Fr. Antony Maria OSB Posted March 29, 2007 Share Posted March 29, 2007 Okay, this is going to be tough to explain over the internet, but I need some input. I thought I was pretty strong in my Faith, going to a Catholic high-school where Mass is offered daily I go as much as I can, I sometimes go to Vespers over at the Abbey that runs my school, I've even thought about the priesthood for almost 3 years now, but then this hit me as I was reading Bishop Finn's Pastoral Letter on the Dignity of the Human Person and the Dangers of Pornography for Theology class. On page 3 at the top the Bishop posses a question, and i quote, "Are we worth dying for? Are we worth being crucified for? God's answer is yes. Our question to ourselves must be, 'Is God worth living for?'" I just realized this recently, after coming back from a Kairos retreat with 7 other guys from my class, that I really struggle with loving myself and forgiving myself. Therefore, my answer to the first two questions possed by the Bishop is, "No, I am not worth dying for, and I am not worth being crucified for." So then the question comes up, "If God says that I am worth dying for by means of crucifixion, and I disagree, is He worth living for?" Please do not get me wrong here, I am not doubting God's existence, I've gone through too much and He's helped me out of it all for me to doubt that, but I guess I think now that my Faith has all been based on what God has done for me in my short life, like a small child loves their parents for tucking them into bed at night. In short, I guess my question would be, if God is so great and powerful, why would He die for me when my life is nothing more than a split second in His Own Life? I honestly do not know. I'm going to be talking to my spiritual director on Monday, so I'm going to bring this up to him, but until then any advice? I just feel so confused right now. Thank you very much. If you want to access the pastoral letter by Bishop Finn, this is the link: [url="http://www.diocese-kcsj.org/Bishop-Finn/pastoral-07.htm"]http://www.diocese-kcsj.org/Bishop-Finn/pastoral-07.htm[/url] Joe Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mercy me Posted March 29, 2007 Share Posted March 29, 2007 I struggled with the same for years but I good friend of mine pointed something out to me. He asked me, "who are you to say that you am not worthy?" God has said that I am worthy and died for me. What I came to realize that what I was dealing with was the deadly sin of pride - that my sins were so bad, that if God really knew me He would change His mind. Sounds odd I know but that like question really helped me. I don't know if that helps you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mateo el Feo Posted March 29, 2007 Share Posted March 29, 2007 [quote name='NazFarmer' post='1221694' date='Mar 29 2007, 12:33 AM']but I guess I think now that my Faith has all been based on what God has done for me in my short life, like a small child loves their parents for tucking them into bed at night.[/quote]That's an interesting analogy. In a way, my own spirituality has grown (matured? evolved?) since my teen years. On the other hand, there is something noble in acknowledging our complete dependence on God, in the way that your analogy suggests. We trust in God, as a child trusts his parent. I think those who advanced in their walk with God just came to a deeper acceptance of this child-like dependence on Our Creator. [quote name='NazFarmer' post='1221694' date='Mar 29 2007, 12:33 AM']In short, I guess my question would be, if God is so great and powerful, why would He die for me when my life is nothing more than a split second in His Own Life? I honestly do not know. I'm going to be talking to my spiritual director on Monday, so I'm going to bring this up to him, but until then any advice? I just feel so confused right now. Thank you very much.[/quote]My personal take on this is: there is a distinction to be made between need and love. God doesn't "need" any one of us. He didn't "need" to die for us. He is perfect. At the same time, His love for us is perfect. This resulted in His perfect and complete expression of Love, the Sacrifice of Our Lord Jesus Christ on the Cross. I will say a prayer for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fr. Antony Maria OSB Posted March 29, 2007 Author Share Posted March 29, 2007 Thank you both very much for your replies. They do make a lot of sense. I guess the underlying problem here for me is the fact that I have trouble loving myself very much. Probobly one of the most confusing verses in the Bible for me is the second part of the Golden Rule, "love your neighbor as yourself." My problem is, I feel as though I love my neighbor more than I do myself. I know that probobly sounds prideful or something like that, but I do not mean it in that way at all. I can't think straight right now because I'm so tired, so I'll leave it at that for tonight, I guess. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Like I said before, I'm going to bring this up to my sd, a priest at my school, on Monday, so hopefully that will help out a lot. Thanks again. May God bless and protect you always in all of your endeavors! Your Brother in Christ, Joe Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thy Geekdom Come Posted March 29, 2007 Share Posted March 29, 2007 God made you out of love and He remakes you out of love. Nothing pleases Him more than when you believe that He loves you. Whether you disagree or not doesn't change the fact that He does, but it does affect your openness to His love. Also, God loves us not only for what we are, but for what we have the potential to be. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jmjtina Posted March 30, 2007 Share Posted March 30, 2007 NazFarmer, You pose great questions and a humble heart. I went through this about 2 years ago and realized that the enemy had done much to make me believe that I was unworthy beyond any mercy. The fact was, I was unworthy, only, God loved me so much, he offered His Divine Mercy. When questioned with doubts, repeat, "Jesus, I trust in You." and get started on hard labor. Cut the grass, clean, do something. I think offering up my doubts and troubles and keeping busy, totally and completely helped me deal with my doubts, which were close to despair. Also, I gained strong patron saints during that time and a stronger devotion to Our Lady!!!!!!!!!!! If you don't know it, you are loved AND your part of a cool phamily. Prayers for you!!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jeffpugh Posted March 30, 2007 Share Posted March 30, 2007 NazFarmer, just remember Christ's infinite love. Nothing more I can say to you but trust in our Lady to bring you to Christ. Offer up your confusion and just let God know you're not getting it. He can help. I will pray for you. <>< Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Budge Posted March 30, 2007 Share Posted March 30, 2007 [quote]Are we worth dying for? Are we worth being crucified for? God's answer is yes.[/quote] No we dont deserve it. But God loved us enough to do it. It has nothing to do about our WORTH, but everything to do about WHO God IS and his ETERNAL GRACE AND LOVE. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mateo el Feo Posted March 30, 2007 Share Posted March 30, 2007 NazFarmer, If you are interested, I wanted to also recommend a weekend Ignatian retreat that I attended a few months ago. Here's the link: [url="http://www.mileschristi.org/en/activities/"]http://www.mileschristi.org/en/activities/[/url] They have are a few retreats scheduled in Illinois. These Miles Christi priests are "the real deal." For me, the retreat--faithful to the Spiritual Exercises--emphasized God's love for me, and inspired me to rededicate myself to loving and serving Him. Just a thought, if you have a weekend to spare. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
A Yearning Heart Posted April 3, 2007 Share Posted April 3, 2007 God took the time to create each and every one of us. It is very difficult to truely appreciate just how and why God loves us so much and that it may be easier to love your neightbour more than yourself. I definately have trouble in that area as well. What I find helps is that realising that Christ is within us! The Holy Spirit is within us! Just like He is in our neighbour! We are each a dwelling place for the Lord...love ourselves? no, not for our own actions or level of acheivement etc but because we are "Gods work of art" (Ephesians 2:4? or abit later..) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Domine ut Videam Posted May 6, 2007 Share Posted May 6, 2007 weird....we are so alike joe. something father said to me a couple of days ago that struck me was that i am always saying, i can't, that i do not have a choice. And really it is like Mercy Me said, it is pride but it is also fear....it is a real stumbling block. In my mind for some reason there is someting that says i cannot be vulnerable, i cannot be deserving of love, or mercy. But i have to get over myself....it won't happen in a day, or a week, not even a month. But i hope that someday i might think that i can actually love myself and know that God does too. I hope that you come to know yourself....because it is in knowing ourselves and our weakness that we can come to overcome them. -lauren Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheOliverOrder88 Posted May 7, 2007 Share Posted May 7, 2007 I also had a struggle like this.... I always knew that God had great love for me. Yet, if I do not fully dedicate my life to him, what is that love? Is it useless? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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