When Vocation Causes Pain...

[cathoholic_anonymous]

I'm deliberately leaving this question nebulous and open-ended so that people can responded freely.

When your vocation causes pain (to you, your family, your friends, etc.) what are your thoughts? How do you react?

[ruso]

If a person has vocacion, and she wants to continue it,, himself she cannot stop.
It shows your family and friends that you do not they lose, but they gain you for somewhat better.
If you have vocacion, we gain all.

[HeavenlyCalling]

It's hard to cause your family pain, but if it is God's will, then he'll take care of you.
Peace

[Gemma]

It's always painful to disrupt routine. We are such creatures of habit (pun not intended) that when our world is "jiggled" in the slightest, we go ballistic. (At least, those of us with Aspergers Autism usually do).

Just know that it's going to happen. Support from family and friends is usually hard to come by. I think God does that on purpose to make us more dependent upon Him.

I don't know why this example is coming up, but I'll state it anyway. We were told in American Red Cross disaster college not to depend upon civil servants during disasters--they were either injured themselves or were taking care of family and property. We would be the ones in charge, and we were to seek out the apparent leaders of the people.

A vocation is a lot like that. You're used to depending on parents and friends for support (like we do with civil servants), but announcing the fact that you're pursuing a vocational call is a disaster to them. Their dreams for you are not going to be realized; their expectations aren't being met.

As I've said on the women in discernment list, parents/family/friends accepting your vocation is a lot like the five stages of death: denial, anger, etc.

HTH.

Blessings,
Gemma

[fonebone]

if your vocation gives you pain, then it is being fulfilled. if you don't suffer because of your vocation, you're not doing it right. suffering is one of the most glorious aspects to our Catholic vocation... so "blessed are those who mourn." suffering is the greatest expression of love, so by suffering for Christ as we fulfill our vocation, we love more and more and more and more until hopefully we get to someday die of love.

[brandelynmarie]

...& remember joy will be mixed with any pain that comes your way...True, healthy detachment is hard on us in that we "grieve" for what we are letting go of...be it family, friends, routine...or perhaps a favorite food or even shampoo! From what I understand, religious life is literally a whole other world where so much of what is familar has disappeared...But if it a true calling, there will also be peace....

[Groo the Wanderer]

My vocation frequently causes me pain.

My vocation is marriage. The pain stems from my wife being Protestant. Causes a lot of arguments and stress that I wish weren't there.

The solution: prayer. Constant unending prayer. I know that God will bring us through this. It was His will that we be united. It is his will to have us weather the storms that result.

Perhaps one day she will come home to the Mother Church and the strife will be over. Until then, I simply pray that the Lord's will be done...

[Domine ut Videam]

pain.....

the webster's dictionary defines [u]pain[/u] as:
1. physical suffering or distress, as due to injury, illness, etc.
2. a distressing sensation in a particular part of the body.
[i]3. mental or emotional suffering or torment.[/i]
4. laborious or careful efforts; assiduous care/ the suffering of childbirth
5. an annoying or troublesome person or thing
6. etc..............

I actually think none of this actually describe it.

I am most inclined to say that my vocation has not caused pain so much in and of itself, but rather been a source of pain. While most of these definitions have fit what i have experienced at different journey's of my vocational discernment i would have to say that number three most fits my vividly describes my experience. even though, as i said, i hate it when people think they can actually describe pain.

[Mary-Kathryn]

[quote name='Cathoholic Anonymous' post='1077713' date='Sep 28 2006, 05:27 AM']
I'm deliberately leaving this question nebulous and open-ended so that people can responded freely.

When your vocation causes pain (to you, your family, your friends, etc.) what are your thoughts? How do you react?
[/quote]


A Vocation means one lives the rosary..at least that is what I have found in my years of marriage.

[theresie22]

I would say my "discernment" has caused me both great joy and great pain. The joy...well for obvious reasons!

I am the youngest of six children, and all of my older siblings are married/engaged. They have all followed the same beautiful patteren of college, marriage, babies, etc. We are extremely close and pretty much our family is one big birthday party!
Two years ago I became a freshman at the university that all of my pervious siblings attended and entered nursing school. I also began to feel the "little tug" we are all so familiar with! Eventually I broke it to my parents that I was interested in going on some vocations retreats...and you would have thought the earth stopped! While my family is devoutly Catholic...NO ONE has ever entered a religious community or has been ordained to the priesthood. Needless to say they were a little concerned/shocked/upset. Their ache for me to share in the familiar happiness that they know has made them a little hard to communicate with.

Fast-forwarding two years...................
I am more actively discerning with the School Sisters of Christ the King (while still pushing through my junior year of nursing school). The pain of discerning between two beautiful vocations (nursing/teaching) is often overwhelming, while the pain of my parents' /family's denial is even more upsetting. Trying to maintain a healthy balance of "secular" life while keeping my head in the "vocation" has been difficult. Yet, through it all....it has been an amazing two years!

So I guess I would offer that for my "when vocation causes pain" segment!

[cmaD2006]

[quote name='Cathoholic Anonymous' post='1077713' date='Sep 28 2006, 05:27 AM']
I'm deliberately leaving this question nebulous and open-ended so that people can responded freely.

When your vocation causes pain (to you, your family, your friends, etc.) what are your thoughts? How do you react?
[/quote]

My Gosh what a loaded question :}

When my vocation caused pain how did I react ... I almost abandoned the idea of being a religious sister. In fact, I almost walked away from the Church (came very close).

Then as someone said -- it is a calling. You can't just walk away from God. Its impossible. Or if you did I think you may be miserable for the rest of your life (or there is a potential for that)

What became very important was finding a spiritual director to help me through it. I walked the first year after leaving the community that I had been a postulant with on my own; I felt in this horrible limbo. About 6 months after leaving, I was so confused and upset at the whole thing that it was when I considered leaving the Church and forgetting about God. I think I also went through a sort of depression, and a sort of mourning for the loss.

A few months after the year month I started reconsidering religious life (that was when I found a new spiritual director, and he suggested a community outside of the US in Argentina).

God had to heal what had been wounded, and to start showing me the reasons why I had to leave (I had discerned the need to leave, but I didn't see the whole why until later). He also showed me the role I played in the process (the good, bad, and ugly). Its only at that point that I could really start reconsidering becoming a sister.

Right now I would have to say that my vocation still causes pain ... in the sense that it is still unfulfilled (I would have been making first vows in December). I've prayed "Lord, if you don't want me as a sister then take this yearning away ... otherwise please make it come to fruition soon".

One thing though, the "pain"/yearning I have now is very different than the "pain" that I felt before.

I do not fully agree with the statement if your vocation gives you pain, then it is being fulfilled". There is a joy that comes with the fulfillment of the vocation ... otherwise there is a "void", or something that is still out of place. However, you cannot be a follower of Christ without embracing the cross.

Finally -- there has also been other "vocational pain" that I've dealt with, such as having to let go of family, friends, financial comforts ... come to mention (what I'm coming to grips with) the potential of leaving my country behind for possibly ever. That again is a different sort of "pain" than the one first mentioned, or the "yearning" and the unfulfillment.

Not sure if all of this makes sense.

-- Carmen

Edited September 29, 2006 by cmariadiaz

[angelusdomini]

[quote name='Cathoholic Anonymous' post='1077713' date='Sep 28 2006, 03:27 AM']
I'm deliberately leaving this question nebulous and open-ended so that people can responded freely.

When your vocation causes pain (to you, your family, your friends, etc.) what are your thoughts? How do you react?
[/quote]

A phrase from St. Bridget of Sweden comes to mind in this regard,

...Therefore, one who craves sweetness must not flee from things that are bitter.

This has come to mind a lot lately as I have been discerning my vocation which also has not gone over well at all in my family. When Jesus tell His disciples to carry their crosses, He does not ask them to carry something that is pretty or smooth or even noble to the eyes of men; He is telling them to follow Him. And so to us, He is calling us Religious or Laity to in essense carry and embrace the source of our suffering- our cross. Not to put it down but to keep walking. Now, I find it hard to keep this in mind often especially with all my sins and iniquities and the hauntings from a past life, but I believe that to keep walking even in these times is valuable test of ones faith.

[Marieteresa]

well, I know some may disagree with me here....

I think with a vocation one has two roads ahead of them neither is more noble than the other both will cause tremedous pain and suffering. One has two choices in the matter either to continue on through the pain and suffering of your current path or to seek out the other path, knowing full well that the other path will contain some unforseen suffering. I guess it sort of depends on God's grace some people can deal with extreme suffering....like waiting 10 years to finally enter religious life. Others aren't gifted with that grace, I guess in the end its what you feel in your heart and whether or not you can handle the suffering allotted to you.

[be_thou_my_vision]

I think God will lead you and His grace will sustain you. He speaks through your life, and in your heart. Listen to Him, do what he says. If you make a decision in good conscience and with the grace of God, things will be fine and He will be with you. After consulting the Lord and he fills you with his Good and Holy Spirit, He will cradle you. You will EVENTUALLY be happy but like Materteresa said, there will be suffering. But be assured that He is with you, so nothing can be too bad!
God Bless you.

[PadrePioOfPietrelcino]

I think it is important to identify whether the suffering brings peace of heart. There are many things we do which causes pain, or difficult to do, but the question I would ask is when you sit in quite prayer thinking of your vocation, or possibly living it. Does God bring peace to your heart?