And do you know what the answer is? "God's MERCY and YOURS!" How can we experience His mercy if we're not in need of it!

Let your sinfulness and be the entryway to the heart of Christ! It must lead you to Christ not to yourself! So it is a "felix cupla"!

Don't worry about not being able to answer why you are becoming a Carmelite. That answer will change over time. Most of us enter for one reason but stay for another!

Live in the present moment. In the present moment you can say I LOVE YOU! to Jesus, right? Well, than let each moment be an act of love. Again, it's not about feelings!! Love is an act of the will. I know that sounds terribly dry but sometimes it's these things that help us get over the bumps!

I will pray for you tonight and recommend you to the care of our Blessed Mother!

God bless you! Good night, or I guess, Good morning!

In Christ,
Sr. Mary Catharine

PS God isn't talking to you? EVERYTIME you read the WORD OF GOD it is the WORD who is speaking to YOU!

[puellapaschalis]

One Rosary winging its way to Heaven right now with your name on it

PP

[uruviel]

I am very sorry to hear you speak of such doubt and guilt. I know that this is a hard time of temptation right now, but know that you are in all of our prayers. God did not abandon you, He is listening to you, you just have to trust Him with all your heart. Sometimes trust can be the hardest part out of all of this but we must try our best, ask for the grace to trust in His mercy. The devil is trying his very hardest to lead you from God and from pleasing Him. I know you are a strong soul with the Lord, and you will get through this temptation of despair. God Bless you, you are in my prayers
-uruviel

[Fr. Antony Maria OSB]

This time will pass. If you really think about it, Satan doesn't want you to enter that convent, but apparently the Carmalites there don't have a problem with it, as Mother Prioress told you that you could enter in July! I've heard of other people entering the priesthood/religious life say that they went through a similar time right before their induction into the community/priesthood, so you're not the only one who is going through this. All I can really say is keep your eyes on God through this time! Also, as I am really hard on myself as to what is a sin and what isn't quite a bit, one of the priests that I know has told me to do this as a penance, and it has really helped me out: maybe it'll help you, too. Take some time to sit in our Lord's Presence, either at Adoration or just sitting with Him in the Tabernacle sometime, and ask Him to show you how He sees you. Be open to God's Voice. I'll be praying for you!

May God bless and protect you always in all of your endeavors, especially your discernment!

Your Brother in Christ,

Joe

[Scholastica]

I believe its a common experince to feel alone just when your closest to God. I can't quiet remember which saint it was but I do remember reading in the writings of this saint that when God draws us near he lays His cross on our shoulders, choosing us worthy to share in the precious Cross. As a future Carmelite, the Lord will share all things with you - especially His cross, which includes the sufferings of feeling alone and doubting whether God even exists. When St Therese of Lisieux was dying from consumption - virtually suffocating to death - she often felt alone as if cast into the valley of the atheist where faith could hardly be seen let alone felt. Yet within herself she abandoned herself to the will of God.

In times like these, I think the advice given previoulsy that thinking of the one that lives down stairs- isnt the best thing to do and may serve as an invitation for Him. You need to perservere through these transient feelings and put up a fight - pray and trust despite your feelings telling you not too.
I'm kind of going through the same feelings that your going through now so I know that words probably dont help much and may make you feel worse {its not my intention}

Sometimes the best thing to do is when you feel like you cant trust God - trust Him anyway
If you like you can't pray - pray anyway

and like all things it will pass and in going against your feelings you bring glory to God.

You never know - maybe a Job scenario is going on in heaven (r u familiar with the story of Job?) - You have decided to follow God and consecrate your life to Him and the evil one shows up and says "hey, she's only joining the Carmelites because she feels your presence God, I bet you if she didn't 'feel' that you are close to her she will run the other way and abandon you". To prove Him wrong, God might be allowing you to feel this aloneness - but in the end Job persevered, humiliated the evil one, bought GLORY to GOD and God repaid Job for His loyalty generously.

Sorry about the rant.

You have my prayers

[Guest phatdaddy]

Annie,
I also will be saying prayers for you. Please take to heart all these previous post I think they speak the truth. If I may, Psalm 51 helped me to recieve the grace of accepting Gods forgiveness after many many years of being mired in guilt. This dark night will pass. Trust and keep doing what you are doing.
Mr. Ray

[Chiquitunga]

"From long experience I have learned that there is nothing like holy water to put devils to flight and prevent them from coming back again. They also flee from the Cross, but return; so holy water must have great virtue.“ ~St. Teresa, from autobiography

[TotusTuusMaria]

[center]J.M.J.[/center]

Reading this reminded me of the doubts and dryness that St. Therese often felt. Persevere!

"Let nothing trouble you, let nothing frighten you.
All things are passing; God never changes.

Patience obtains all things.
He who possesses God lacks nothing: God alone suffices." - St. Teresa of Avila

I have said a prayer for you! God bless you!

In Jesus and Mary,
Marie

[alicemary]

You didn't think your road to Carmel would be without trials did you? Of course not. I find when I start having major doubts or pressure, I make a conscious effort to lighten up a bit. Sometimes we expend so much energy on getting somewhere that we forget the real thing is the journey.
Also guilt is truly a waste of your time. I have made a decision to eradicate that word from my vocabulary. I have enough baggage in my life, I dont need to waste my valuable time wondering what if, or should do's.
Also what Sr. Catharine said is so very true. Feelings don't count...you have to leave them far behind! Boy is that one hard.
You will be just fine. Accept what you are going through is just another part of the process. Hold on to your rosary and say satan be gone, I do not acknowledge you. Then go chill out, watch a funny movie, read a good book and grab a hershey bar. Always works for me.
Prayers joining with you.
Alicemary

[Ash Wednesday]

My prayers are with you, nunsense!

[philosophette]

I think this might be a little "late" but I am praying for you. I understand completely how you feel. It is terrible, but I think it is Jesus pulling you closer to Him on the Cross for a kiss, that is why you are feeling the thorns.