When You Have A Strong Vocation...

[tonyofpadua]

Hi everyone. I don't post here often but I read a ton. I have a question for some of you fellow discerners, and others.

I'm a freshman at a secular university and since September I've been feeling a very strong tug to seriously discern a religious vocation. More specifically, to enter St. John Vianney seminary at the University of St. Thomas next fall.

For the past 5 months I've been praying (though not as much as I should have), been staying in constant conversation with my vocations director, sharing my thoughts with close friends and family, and preparing to apply for the fall.

A few days ago, I got the opportunity to be at a seminarian mass and dinner with 65 seminarians from SJV, and met quite a few of them. All of the seminarians from my diocese were there (one of them is even one of my best friends). I even had a short conversation with the rector at the seminary.

Before this event, I was incredibly excited about being a seminarian and entering in the fall. I'm not enjoying my freshman year here, and thought SJV was the place for me. However, after the event, and talking to many seminarians (not about anything in particular, just getting to know them a bit), I feel different.

I feel like my vocation is completely gone, and I no longer have any interest in the seminary. None.

Is this normal? Has this ever happened? Not only have I lost the sense of a vocation, but I've lost the want to be a solid Catholic, and almost want to emerse myself back in secular society entirely.

It just seems like 5 months ago God led my on a trail, and I was following footprints, and all of the sudden, they stopped with no warning, in the middle of nowhere. I don't know what to do anymore.

I'm visiting SJV next month, and will get to know the rector and many of the seminarians on a deeper level, and that should hopfully give me a clearer picture of things and maybe reignite my interest.

In the meantime, is there anywthing I should do? Pray, obviously, but anything else? Is this God's way of telling me I don't have a religious vocation? Has anyone ever heard of this? The only thing that comes close in my mind is the Dark Night of the Soul, but...this isn't it. Is this precedented? If God did want me to enter seminary, why would he allow me to lose interest so fast and to feel the way I do?

Any insight would be much appreciated.

Blessings to you all,
tonyofpadua

[HisChild]

I can't answer if you have a vocation or not. But after I left the monastery, I felt really confused. I really felt that I had a religious vocation, and yet, here I was, back out in the world, not sure where I should turn, or even if I should. I had no inclination to turn to the left or the right.

And yet, someone very wise said to me, that our Lord is a divine pursuer. He pursues us relentlessly, showing how much He loves and desires us. But after He's done so, when He feels that we recognize how prescious we are to Him, He then backs off, in order for us to reciprocate and show Him just how much we love Him.

He led you down the path that He did for a purpose, now perhaps He's waiting for your 'yes'. You know, I'm not one to advocate asking for signs and wonders, but have you thought of asking Him for a sign, to see if you are on the path He wills for you?

I hope all that makes sense, it's late and I'm sleepy.

I'll pray for you.

God bless you

[AccountDeleted]

[quote name='tonyofpadua' post='1177558' date='Jan 26 2007, 11:31 PM']

Before this event, I was incredibly excited about being a seminarian and entering in the fall. I'm not enjoying my freshman year here, and thought SJV was the place for me. However, after the event, and talking to many seminarians (not about anything in particular, just getting to know them a bit), I feel different.

I feel like my vocation is completely gone, and I no longer have any interest in the seminary. None.

Is this normal? Has this ever happened? Not only have I lost the sense of a vocation, but I've lost the want to be a solid Catholic, and almost want to emerse myself back in secular society entirely.

It just seems like 5 months ago God led my on a trail, and I was following footprints, and all of the sudden, they stopped with no warning, in the middle of nowhere. I don't know what to do anymore.

I'm visiting SJV next month, and will get to know the rector and many of the seminarians on a deeper level, and that should hopfully give me a clearer picture of things and maybe reignite my interest.

In the meantime, is there anywthing I should do? Pray, obviously, but anything else? Is this God's way of telling me I don't have a religious vocation? Has anyone ever heard of this? The only thing that comes close in my mind is the Dark Night of the Soul, but...this isn't it. Is this precedented? If God did want me to enter seminary, why would he allow me to lose interest so fast and to feel the way I do?

Any insight would be much appreciated.

Blessings to you all,
tonyofpadua
[/quote]


I don't have the answers for you but perhaps what you are feeling is the end of the "honeymoon" period? Often, with emotions, there is a first flush of strong feeling and this carries us along on a "high". But later, our feelings go deeper, and the initial "high" seems to disappear. It is important for this phase to occur, so that we can discern whether our vocation is simply an emotional response or whether it is a deeper calling.

I would not automatically assume that you have no vocation. But I would do just what you are planning to do, pray a lot, and continue to associate with others who can possibly inspire you again.

If you vocation is real, then it will survive this period of doubt. But it is up to you to give it a fair chance by continuing your discernment until you are sure what God wants from you.

Good luck - I will pray for you.

[VeniteAdoremus]

I think the others gave you sound advice already. I can't really speak from personal experience (yet...), but I have heard from a lot of different sources that it's quite common, albeit you may be a bit "early". I can't give you hints on what to do - but maybe it helps to know that you're certainly not alone in it!

[franciscanheart]

Just a couple of clarifying points: You have a vocation -- you just don't know what it is yet. You could be called to marriage, single life, or consecrated life. You don't LOSE a vocation. You refuse to accept it.

[Divine_Mercy504]

I totally agree with what has already been said here. But, I just wanted to add that I know (if not exactly, at least close to exactly) what you are going through. I have been through that desert myself! You just have to remember that God is not the only one who is able to hear your "yes." Satan is listening in on the line as well, and he is going to try his best to stop you. That is why, during discernment, we cannot trust our emotions a great deal; they change too rapidly, and the devil can easily work at them. So, you must trust God and pray…He will help you.

Hope this helps! You are in my prayers
Rachel

[cmaD2006]

[quote name='tonyofpadua' post='1177558' date='Jan 27 2007, 02:31 AM']
For the past 5 months I've been praying (though not as much as I should have), been staying in constant conversation with my vocations director, sharing my thoughts with close friends and family, and preparing to apply for the fall.

(.... deleted ...)
I feel like my vocation is completely gone, and I no longer have any interest in the seminary. None.

Is this normal? Has this ever happened? Not only have I lost the sense of a vocation, but I've lost the want to be a solid Catholic, and almost want to emerse myself back in secular society entirely.
[/quote]

Hi TonyofPadua:

First off -- if you don't have a spiritual director, I strongly suggest trying to find one. It will help.

I had something similar happen when I left the convent ... yet the Hound of Heaven (Jesus) still kept tugging at me to consider becoming a sister again.

More relevently -- when I first discerned, it took me two years of "yes" then "no" to finally settle on a firm "yes" that didn't waiver until I entered/left (like 6 years of a firm yes).

One thing that I considered immediately as I read your email was -- what if you're not called to that specific seminary? That *could* be the reason why all of a sudden you felt that you weren't called to be a priest. Maybe you saw something in the seminarians that put you off (not saying that this is the case, but maybe they're too worldly, or too holy, or too [add description here], or not [add description here] enough). Hopefully you understand what I mean. And maybe this threw you off completely.

Remember that none of us are perfect and we are all in the process of becoming saints.

Just to make sure that I'm clear ... I'm not saying that SJV is a bad/good seminary (I have no idea); what I'm trying to say it that not every convent/seminary/monastery is a perfect fit for every candidate (because each is founded upon a particular set of ideals/charisms; and draws a particular group of people together whose only relationship is wanting to follow Christ) -- that's why there's more than one.

Keep praying and give it some time. The visit to the seminary is a wonderful idea -- it will help clarify things. If you do have a spiritual director -- definitely talk to him/her about it. Or at least a person who you trust (maybe a parish priest?). That can help lots.


Praying for you,

-- Carmen

[the_rev]

Thinking about a priestly vocation is not natural, it is not [b]of[/i] this world but of the world to come. Even thinking for five months you have had vocation is not natural. Maybe you have lost touch with it and will re-discover it. Since I began my application with the diocese there have been many times that I thought i too lost my vocation, even though I thought about rescinding my application with the diocese but I never did. I am truly grateful that I didn't. I would encourage you to spend a year at SJV. It will help to develop your prayer life and come to a better understanding of your life. There is one guy at SJV who boldly says, "I have no vocation to the priesthood I'm just here for the leadership and formation into becoming a real man!"

Take it to prayer, and I would encourage you to apply with your diocese.

[Ora et Labora]

[quote name='cmariadiaz' post='1178438' date='Jan 28 2007, 04:24 AM']
One thing that I considered immediately as I read your email was -- what if you're not called to that specific seminary? That *could* be the reason why all of a sudden you felt that you weren't called to be a priest. Maybe you saw something in the seminarians that put you off (not saying that this is the case, but maybe they're too worldly, or too holy, or too [add description here], or not [add description here] enough). Hopefully you understand what I mean. And maybe this threw you off completely.
[/quote]

This is a really good point. Perhaps your discomfort is because you are not called to that seminary. When you find where you are called, it will feel like "home". cmariandiaz has some very wise advice

[Totus Tuus]

Sorry that was me. I forgot to log my sister out.

[Chiquitunga]

[quote name='tonyofpadua' post='1177558' date='Jan 27 2007, 01:31 AM']
I feel like my vocation is completely gone, and I no longer have any interest in the seminary. None.

Is this normal? Has this ever happened? Not only have I lost the sense of a vocation, but I've lost the want to be a solid Catholic, and almost want to emerse myself back in secular society entirely.[/quote]

I definitely agree with those who suggest you to have a good spiritual director. You've got to keep it in mind that the evil one hates priests and would do everything he can to stop them. And God allows us to be tempted and to go through dark times. Even if your vocation is to something different, this definitely sounds like it could be a temptation coming from the evil one, as you wrote you also lost your desire to be a solid Catholic.

I would recommend spending a lot of time before the Blessed Sacrament, where the power is. Also, I think everyone else here has given great advice, so I would pray over that.

I believe each soul's path is totally different, but it definitely helps to talk with people in a similar situation. As for me, I've been out of religious life a couple years now, and feel worst everyday, working in the world, with a lot of dispeace in my soul. I feel 100% sure, if anyone can really be though, but that God's will for me is the contemplative cloistered life - just hasn't been the smoothest or most direct path in getting there ... But God is somehow still holding out for me. He is unbelievably merciful! But anyway, some vocations take a lot of time to sort out and to find the right home in ... Not sure if that helps in your situation, but you can see that sometimes it takes time ..

But again, remember there is a real enemy out there, that may want you to believe you don't have a vocation to the priesthood, so keep that in mind. You are in my prayers!

[tonyofpadua]

Thank you all for your very thoughtful responses. You've given some terrific advice so far. While I've had the same feelings for the past few days, I'm wokring now rely less on my emotions. I've spoken with some very wise and holy adults about this, and hopefully I can discuss this matter with a priest soon.

Again, thanks to all of you for your very sound advice!

-tonyofpadua

[Margaret]

Hey Tony
I will soooo be praying for you because ... THink about it.
Does The prince of [u]deceit [/u] want good priest? he doesn't wan't priest[b] Period[/b] and He is going to do every thing he can to attack vocations. I have seen him, just recently destroy two vocations in one foul blow. Both of them were my friends and still are, but my point is he fights dirty and he will try to mame and destroy any thing that moves towards GOD. We all know that there is a battle raging so we all need to be on our gard.

I am not saying that this is absolutly the case but it is just some thing to think about.

GOD bless you all
Marge

[Tina44]

I encourage you to take it to prayer with you, and to ask the Lord to help you understand what your vocation is. I agree with whomever suggested asking for a sign. Ask for something specific. I did that when I was initially discerning and God answered me when I least expected it.

God will never abandon you, even in your confusion. My prayers are with you!