Tufsoles Posted August 26, 2006 Share Posted August 26, 2006 Ok, here is the situation. This guy asked me out I told him no because of his rep of getting so drunk he can't remeber anything and his overt behaviors( I mean those behaviors). He's mad at me cuz I seem judgemental but I am protecting myself from a heartbreak. Do you all think I was right in this situation? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
peach_cube Posted August 26, 2006 Share Posted August 26, 2006 Let him be mad. Pointing out that someone has a problem isn't judging them. It's making them aware that their problem is serious and they need to address it, especially if they want a relationship with you. He will either stay mad and never change, not stay mad and never change, or not stay mad and change. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jswranch Posted August 26, 2006 Share Posted August 26, 2006 Dating=trial period for marriage If you are not going to marry someone who does not impress you spiritually, why date them? If you get along with you dad, would he approve of him? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Norseman82 Posted August 26, 2006 Share Posted August 26, 2006 You most definitely were right! He's got a drinking problem, and when he doesn't get what he wants he tries to manipulate you with a religious guilt trip about being judgemental. And not only that, there would be the potential that he could do harm to you while he was under the influence? It could be DUI, date rape, or other physical abuse. In this case, being judgemental is good and may end up saving your life and soul. There is nothing wrong with protecting yourself, and anyone who tells you otherwise needs to get some deprogramming. Don't feel guilty, and don't let him make you feel guilty. And don't fret about him being mad at you. [b][u]He's not worth it.[/u][/b] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
puellapaschalis Posted August 26, 2006 Share Posted August 26, 2006 [quote name='Tufsoles' post='1050762' date='Aug 26 2006, 04:47 AM'] Ok, here is the situation. This guy asked me out I told him no because of his rep of getting so drunk he can't remeber anything and his overt behaviors( I mean those behaviors). He's mad at me cuz I seem judgemental but I am protecting myself from a heartbreak. Do you all think I was right in this situation? [/quote] Yes. Pray for him and move on. Love and prayers, PP Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farsight one Posted August 26, 2006 Share Posted August 26, 2006 I happen to be in a situation where I'm the guy (though drinking is not her reason for turning my down as far as I know). And while excessive drinking is a bad deal, at least have the decency to sit down with him and explain things. The girl I'm interested in won't give a single reason, and that's ten times more frustrating to me than getting shut down. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KnightofChrist Posted August 26, 2006 Share Posted August 26, 2006 Dont fall for the judgemental noise. What your doing is right. It maybe a good thing to explain to him more but theres a degree where that is pointless, and if He was really into you for you, he would have at least offered to give up drinking. Did he, doesnt sound like it, and you shouldnt have to offer, but you could for his own sake. And even if he did offer do you believe he could keep that promise? Your probably right its just best to keep yourself from heartbreak. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anomaly Posted August 26, 2006 Share Posted August 26, 2006 Absolutely right. I have no idea where people believe you cannot judge anyone. Judge somebody at the same standards you apply for yourself. If you think it's wrong for yourself to get stupid drunk, it would be ridiculous for you to think it's fine for others. Now if you think it's okay for yourself to have a few beers, don't think ill of a peer who does the same. Judging is not wrong, per se. It's judging others at a different standard just as loving somebody less than you love yourself is wrong. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
uruviel Posted August 27, 2006 Share Posted August 27, 2006 actually it is judgemental. You are making an observation, a judgement. You are judging his character from his actions, because it's what we do that defines us, I think you are right in protecting yourself, you can only make decisions based on your own perception, this is how you percieve him to be. You are not being selfish, if you think it is unhealthy for you to date someone like him then you shouldn't. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Norseman82 Posted August 27, 2006 Share Posted August 27, 2006 [quote name='Farsight one' post='1050882' date='Aug 26 2006, 04:28 AM'] I happen to be in a situation where I'm the guy (though drinking is not her reason for turning my down as far as I know). And while excessive drinking is a bad deal, at least have the decency to sit down with him and explain things. The girl I'm interested in won't give a single reason, and that's ten times more frustrating to me than getting shut down. [/quote] She did tell him why. And I agree with your last sentence in regards to your own personal situation; I've been there and it hurts and I cannot afford it. But your situation appears to be different than hers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
let_go_let_God Posted August 27, 2006 Share Posted August 27, 2006 [quote name='jswranch' post='1050851' date='Aug 26 2006, 01:30 AM'] Dating=trial period for marriage [/quote] Very much so. Every guy that has tried to ask me out, I let them know this. They usually panic and leave me alone. The only one who has agreed with this turned out to be my fiancee. If you don't feel comfortable dating someone because of his reputation, that's fine. Do not be discouraged by your decision, but be strengthened by it instead. God bless- LGLG Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Socrates Posted August 27, 2006 Share Posted August 27, 2006 [quote name='Tufsoles' post='1050762' date='Aug 25 2006, 09:47 PM'] Do you all think I was right in this situation? [/quote] Absolutely. Avoid that creep like the plague. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mary-Kathryn Posted August 27, 2006 Share Posted August 27, 2006 [quote name='Tufsoles' post='1050762' date='Aug 25 2006, 11:47 PM'] Ok, here is the situation. This guy asked me out I told him no because of his rep of getting so drunk he can't remeber anything and his overt behaviors( I mean those behaviors). He's mad at me cuz I seem judgemental but I am protecting myself from a heartbreak. Do you all think I was right in this situation? [/quote] I've got red flags all over the place on this one. You are very right to protect yourself from someone who has a reputation as a drinker. Drunks can get out of control and you don't want to be his victim. Then he has the nerve to get upset and call you judgemental because he doesn't get his way [a date] Talk about manipulation. Instead of hanging out with you or offering just to go for coffee to try to prove he's a good guy, he tries to make you feel like the bad one. You don't owe this guy a thing except the dust off your shoes as you put alot of distance between the two of you. He is very bad news. Always remember to follow that "gut feeling" when dating. You don't have to always be nice or feel guilty about saying no. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MIKolbe Posted August 27, 2006 Share Posted August 27, 2006 drop him faster than Fecal Sciences 101.. move on. you deserve better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Budge Posted September 4, 2006 Share Posted September 4, 2006 (edited) YES Edited September 4, 2006 by Budge Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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