Telling Friends About Discerning?

[beata_virgo_maria]

Hi, I'm sort of new to phatmass, (I made an account a while ago and never posted much.) Anyways for those discerning, do you tell your friends that you’re discerning? (Well at least your close friends or Catholic friends?) I've heard people say it's good not to tell anyone (outside of a spiritual director) until your entering. I'm sort of undecided on the issue...

[LouisvilleFan]

Well, too late for that Pretty much all of my Christian friends know and most of them are Baptist. I was thinking about it for a while before I shared it with anyone, but still hadn't officially started the discernment process. I think some of them misunderstand that discernment is not commitment, so they've already started nicknaming me "Father Jason" and stuff like that, but it's all in good fun. Right now God is telling me to be patient because I'm not ready to know for sure whether my vocation is marriage or the priesthood, so while my friends are jumping the gun a little, it's good that I can share this journey with them. There are probably some wise reasons to avoid sharing too soon, but if you are comfortable sharing your spiritual walk with certain people, seems to me that discernment is just a natural extension of that.

[AlterDominicus]

yes......all my friends know, but mom takes it to heart to tell the public lol - even the mail man knows lol

[ovenbird03]

A couple of my close friends know but they found out accidentally. My mom knows and she told EVERYONE. I had a random coworker of my dad's come up to me at a holiday party and refuse to let go of me until I agreed to finish my degree before entering a convent/monastery. That was embarassing.

[HeavenlyCalling]

Only one or two of my friends know, even my family doesn't really know ( mostly because I have a lot of little siblings and would like the world not to know )

[Piamaria]

I found it better not to tell many people. Everyone knows now that I am entering and they are all sharing their opinions and advice. I think that for me, discretion was a good idea.

[VeniteAdoremus]

The joys of living in an extremely secular country: I can tell anyone "oh, I think I'll be a nun after I graduate," and they'll just nod and smile.

PP knows, of course. My best male friend also knows but doesn't realize the seriousness (I thought he was entitled to know, since I broke up with him because of, mainly, my discernment).

Most of my friends know I visit a lot of convents, but since I'm the only practising Catholic they know, they might think that's normal! :

[LouisvilleFan]

[quote name='VeniteAdoremus' post='1186687' date='Feb 6 2007, 07:30 PM']
The joys of living in an extremely secular country: I can tell anyone "oh, I think I'll be a nun after I graduate," and they'll just nod and smile.
[/quote]

One of my most supportive friends is someone I went to business school with. She went to a Catholic high school, thought about becoming Catholic, but then became a strong feminist and wants nothing to do with Catholicism or much of Christianity. She's not anti-Christian, more anti-Church. I mentioned my thoughts about the priesthood and she told me I would make a great priest, so that was encouraging to hear!

Edited February 7, 2007 by LouisvilleFan

[uruviel]

my close friends know I'm discerning the religious life. I don't know if they understand it, or what they think about it but they certainly understand the word 'nun'. My parents don't go telling the whole world about it anyways, and if they did I wouldn't have such a big problem with it. I think it's ok to speak with your close friends about discernment, you would speak to them if you wanted to get married, or engaged. There's no harm is saying, "I'm considering the religious life" to your friends, how far you want to take it is up to you. God Bless.

Edited February 7, 2007 by uruviel

[TeresaAvila]

Well at first I wanted to discern further as it was still in the early stages of my discernment, but my priest had told our legion of mary and of course then the whole parish soon knew, and now my family, most close friends, parish and even many of my co-workers know as I'm now preparing to enter, but for a long time I remained quiet and in prayer and only told a select few (aside from my parish) as I didn't know how my fam/friends would take it, and I wuold say the only thing I found struggling about my parish knowing so early was everyone was chosing an order for me and saying "oh go here or go there" and at times that made it rather confusing as to what GOD was wanting of me, so I"d say that was probably one of the most difficult, but I remained close to god and just told them that I'm discerning and waiting on the lord to guide me and whereever he feels I can best serve him is where I'll go and in his timing too (as I also got alot of "When are you entering") type questions... but my parish lovingly have supported this vocation all along, and i love them dearly!

[the lords sheep]

For a long time people (and usually completely out of the blue... at times even total strangers...) would ask me "Are you going to be a nun????" and until recently my knee-jerk reaction was no! Well, I've thought about it before but..... (and then I would proceed to change the subject as quickly as possible.)

Recently, however, I've been really trying to be honest with people, answering their questions, and enduring their "But how could you??!!??" comments (someone even asked me, "You know you can't get married if you're a nun, right?") You see, I go to a very large University, and even though it's Catholic, there are still a lot of people who aren't practicing and some more who are practicing but who aren't open to the will of God. I've found that most people are amazed that a energetic, talented young woman is considering entering a convent! And for them (I know this only because they have told me) it's a witness to what it means to love God and to seek to serve Him.

There are just so many people on my campus who are yearning for even the smallest light of God's grace, and if He can use me, then Praise God!

This all being said, I have yet to tell my family. While I can endure the comments from others (although most of the time I am blessed with a very positive response), I am not yet certain enough in where God is calling me to endure my family's comments. This is just me though....

[uruviel]

I just want to say that I have the deepest respect for all of y'all, and please know you are all in my prayers. Growing up in a very, very understanding and supportive family has made it easy for me to openly express my desire to enter the religious life. I can't even begin to imagine what it would be like if I were on my own, and my parents either didn't know or didn't agree with it. Y'all are truely blessed with such preservation and trust in the Lord, and I hope you all find God's will for you God Bless

Now, back on topic

[AccountDeleted]

[quote name='the lords sheep' post='1187898' date='Feb 7 2007, 06:43 PM']
For a long time people (and usually completely out of the blue... at times even total strangers...) would ask me "Are you going to be a nun????" and until recently my knee-jerk reaction was no! Well, I've thought about it before but..... (and then I would proceed to change the subject as quickly as possible.)

Recently, however, I've been really trying to be honest with people, answering their questions, and enduring their "But how could you??!!??" comments (someone even asked me, "You know you can't get married if you're a nun, right?") You see, I go to a very large University, and even though it's Catholic, there are still a lot of people who aren't practicing and some more who are practicing but who aren't open to the will of God. I've found that most people are amazed that a energetic, talented young woman is considering entering a convent! And for them (I know this only because they have told me) it's a witness to what it means to love God and to seek to serve Him.

There are just so many people on my campus who are yearning for even the smallest light of God's grace, and if He can use me, then Praise God!

This all being said, I have yet to tell my family. While I can endure the comments from others (although most of the time I am blessed with a very positive response), I am not yet certain enough in where God is calling me to endure my family's comments. This is just me though....
[/quote]

Sometimes we grow stronger through opposition. My friend, who is not a Catholic told me "You won't be happy in a nunnery, you know." I had told her about my discernment because I live on her ranch, and wanted her to know that I would be leaving when I found where God was calling me to enter.

I told her that maybe she was right but since I had been feeling the call for so long, I felt it was time to say "yes" and give it a try. In thinking about what she said though, I have determined that I won't be happy if I don't enter a convent! Her opposition made me check what I was feeling, and reaffirmed my decision to say "yes" to God.

Most of my family think I am nuts, but I have a Catholic sister-in-law who send emails to me and she is very supportive of what I am trying to do. Her encouragement helps me to clarify my own thoughts, and I really appreciate having someone who loves me also trying to help me get closer to God.

So telling people is a double-sided sword. It can cause some people to be very negative, but it can also increase love for God in some people as well. It is a very personal choice to make whether or not to talk about our vocations.

[Divine_Mercy504]

Personally, I didn't tell anyone except my spiriutal director at first. To get my family used to the idea, I would give them some hints, but I didn't come right out and say it. I corresponded with several communities in secret (i.e. getting to the mailbox first . After a year and a half of secretly corresponding with the [url="http://www.poorclare.org/belleville"]Poor Clares Colettines of Belleville, IL[/url], I decided that I wanted to go visit, so I was forced to tell my parents. They are dead set on me not becoming a Nun. My mom's first reaction was to tell the whole world about it (bad idea for me at least...I wanted to keep it to myself). The worst part was that she didn't tell everyone because she was proud. She told everyone about my desire because she wanted them to tell me "No! No! Don't do [i]that[/i]!" which they ended up doing. I have few friends who are practicing Catholics, and 0 who are actually discerning, so I really felt that they wouldn't understand, which I found to be true once my mom revealed it to them. For me, I just wanted it to remain between God and myself (and the community i am joining as well! ). However, I think it is really up to you. You probably already have an inkling on how your friends and family are going to react, so trust your intuition in that case. It's whatever makes you feel comfortable. I would just watch out on telling them communities you are interested in. For instance, I felt really called to be a Poor Clare, and when I went to visit I was really happy there. But then I started to think that maybe God wasn't calling me there, and I had to tell my parents that I was looking into some other communities, which they didn't understand at all because they thought I was going to enter the Poor Clares. They were so confused and began to think that I was just going through a phase.

Hope this helped in some way. Sorry for such a long post

God Bless!
Rachel

[beata_virgo_maria]

It's actually sort of funny in my case, well not really that funny. Basically a few people in my parish found out and let me tell you, my parish is pretty well know for talking a lot. Even my dentist (who is the cantor at my parish) knows that I'm discerning. I don't really mind, it's just a little bit embarrassing. Anyways, I went out of state for college and no one really knows, and I've just been debating about telling some good friends (who are Catholic.) But, I think they pretty much know already since I know so many people who have entered religious life. (Also they have been know to say things like "Your so going to be a nun," then I usually change the subject )