A Question About Confession (repost)

[searching]

I am reposting this from the Q&A Forum at the advice of another memeber.

[quote]
This will probably be the first of many questions from me. I am not Catholic and, as of right now, know very little about the faith. I hope to take the first steps to converting soon.

Anyway, my question is:

If you confess to sins against other people, is it required that you seek the forgivness of those persons?

For example, if you steal from a person, once you confess it, do you have to seek the forgivness of the person you stole from, or is the confession and forgiveness from God enough?

Another example, if you commit the act of adultery/philandrey and confess, must you seek forgiveness of your husband/wife?

Needless to say, I have done many things I am not proud of in my life and I want to get right. Thank you in advance and I look forward to learning much.
[/quote]

So, I may as well elaborate on this since there is no point in withholding information. As I said, I am not Catholic, but I am giving serious thought to converting.

I have done many things that I am not proud of now, and from what little I have read about the faith, my entire life seems like a mortal sin.

I have been living, at the very least, an agnostic life if not borderline atheist. I became very, very bitter toward religion many years ago. At the time I was attending a Nazarene church which became a popularity contest where he who had the most won.
I gave up on the church, and eventually on God.

My wife is not religious either. Nor does she eagerly support my desire to convert. I have no intention of pressuring her into joining me, although I will always make it known she is more than welcome to.

With that little bit or background, I will get back to the question:

Do I have to tell my wife about an extramarital affair after confessing it?

There, I am ashamed to say, have been two. Both where during times of seperation and turmoil in our marriage, however that is no excuse.

She has questioned me about it before, and I lied. Now, she says she does not even want to know about anything that may have happened or will happen in the future. Our marriage has since evolved into an "open relationship" which is not good either. I do not wish to do this EVER AGAIN.

I know it will probably be her right to divorce if I told her. I, however, do not wish for a divorce.

I do not want to be away from God any longer and don't know what to do. Please help.
What is the requirement for making amends? Thanks in advance and please pray for me.

Edited January 30, 2007 by SearchingForSomething

[thessalonian]

In answer to your questions in general, such things could only be required if the priest makes it a part of the forgiveness or the penance. He can bind you to giving back what you have stolen. I highly doudt he will make your tell your wife about the infidelity. It is even unlikely that he will have you give back what you have stolen. It may be very difficult to do if it is far in the past. If it is someone you know, such as a relative, asking forgiveness in order to heal the relationship might be the right thing to do, but the confession will suffice. He will have you do some penance in reparatoin. You can also offer up your prayers, works, joys and sufferings for your sins of the past and know that in some way God will do a simmilar correction for what you have damaged. However if the priest does require restitution you must do it.

With regard to your wife some conseling may be in order but there will be great grace in getting right with the Church that will help your marriage over time.

With confession you will get the weight of the world lifted from your shoulders. You will not regret it. I will pray for you on your journey back in to his grace and mercy. "There is great rejoicing in heaven over 1 repentant sinner!"

I recommend going to a preist and speaking about these things. You can't go to confession yet but he will set you on the path. Actually if you haven't yet been baptized these sins will not need to be confessed, as baptism will remove them.

Blessings

Edited January 30, 2007 by thessalonian

[beatty07]

just a note of congratulations and encouragement. I'm sure I can speak for many others in saying that it makes my day! You won't believe the mercy you'll find in Him.

I can rejoice from a safe distance, but it's clearly going to be tough and messy for you... may God give you strength and perseverance. Regarding some details: if "open relationship" means what it usually means, then you will have much to forgive her as well, won't you?

As far as telling her about it, that's tough. It seems like it's impossible to build a good relationship on lies, so for the sake of your vows you have to tell her. But I can see an argument from the other side as well. I'm actually not sure anyone can tell you exactly how you must handle this... but it's a decision you should make on your knees, know what I mean?

[searching]

Thank you for the replies. This indeed is going to be a long road ahead. It is amazing what man is possible of when you trick yourself into believing there is nobody to answer to.

I am looking forward to talking to a priest in the future. Unfortunely, I am moving shortly and it will have to wait until then.

I will be spending the next year and a half away from my family due to my career, and while I am not looking forward the seperation, I hope it will be a growing and a spiritual experience. During my time away, I hope to take the RCIA classes.

A quick question about baptism: If you are baptized outside the Catholic Church, are you baptized again once converting? Thank you again, and please, keep the responses coming. I want to learn as much as possible.

[EcceNovaFacioOmni]

[quote name='SearchingForSomething' post='1180249' date='Jan 30 2007, 10:29 AM']
A quick question about baptism: If you are baptized outside the Catholic Church, are you baptized again once converting? Thank you again, and please, keep the responses coming. I want to learn as much as possible.
[/quote]
That would depend on how the baptism was performed. What denomination were you baptized in? God bless!

[searching]

I was baptized in a Nazarene Church.

[cmotherofpirl]

You need to go see a priest.

About you wife.. unless the priest binds you to tell her, don't. While it may relieve your guilt feelings and make you feel better about yourself, it would be incredibly cruel to her given you are leaving for an extended period of time. Do NOT burden her and then leave her to stew in it.

[Starets]

As long as it uses the trinitarian formula of baptising in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost you should be ok. What the priest might do is give you a "conditional baptism"

[Ziggamafu]

You know...I myself have wondered about the "duty of reparation" entailed by the CCC. You're not the only one with skeletons in his closet. When I was a teenager I was heavily involved in the Occult, hedonism, and anarchy. Let your mind run wild. I doubt you'll cover the number of sins I committed. I'm often plagued by fears that restitution and reparation beyond the assigned penance are grave obligations. I've not been able to prove the contrary from my studies of authoritative Church documents. So I always wonder if I've done "enough".

[cmotherofpirl]

[quote name='Ziggamafu' post='1181464' date='Jan 31 2007, 03:11 PM']
You know...I myself have wondered about the "duty of reparation" entailed by the CCC. You're not the only one with skeletons in his closet. When I was a teenager I was heavily involved in the Occult, hedonism, and anarchy. Let your mind run wild. I doubt you'll cover the number of sins I committed. I'm often plagued by fears that restitution and reparation beyond the assigned penance are grave obligations. I've not been able to prove the contrary from my studies of authoritative Church documents. So I always wonder if I've done "enough".
[/quote]
If you have fulfilled the penance assigned it is enough. However one can always undertake good works as well.

[Resurrexi]

[quote name='The Catechism of the Council of Trent']RESTITUTION ENJOINED

We now come to the positive part of this Commandment, in which the first thing to be considered is satisfaction or restitution; [b]for without restitution the sin is not forgiven[/b].26

WHO ARE HELD TO RESTITUTION

But as the law of making restitution to the injured party is binding not only on the person who commits theft, but also on all who cooperate in the sin, it is necessary to explain who are indispensably bound to this satisfaction or restitution. There are several classes (who are thus bound).

The first consists of those who order others to steal, and who are not only the authors and accomplices of theft, but also the most criminal among thieves.

Another class embraces those, who, when they cannot command others to commit theft, persuade and encourage it. These, since they are like the first class in intention, though unlike them in power, are equally guilty of theft.

A third class is composed of those who consent to the theft committed by others.

The fourth class is that of those who are accomplices in, and derive gain from theft; if that can be called gain, which, unless they repent, consigns them to everlasting torments. Of them David says: If thou didst see a thief, thou didst run with him.27

The fifth class of thieves are those who, having it in their power to prohibit theft, so far from opposing or preventing it, fully and freely suffer and sanction its commission.

The sixth class is constituted of those who are well aware that --the theft was committed, and when it was committed; and yet, far from mentioning it, pretend they know nothing about it.

The last class comprises all who assist in the accomplishment of theft, who guard, defend, receive or harbor thieves.

All these are bound to make restitution to those from whom anything has been stolen, and are to be earnestly exhorted to the discharge of so necessary a duty.

Neither are those who approve and commend thefts entirely innocent of this crime. Children also who steal from their parents, and wives who steal from their husbands are not guiltless of theft.[/quote]

[quote name='The Catechism of Pope St. Pius X']120 Q. Besides his penance, what else must the penitent do after confession?
A. Besides performing his penance after confession, the penitent, if he has justly injured another in his goods or reputation, or if he has given him scandal, must as soon as possible, and as far as he is able, restore him his goods, repair his honour, and remedy the scandal.

121 Q. How can the scandal given be remedied?
A. The scandal given can be remedied by removing the occasion of it and by edifying by word and example those whom we have scandalised.

122 Q. How should we make satisfaction to one whom we have offended?
A. We should make satisfaction to one whom we have offended, by asking his pardon, or by some other suitable reparation.

16 Q. Is it enough for one who has sinned against the Seventh Commandment to confess his sin?
A. [b]It is not enough for one who has sinned against the Seventh Commandment to confess his sin; he must also do his best to restore what belongs to others, and to repair the loss he has caused.[/b]

17 Q. What is meant by repairing the losses caused?
A. Repairing the losses caused means the compensation which must be made to another for the goods or profits lost owing to the theft or other acts of injustice committed to his detriment.

18 Q. To whom must stolen property be restored?
A. To him from whom it has been stolen; to his heirs, if he is dead; or if this is really impossible the value of it should be devoted to the poor or to some charity.

19 Q. What should one do who finds something of great value?
A. He should diligently seek the owner and faithfully restore it to him.

14 Q. Is it enough for him who has sinned against the Eighth Commandment to confess the sin?
A. [b]It is not enough for him who has sinned against the Eighth Commandment to confess the sin; he is also obliged to retract whatever he said when calumniating another, and to repair as far as he can the harm he has done[/b].[/quote]

[quote name='The 1917 Catholic Encyclopedia']III. OBLIGATIONS ENTAILED UPON THE OFFENDERS

As we have seen, the sin of adultery implies an act of injustice. This is committed against the lawful spouse of the adulterer or adulteress. By the adultery of a wife, besides the injury done the husband by her infidelity, a spurious child may be born which he may think himself bound to sustain, and which may perhaps become his heir. For the injury suffered in the unfaithfulness of his wife restitution must be made to the husband, should he become apprised of the crime. Nor is the obligation of this restitution ordinarily discharged by an award of money. A more commensurate reparation, when possible, is to be offered. Whenever it is certain that the offspring is illegitimate, and when the adulterer has employed violence to make the woman sin, he is bound to refund the expenses incurred by the putative father in the support of the spurious child, and to make restitution for any inheritance which this child may receive. In case he did not employ violence, there being on his part but a simple concurrence, then, according to the more probable opinion of theologians, the adulterer and adulteress are equally bound to the restitution just described. Even when one has moved the other to sin both are bound to restitution, though most theologians say that the obligation is more immediately pressing upon the one who induced the other to sin. When it is not sure that the offspring is illegitimate the common opinion of theologians is that the sinful parties are not bound to restitution. As for the adulterous mother, in case she cannot secretly undo the injustice resulting from the presence of her illegitimate child, she is not obliged to reveal her sin either to her husband or to her spurious offspring, unless the evil which the good name of the mother might sustain is less than that which would inevitably come from her failure to make such a revelation. Again, in case there would not be the danger of infamy, she would be held to reveal her sin when she could reasonably hope that such a manifestation would be productive of good results. This kind of issue, however, would be necessarily rare. [/quote]

[searching]

[quote]
III. OBLIGATIONS ENTAILED UPON THE OFFENDERS

As we have seen, the sin of adultery implies an act of injustice. This is committed against the lawful spouse of the adulterer or adulteress. By the adultery of a wife, besides the injury done the husband by her infidelity, a spurious child may be born which he may think himself bound to sustain, and which may perhaps become his heir. For the injury suffered in the unfaithfulness of his wife restitution must be made to the husband, should he become apprised of the crime. Nor is the obligation of this restitution ordinarily discharged by an award of money. A more commensurate reparation, when possible, is to be offered. Whenever it is certain that the offspring is illegitimate, and when the adulterer has employed violence to make the woman sin, he is bound to refund the expenses incurred by the putative father in the support of the spurious child, and to make restitution for any inheritance which this child may receive. In case he did not employ violence, there being on his part but a simple concurrence, then, according to the more probable opinion of theologians, the adulterer and adulteress are equally bound to the restitution just described. Even when one has moved the other to sin both are bound to restitution, though most theologians say that the obligation is more immediately pressing upon the one who induced the other to sin. When it is not sure that the offspring is illegitimate the common opinion of theologians is that the sinful parties are not bound to restitution. As for the adulterous mother, in case she cannot secretly undo the injustice resulting from the presence of her illegitimate child, she is not obliged to reveal her sin either to her husband or to her spurious offspring, unless the evil which the good name of the mother might sustain is less than that which would inevitably come from her failure to make such a revelation. Again, in case there would not be the danger of infamy, she would be held to reveal her sin when she could reasonably hope that such a manifestation would be productive of good results. This kind of issue, however, would be necessarily rare.
[/quote]

Now, does this apply to just the wife, or is it applicable to the husband as well?

If I read it correctly it would seem that, unless the spouse is already aware of the affair, there is no obligation to reveal the sin. Is that correct?