Feeling That Being Catholic Was The Wrong Choice!

[Noel's angel]

[quote name='In His Light' post='1233829' date='Apr 7 2007, 11:08 PM']I was not going to respond, but I need to respond to this above.

Love heals, not wounds....love takes the person in pain opens and cleans out the wounds, bind them and walks with them until they can walk. And that is what my church has done and is doing.

Sorry these guys are not into anaesthetic, if I wanted that I would have stayed catholic...."oh just pray..it will be fine" or "God loves you, know that"....mind you God works through people and all they[local catholics] could do is run away....

I'm going to give all of you a window into what I have been through...and you tell me how would you do...

How many knives have you had put to your throat?
Has your life ever been threatened?
Have you been in a place where you know if you walk out that front door you may not come home again?
How many of your friends have been murdered?

And so on....

I took up the cross...I got torn apart by it....and while I deeply respect you guys, I can't be either Christian or Catholic, the wounds/scars are simply too deep.[/quote]

You said that love heals, it doesn't wound. Christ loved more than anyone else has ever loved, but his life was full of hurt. Innocent, he died on a cross after being scourged and humiliated. That is love. Love is not easy. It is a sacrifice and sacrifices hurt. Nothing any of these people do can compare to what Christ did for you. When he hung on the cross, he did that for you.
So many people have hurts in their lives and get through them.
Before Christ rose from the dead, he had to die first. You said the cross tore you apart. It tore him apart too. He knew that what awaited him on Good Friday was a terible death, but he loves you, and all of us, so much that he gave up his own life.
Suffering is not something we should run from. Christ, although he desperately did not want to suffer, did because he knew things would be better afterwards.
Jesus had the weight of mans sin on his shoulders. Our crosses are tiny compared to that. Nothing can happen to you that Christ has not felt. He wants more than ever for your voice to be united with his in forgiving those who have done wrong to you, as he said 'Father, forgive them for they know not what they do.'

[Moneybags]

[quote name='In His Light' post='1233829' date='Apr 7 2007, 05:08 PM']I took up the cross...I got torn apart by it....and while I deeply respect you guys, I can't be either Christian or Catholic, the wounds/scars are simply too deep.[/quote]

"Deny thyself, take up thy cross and follow Me," [Matt. 16:24]

I hope that you do change your ways and repent. Jesus Christ is ready to forgive every repentent soul in Confession. Hell is real for those that do not follow Him. Denying a truth does not make it go away. I hope that in time you can understand His love for you - love expressed in "The Passion of the Christ" and the book "The Dolorous Passion of Our Lord Jesus Christ".

[HisChild]

I'm so sorry that you've had no one within our Church to help you. It's miserable when you think you can go to someone for help, and that turns out to be an illusion. I can't say for certain WHY they've not helped you. I've shared your story with friends here who've opined with everything from 'perhaps they don't know what to say' to 'perhaps they don't know how to help' to sheer inexperience in helping someone in pain. I could regale you with many stories with similar outcomes.

My ex is a cop and was first on the scene during a chase, that ended in another cop being shot right in front of him. The next day, after being up all night and all day at the scene of the crime, he, battered and emotionally in shock, CRYING, stopped by the nearest parish, a parish that used to be his home parish, and asked to see a priest. A priest came out to the front office, saw him and recognized him. He said, 'Aren't you now a parishioner of. . . .?' When he said, yes, that he was a member of this other parish, the priest dismissed him, and told him to go to his own parish for help and comfort.

Another friend was ashamed to find herself being divorced, and was told by her family that divorce was an unacceptable option within the Catholic Church. She was so upset with the whole sordid ordeal that she spiraled into depression, on the brink of suicide. When she finally went to her parish priest, he told her that suicide was a sin, and that if she did so, she'd go to hell. No referrals to counseling, no sitting down to discuss her situation, nothing. She's now not even Christian, because the one faith that she'd known, rejected her in her darkest times.

A family member divorced due to physical abuse and adultery on her husband's part. Years later, she was told by the priest that it was ok to remarry (without annulment). He was obviously wrong, but when they moved, their new pastor told her that she couldn't receive Communion because she was an adulteress. No offers to help her apply for annulment, or whatever other options were available to her (leaving her 'new' husband wasn't an option either, as they'd been married for 10 years and had two children). Neither the couple nor their kids go to church anymore.

These and many more I could name, are all examples of Holy Mother Church not being there for Her sheep. We, as Catholics, are asked within the parish to give of time talent and treasure, to be good stewards. We give our money, we lector, we are catechists, etc. We give. And yet, being a part of the human condition, there WILL be times in our lives when we need help, emotionally, spiritually. This is not a time for the Church, when she could shine the most, to fail to see the hurting within our ranks, to fail to help our 'neighbor'. Were some of the things within those scenarios mentioned above 'wrong' on the person's part (suicide, divorce/remarriage without annulment, etc)? Sure there were! But as one says, it's not what is said, it's how it's said that makes the difference.

Did the young woman contemplating suicide KNOW that it was wrong? OF COURSE SHE DID! That's why she went to see her priest! Let's not focus on the why someone went to see the priest, but his/their response to the situation.

I'm Catholic, and fully so, but if it wasn't for Jesus in the Eucharist? There are times that our Church has disgusted me to the point that I'd leave as well. I stay, at times, only because I know that the Catholic Church is the only place where I can receive Him Body and Blood, Soul and Divinity. Now, saying ALL that, let me ask you this? Is there a utopia, a nirvana, a heaven here on this earth? I give you a resounding NO. Is there another church who is better than another? No. Each church has its own failings, simply because they are human. Even the Catholic Church, founded by Christ, is run by humans. While Satan will not prevail against it. . .it is still, in its day to day, run by the same imperfect humans that run ANY church, Christian or otherwise. Perhaps in time, you'll see your new-found community expressing the same imperfection in another circumstance. It may not be this month. It may not even be this year. But it will happen. It will be an eye opener, to be sure. It's inevitable. Sounds cynical perhaps, but it is what it is. When you count on another to take care of your need unconditionally, they're bound to fail at one time or another.

God be with you. I keep you in prayer, for healing and your well being.

Edited April 10, 2007 by HisChild

[cmotherofpirl]

[quote name='St. Benedict' post='1237236' date='Apr 10 2007, 01:34 AM']"Deny thyself, take up thy cross and follow Me," [Matt. 16:24]

I hope that you do change your ways and repent. Jesus Christ is ready to forgive every repentent soul in Confession. Hell is real for those that do not follow Him. Denying a truth does not make it go away. I hope that in time you can understand His love for you - love expressed in "The Passion of the Christ" and the book "The Dolorous Passion of Our Lord Jesus Christ".[/quote]
"A bruised reed you shall not break".
Its a bit hard to repent what you don't believe in, don't you think.


Benny you lack all tact and sympathy, and if this is your idea of comfort take it elsewere.
Belinda, may the God of us all bless you and comfort you, even when you don't yet recognize the source.

[Moneybags]

[img]http://farm1.static.flickr.com/217/454272579_273eefebc1_o.jpg[/img]

I am here and will stay to spread the message of Christ and His Church. The Good Shepherd waits for all the prodigal children.

Do not forget to pray for the intercession of the Mother of God! She will lead you to healing, happiness, and Jesus.

[cathoholic_anonymous]

[quote]Love heals, not wounds....love takes the person in pain opens and cleans out the wounds, bind them and walks with them until they can walk. And that is what my church has done and is doing. [/quote]You misunderstand me, Belinda. I don't see the wounds of Jesus and His love as separate things. I can't. The cross is love in its purest form. How could it be anything else? God came and entered into the heart of your pain so that you in your turn could enter into the heart of His joy.

At the moment you seem to have fallen into the (understandable) trap of believing that real love is found where it is easiest to breathe. That's not always true. We know this from looking at what happened on Mount Calvary.

[quote]Sorry these guys are not into anaesthetic, if I wanted that I would have stayed catholic...."oh just pray..it will be fine" or "God loves you, know that"....mind you God works through people and all they[local catholics] could do is run away....[/quote]

There is no such thing as 'just praying'. As the Carmelite nun Ruth Burrows writes, prayer is often a desert. A wilderness. Praying is not like inserting coins into a vending machine to buy yourself some sweet piritual hot chocolate. Sometimes it's the most painful thing you'll ever do.

[i]I'm going to give all of you a window into what I have been through...and you tell me how would you do...

How many knives have you had put to your throat?
Has your life ever been threatened?
Have you been in a place where you know if you walk out that front door you may not come home again?
How many of your friends have been murdered?

And so on....[/i]

I've experienced two out of those four things - death threats and very dangerous places. The first death threat came when I was nine years old. I was targeted for being English and a Christian. I don't believe that suffering can ever be compared, so your reactions and feelings on this subject will probably be quite different from mine, but I can remember feeling as if a terrible nothingness had taken the place of my soul. I just couldn't understand why there were strangers who hated me. What had I ever done? It got worse after September 11th; whenever we went to the market on the compound's shopping bus we were accompanied by a soldier. That was in Taif, Saudi Arabia.

As for my friends, several of them (all teenagers) have been raped and abused to the point of developing serious mental illness. Seventeen months ago I rescued a fourteen-year-old girl after she had tried to kill herself. Since then I became gradually involved in the care of the patients in the hospital where she now lives. They seem to find it easier to talk to me than they do to the staff, perhaps because I'm close to them in age. On Good Friday I found out that I may have to give evidence in court on behalf of a friend who has suffered from sexual abuse ever since she was seven years old - the same girl whose life I helped to save. The detective constable has warned us both that we're going to be accused of lying. For my friend, reliving the past in the interviews was like getting raped again and again and again, and if it turns out that they don't believe us...

She's really struggling to believe in God at the moment. Like you, she's been torn apart by her cross. She keeps insisting that her rapist walks past the hospital every day, even though he's miles away. She can never escape from the past in her poor head.

But in spite of that, she can't stop being a Christian. It's not possible to change who you are. I believe the same is true of you, too.

May His peace be with you.

[bmb144]

[quote name='cmotherofpirl' post='1237761' date='Apr 11 2007, 03:50 AM']"A bruised reed you shall not break".
Its a bit hard to repent what you don't believe in, don't you think.
Benny you lack all tact and sympathy, and if this is your idea of comfort take it elsewere.
Belinda, may the God of us all bless you and comfort you, even when you don't yet recognize the source.[/quote]


Cmotherofpirl, thank you.

You see its people who act like Benny has, that drove me away.
Its that very attitude that had me look else where. And I am very glad I did.

I realised very recently that I never knew Jesus as you people seem to know him.
I don't think its the same person. As the Jesus I knew simply did not and could not have
*looks for right words*...ever supported that form of thinking.

This Egyptian pagan, and yes I now serve one of the Egyptian Goddess' is a far happier
person. My Divine Mum loves and I know it. There is no doubt about that.

[Maggyie]

Belinda, I am so happy to hear that you are feeling better!

My belief in the divine has most of its foundations in intellectual reasoning and historical and logical proofs, etc, so I do not understand your devotion to one of the pagan goddesses. But I do understand that you are seeking for Love and that this is where your journey has taken you thus far.

Jesus certainly is not in favor of any "form of thinking" that is harsh or unloving, although in Benny's defense I am sure he does not mean to come off that way.

I think that your search for Love is truly an expression of your soul's longing to know Jesus, who is Love Himself. I hope you are not offended when I say that. I also hope that you will find Him Whom your soul desires and that you will truly know Him, and be full.

Prayers for your journey!

[Starets]

I am not sure what to say, Belinda. I am still praying for your healing and for your return. I do not have much experience with death threats and dangerous places. I do have much experience with pain and suffering. I pray that one day your journey will take you back home into the arams of Jesus.

[bmb144]

Hey everyone

Thank you for your healing prayers they are really appreciated. I'm happy to say that I have healed up totally. ::hugs::
Um...one thing though, could those who are praying for my conversion could you please stop?
Guys, its not going to happen, ok!

I've realised that through many years of struggle I was trying to be something I never was, and I never was a Christian.
I could walk the walk and talk the talk, but I never was happy and I never knew Jesus as you guys do and I was never comfortable.

I've come to a place where I am. My Divine Mum Bast, is all I want, all I need. She has become the home of my heart and my soul and I love Her and the church I am in dearly.

I deeply respect all of you and if you don't mind I'll stay and cheer on those guys in Vocation station. I'm starting the long road to ordination in my church to live the call on my life fully.

Love to all,
Belinda

[Knight of the Holy Rosary]

I'm glad to hear you have healed. That's one prayer answered...I know I haven't posted in this thread much, but you have been in my prayers.

[quote]Um...one thing though, could those who are praying for my conversion could you please stop?
Guys, its not going to happen, ok![/quote]

Ain't gonna happen.

I could not in good conscience do that.

[bmb144]

[quote name='Knight of the Holy Rosary' post='1263643' date='May 4 2007, 01:23 PM']I'm glad to hear you have healed. That's one prayer answered...I know I haven't posted in this thread much, but you have been in my prayers.
Ain't gonna happen.

I could not in good conscience do that.[/quote]

[Starets]

[quote name='In His Light' post='1263388' date='May 3 2007, 05:40 PM']Hey everyone

Thank you for your healing prayers they are really appreciated. I'm happy to say that I have healed up totally. ::hugs::
Um...one thing though, could those who are praying for my conversion could you please stop?
Guys, its not going to happen, ok![/quote]

I am glad to hear that your healing is complete. that is indeed an answer to prayer. I will, however, continue to pray for your journey home.

[bmb144]

[quote name='Maggie' post='1247725' date='Apr 18 2007, 02:47 PM']My belief in the divine has most of its foundations in intellectual reasoning and historical and logical proofs, etc, so I do not understand your devotion to one of the pagan goddesses.[/quote]

I just wanted to briefly respond to this. My faith is also founded in "intellectual reasoning and historical and logical proofs".
Our most senior Rev is an Egyptologist and ancient language expert and the research that has been put into the my faith is as solid as rock. Egyptian faith is old, many thousands of years old, much older then Christianity and its practice has continued without pause in Egypt to this day.

Also one thing please don't equate Egyptian God/Goddess with Pagan ones....there's a difference. I would not dare call Mum pagan. She would not approve. *shudder* Bast is not an eye of Ra for no reason.

In love,
Belinda

[cathoholic_anonymous]

[quote]Um...one thing though, could those who are praying for my conversion could you please stop?
Guys, its not going to happen, ok![/quote]If you were totally healed, would you even have to ask that question?

As for the Ancient Egyptian religion, age does not equal truth. In many cases all that means is that people have been making the same mistake for a long time.

Also, I doubt that any Egyptologist, no matter how skilled, would be able to prove through history and language study that the sun is rolled across the heavens by a cosmic scarab beetle or that a jackel-headed god weighs people's literal hearts after death to determine the purity of their souls. There must be some holiness in the Ancient Egyptian religion, as the Ancient Egyptians were striving to know the divine before Christ's revelation came, but that does not mean that the pantheon of gods and goddesses actually exists.

[quote]Also one thing please don't equate Egyptian God/Goddess with Pagan ones....there's a difference. I would not dare call Mum pagan.[/quote]

You have referred to your new place of worship as pagan before. In the early stages you even called it Protestant. I don't think you know where you are or what you are doing, and so I will pray for you to find out.