Discernment Woes

[Guest Discerner-er]

I have been discerning with a missionary group called Maryknoll for about two years now. I am a 25 years old male and I am a middle school teacher in NYC. I have wanted to become a priest off and on for the past 5 years. The thing is, that when it's on and I'm really "feeling it", I know that God wants me to be nothing else but a Maryknoll Priest. But, when I'm not "feeling it" I get sucked in by the material world and want nothing more but to indulge in the pleasures of life and for some reason the idea of religious life get pushed aside. Now for me, it's been like this for a while where I've been back and forth between my highs and lows. But recently, in the past year or so, I've felt really good about things and have decided to apply for admission this spring. But just when I thought I had finally made this decision, everything in my current life had come together. I've been really teaching great lessons and my students have been learning so much, my band wants to record a record, I found a great apartment, and I've been getting along with my family. So NOW, I'm back to a state of confusion. My vision and the path that I thought God placed before me is now a foggy road. Is this a temptation, a test, or just the fruition of hard work. I mean, I don't think my reason for becoming a priest was to live a lavish life, especially as a missionary priest, so this is a decision I have to make. My application is due in a few weeks. I have had these feelings of hesitation in the past and they've faded shortly after. I know I feel comfortable right now, but will it last? Any encouragement or feedback would be greatly appreciated. Maybe we could also discuss other difficulties people are facing along their journeys? [url="http://www.phatmass.com/phorum/style_emoticons/default/annoyed.gif"]http://www.phatmass.com/phorum/style_emoti...ult/annoyed.gif[/url]

[Totus Tuus]

Welcome to the phamily!

You're in good company here, as many people express the same things you have.

Let me tell you, the phases you are going through are totally normal. I would suggest keeping your [i]focus[/i] on God, because you can't always control what you [i]feel[/i]. Always remind yourself that you will be happiest doing what He has planned for you from all eternity- and He has made those plans so that YOU will be happy. It may take time to figure out what path He wants you to take from where you are, but if you live in the present moment doing what you believe to be His holy will right now, you will find what He wants for you in the future.

Do you have any opportunities for retreats? Retreats can really help you to focus in more clearly on what He might be directing you to concerning your vocation.

No time may ever seem like the "perfect time" to enter. You just have to do it regardless of what's going on, if you feel that Our Lord is calling you. He arranges things perfectly, and those who leave [i]mother, father, sisters, brothers, land... for My sake[/i]... He will reward [i]hundredfold[/i].

The comfort zone is not something you can stay in if you're going to make the leap. I entered religious life when I was eighteen and the closer my entrance day got, the more I felt like I needed to wait. But the minute I had entered, everything was okay. I knew I was where He wanted me.

One thing is for sure, you will have our prayers!!

I bet a lot of other Phatmassers have a lot of great advice for you, so stay tuned and again, welcome!

Lauren

P.S.: It sounds like a spiritual director would be a major benefit to your discernment.

Edited March 29, 2007 by Totus Tuus

[Starets]

Feelings are fickle and variable. I would second Totus Tuus' advice regarding a retreat. I made a couple retreats early in my discernment process and it was very helpful for me. I also found spiritual direction helpful. It helped narrow things down for me. I have many debts to pay off and so cannot enter anytime soon. I do plan on entering a Benedictine community if my financial situation ever resolves itself.

[puellapaschalis]

You're not alone Discernment consists of ups and downs and I don't think that changes much after entrance. My only suggestion would be to keep praying, and if that doesn't work (or rather, if it feels as though it's not working), keep asking for the grace to be able to pray. Keep going to Mass and Confession, and don't beat yourself up too much if it gets hard - nowhere in the Bible (I think) does it say that everything will be easy, obvious and abounding with clarity. You'll get through it and with some distance, perhaps you'll be able to look back and thank God for the opportunity that he gave you during this dry patch.

Love and prayers,

PP

[Totus Tuus]

[quote name='puellapaschalis' post='1221926' date='Mar 29 2007, 08:40 AM']- nowhere in the Bible (I think) does it say that everything will be easy, obvious and abounding with clarity.[/quote]

Only, [i]My burden is easy and my yoke is light...[/i]. But I think that is meant to mean that our crosses are custom-made, so nothing Our Lord sends us will be [i]too[/i] difficult!

[alicemary]

It might help if you spend some time with the priests at Maryknoll, or whereever they are locally to you. You might need to be in their company again to realize the good you can do with them. They are an outstanding order, and so self giving. It is hard to be young and have so many high ideals. If your vocation is true, doors will open for you. Also, enjoy the success you are having in your life right now, there is nothing wrong with that. And speak to the vocation director who certainly has alot of experience in this.
Prayer can't hurt either! Ours will join yours.
Alicemary

[TotusTuusMaria]

[center]J.M.J.[/center]

I was speaking with two semarians, and they said that you will never know unless you try it. You have to try it or else you'll be questioning the rest of your life. Apply, go, and live it, and then that is how you discern if it is God's will. You've reached the stage where you just have to jump in. If it is not for you and it is not Christ's will, believe me, you'll know. Then you can leave and go back to where you were and everything will still be as it was. But you can stay where your at and keep having these feelings, never try it, and in the end never know. The best way to discern is by living the life or rather preparing to live the life. At least, that is what the seminarians said. May God grant you courage and strength in your discernment!

May God bless and love you always!

I've said a prayer for you

In Jesus and Mary,
Marie

[JuCa]

Discerner-er,
Like everyone has said...YOU ARE NOT ALONE. I have been discerning religious life for about 5-6 years strongly. It almost embarrasses me to say that. I had papers to sign for the Passionist Nuns in KY. Before I signed them my family told me I was stupid- that was quite a hurdle. I put religious life on the backburner but it was always slightly burning. Now it is back in full swing. I had a boyfriend- wasn't for me. Great person but I know it was holding me back. I just had an opportunity to arise in which I am moving to NM where I can get a tase of religious life but not fully jump in. Of course, as you said in your post--- things like this come when your life gets good. I am completely happy where I am now. Almost too comfortable, this can happen. You must live boldy! If you feel God calling you...GO. I am in my last few weeks here in IN and tonight I think I cried 2 straight hours. It's difficult. When you surrender yourself completely to God something will come. Christ loves us so much that He will provide.
Try in this Holy Week to delve into His Passion and Love for you... what do you think would be the greatest gift to give back? YOU!

Oh... and spiritual direction helps relieve some of the confusion. Helps to unmuddle your mind. Just being able to talk to a person you trust is a blessing- especially when you know the Holy Spirit is working through him.

Julia

Edited April 2, 2007 by JuCa

[gabrielp]

Hello,

I've never posted here before, but I've been following the goings-on in this forum for awhile.

Just a little thought I had when reading your post. I find that sometimes, once you do God's will (or decide to), everything in your life begins to work out. Could be that since you've taken that step to seriously listen to God and do His will, everything is just falling into place.

Personally, once I began to seriously consider my vocation, suddenly my life seems pretty blessed. I did pretty well at school, I have pretty good job right now (with some options opening themselves up), and have been blessed in many ways. The thing is though, none of these things really matter much to me anymore, because I want to give it all up!

Perhaps God is funny in ways like that. Well, just think about it then: If your life is going so well right now, think how much better it'll become once you go all the way and give yourself up entirely!

Just a little thought.

Of course, note that as I write this I am myself struggling with my vocation as you are. So perhaps I need to read my own little post as well :-)

God bless, and have a fruitful Holy Week.

Gabriel

Edited April 2, 2007 by gabrielp

[AccountDeleted]

[quote name='gabrielp' post='1226967' date='Apr 2 2007, 08:53 PM']Hello,

I've never posted here before, but I've been following the goings-on in this forum for awhile.

Just a little thought I had when reading your post. I find that sometimes, once you do God's will (or decide to), everything in your life begins to work out. Could be that since you've taken that step to seriously listen to God and do His will, everything is just falling into place.

Personally, once I began to seriously consider my vocation, suddenly my life seems pretty blessed. I did pretty well at school, I have pretty good job right now (with some options opening themselves up), and have been blessed in many ways. The thing is though, none of these things really matter much to me anymore, because I want to give it all up!

Perhaps God is funny in ways like that. Well, just think about it then: If your life is going so well right now, think how much better it'll become once you go all the way and give yourself up entirely!

Just a little thought.

Of course, note that as I write this I am myself struggling with my vocation as you are. So perhaps I need to read my own little post as well :-)

God bless, and have a fruitful Holy Week.

Gabriel[/quote]

Gabriel is so right about things going well when you are discerning. Once I was truly committed to entering the convent, things started to change around me. I wasn't in control of anything and some things seemed good and others bad, but they all led to me where I am now, in a beautiful environment, with someone else (my brother) taking care of all my needs (rent, food etc) and the possibility to stay here forever if I wanted, even to work here if I felt that need. My brother jokes about how he is going to tempt me to stay here in paradise, then he says if he really did it, he would be d*mned for all time for coming between me and God - lol! I know my brother loves me, but not the way that God does.

So despite the beauty and the ease of life here, nothing appeals to me any more. My brother took me to a resort in Malaysia last week and I sat by the pool and sipped pina coladas and met his friends and we all chatted while the children played -- all things that seem like heaven. But nowadays I would rather be at Mass after communion, saying my prayer of Thanksgiving than at the resort any day of the week!

There are bound to be times of content with the world, and times of discontent, but in the Lord, there is a joy beyond description. I know only God can call a person to become a religious or a priest, so one who has even the slightest inclination to do so should feel especially blessed and grateful because there are so many people in this world who simply don't "get it" and will never be able to understand that incredible mercy and grace of knowing Him intimately.

Sure, it can be a struggle when the siren calls of this world try to pull us away from the loving call of God, but that is when faith can really grow, and our dependence on God puts us in His embrace. It is well worth the stuggle when even a drop of His mercy is felt in our hearts.

"Many are called but few are chosen." Whatever the final outcome of our discernment, each of us owes so much to God for simply allowing us to hear His call.

[happynun]

Well, I would have to say that after hearing many vocation stories, you have two elements that are in common with so many religious.

You have the idea of a religious vocation which continues to "hound" you.

You have tried to shake this idea.

That's pretty much at the core of most vocation stories, if you listen carefully, and it's usually at the beginning. Then there's the roller-coaster of responses, which are yes and no... we've all been there...

So, take to heart the words of Pope John Paul II, when he said, "Young people of the third millennium, do not be afraid!"

I'll pray for you to be brave, and finally give an answer to that call that has followed you.

God bless!