English Majors? Theologians? Need Help...

[dUSt]

I need people who are good at grammar and stuff to make sure that the phatmass mission is totally legit. Also, theologically correct. Any other suggestions for improvement are welcome as well. I will be printing up some new brochures and t-shirts soon so have to make sure this is right this time:

[size=3][b]The Phatmass Mission[/b]

Our mission is to live and defend the faith given to us by Jesus Christ by remaining totally and completely obedient to the teaching authority of His Church. We encourage dialogue between people of all faiths and recognize that we are all striving for holiness.

We feel that it is of primary importance to promote and adore His Real Presence in the Holy Eucharist, develop a habit of prayer, and work for a renewal of reverence in the Sacred Mass, which will help us all in our journey to grow closer to Jesus Christ, who is the Way, the Truth and the Life.

We recognize that we are in a constant battle of good vs evil, and ask for the intercession of our Blessed Mother Mary and all the Saints in Heaven for a removal of pride and an increase in humility, with our ultimate goal being sainthood.[/size]

[Thy Geekdom Come]

[quote name='dUSt' post='1099876' date='Oct 24 2006, 11:47 AM']
I need people who are good and grammar and stuff to make sure that the phatmass mission is totally legit. Also, theologically correct. Any other suggestions for improvement are welcome as well. I will be printing up some new brochures and t-shirts soon so have to make sure this is right this time:

[size=3][b]The Phatmass Mission[/b]

Our mission is to live and defend the faith given to us by Jesus Christ by remaining totally and completely obedient to the teaching authority of His Church. We encourage dialogue between people of all faiths and recognize that we are all striving for holiness.

We feel that it is of primary importance to promote and adore His Real Presence in the Holy Eucharist, develop a habit of prayer, and work for a renewal of reverence in the Sacred Mass, which will help us all in our journey to grow closer to Jesus Christ, who is the Way, the Truth and the Life.

We recognize that we are in a constant battle of good [color="#FF0000"]vs.[/color] evil, and ask for the intercession of our Blessed Mother Mary and all the [color="#FF0000"]saints[/color] in Heaven for a removal of pride and an increase in humility, with our ultimate goal being sainthood.[/size]
[/quote]

Looks fine to me except for two minor corrections. "Vs." is an abbreviation and needs a period. "Saints" was not at the beginning of a sentence and is not a proper noun apart from a specific name, so it should be lowercase. "Heaven" can be capitalized or not, in my opinion. A lot of people don't because they think of it as some mere idea, but I do because it's a proper noun.

[Era Might]

I think "Saints" can be an exception. "God" is not technically a name either, but a concept, but I believe it's acceptable to capitalize.

[Veritas]

[quote name='dUSt' post='1099876' date='Oct 24 2006, 08:47 AM']
I need people who are good at grammar and stuff to make sure that the phatmass mission is totally legit. Also, theologically correct. Any other suggestions for improvement are welcome as well. I will be printing up some new brochures and t-shirts soon so have to make sure this is right this time:

[size=3][b]The Phatmass Mission[/b]

Our mission is to live and defend the faith given to us by Jesus Christ by remaining totally and completely obedient to the teaching authority of His Church. We encourage dialogue between people of all faiths and recognize that we are all striving for holiness.

We feel that it is of primary importance to promote and adore His Real Presence in the Holy Eucharist, develop a habit of prayer, and work for a renewal of reverence in the Sacred Mass, which will help us all in our journey to grow closer to Jesus Christ, who is the Way, the Truth and the Life.

We recognize that we are in a constant battle of good vs evil, and ask for the intercession of our Blessed Mother Mary and all the Saints in Heaven for a removal of pride and an increase in humility, with our ultimate goal being sainthood.[/size]
[/quote]

+

[b]Consider making the first sentence into two for clarity. Also, "completely and totally" is redundant -consider "entirely" instead. In addition, consider adding "the Magisterium" for clarity. N.B. Not all "are striving for holiness". In fact, most are not. However, all are searching for truth (cf Aristotle). Therefore, consider the revision in sentence three. Finally, consider using "Phatmass" instead of "we" for clarity throughout the Mission Statement.[/b]

[b]For example, write:[/b]

The Phatmass mission is to live and defend the faith given to us by Jesus Christ. We will do this by remaining entirely obedient to the teaching authority of Christ's Church -the Magisterium. At the same time, Phatmass encourages dialogue between people of good will from all faiths, recognizing that all strive to know truth.

[b]The second paragraph is a run-on sentence. Instead, consider:[/b]

Phatmass believes that it is of primary importance to: promote and adore Jesus Christ's Real Presence in the Holy Eucharist; develop a habit of prayer; and to work for a renewal of reverence in the Sacred Mass, which will enable all to grow closer to Jesus Christ -the Way, the Truth and the Life.

[b]For the third paragraph consider:[/b]

Phatmass recognizes that the world is engaged in a constant battle of good vs evil. Therefore, we ask for the intercession of our Blessed Mother Mary and all the Saints in Heaven. We implore their prayers for a removal of pride and an increase in humility and charity. The ultimate end of all prayers and work of Phatmass is sainthood

Overall, I think it looks quite good. Bravo.

Edited October 24, 2006 by Veritas

[Veritas]

+

Double post. Please note, the post above was slightly edited in par. two. ** Okay, I've now made several significant changes to par. three as well. Blessings.

Edited October 24, 2006 by Veritas

[franciscanheart]

[quote name='Era Might' post='1099894' date='Oct 24 2006, 10:11 AM']
I think "Saints" can be an exception. "God" is not technically a name either, but a concept, but I believe it's acceptable to capitalize.
[/quote]
I agree about the capitalization of 'saints'. Generally I have been taught that saints with a big s are the ones confirmed for us by the Church and saints with a little s covers everyone else.

and I agree with Veritas on using 'phatmass' instead of 'we'.

[Theologian in Training]

[quote name='dUSt' post='1099876' date='Oct 24 2006, 11:47 AM']
I need people who are good at grammar and stuff to make sure that the phatmass mission is totally legit. Also, theologically correct. Any other suggestions for improvement are welcome as well. I will be printing up some new brochures and t-shirts soon so have to make sure this is right this time:

[size=3][b]The Phatmass Mission[/b]

Our mission is to live and defend the faith given to us by Jesus Christ by remaining totally and completely obedient to the teaching authority of His Church. We encourage dialogue between people of all faiths and recognize that we are all striving for holiness.

We feel that it is of primary importance to promote and adore His Real Presence in the Holy Eucharist, develop a habit of prayer, and work for a renewal of reverence in the Sacred Mass, which will help us all in our journey to grow closer to Jesus Christ, who is the Way, the Truth and the Life.

We recognize that we are in a constant battle of good vs evil, and ask for the intercession of our Blessed Mother Mary and all the Saints in Heaven for a removal of pride and an increase in humility, with our ultimate goal being sainthood.[/size]
[/quote]

Taking into consideration all that has been said, what about this:

The Phatmass mission is to live and defend the Catholic faith that has been given to us by Jesus Christ. We believe and are entirely obedient to His teaching authority, the Magisterium, which is protected and guided by the Holy Spirit. Yet, we welcome and encourage dialogue with people of all faiths and of every religion, knowing that, at heart, we are all in search of Him who is the Way, the Truth and the Life.

We feel it is the utmost importance to promote and to adore Jesus Christ, present in the Most Holy Eucharist. We believe that this can only be fostered by habitual prayer and constant renewal and reverence of the Sacred Mass. For, it is only by this that we can come to know Jesus Christ in His Body, Blood, Soul and Divinity.

We recognize and know that we daily struggle in battle of good vs. evil. Therefore, we ask the intercession of the Blessed Mother Mary and all the angels and saints for the removal of pride and increase in humility, knowing in confidence that our ultimate goal is to be united and counted with them with our Heavenly Father in Heaven.




Personally, I thought saying "Phatmass" sounded more of an entity and very impersonal.

I am merely making a suggestion, ignore if you will.

God Bless

[SanctifyMe]

I like the Edit by; 'theologian in training', his version is a good mix of the compassion and spirit of this site, as well as the practical stuff and the foundaiton of our beliefs.

[Veritas]

[quote name='SanctifyMe' post='1100200' date='Oct 24 2006, 02:56 PM']
I like the Edit by; 'theologian in training', his version is a good mix of the compassion and spirit of this site, as well as the practical stuff and the foundaiton of our beliefs.
[/quote]

+

Yes, that's pretty good! (I get kind of text-booky, papery, but Theologian's is good!)

[Sinner]

you forgot the part bout kikkin satan's head....... like a melon.

[Theologian in Training]

[quote name='Sinner' post='1100513' date='Oct 24 2006, 10:59 PM']
you forgot the part bout kikkin satan's head....... like a melon.
[/quote]

Yeah, you can only fit so much you know

Thank you for the compliments, but I do have a few grammatical errors in there. I forgot a "the" and a couple of commas. Also, in the end, it comes down to what Dust wants.

I helped draft the original statement, which has, of course, been changed since it initial writing, to become what it is now. I merely thought I would add and edit to make it "flow" a little more, but, again, nothing is written in stone, until they are printed on the shirts

God Bless

Fr. Brian

[dUSt]

Final copy... I incorporated some suggestions but it was important to keep it short...




[b]PHATMASS[/b]
[i]Preaching Holy Apostolic Truth via innovative media[/i]

Our mission is to live and defend the faith given to us by Jesus Christ by remaining completely obedient to the teaching authority of His Church. We encourage dialogue between people of all faiths and recognize that we are all seeking the truth.

We must promote and adore His Real Presence in the Holy Eucharist, develop a habit of prayer, and renew our reverence in the Sacred Mass--which will help us in our journey to grow closer to Jesus Christ, who is the Way, the Truth and the Life.

We recognize that we are in a constant battle of good vs. evil, and ask for the intercession of our Blessed Mother Mary and all the saints in Heaven for a removal of pride and an increase in humility, with our ultimate goal being sainthood.

[God Conquers]

...late chime in...

The mission is great... but doesn't have the word Catholic in it.

... also, I've come to notice that one of the major charisms of this site is evangelization... it would be awesome to include that.


...and "through" might be a better word than "via"

[phatcatholic]

[quote name='dUSt' post='1109071' date='Nov 2 2006, 05:35 PM']
[b]PHATMASS[/b]
[i]Preaching Holy Apostolic Truth via innovative media[/i]

Our mission is to live and defend the faith given to us by Jesus Christ by remaining completely obedient to the teaching authority of His Church. We encourage dialogue between people of all faiths and recognize that we are all seeking the truth.

We must promote and adore His Real Presence in the Holy Eucharist, develop a habit of prayer, and renew our reverence in the Sacred Mass--which will help us in our journey to grow closer to Jesus Christ, who is the Way, the Truth and the Life.

We recognize that we are in a constant battle of good vs. evil, and ask for the intercession of our Blessed Mother Mary and all the saints in Heaven for a removal of pride and an increase in humility, with our ultimate goal being sainthood.
[/quote]
two suggestions:

1. should it be reverence [b][i]for[/i][/b] the Mass or reverence [b][i]in[/i][/b]?
2. it doesn't seem necessary to me to add the name "Mary" after "Blessed Mother." i think "Blessed Mother" by itself is sufficient.

[franciscanheart]

[quote name='dUSt' post='1109071' date='Nov 2 2006, 04:35 PM']
Final copy... I incorporated some suggestions but it was important to keep it short...
[b]PHATMASS[/b]
[i]Preaching Holy Apostolic Truth via innovative media[/i]

Our mission is to live and defend the faith given to us by Jesus Christ by remaining completely obedient to the teaching authority of His Church. We encourage dialogue between people of all faiths and recognize that we are all seeking the truth.

We must promote and adore His Real Presence in the Holy Eucharist, develop a habit of prayer, and renew our reverence in the Sacred Mass--which will help us in our journey to grow closer to Jesus Christ, who is the Way, the Truth and the Life.

We recognize that we are in a constant battle of good vs. evil, and ask for the intercession of our Blessed Mother Mary and all the saints in Heaven for a removal of pride and an increase in humility, with our ultimate goal being sainthood.
[/quote]