MRSannie Posted November 17, 2006 Share Posted November 17, 2006 You WILL get better, but there is no way 'through' it that is fast and easy--think of Jesus and the Passion---, wow, bet it would have been easier if He could have 'fast forwarded' to the last minute of the Crucifixion, but he didn't. The endurance to schlep through the process is part of life, and part of the recovery. You can do it! Try to imagine all the people who will be blessed by your experience as you reach out to them--AFTER you succeed! They are depending on YOU to become the person who endures! Maybe it will be your profession, or a friend you meet 20 yrs from now, or a niece, or a best friend's daughter, or your granddaughter---someone will come into your life who NEEDS you to be strong RIGHT NOW. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fearundercontrol Posted November 17, 2006 Author Share Posted November 17, 2006 I'm tired of being strong. Actually I'm not doing a very good job of it. If I was, I wouldn't be in this mess. I want help and I want it NOW. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fearundercontrol Posted November 18, 2006 Author Share Posted November 18, 2006 I'm telling my therapist today. My appointment is in an hour and a half. I don't feel like I'm gong to chicken out, but again, the appointment is an hour and a half from now. Please pray for me! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Piamaria Posted November 18, 2006 Share Posted November 18, 2006 [quote name='fearundercontrol' post='1123155' date='Nov 18 2006, 09:59 AM'] I'm telling my therapist today. My appointment is in an hour and a half. I don't feel like I'm gong to chicken out, but again, the appointment is an hour and a half from now. Please pray for me! [/quote] Praying right now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fearundercontrol Posted November 19, 2006 Author Share Posted November 19, 2006 (edited) So, I didn't really have a problem telling my therapist. What I did have a problem with was her response. She didn't agree with me. She doesn't think that's what I need. I was really hoping for some support from her in the matter, and I didn't get it. She's not dissuading me, either, but still it's a little frustrating. She did point out to me that I should not wait until the end of the month to tell my parents because of how long the process with the insurance will take (which also means I will have to call and talk to Sherie instead of waiting until my appointment at the end of the month). She was going to tell my dad at the end of my appointment, but my dad showed up too late. (He forgot that my appointment was 45 minutes, not an hour.) So she said she will call and talk to him on Monday. I am REALLY nervous about that. And I'm starting to go through the mind games again, like I don't really need to do this, at least not yet; I've only lost five pounds; I still eat dinner (note: I'm forced to b/c the whole family eats together, but I have managed to get out of it a few times); it can wait til it's really bad...etc. I'm scared that I'm going to back out of my decision. And it doesn't help that the partial hospitalization thing is starting to seem really scary to me, even though the place I'll be going looks really good. I'm so nervous!!! Edited November 19, 2006 by fearundercontrol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fearundercontrol Posted November 20, 2006 Author Share Posted November 20, 2006 Is it normal for me to be scared/nervous? Or am I just being a pathetic worrywart? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cmotherofpirl Posted November 20, 2006 Share Posted November 20, 2006 [quote name='fearundercontrol' post='1123920' date='Nov 19 2006, 10:35 PM'] Is it normal for me to be scared/nervous? Or am I just being a pathetic worrywart? [/quote] you sleep - we pray, go to bed Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fearundercontrol Posted November 20, 2006 Author Share Posted November 20, 2006 [quote name='cmotherofpirl' post='1123925' date='Nov 20 2006, 12:46 AM'] you sleep - we pray, go to bed [/quote] Well now I'm awake again so now what? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Piamaria Posted November 20, 2006 Share Posted November 20, 2006 [quote name='fearundercontrol' post='1124216' date='Nov 20 2006, 06:38 AM'] Well now I'm awake again so now what? [/quote] We still pray. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fearundercontrol Posted November 20, 2006 Author Share Posted November 20, 2006 (edited) Big problemo. My mother just found out this morning, and my dad will probably find out tonight. AndI am running into all sorts of problems. First off, I am not being taken seriously. Not in the sense that they (my parents and therapist) don't think I have a problem but that they don't think it's actually an eating disorder, nor do they think I need partial hospitalization. I, however, know that this is an eating disorder--I am having all the problems/symptoms that go with it--and after much thought and much prayer, am certain that I need the partial hospitalization. But I am up against strong opposition. Even worse, it is most likely that the insurance is not going to pay for it. And that is a HUGE problem--Centre Syracuse costs $500 a day, five days a week. My parents certainly can't afford it, and I certainly can't afford it. If I stay the typical length, it will amount to $20,000. And I know that if I am not able to go for the partial hospitalization, I know I will not get the proper help that I need. I don't know what to do! Edited November 20, 2006 by fearundercontrol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cmotherofpirl Posted November 20, 2006 Share Posted November 20, 2006 There are always alternatives such as out patient therapy. You are not doomed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fearundercontrol Posted November 20, 2006 Author Share Posted November 20, 2006 Yes but you see the therapy I am getting now is not working. I have been getting it for years and years and it has not worked. My own therapist doesn't understand what is going on, even when I tell her! I have prayed and prayed about this, and I have gotten a definite yes as to whether or not partial hospitalization is what I need. And that's what my gut tells me too. And it also hurts to have my parents and my therapist be so against me like this and to tell me I don't have problems that I do have. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Groo the Wanderer Posted November 20, 2006 Share Posted November 20, 2006 Perhaps it would help if you showed your parents this thread and let them read all about it and the responses from the phamily? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fearundercontrol Posted November 20, 2006 Author Share Posted November 20, 2006 No, I would get in big trouble for blabbing about it to "the whole world." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Balthazor Posted November 20, 2006 Share Posted November 20, 2006 we are a pretty small galaxy and you are anonymous Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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