Confession

[Quietfire]

Hi Pham,
It's been a while and I've been incredibly busy...in the good way. I keep PM in my prayers and wanted to give an update as to what is going on here. If this isnt the place for this then the mods can move it where they feel is appropriate.


Today I attended a retreat in preparation for the Sacrament of Reconsiliation. Afterward, I was able to make my first confession.
It was the most painfully difficult and beautiful thing I have ever experienced.
I had decided to face the priest directly and not have a screen.

I had figured that since I had commited my sins in, what I had thought, secrecy...then I must directly face God to confess them. It was the least I could do for such a merciful and loving God, who had taken pity on one so underserving of the abundant graces that have been bestowed upon me. I had to face the ugliness of what I had done, and what it had done to me and how it affected my relationship with God.

The priest was very kind and helped me start. He guided me, "held my hand" so to say, and gave me great council. I never cried so much in my life.

I received my penance and then my absolution.

In retrospect, although it has only been a few hours. His words still echo in my head.
How we, as humans, are our own worst judge. We are so hard on ourselves, sometimes to the point of being cruel to our own selves. He prayed that I would forgive myself, since that seems to be the biggest difficulty of all.

I wont get into all the details, since that is between God and myself.
I wanted to share this with you all since I have also decided to stay in RCIA even after my classes are done.
The sister in charge of our program at our parish is....amazing.

She has been there for me from the very beginning, helping me and giving great advice. I have learned so much and I want to continue learning. Every week, almost every day...there is another "seed" of learning.

Now she and the Bishop are staying in touch with the archdiocese in connection to my husband's annulment. The Bishop is awesome, and will most likely marry us when this is done.

I am blessed in so many ways that I am speechless at times.


I will be received next week at Easter vigil and the annulment will go through, although my husband and I will have to live as brother and sister until then. We have discussed this and are prepared to do what is asked of us.

I ask for everyone to say a prayer for us.
We have been through alot since this has started, especially for my husband. He has had to recall some very painful memories from many years ago, but is now seeing it as a cleansing and a chance for forgiveness.
I am blessed that he will be there when I am received, and that we will both receive the Lord in the Eucharist on Easter Sunday.

I will give updates as to when we will be married in the Church once I find out.
I hope that I havent given too much information here. But I am excited about all this. I have been on a cloud since he arrived home Thursday from the Archdiocese and was told that it was pretty much locked up for us, that it would go though and the annulment would be granted. I thanked God first, then I thanked my husband for doing this.

Looking back from when I started on this jouney several years ago, I knew I would be here one day......
But I still can't believe it's happening.

Ok, Im crying again so Id better stop.

[Thy Geekdom Come]

Your willingness to live as brother and sister shows not only your love for God, but your well-ordered love for one another.

May God grant you many graces.

[Sojourner]

That's really beautiful, quietfire. Thanks for sharing.

[HeavenlyCalling]

Confession is fun, isn't it? Which reminds me that I really need to go before easter...

[thessalonian]

Good to hear from you. Glad to here your just about at the end of the beginning of your journey. I will reassign your to my prayer list.

[Lil Red]

God bless you many times over!! i am so excited and happy for you!

[Dust's Sister]

God Bless you... isn't it amazing to cry about the sins you've done? I'll never forget that one confession I did... it was face to face too... oh man, I loved it.

Edited April 1, 2007 by Dust's Sister

[Quietfire]

Thank you everyone for the kind words,
Micah, I appreciate what you said, especially coming from you. And although you may not want to hear this....I hold you in high regard. You are incredibly talented and gifted. Your knowledge has been so helpful to me, even at times when I thought I was being chastised by you for things I should have known better about. I never took any of it as an insult, but rather as concern and care. I think of you and Jen often. I hope all is going well with you both.

And Thess, yes...the end of the beginning. How well put!! Christ does make all things new!! And I could always use prayers from a friend..thank you!!

The other students in my class have seen me in every conceivable mood and emotion. They have, on more than one occasion, seen me break down and cry in class....( gosh, Im such a girl!!) as well as at Mass. It is overwhelming at times to be so close to God and not be able to "touch" Him.
Next week will be glorious, and that isnt an understatment. I feel as though I could jump out of my skin. Saturday vigil wont get here fast enough. But in the meantime, Im enjoying the cloud Im floating on.

Just wait til the annulment is granted and we marry in the Church..... You're all invited!!

Although, (funny story) I did have to get pushed into the room for confession. I was apprehensive waiting in line, but froze completely when it was my turn...standing there unable to move foward. I thought, "My Lord, the wall will fall down." My sponsor came up behind me and asked if I was alright and all I could do was shake my head yes, but still couldnt move....Gasp!!!

Her hands gently on my shoulders and one quick firm shove with a "You can do this, you'll be fine", and propelled me foward through the door.

I never expected absolution...honestly. I dont know what I expected..but when I was absolved I thought I would faint.
How can you not love a God who has the power to erase your sins? To forget!!
I stand awestruck by the supreme majesty of it all.
It's beautiful and yet terrifying all at once.

I didnt realize it at first, but once I came back out I looked at my sponsor, she had a big smile on her face and I smiled and started crying again.
My then received my first hug as a Saint (Sister Mary's words).
That's when I realized I had everyone in the hall crying as well.

I'm not sure if I would say that confession is fun, Heavenly calling. I mean, I understand what you mean but I did find it more incredibly cleansing than anything else. It makes us right with God again. It wasnt easy, but then again it shouldnt be. It should make you think twice before committing a sin, and think twice again after thinking twice!!

At retreat I received some of the most lovely compliments from some of my classmates, because they think I know "so much" already.
I have always credited my understanding to Phatmass, and praise this site constantly.


You all have been my first teachers.
For that I am grateful to dUSt and everyone else who spends time here smacking the rest of us wanderers into shape!! LOL.

I love PM, and we have some wonderfully amazing people here.
Keep it going Pham!!

Gotta go, Jehovah's Witnesses just showed up at my front door.

Pax.

Oh, and Red...
congratulations!!
I am so happy for you.
(way to go girl!!)

[goldbug16]

Awesome, Quietfire! You have my prayers!

[Gene Church]

Congratulations. May this be the first of many additional graces you receive.

[marielapin]

I am so thrilled for you! I will be attending the Easter Vigil Saturday, my husband and I have been invited to be the sponsors of some friends who recently decided to join the Church. It has been a source of excitement and joy for us. I will be keeping you in my prayers at that time! God Bless and have a joyous Holy Week!

[Lil Red]

QF, you make me want to cry in a good way. i went to confession on sunday - after Mass (so i couldn't receive Jesus) and i love being all clean and sparkly. thank you for your wonderful words - i will think of your experience next time i go to confession.

[cmotherofpirl]

Taco party cheesecake happy party!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and a big hug from the phamily

[Quietfire]

Hey everyone!
Just wanted to give a quick update.
I am so incredibly busy lately, but in a good way...and late for bedtime...so I will have to make this quick but promise to update later...

I was received at Easter vigil.

It was nothing short of amazing!!!!!!!!!!


God Bless.

[Katholikos]

Quietfire, my dear l'il friend, you really know how to make a grown-up cry! I'm so happy for you! Being Catholic is the only thing -- it's everything. May this memory stay with you forever.

Love, Likos