Another Countdown ... Visit To Argentina

[cmaD2006]

Ok ... seeing Hugheyforlife's post convinced me to do the same. We happen to be flying out the same day, Nov 16 :

[center][font="Century Gothic"][size=7]Visit: 30 days and counting [/size] [/font] [/center]
That's way too cool. I'll be arriving at around 3pm the next day (Nov 17); to Argentina. I leave the convent on the 1st of December, and arrive here on the 2nd.

I looked up the word excited in spanish and the dictionary came up with this list (synonyms):

(agitated) excitado, agitado
(filled with excitement) entusiasmado
(nervous) nervioso

I think those words hit it quite on the mark. I'm not only excited, I'm nervous, freaking out ... its a bit difficult to keep focused at work.

I don't know about those of you doing a countdown ... but I keep hitting the "what ifs" -- which of course just cause more problems than just ignoring them. "What if its not where God is calling me (and I just spent quite a sum of money to get there)" "What if I **AM** being called there -- am I willing to really give everything up this time (including my country, my main language, etc.)?" "What if I go, will I ever return to the US". "What if I don't get accepted" "What if I can't finish paying off my debts" yada yada yada.

I'm trying just to set the what-ifs aside ... since I know the what-ifs just cause anxiety, and preocupation. "Think of the birds of the air ...". It ain't easy, though.

I think my biggest what-if though is the "What if I get there, and a few months or years down the line I end up having to leave". When I entered the first time I did it with the intention of staying for a lifetime, and I discerned that I needed to leave. It was hard enough the first time to tear myself away from 90% of everything ... now He's asking for 100%. It was also difficult to start afresh again, and now He's potentially asking me to dig up the roots that I started to lay down (alright, they're not that solidly planted yet) and enter again.

I'll leave it on the what-ifs as a starting point for discussion ... anyone else suffering from what-ifs? Isn't it horrible?

Finally my appologies for not sharing the name just yet ... it turns out even the name of the community is quite similar to the one that I ended up leaving (its quite uncanny, really). I promise to share the name of the community once I decide to enter (if they let me!). They were founded in Argentina ... but no, don't think that the sisters I'm going to visit are the Servants of the Lord and the Virgin of Matara (although I think they're quite wonderful sisters).

Thanks for putting up with the rambling. I'll probably won't post daily, but at least every few days.

[HisChild]

That sounds wonderful! What made you choose Argentina? Is it an active community? What community did you leave (unless that will give away where you are traveling to)? God bless you.

[onlygrace08]

: How wonderful!!!

[ruso]

Estoy seguro que cualquier congregacion te daria la bienvenida Carmen, tanto en USA, como en Argentina, parece que ya tienes clara tu vocacion, en fin buena suerte y ya nos contaras como te ha ido. :

[Jennifer]

I hope that you enjoy your visit to Argentina... it is very exciting for you and hope that all goes well with your discernment.... with so many members discerning at present there 'll be no one left on Vocation Station!!!

[franciscanheart]

Hey, fun! I will keep you in my thoughts as we both travel. Many prayers for your safety! Eat some chocolate for me while you're there! :

--

btw, I too am kicking my what-ifs to the curb. I think the only one that I really am having a hard time grasping is the "what if this trip really does do something big?" -- like, it's such a big thing. i could find my home there or i could find the beginninig of a great adventure in the new search. i just don't know and it drives me bonkers not to know.

prayers for you in that as well - prayers for both of us!

[cmaD2006]

[font="Century Gothic"][size=7]Visit: 27 days and counting [/size] [/font]

Hopefully I'll post more over the weekend. Ruso -- me encanto tu mensaje! (translation -- I loved your message)

Also -- if everyone could keep my mom in prayer. She may need an operation in her legs to improve circulation. She's now living in Puerto Rico, and her doctors here (which I had no faith in whatsoever to begin with) didn't find the condition. So its a good thing, but the timing is pretty interesting.

Just adds to the anxiety/stress/preocupation.

Thanks Phamily.

-- Carmen

[cathoholic_anonymous]

God bless you, Carmen. I pray that you have a fruitful visit.

Remember the [i]How to Be a Nun[/i] handbook of the Welsh Poor Clare Collettines. There was good advice in there for 'scared survivors', as I recall. If it's any comfort to you, I know an elderly sister who spent five years in one order before realising that she had to go. It was the most heart-wrenching decision she's ever had to make. Five or six years later, she joined a different order. She's about to celebrate her fortieth anniversary of being in that community.

[AlterDominicus]

[font="Fixedsys"][color="#33CC00"][b][size=7]WOOOHOOOO![/size][/b][/color][/font]

PRAYERS!!!!!!!!!

Alter!

[srmarymichael]

We'll be praying for you!

By the way, if you are ever in Argentina and run into our Sisters there, give them huge greetings from Texas! (we have a region there)

God bless you always!!!

[cmaD2006]

[center][font="Century Gothic"][size=7]25 days and counting[/size][/font][/center]


[quote name='HisChild' post='1094416' date='Oct 17 2006, 10:40 PM']
That sounds wonderful! What made you choose Argentina? Is it an active community? What community did you leave (unless that will give away where you are traveling to)? God bless you.
[/quote]

I'll withhold both names for now; the names of the community that I will be visiting is so close to the one that I left, that the one gives away the other (... I'll reveal the one I'd be entering if it happens!)

Why Argentina ... well that really wasn't my choice .

The story goes like this:

I left postulancy in June 2004. I spent about a year kind of processing everything, getting used to a new job location, new parish, etc.

Well in July or August 2005 I met this priest from Argentina. I had been told about his skills in spiritual direction -- I was sort of skeptical (he's only 36 ... I'm 35 and of course me in my good-old-prideful-selfish-ways immediately thought "what good would he do if he's only a year older than me, and hasn't been ordained for that long?").

After I met him and spoke with him a little bit I said, what do I have to lose, why don't I make an appointment with him and mention my vocation search, that I had been in a convent, etc.

So in early sept. 2005 I met with him for spiritual direction. I mentioned that I had been in a convent, and was considering religious life again (I didn't mention the name of the sisters I had been with).

He said "I know of these sisters in Argentina who I think will be a match for you". Mind you he just met me. So I said "well, that's nice but I'm not ready yet". Translate: No way, Jose. I mean, not only was I still dealing with having left but on top of that here's this priest who just met me suggesting a community that (for all intent and purposes) is just about 1/2 way around the world, with no sisters here in the US. Does he think I'm nuts? So I blew it off.

November comes around -- and I'm in a music ministry, playing for one of the retreats that this priest runs (a silent, charismatic retreat given over the course of a weekend; using the spiritual exercises of St. Ignatius of Loyola). About a day after the retreat, I can't get these sisters out of my mind. I didn't know their name, nor where they were at, nor what their history was, nor what their charism was, nor anything else other than the fact that they're in Argentina. All I know is that all I think about (at work, when sleeping [I dreamt about them], when I wake up, when I pray) is these sisters who I know nothing about.

I met with the priest soon after the retreat ... I was going to ask him for the address/contact information for the sisters in Argentina. He beat me to the punch by handing me a post-it with the name of the institute. He didn't have the address, or email, or a phone number but he gave me the institute's name and the town they were in. He said he'd get a phone number from someone he knew who was in contact with them.

So me and my saavy computer self started a websearch. I found them on a diocesan webpage. I sent email to first the sisters -- it bounced. I then went ahead and was bold enough to send email to the founder and the brothers/priests. About a month later I got an email from one of the sisters (I still don't know what avenue she got my email from). And to boot -- it was her 2nd attempt at sending me email (it bounced for some unknown reason the first time).

At that point I started to get more information about the sisters. I got the full name of the community -- and that's when I found out their name was quite close to the name of the community I had been with. So was their charism. And their communal life (they're contemplative-active). And their ministries. And their vision for sisterhood/brotherhood/lay community. One difference (that I can see from afar right now) is that they also work with the poor. Another difference is that they were founded in Argentina, instead of the US, and are also in Peru, Mexico and Uruguay (the sisters I was with are also in Mexico).

I've even dreamt about their webpage ... although I haven't found it at all.

Now I do need to explain that I am the type of person that likes everything planned out, researched, known ahead of time. Yet I can honestly say that in finding this community, a community that seem to be close to what I had previously discerned ... I did nothing. Jesus really brought that community to me.

I'm quite excited about the trip, because I really didn't search out for the community. Of course there's a part of me that says "you know, this could just be nothing". But God wouldn't put a community that looks so much like the one I left for nothing. There's a reason for this trip -- regardless of whether or not this is the right community.

Finally I do think that this is all "fruit" of my discernment. If this had happened say 4 years ago (when I met the sisters with whom I entered with) I would have completely ruled out this second group of sisters, without batting an eye. Yet it took my entering, leaving, and processing of my experience (plus a whole lot of soul searching, growing, leaving of the self, etc) for me to get to the point where I'd let Jesus lead the way instead of my throttling full force forward in my own direction. He knew what His timing was, and what it would take to get me on the plane to Argentina. He had to move mountains, that's for sure!

God bless everyone and help each one of you as you discern where He wants you to be.

-- Carmen

Edited October 22, 2006 by cmariadiaz

[shortnun]

Carmen,

Thanks so much for sharing part of your discernment journey with us. Please know that you are in my prayers for a safe, peaceful, and grace-filled retreat.

[brandelynmarie]

Awwwww Carmen, I'm glad to see that you are on your way! Good for you! And it shows that you are willing to step out in faith again...To trust in the Lord! Always 's here...Keep us posted...

[cmaD2006]

[font="Century Gothic"][size=7][center]Visit: 21 days and counting[/center][/size][/font] ... if my count is correct.

Now I'm excited ... guess what I just found out...

There will be a group of novices making first vows, and a group of sisters/brothers making perpetual professions on Nov 21, during my visit. :

I just got confirmation that the sisters have my itinerary (I hadn't mentioned it but I hadn't gotten a response for about 2 months; and the last thing they knew was that I was trying to get tickets for Nov.). It turned out that the sister responsible for those discerning has had a heck of a time with her internet in the town she's assigned to. That's why all the internet delays with the emails (since last year).

Nov 21 -- Presentation of the BVM. I looked it up!.

Now off to bed ... I think I'll sleep on cloud nine tonight .

-- Carmen

Edited October 26, 2006 by cmariadiaz

[cmaD2006]

[center][size=7][font="Century Gothic"]19 days ...[/font][/size][/center]


Still nervous, haven't started packing. I'll probably pack the weekend before.

At this point I'm just trying to let Him do what He wants on the trip. But I am quite excited (it seems to keep mounting).

Finally -- I met a priest this weekend from Argentina; the funniest thing was he has a CD out and ... I start looking at the credits and who do I see ... the religious community that I'm visiting composed 5 out of the 14 songs he's singing.

So needless to say that started a conversation.




-- Carmen