'blue Christmas' Church Services Attract The Depressed, Joyles

[cmotherofpirl]

'Blue Christmas' Church Services Attract the Depressed, Joyless

Many churches across North America are offering Blue Christmas services this year, aimed at addressing a season that brings many people depression and grief rather than comfort and joy.

Wed, Dec. 20, 2006 Posted: 09:50:05 AM EST


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RICHMOND, Va. (AP) - There were no jolly Christmas carols to be found at the Cannon Memorial Chapel. No festive branches of holly. No smiling faces or hearty wishes of happiness.

Instead, somber piano music echoed in the hushed church. Dead branches were lain on a table covered in blue cloth, representing the "winter of our souls." Men and women held each other and cried.

"This is not a traditional Christmas service," Chaplain Kate O'Dwyer Randall began, opening the church's nondenominational "Blue Christmas" service on Tuesday, which drew around 60 people.

The University of Richmond's chapel is one of many churches across North America offering Blue Christmas services this year, aimed at addressing a season that brings many people depression and grief rather than comfort and joy.

"Holidays in our culture are often about families, and families are not always happy institutions," said O'Dwyer Randall, who once worked as a grief counselor. "I think that particularly if you're facing a death or a divorce, the 'empty chair syndrome' becomes very real at this time of year."

Sharon Van de Walle feels that emptiness. Her husband of 40 years died suddenly earlier this month.

"This just is a preparation for Christmas, which is going to be rather difficult," she said tearfully.

Her friend, Anita McCabe, consoled her with a warm embrace.

"And it's a good place to have a cry and no one will mind," she told her friend.

Some churches refer to such programs as "Longest Night" services and hold them on the shortest day — and therefore, the longest night — of the year. This year, that falls on Thursday.

"I find in my ministry that there's quite a bit of pastoral work to be done in December. It just seems that whatever griefs or pain people have increase in this time," said Rev. Cynthia Maybeck, pastor of the Trinity Church of Northborough, Massachusetts, which has been offering "Longest Night" services for more than a decade. "Everything on the commercials is 'Ho, ho, ho, Merry Christmas, such a season of tidings and great joy' — and there's a lot of people whose hearts are breaking."

While some may find the "Blue Christmas" concept unusual, it serves an important function, said O'Dwyer Randall, who lost her brother two years ago and feels the grief more acutely at Christmas.

"I think something people don't think about around grief is they just want to avoid it," she said. "The biggest sigh of relief for people who are grieving comes when you name it. When you say, 'Hey, you're probably having a hard year.' When you say the person's name."

Her sermon Tuesday drew a parallel between the journey toward hope and the three wise men, who walked through cold and darkness toward the light of a star.

Later, she and others placed blue flowers on the dead branches, symbolically transforming them into something blooming and alive.

Frank Minter, 21, gazed up at the light streaming through the church's circular stained glass window. His mind was on his mother, who died unexpectedly last month after a battle with multiple sclerosis.

"We're not sure how the holidays will play out," he said softly. "So this was a chance to enjoy the holiday season, because this is certain. And in uncertain times, even a little bit of certainness is helpful."

This is the first Christmas 77-year-old Charles Minter Jr., will have to celebrate without his wife Barbara, whom he was married to, he says with a sad smile, for "57 years, four months and three days." They married just 19 days after they met. In May, she succumbed to cancer.

"I hate the holidays. I see the lights and Christmas — I just get the chills," he said. "I hope this is gonna help."

Copyright © 2006 The Associated Press. All rights reserved. The information contained in the AP News report may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed without the prior written authority of The Associated Press.

The Associated Press

[homeschoolmom]

[God Conquers]

It's a really beautiful service that helps lots of people in difficult times...

My mom runs one at the Parish where she is a Parish Nurse... she really feels it is an excellent program.

[2xbob]

Its a shame that its come to this for some.

[toledo_jesus]

Word up, Virginia Rules.
we got the depression session.

I actually like this idea.

[cmotherofpirl]

It touches the reality of some many peoples lives. One December several years ago, I lost three family members in two weeks. I could have used a service like this.

It would also be a great opportunity for confession as well.

[suuran]

Uh...this doesn't really seem right to me. I mean, Christmas isn't really about [i]me[/i] or how [i]I[/i] feel. As we're so fond of reminding our culture, it's about commemorating the Incarnation. And that should be done with celebration, not gloomy cry-and-hug fests. It's not about us and our pain. It's about the joy of "mild he lays his glory by, born that we might no more die". And, as so many theologians say, joy isn't the same thing as feeling happy.

[cmotherofpirl]

[quote name='Jalazar' post='1146524' date='Dec 20 2006, 01:10 PM']
Uh...this doesn't really seem right to me. I mean, Christmas isn't really about [i]me[/i] or how [i]I[/i] feel. As we're so fond of reminding our culture, it's about commemorating the Incarnation. And that should be done with celebration, not gloomy cry-and-hug fests. It's not about us and our pain. It's about the joy of "mild he lays his glory by, born that we might no more die". And, as so many theologians say, joy isn't the same thing as feeling happy.
[/quote]


You cannot appreciate the joy if you are overcome with grief. A formal way to acknowledge the grief is the first step to moving on so you can feel the joy of the season.

[catholicinsd]

This is the best idea ever.

[homeschoolmom]

It's a good idea as long as one doesn't JUST attend this service (imho)...

[cmotherofpirl]

[quote name='homeschoolmom' post='1146798' date='Dec 21 2006, 01:18 AM']
It's a good idea as long as one doesn't JUST attend this service (imho)...
[/quote]
agreed

[Norseman82]

[quote name='Jalazar' post='1146524' date='Dec 20 2006, 12:10 PM']
Uh...this doesn't really seem right to me. I mean, Christmas isn't really about [i]me[/i] or how [i]I[/i] feel. As we're so fond of reminding our culture, it's about commemorating the Incarnation. And that should be done with celebration, not gloomy cry-and-hug fests. It's not about us and our pain. It's about the joy of "mild he lays his glory by, born that we might no more die". And, as so many theologians say, joy isn't the same thing as feeling happy.
[/quote]

Obviously someone who must have grown up in a sanitized suburban subdivision needs to walk in another person's shoes and learn what life is like on the other side of the tracks.

Edited December 22, 2006 by Norseman82

[suuran]

[quote]Obviously someone who must have grown up in a sanitized suburban subdivision needs to walk in another person's shoes and learn what life is like on the other side of the tracks. [/quote]

You have no right to pass judgement on how much pain I have or haven't been through. Yes, I grew up a in a suburb. Yes, I thank God that I've had many blessings in my life. More than most people. But don't think for a second that I've never felt any pain, or that I don't have any idea how miserable life can be.

And it really isn't material to this discussion...I mean, do you give any credence to the "How can you condemn abortions when you haven't been through the same pain as a pregnant teen?" argument? I have no problem with acknowledging grief or working through it. Lord knows I've had a good cry many a time.

Look, I'll even admit that I'm unsure about this. I got the impression from the article that this was being done at masses--I could be wrong about that. It just strikes me wrong to make the mass focused on [i]me[/i], and [i]my[/i] grief, [i]my[/i] feelings, rather than on the joyous gift of Christ's incarnation. And I don't think that "joy" is a feeling. I think it has more to do with one opening one's heart to God, accepting his generosity and love. Sometimes I don't [i]feel[/i] good about my religion or going to mass or whatever. But I just try not to let my feelings control me. I don't always succeed.

I might be wrong. Maybe I just don't "get it" because I haven't yet plumbed the depths of misery life can offer. I'm willing to admit that it's possible.

Edited December 22, 2006 by Jalazar

[Norseman82]

[quote name='Jalazar' post='1147172' date='Dec 21 2006, 09:08 PM']
You have no right to pass judgement on how much pain I have or haven't been through. [/quote]

I most certainly DO have the right to pass judgment on you because I checked your profile and you are not an adult yet whereas I am and have more life experience under my belt. Listen to the life experience of your elders, you might actually learn something.

You cry about people passing judgment on you, yet what do you think you are doing when you condemn people who are having a difficult time and you say they should be celebrating? And to compare that to abortion? What, do you think I just got off the boat yesterday and will fall for a guilt-trip when logic fails to win an argument? Abortion is an intrinsic evil, going through a difficult time in life due to something out of your control is not. Apples and oranges. Try again.

Do I like the fact that these services may only be perpetuating depression? Of course not, but I'm not going to criticize someone who is going through a difficult time in their life. Remember what James 2 says about what good does it do to say "be warm and well fed" and do nothing to meet their needs? Instead of criticizing people who are down, do something positive. Include them in your cliques. If you are materially able, invite them to dinner so that their Christmas meal is not a TV dinner shared only with their cat or dog - and make enough so that everyone can take some leftovers home, as some of them might be unemployed. Go on a date with a lonely person and see some decorations and lights on the houses. Share a job lead. All these will do a LOT more to cheer a person up and communicate God's love than beating them up with a "It's not about you" lecture (no matter how true that may be) while you go off to your own perfect life (and even though your life may not be perfect, to a lot of people who are down and out it is). Remember, laying heavy burdens on people awhile not lifting a finger to help them carry it is not the mark of a Christian, but that of a pharisee, according to the One whose birthday we get a day off for in a few days.

Well, that is the lesson I've learned from living on the other side of the tracks when I was your age.

Edited December 22, 2006 by Norseman82

[prose]

[quote name='Jalazar' post='1147172' date='Dec 21 2006, 08:08 PM'] It just strikes me wrong to make the mass focused on [i]me[/i], and [i]my[/i] grief, [i]my[/i] feelings, rather than on the joyous gift of Christ's incarnation. And I don't think that "joy" is a feeling. I think it has more to do with one opening one's heart to God, accepting his generosity and love. Sometimes I don't [i]feel[/i] good about my religion or going to mass or whatever. But I just try not to let my feelings control me. I don't always succeed.
[/quote]

I think that you are a very articulate person. I happen to be an adult, and I agree with your view. I don't think that you are judging the person, but rather the idea itself.

I think healing services are wonderful. I don't think they should replace Christmas services.

And I think it is especially important to recognize that you don't need to come from the "wrong side of the tracks" to suffer and feel pain.

I would say more, but my 1 year old is climbing into my lap.