Groo the Wanderer Posted November 3, 2006 Share Posted November 3, 2006 (edited) Have faith dear Child of Christ. He does not want you to suffer and if you place your faith in Him, He will get you through anything. If you won;t do it for yourself, will you do it for Him, since he wants you to be healthy and happy and freed of this burdon? Love in Christ! Edited November 3, 2006 by Groo the Wanderer Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fearundercontrol Posted November 3, 2006 Author Share Posted November 3, 2006 I can't. I don't even know if I want to. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Groo the Wanderer Posted November 3, 2006 Share Posted November 3, 2006 How about for the Phatpham? We would weep for our dear sister if you came to further harm. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fearundercontrol Posted November 4, 2006 Author Share Posted November 4, 2006 I decided I'll tell my NP at the end of the month. But that's as much as I can do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kosh Posted November 4, 2006 Share Posted November 4, 2006 are you going to mass and confession regularly? Being close to God will REALLY help. I know. I'm going through something similar, but not the same. Same thing, different sin. So you could PM me and I"ll try to help as much as I can. Keep up a prayer life!! Being close to God is the most important thing there is!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fearundercontrol Posted November 4, 2006 Author Share Posted November 4, 2006 I go to Mass every week. The last time I went to confession was a month ago. But there's no point in going to confession for this if I don't have any intention of changing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cathoholic_anonymous Posted November 4, 2006 Share Posted November 4, 2006 Dear fearundercontrol, I have a very close friend who has been in hospital for a year with chronic anorexia and a serious compulsion to self-harm. She has made several suicide attempts, and has no prospect of getting out of hospital yet. Like you, she really struggled to tell her parents, and ultimately they only found out about the full extent of her illness when she was rushed into hospital following an overdose. Her name is Miranda and she is fifteen years old. You pray for her, and I will ask her to pray for you. Often the best way of defeating your own nightmare is to help someone else defeat theirs. Know that you aren't alone in your struggle. Devote yourself to the Sacred Heart and ask to be hidden inside it every morning when you wake up, using these words: O most sacred heart of Jesus, I place all my trust in you. O most sacred heart of Jesus, I place all my trust in you. O most sacred heart of Jesus, I place all my trust in you. This is how I close my Morning Prayer. Saying it is like lighting a bonfire in my soul. I trust that one day you will have the courage to tell your parents, but you must take these things one step at a time. Recovery is a slow process. However, it is important to consider that anorexia can't remain hidden for long. If your parents discover that you've been suffering in silence, they might feel even more hurt than they would have been if you had told them at the beginning. Perhaps you could write them a letter? That would give them a chance to digest the information and calm down before they saw you again. I also suggest going on retreat. You need some quiet time alone with Our Lord. And pray, pray to St Catherine of Siena for help - it has long been thought that she suffered from anorexia. [quote]But there's no point in going to confession for this if I don't have any intention of changing.[/quote] Just a quick note - anorexia is not a sin. It's something you can't help. Confession is good because it deepens your relationship with Christ, so you should go regularly to remind yourself of His love and mercy. But I don't think anyone was suggesting that you confess your disordered eating as a sin. If you wanted, you could ask the priest's advice on the subject while you are in the confessional, but that would be something quite different. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lanie Posted November 4, 2006 Share Posted November 4, 2006 I'm really not sure what I'm going to say here but I hope whatever comes out is of some help. I used to self harm, and I had some issues with eating disorders. For me self harm was an addiction, it was my coping mechanism just as some people use alcohol. Both put me in control, both allowed me to run my life. The self harm allowed me to take all of what I was going through out on myself. I also started drinking a lot. It was a way for me to forget what was really going on inside. My lack of eating, the alcohol consuption and the self harm were all destroying me. Only one person knew at the beginning of it all, my ex boyfriend, who didn't even seem to care he never questioned me, he never even seemed to notice my scars, it wasn't until a few years later that I realised how painful that was at the time. No one else knew until I snapped. The person who was with me when I snapped was a franciscan friar of the renewal, slowly I opened up to a few more people, all of these people were within the retreats I attended. My parents didn't know nor did my friends at home. No one really had any idea. When I was at my lowest point my Mum asked me if I was on drugs, I laughed in her face. I said no but I wasn't going to tell her what was really going on. I got to a point where the self harm wasn't enough for me so I went to my GP and explained the basics, and that I was beginning to scare myself and how much further it could go. He sent me to a psychiatrist, who quickly put me on anti-depressants. I took myself off them after just a few months when a friend told me I didn't seem to be myself and I figured it was because of the pills. I soon stopped seeing him and decided I had to sort myself out, it took some time to convince myself but I knew I couldn't keep living my life in the destructive way I was. So I decided I had to stop pretending to be someone and I threw myself into my faith. I did a formation course, it was like a month retreat. It was incredible it was really hard and a lot of the time I felt like I was fighting the devil. But I got through all thanks to God. Once I had opened up about my sufferings I had people to talk to, I even began talking about it and discovered quite how many other people I knew had self harmed. I really felt that God around that time placed angels along my path, people who truely cared for me. People who understood, but if I'd have kept hiding who knows if I'd even be alive today. It took me a long time to get through it, but it's a decision you have to really set your heart and mind on, I threw myself at the feet of Christ and he pulled me up and embraced me. I still struggle a lot, I've been tempted to self harm and I've fallen more than once, I've skipped meals wanting to have that control over my body wanting to reach the perfection that the world tells me I ought to be. But in God's eye's we are perfect. He forgives us everytime. I'm still trying to grasp that, I'm still incredibly broken, I still struggle daily but now I really know that God is with me in it all and that he pulled me through and continues to pick me up everytime I fall. In a lot of ways I'm glad I went through these things, I wouldn't want to do it again, and I wouldn't wish it upon anyone but I feel it's truly made me who I am. You need to want to do this, otherwise it wont work, but I'll pray for you. It'll be hard to overcome but the other side is much more beautiful. God bless you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fearundercontrol Posted November 4, 2006 Author Share Posted November 4, 2006 I can't believe how hard it was for me not to tell my therapist today. I actually kind of wanted to. But I just wouldn't let myself. I can't wait until I see Sherie (the NP) at the end of the month. Man do I feel messed up. [quote name='Cathoholic Anonymous' post='1110763' date='Nov 4 2006, 02:06 PM'] However, it is important to consider that anorexia can't remain hidden for long. [/quote] You'd be surprised. Last time I had lost 18 pounds in a month and a half, and my parents hadn't noticed, even though I displayed pretty much all the signs of anorexia. They didn't know until my counselor told them. I really wonder, if nothing had been said, how long it would have been before they noticed...or if they would have noticed at all. [quote name='Cathoholic Anonymous' post='1110763' date='Nov 4 2006, 02:06 PM'] Just a quick note - anorexia is not a sin. It's something you can't help. [/quote] But I made the decision to do it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anastasia13 Posted November 4, 2006 Share Posted November 4, 2006 [quote name='fearundercontrol' post='1111019' date='Nov 4 2006, 02:22 PM'] I can't believe how hard it was for me not to tell my therapist today. I actually kind of wanted to. But I just wouldn't let myself.[/quote] Have you thought about writing a letter and giving it to your therapist? Sometimes writing is easier that having to say it out loud the first time. If you do tell your parents, who most likely react the way they do because they care about you, an indirect approach might help. Maybe explaining how you are nervous about telling them because it will upset them, but you need their support more than any other kind of reaction so that you can get better. [quote]But I made the decision to do it.[/quote] There are mitigating circumstances. God knows that sometimes we are in harder positions to choose to do what we should than other times. Anorexia is a disease because it is so hard to break that pattern of thinking and acting. You should not blame yourself for falling into that choice. You have only done wrong where you are if you don't care to ever change. That is clearly not the case because you did tell you spiritual director and are posting here. What is important here is that you want to get better. Sometimes people fall and mess up in life. Sometimes we need a little help to get back to where we should be. What matters is that you keep trying. God knows that is hard on you for you to deal with and He is pleased everytime His children choose to try again. No matter how hard this may be for you, you will get better. No matter how inadequate you may feel sometimes, you have one more powerful than anything on your side. He will never give up on you. You can do all things through Christ. Philippians 4:13 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fearundercontrol Posted November 5, 2006 Author Share Posted November 5, 2006 [quote name='Light and Truth' post='1111168' date='Nov 4 2006, 09:19 PM'] Have you thought about writing a letter and giving it to your therapist? Sometimes writing is easier that having to say it out loud the first time.[/quote] It's not just a matter of verbalizing...it's a matter of not wanting her to know. [quote name='Light and Truth' post='1111168' date='Nov 4 2006, 09:19 PM'] If you do tell your parents, who most likely react the way they do because they care about you, an indirect approach might help. Maybe explaining how you are nervous about telling them because it will upset them, but you need their support more than any other kind of reaction so that you can get better.[/quote] I can't tell my parents. Like I said, this has happened before, and when they found out, things just got worse and made things much more difficult for me and it would have been much better if they hadn't known. Especially my dad. [quote name='Light and Truth' post='1111168' date='Nov 4 2006, 09:19 PM']No matter how hard this may be for you, you will get better. No matter how inadequate you may feel sometimes, you have one more powerful than anything on your side. He will never give up on you. You can do all things through Christ. Philippians 4:13 [/quote] I wish I had that same confidence... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kosh Posted November 5, 2006 Share Posted November 5, 2006 y'know...whats the point of a therapist if you don't tell her? She can't help if you don't. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fearundercontrol Posted November 5, 2006 Author Share Posted November 5, 2006 I know. And to be honest with you, I'm thinking about finding out if my NP does counseling as well...I'm more comfortable with her and feel I can be more open with her. I don't know how to explain it. And I also don't feel like I'm getting anywhere with my current therapist...and I've been seeing her for four years. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kosh Posted November 5, 2006 Share Posted November 5, 2006 thats a bummer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fearundercontrol Posted November 5, 2006 Author Share Posted November 5, 2006 Tell me about it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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