fearundercontrol Posted November 8, 2006 Author Share Posted November 8, 2006 Sherie called me back this morning. We talked for a little bit and then made me an earlier appointment for this coming Monday (the 13th). And she told me she wants me to periodically throughout the day have a snack, a carbohydrate (like an apple or banana) and a protein (like coagulated milk or peanut butter). That's when I really started crying. Because it means eating something. And I've told myself I'm not allowed to eat. Even though I am desperately wanting to. So it's both torture and a relief at the same time. That so does not make sense. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Domine ut Videam Posted November 8, 2006 Share Posted November 8, 2006 [quote name='fearundercontrol' post='1115045' date='Nov 8 2006, 10:19 AM'] Sherie called me back this morning. We talked for a little bit and then made me an earlier appointment for this coming Monday (the 13th). And she told me she wants me to periodically throughout the day have a snack, a carbohydrate (like an apple or banana) and a protein (like coagulated milk or peanut butter). That's when I really started crying. Because it means eating something. And I've told myself I'm not allowed to eat. Even though I am desperately wanting to. So it's both torture and a relief at the same time. That so does not make sense. [/quote] So have you decided what you are going to do? Are you going to let yourself eat? Because that my friend is strength....and if you can do that than the rest of us can do anything. Keep us posted. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Balthazor Posted November 9, 2006 Share Posted November 9, 2006 You are not only allowed to eat you are encouraged to eat. Perhaps it would help to think of eating in a different light. Not as something that you are or are not allowed to do. But rather something you do for someone else, out of love. I know there have been times I did not want to eat, and said I shouldn't eat and didn't like the food or was feeling too full or a little sick.....and then some beloved person came out with a dish that they just wanted me to try so bad.....that I forced myself to eat it. Just to see the happiness on someone elses face and in thier heart. Concentrate on the happiness you will bring us....everyone here that is praying for you at phatmass, by eating a piece of coagulated milk...I know it sounds silly. But How many people can make someone deliriously happy by eating coagulated milk? You sure would make me happy! I know you would make cmom bounce off the wall with joy (moms are like that) Think of every morsel as a victory and every tidbit a little joy that you bring to everyone of us that cares for you. OK..... I am done, Peace out, and prayers, Balty Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fearundercontrol Posted November 9, 2006 Author Share Posted November 9, 2006 I don't like coagulated milk. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Balthazor Posted November 9, 2006 Share Posted November 9, 2006 Then eat something you do like. It doesn't have to be coagulated milk. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fearundercontrol Posted November 9, 2006 Author Share Posted November 9, 2006 Today it was a cup of granola and then later a cup of cereal with milk. (Go and buy yourselves some GoLean Crunch. It's really good!) I didn't eat all my dinner tonight though. I had the slice of meatloaf (which was actually good) and the glass of milk...but no way was anyone gonna get me to eat those vegetables or the mashed potatoes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Balthazor Posted November 9, 2006 Share Posted November 9, 2006 : Man you have made me happier than a 6 year old at Christmas. Thank you for making my Day!!!!! : Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fearundercontrol Posted November 9, 2006 Author Share Posted November 9, 2006 Are you serious? It's not like I'm eating right or anything. And you don't even know me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anomaly Posted November 11, 2006 Share Posted November 11, 2006 So. What's up? hint, hint. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MRSannie Posted November 11, 2006 Share Posted November 11, 2006 FearUnderControl--Do you have a photo of yourself at age 2 or so? If so, take out the photo before you are supposed to eat. Gaze at that little one, and think of feeding HER. Would you deny her nourishment? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fearundercontrol Posted November 11, 2006 Author Share Posted November 11, 2006 From late Thursday through this morning I was down in Massachusetts visiting family. So during that time the only meal I was able to skip was lunch yesterday. Thursday though I skipped all three, unless you count the half a ham sandwhich I gave in to at around 10pm. I've so far been able to stick to Sheries directions ok, but I'm honestly not sure how much longer I can keep it up. (And please, no more deals people. This is something I have to choose to do myself. I can't keep depending on other people, or I'll never really be able to do it on my own two feet. I do appreciate the help tho.) I am anxious for my appointment on Monday, but nervous at the same time. It's just so hard because part of me is just SCREAMING for help, yet my mind keeps telling me to shut up and get on with this and refuse help. I wish I could at least make up my mind. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cathoholic_anonymous Posted November 11, 2006 Share Posted November 11, 2006 We may not know you personally, but we know you in Christ, so your successes make us happy. Keep up the good work. I know from personal experience how difficult it can be to break free from an eating disorder, and the steps you have taken should not be underestimated. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Groo the Wanderer Posted November 11, 2006 Share Posted November 11, 2006 (edited) GoLean Crunch! YUMMMMMMMM and even tho I hate to admit it...it's good for us. Good stuff maynard...even makes soymilk taste good And my prayres for you continue... Edited November 11, 2006 by Groo the Wanderer Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Balthazor Posted November 12, 2006 Share Posted November 12, 2006 Yes I am serious. And I know enough: you are here, you are asking for prayers and we are here for you. : SO with that said just keep trying and living day by day. Every little success is a success. And I am genuinly happy in your sucesses. : and I am genuinly sad in you distress. Please keep trying and do what your heart tells you and I will keep praying. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fearundercontrol Posted November 12, 2006 Author Share Posted November 12, 2006 [quote name='Groo the Wanderer' post='1117769' date='Nov 11 2006, 09:06 PM'] GoLean Crunch! YUMMMMMMMM and even tho I hate to admit it...it's good for us. Good stuff maynard...even makes soymilk taste good And my prayres for you continue... [/quote] Who's maynard? (I'm assuming you're not referring to John Maynard Keynes. ) Thanks for the continued prayers. I finally got ahold of my best friend today and I told her about what's been going on. She gave me a good swift kick in the butt. I love her. She is always there for me but she never goes easy on me when I need it given to me straight. She doesn't beat around the bush and always tells me what I need to hear whether I want to hear it or not. And I swear she knows me better than I know myself. Anyways now I've got a pep talk to digest. Thank God for friends. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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