Marital Discernment...

[XIX]

For those of you who don’t know (which I imagine is a majority) I believ that I am called to the married life. I would also like to have as many kids as we are capable of having, given our inevitable limits (physical, emotional, financial, time, her biological clock, how many she wants, etc.)
Also: I am a senior in college, and I am trying to figure out what I want to do with my life. Most people around me assume that I am just going to go into accounting—it’s my major, it’s lucrative, etc. But there’s also a very strong part of me that wants to become a teacher. This would be one of those unconventional stories of pursuing your dreams despite the smaller paychecks. Accounting majors don’t just dive into teaching right out of college. But…personally, I think I’d be happier as a teacher than I would be as an accountant, looking at it from a purely career perspective.
Unfortunately for my potential teaching career…children cost money. And I firmly believe that, as the future male of a household, I should be the breadwinner. If it comes down to it, I should let her be the one that takes the fulfilling jobs that pays peanuts, while I take a less “satisfying” job to make the money. Or maybe she’ll just want to stay home with the kids. But money is very important to me for these reasons. Once I get out of college, I’m going to be pretty cheap with my money (except for a few choice charities) and I’m going to save as much money as possible. I DO NOT want to start spending lots of money just because it’s there. So anyways, my next step in discernment it going to be my next step in my career.
I’m basically trying to weight out the pros and cons of my two options. Do I go ahead and take whatever accounting job I can find? Do I take the plunge into the unknown and see if I can find any inroads into teaching? Do I take an accounting job working with the Church? (they have those).

Reasons why accounting would be a good idea:
Money. Basically, I want to make enough money where finances would not become a reason for us having to postpone a pregnancy. That’s my goal there. That’s…pretty much it. But it’s a very good reason in my opinion. The thought of having my very own miniature Catholic is just too much for me to pass up. Also, it would be the most conventional path, and probably the easiest way for me to get my feet underneath me as I transition from college to “real” world. It would be a lot harder to go from teaching back to accounting—I’d be years behind everybody, and I’d rather not have that.

Reasons why teaching would be a good idea:
I’d probably like it better. I really think I’d just be less awkward in that situation, and I think I have a natural talent for communicating what I know. I’d end up as a high school math teacher, so those are in relatively high demand (especially if I were to teach at a Catholic school). Plus, sometimes I wonder if I’m supposed to think about money at all, or if I should trust that God will provide what we need?
I guess it would make the most sense to get into accounting until I pay off my debts, then think about teaching. But I still have reservations about spending time in a profession that I might or might not like. Eh…

So, basically I’m trying to balance these different career options, and trying to guess my next step. I’m definitely leaning towards going into accounting ASAP, but a part of me wonders if that’s where I really belong. The trouble is, you kinda need a pretty thick stream of income to raise a large family. So, I’m still trying to figure it all out. Of course, I’ll always need prayers. But does anybody have any insight they could give to a person who’s yet to go outside of his college bubble?

Pax,
Jonathan

[VeniteAdoremus]

Hi Jonathan,

It's wonderful to read how strong you are in your vocation to have a family, and how willing to sacrifice for it you already are! Thanks for sharing that with us!

As to your career questions... there's something I tell to each and every high school student coming to the university here to see if physics is their thing (I'm the student minion of the communications department), and that is that you will be happiest, you will be the most YOU, if you do what you love to do. I studied law for a year, and while I liked the subject, and still do, it wasn't me, not at all. After I switched to the right major for me I became more social, more composed, and better at all the other things I did! (Also a lot more tired, since it's a bit more demanding - but that's not the point.)

What your family will need most from you isn't money. It's love. What your children will want most is not their own room and designer clothes (although for a period of time they might think that). They'll want DADDY. And since they'll love you completely like only your children can, everything you do that isn't true to yourself isn't true to them.

God. will. provide.

Maybe the fact that you're almost a graduate in accounting means that accounting could be the thing for you after all, but that's something you'll have to find out.

[Tina44]

Jonathan,
I'm an accountant myself, so I know EXACTLY what you are talking about! I'm not going down the same path as you, as I am applying for religious life, and you are going to the married life, but a year and a half ago I was in the same position. I got a job right out of college with an accounting firm, started working, thought it was great. A few months later, I wanted to quit. Too stressful, too intense, and too many people are having marriage troubles, kid troubles, or are divorced already and just grumpy. I became seriously unhappy and I started thinking of teaching. All I wanted to do was teach. I had never thought about it before, but suddenly it became so attractive to me. And now, the thought of going to a community whose ministry is teaching and education, I'm so unbelievably happy! I can't wait to start teaching!
Listen to me when I say money isn't everything. Of course you need it for the necessary things, and to provide for a family. To a certain extent.
What will sustain your family and you is love and happiness. You have to choose a career path where you will be the happiest. Your kids may not have the latest fashions, or the expensive things, but they will have their father with them. Some families that have all that extravagant things are missing a parent. And it's no secret that they aren't happy. The best things you can do for your kids is to just be there and support them and LOVE them.
YOU NEED TO DO WHAT IS GOING TO MAKE YOU HAPPY. If that's teaching, go for it!!!!
And pray about it. God will give you what you need. Trust me, I know! He won't take you down a path unless it's the right one. He will open doors and make opportunities for you, for whatever it is you need. Just TRUST! I will keep you in my prayers!

[Totus Tuus]

[quote name='XIX' post='1140212' date='Dec 12 2006, 01:04 AM']
For those of you who don’t know (which I imagine is a majority) I believ that I am called to the married life. I would also like to have as many kids as we are capable of having, given our inevitable limits (physical, emotional, financial, time, her biological clock, how many she wants, etc.)
Also: I am a senior in college, and I am trying to figure out what I want to do with my life. Most people around me assume that I am just going to go into accounting—it’s my major, it’s lucrative, etc. But there’s also a very strong part of me that wants to become a teacher. This would be one of those unconventional stories of pursuing your dreams despite the smaller paychecks. Accounting majors don’t just dive into teaching right out of college. But…personally, I think I’d be happier as a teacher than I would be as an accountant, looking at it from a purely career perspective.
Unfortunately for my potential teaching career…children cost money. And I firmly believe that, as the future male of a household, I should be the breadwinner. If it comes down to it, I should let her be the one that takes the fulfilling jobs that pays peanuts, while I take a less “satisfying” job to make the money. Or maybe she’ll just want to stay home with the kids. But money is very important to me for these reasons. Once I get out of college, I’m going to be pretty cheap with my money (except for a few choice charities) and I’m going to save as much money as possible. I DO NOT want to start spending lots of money just because it’s there. So anyways, my next step in discernment it going to be my next step in my career.
I’m basically trying to weight out the pros and cons of my two options. Do I go ahead and take whatever accounting job I can find? Do I take the plunge into the unknown and see if I can find any inroads into teaching? Do I take an accounting job working with the Church? (they have those).

Reasons why accounting would be a good idea:
Money. Basically, I want to make enough money where finances would not become a reason for us having to postpone a pregnancy. That’s my goal there. That’s…pretty much it. But it’s a very good reason in my opinion. The thought of having my very own miniature Catholic is just too much for me to pass up. Also, it would be the most conventional path, and probably the easiest way for me to get my feet underneath me as I transition from college to “real” world. It would be a lot harder to go from teaching back to accounting—I’d be years behind everybody, and I’d rather not have that.

Reasons why teaching would be a good idea:
I’d probably like it better. I really think I’d just be less awkward in that situation, and I think I have a natural talent for communicating what I know. I’d end up as a high school math teacher, so those are in relatively high demand (especially if I were to teach at a Catholic school). Plus, sometimes I wonder if I’m supposed to think about money at all, or if I should trust that God will provide what we need?
I guess it would make the most sense to get into accounting until I pay off my debts, then think about teaching. But I still have reservations about spending time in a profession that I might or might not like. Eh…

So, basically I’m trying to balance these different career options, and trying to guess my next step. I’m definitely leaning towards going into accounting ASAP, but a part of me wonders if that’s where I really belong. The trouble is, you kinda need a pretty thick stream of income to raise a large family. So, I’m still trying to figure it all out. Of course, I’ll always need prayers. But does anybody have any insight they could give to a person who’s yet to go outside of his college bubble?

Pax,
Jonathan
[/quote]

You have very admirable dreams! I hope they come true for you, and someday you have a very large and happy family

First of all, if you want a large, holy family, it would probably be a good idea for your wife to stay home. If I were you I would plan on having only your income, and maybe someday if she started working for some reason you would have more. But I wouldn't figure her income into your future, because if she wants a large family chances are she's going to want to be home with it.

As for your career, it is a good idea to go for something that does make the most money. Between new homes, medical bills, education, and the future, it would be wise to have a well-paying job. Not always, though... I know perfectly happy and healthy families who are self-supporting on farms, etc., where the dad does not go into the corporate world. However, if you don't loathe accounting, but simply don't like it as much as teaching, maybe it wouldn't be so bad?

Teaching is a great gift, and we need solid teachers in today's society. Why don't you pursue it on the side for a while and see if you really do like it? You could teach RCIA at your church, or substitute at a school for a while... there are a lot of opportunities for you in that area, I would imagine. I have to tell you (something you probably know full well), teaching, even as a university professor, does not pay enough money to raise a large family. I know a university teacher who is living in family housing on campus, teaching four classes (basically the max), and cannot even afford health insurance. Maybe there are other teaching opportunities that pay more, I don't know.

Or, you could fulfill your dream to teach by home-schooling your kids on the weekends and when you get home from work at night Generally there are subjects that moms need dads to help them teach (math, for instance.... my dad has to help us because the women in our family just don't really understand math). You would also be helping you wife put together the curriculum, and you would be the disciplinary force in the home (the principal ). It really takes both parents to run a homeschooling household, and the fruit is beautiful! It keeps the family united, too, because it's a team effort (even older siblings can tutor the younger ones in simple subjects). Anyway, I don't want this to sound like an infomercial for homeschooling, but I was homeschooled and I am so grateful that I was.

We'll be praying for you, hermano! God bless you and Mary keep you!

Lauren

[quote name='Tina' post='1140346' date='Dec 12 2006, 09:13 AM']

What will sustain your family and you is love and happiness. You have to choose a career path where you will be the happiest. Your kids may not have the latest fashions, or the expensive things, but they will have their father with them. Some families that have all that extravagant things are missing a parent. And it's no secret that they aren't happy. The best things you can do for your kids is to just be there and support them and LOVE them. you need. Just TRUST! I will keep you in my prayers!
[/quote]

yup

Edited December 12, 2006 by Totus Tuus

[Mary-Kathryn]

How about taking some of your time and volunteering your services for a few months or a year, after you graduate, to get your feet wet?

Try Catholic Network of Volunteers [url="http://www.cnvs.org/"]http://www.cnvs.org/[/url] or perhaps the Peace Corps. You can go anywhere in the world and see what a difference you can make in the life of a child or a person in need. Give yourself that time to figure out what you need and want for your future, before you take on a wife and family.

This is an important time for you. It is a good time to be selfish. No kidding. What I am hearing [reading] is a young man who feels a wee bit pressured. Either by outside sources or by your own demanding time clock of how things should go. If you find out what it is that makes you "tick" career-wise, then you can come to your marriage a more complete man.

I am not encouraging you to be reckless--NO!! I am encouraging you to try your dream in a safe avenue. If a Catholic or Peace Corps mission isn't your thing, perhaps you can find another way of testing the teaching waters. The point is not to leave yourself perpetually wondering--know. You'll find soon enough if you like it, if you can live on it, and if you are called to the profession.

I can sit here and give safe, distant advice all day, but it's your very real life. In the end, I'm just a woman who reads posts on the net meddling in your business.

[Totus Tuus]

[quote name='Mary-Kathryn' post='1140363' date='Dec 12 2006, 10:43 AM']
How about taking some of your time and volunteering your services for a few months or a year, after you graduate, to get your feet wet?

Try Catholic Network of Volunteers [url="http://www.cnvs.org/"]http://www.cnvs.org/[/url] or perhaps the Peace Corps. You can go anywhere in the world and see what a difference you can make in the life of a child or a person in need. Give yourself that time to figure out what you need and want for your future, before you take on a wife and family.

This is an important time for you. It is a good time to be selfish. No kidding. What I am hearing [reading] is a young man who feels a wee bit pressured. Either by outside sources or by your own demanding time clock of how things should go. If you find out what it is that makes you "tick" career-wise, then you can come to your marriage a more complete man.

I am not encouraging you to be reckless--NO!! I am encouraging you to try your dream in a safe avenue. If a Catholic or Peace Corps mission isn't your thing, perhaps you can find another way of testing the teaching waters. The point is not to leave yourself perpetually wondering--know. You'll find soon enough if you like it, if you can live on it, and if you are called to the profession.

I can sit here and give safe, distant advice all day, but it's your very real life. In the end, I'm just a woman who reads posts on the net meddling in your business.
[/quote]

Don't you think a wife helps a man get to know himself? I've never been married so you probably understand it a lot better than I do. But I know for a lot of people the "other half" (spouse) helped to lead to where God wanted them to be...

[Piamaria]

Hi Jonathan,

I work in the corporate world and while it is both stressful and highly remunerative, it's not any more stressful than other demanding professons such as teaching; and I get some fulfillment from doing a good job for my clients. The key for me is that I need the money so that I can follow my vocation. And I'll be leaving the workforce soon; the job, even the career, isn't my life.

It sounds like your vocation to form a Catholic family will be the focus of your life. Having money helps a great deal. But don't take a job you dislike; that never works.

Peace,
Piamaria

[stlmom]

Let me tell you some of the pitfalls that fathers who are teachers face. My father was a teacher and my mom was a nurse. They raised 7 of us, and I will tell you money was tight--mom "retired" from nursing after child #5 was born, and we really didn't see much of my dad as he took on teaching evening and summer classes to supplement our income. He was also required to take on extracurricular duties--supervising after school clubs and sports. Then of course, grading papers in the evening. I can't really say that my dad had a whole lot left over for his own children after a full day at school. We kids were also expected to behave better and have better grades than other people's kids because our dad was a teacher.

All that being said, better to do what you love, than be miserable in what ever profession you have; it will wear on your health, marriage, and family. Take advantage of being single and relatively free of responsibilities, and try your hand at both if you like, before you take on raising a family. Make your future wife an involved partner in your career choice, as what you do will affect her greatly.
God bless!

[daugher-of-Mary]

God does provide. I've been blessed to know a family of 13 children (2 adopted with Downs)...the dad supports the family on his income as a prison guard (not much!). They are very happy living simply, and are a beautiful example of trust in Divine Providence. :

[Totus Tuus]

[quote name='daugher-of-Mary' post='1140675' date='Dec 12 2006, 04:43 PM']
God does provide. I've been blessed to know a family of 13 children (2 adopted with Downs)...the dad supports the family on his income as a prison guard (not much!). They are very happy living simply, and are a beautiful example of trust in Divine Providence. :
[/quote]
I can vouch for that! Well, I only know one of their children, but you don't meet many happier kids

[Guest phatdaddy]

Jonathon,

I'll try to be brief. These post are actually quite good especially what Totus Tuus has offered for your thoughts and prayers, so there is not much to add. However, being an old married guy with kids of my own, my advice to you is to pursue the opportunities that present themselves. Some you will like more than others. Making money is not evil in itself, it's what you do with it. Perhaps one could say that teaching is a more noble profession and maybe it is. However accounting is a great profession as well. If I were you I would pursue the profession that offered more opportunities for growth in expertise, in location, in environement and of course in money. Don't look at this money you will be making as an evil. Look on it as an opportunity for your wife to stay at home and raise your large wonderful family. Look at it as an opportunity to be able to send your kids to a Catholic University, or send them on retreats or take family vacations. Making money is not a bad thing. I think you will regret passing up an opportunities for your your family, based on an unexperienced view of life and dreams and the like.

Yes we follow our dreams. However we also follow our talent. Whereas dreams are cheap and they come and go, talent is usually developed. I went to school and got a degree because I had a dream to be an astronaut. However, I lacked the talent for it even though I pursued this dream until a medical road block. Yes Lord, I get it now. I ended up in a profession I never dreamed of or planned for but I developed a talent for it and yes I make a good salary. And I'm not giving it back.

For the sake of your wife and children, pursue the profession that afford you the most opportunities. If you say that is a teacher then I say go for it. But choose it for the right reason. Let me give you a hint. There are hills to climb in the teaching profession. There is stress. You have no idea. So this can not be a crieteria for choice. Use commone sense, personal desires, prudent means, talent and a lot of prayers and set out on this journey.

God Bless you,
Mr. Ray